"Worm Wine Should Always Be Served At Room Temperature" - CHA'ALT Session Report 3.16

 

This session didn't start out right away because it almost never does.  Having not seen each other for a couple weeks, we like to chat about what's going on... in our personal lives and/or the world.

I told the guys about my getting scammed and how several really dumb and/or ignorant decisions on my part resulted in making an unfortunate situation worse.  In future: call a legitimate professional company rather than some guy on the internet, ask what the costs are up-front, always check with your wife, don't pay with a check.

But then we pivoted to Charlie Kirk's assassination.  Such a tragic event that's shocked our nation and will reverberate through America's political climate for years to come.  RIP, hoss.

Even though I've been beating myself up for being the victim of scammers all week, I was determined to run the best game I could, and didn't disappoint by all accounts, crossing Yog-Soggoth's tentacles.  With three players, Bandersnatch, Thurberus, and Tinker, we carried on...

Looking back at the rubble, dust, and devastation from that photon torpedo set off at the end of last session to destroy their other-colored selves who wanted them dead, the PCs checked to see how many passages out of that massive cavern were still viable post-cave-in.  Only two.

As they headed north to an unobstructed tunnel, they smelled something bad.  Bandersnatch turned Tinker invisible so he could look up ahead and see what was going on.  A couple of black robed humanoids were in a stand-off with a vengeful skunk ghost (promises made, promises kept).  The men were trying to coax the stinky apparition into a magic bottle.

In exchange for the black robes (apparently, robes are valuable on Cha'alt?), Tinker said he'd help them, which the men gladly accepted.  The party's sorcerer was nearly sprayed while trying to dominate the skunk ghost - thankfully, he used the old "By His loathsome tentacles" because he missed his saving throw by one.  Bander's spell went off and the skunk when in the bottle.

The NPCs parted ways when Thurberus attempted to gather them into the cult like folds of spotted-cow velvet.  But I rolled a natural 20 for the NPCs' internal bullshit detector, and they splashed the v'symm priest with ectoplasmic stink before running away.  

Thurberus hung back about 50' so he didn't offend his two companions as Bandersnatch and Tinker explored further north.  To the east was the sound of a bass-zita'ar, and they followed.  "Bass-zita'ar solo, take one."  Garblegax was jamming on his instrument as the PCs approached.  They talked about the Temple of Unimagined Horrors, the demon-imp mentioned Kaltha'alax, though the PCs didn't know who or what that was, they talked about the demons Garblegax wanted revenge upon, but mostly they discussed the ideal serving temperature of worm wine - room temperature.

Oh, and Garblegax magically provided a bathtub full of zama'ato juice that would clean him; Garblegax also sent his Gallifrey cardinal violet robes to be dry-cleaned.  

Heading over to the western cave, they came upon "leech-men" that sloshed around a cave full of gross, dark-purple muck (shout-out to that DCC monster book I picked-up at the last GaryCon).  After a combat where most of them were killed and the remainder ran off, Thurberus entered a strange booth that appeared when Bandersnatch had cast his missile command spell.  He's been using those energy crystals to power his spells, and I've been asking for d100 rolls on the spell side-effect table in Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise.

Sure enough, it was a nudie booth.  Thurberus didn't bother to try his Federation credits, but instead smashed the currency exchange device found next to the coin slot. 74 coins spilled out- groovy!  Inserting a couple, the curtain on the other side of the glass panel opened to reveal two beautiful women who did whatever the watcher wanted.  Upon rolling a d12, it was determined that Thurberus finished by the 10th coin.  Exiting the booth, he passed a janitor named Darrel who was the assigned jiz-mopper for that day.  But Thurberus now had his sleaze factor-five bonus and that's a good thing.

Heading south, the PCs discovered a cave where nothing was going on.  Hilariously, this, they thought, was one of the strangest experiences they've ever encountered on Cha'alt.  A cave with absolutely nothing happening?  Where were the demons, humanoids, bizarre creatures, weird colors, artifacts, crystals, tentacles, etc.?  Are there imaginary monsters?  Is this part of the Truman Show?  What is the mystery behind this empty cave?  Yeah, it really freaked them out.

Moving on, they soon came to a swirling red portal.  Thurberus stuck his sword in the portal before entering.  He heard an ouch, and found a demon tour guide ready to show them around the zig-zaggy Devil's Corridor, a who's who of Hell where nigrescent busts of important demons through history lined the lightning-bolt configured walls.  Luckily the tour guide, Zarjeet (who slapped Thurberus in the face with a fish for almost murdering him - still had my plush fish stuffy on hand from VENGER CON), had a golfcart and microphone so he could give the PCs a proper tour before taking them to a blood-red door leading to the Temple of Unimagined Horrors.

One such story went like this...

"Salzavesa was a particularly intolerant devil who impaled over a thousand lesser infernals while leading his army through Hell.  Salzavesa was eventually met by several opposing factions, but defeated them by retreating into the den of a gigantic bearded fire-lizard who he appeased with a gift of sulfuric myrrh and became his loyal pet... until Salzavesa was forced to eat the bearded fire-lizard to stay alive when Hell froze-over many years later."

Believing this was a sign that meant they shouldn't arrive at the temple without sulfuric myrrh, they asked Zarjeet where they could find such things?  Across from the red door was a black door where sulfuric myrrh could be found.  Before leaving their tour guide, they talked about worm wine and how it should always be served at room temperature - this was now becoming the running gag for the session.

Soon after entering, the PCs realized they were inside The Black Pyramid of Cha'alt.  

The first room was a matrix-like immersive video game called Cha'alt, where 5 humanoids played while hooked up to a machine.  Stealing some stuff (but leaving behind a detachable penis they found) and spilling Purple Prizm on white socks, the PCs moved on to a room containing nearly 50 mannequins who could talk via telepathy.  Discussion of insane wizard spells, purple corduroy pants, and next door alchemist labs led to retrieving the detachable penis and fitting it onto one of the mannequins.  Then, Bandersnatch used two crystals to super-size his dispel magic spell, restoring 29 out of the 50.

"How long have you been mannequins?"

"Let me ask you this... do people still drink their room-temperature worm wine laced with raspberry flavored sausages?"

"Wow, that's a long time..."

Rummaging around the alchemist lab in the adjacent room, they found a number of odd items - including beakers of various colored liquids that Tinker combined to make his own concoction (per Zeeku, he rolled a 1 on the d6 and I decided that whoever was splashed with its contents would turn into a giant scorpion version of themselves).  Bander took a bunch of magic books, a copy of Dark Sorcerer Magazine #17, and a +1 devil tongue banana-fork.  Along with the other loot, they stole a silver snuff box full of sulfuric myrrh.  Score!  Just before they were about to leave, a couple sorcerers entered the lab as the PCs hid.  Thurberus with the worst hiding place (under the table) was soon discovered, but quickly talked his way out of trouble and all three promptly left with their haul.

Going back to the Devil's Corridor and then the blood-red door to the temple, the PCs found themselves in a pink, squishy flesh-cavity within a gargantuan insectoid creature with teeth and tentacles that vaguely resembled a brain.  Undeterred by the smell of the place (maple syrup @ss-rape) impaled humanoids by the entrance, they soon found devoted cultists dominated by the demon-queen of wasps (similar, but of a more powerful and infernal quality to what they'd encountered last session).  Her glowing orange eyed slaves were entering a portal that led to a crystal-festooned cave and transporting the crystals to the demon-queen B'zzyantia.

Closing the portal, but not before Bander could get in there and create a purple labyrinth portal for himself (oh yeah, another spell was cast and the side-effect was an aspect of Tsathoggua spit some hallucinogenic bile on an NPC causing him to see visions of [I asked the players to come up with something] Shania Twain as a sexy, degenerate night-clown), they marched on towards a massive demon-hive.  The wasp queen exited, realized these intruders were not gods (to her credit, she did ask first... of course, Tinker, knowing what to say when someone asks if you're a god, was not recognized as such by her), and blasted them while her guards flew towards the PCs in attack formation.  I rolled 4d6 for damage as Tinker failed his save, and got three 1s and a 3.  

Tinker closed the distance asking that if he wasn't a god, then why did she roll mostly 1s (I gave him Divine Favor for breaking the 4th wall), dropped his magic potion (made in the lab) on her, and I gave him the bad news.  She was now a demon wasp-queen scorpion.  Nevertheless, he wanted to rip her head off before she could sting him.  This immediately gave me an idea for a face-off contest.  The sort of battle that was one-on-one, but meant to be quick, decisive and extremely bloody.  This needed a new way of adjudicating death-duel.  I had each participant roll a d6, highest roll is the winner and winner takes all.  Tinker's player rolled a 2 and quickly reached for his recently acquired Divine Favor fuchsia stone, and then rolled a 5.  

I rolled for the queen and told everyone I rolled a 6 as a ruse, a second later revealing the truth - I had actually rolled a 3.  Tinker ripped the queen's head off.  Had she won, Tinker would have been stung by her newfound scorpion tale and probably died.  Maximum drama!  I'm going to formalize this process and come up with a few additional details, but happy with how things turned out.

With their queen dead, all the demon-wasp guards swarmed each other in a Highlander-esque "there can be only one" way of restoring order by starting fresh with a new hive.  One guard went completely crazy - "I'm gonna stick my demon-wasp dick in the mashed potatoes!"  As everyone was murdering each other, Bander and Tinker went inside the blue flame hive.  Tinker found a demon queen egg, which he took.  Bandersnatch found a magic sword suspended in an energy field.  He tried grabbing it, but got shocked and couldn't hold on.  Grabbing it again, he got shocked again but was able to keep his grip and removed the blade from the energy field.

The sword had infernal glyphs (this was indeed Kaltha'alax).  Instead of stats, I told the sorcerer that as he swung the enchanted blade at three demon-wasp guards to clear the exit, that Kaltha'alax went through them like warm butter.  Bandersnatch's player asked if he should write down game mechanics for the sword or simply go with "like warm butter."  For now, I said, let's just keep the sword's abilities / bonuses at "like warm butter."  We'll worry about numbers next time.  

Unable to fireball the hive, they left once most of the wasp guards had killed each other off.  I need to remember that next session, Bandersnatch is basically cursed to be a lightning rod for unfortunate events due to yet another gonzo side-effect of casting spells via Cha'alt crystals.  It was about quitting time, and I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained (as usually happens after a successful session).

Thanks for reading.  I hope you enjoy all the craziness.  And be careful out there, this world, too, is full of horror!

VS

p.s.  Fantastic news - weekend badges are now available for July 2026's VENGER CON V: The Will To Power.  Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

Carcosa Mission Creep (Cha'alt campaign, session 16)

 

Only 3 players this session.  It's summer, and stuff happens, but I'm happy we got to play.  Anything less than 3 players, and my current mindset is to cancel the game.  However, maybe I should have a little RPG something something on the backburner in case of only 2 players... might be the perfect time to playtest a new thing?

Anyways, we have Nix, Jua'an, and Gorra.  As the PCs and their purple-people + orange dude entourage left the caves for the Nameless Plateau, the muddy purple sky darkened and it started to hail.  Seeing black waters on their left and jungle on their right, they sought shelter under the canopy of the jungle.

One of the Carcosa natives suggested that everyone secure loose belongings just in case one or more lemurians sneaks up and grabs a piece of their gear.  Who or what are the lemurians?  They're a vaguely humanoid species of lemur that live in the jungle.  Smarter than the average Earth monkey, but they can't speak and are slightly larger than our lemurs.  

As a decoy, one of the purple-men picked a vegetable or fruit that was a cross between an eggplant and a banana from a nearby vine and had it sticking out of his open fly.  Sure enough, a lemurian soon grabbed that, while others got a colorful silk scarf from a purple harem girl, and Nix' power ring.

The lemurians were easy to chase as that one had the colorful scarf in his hands... leading the PCs straight to an ancient temple rumored to have been built by the snake-men thousands of years ago.  After getting their stuff back (without having to resort to violence), the PCs ventured inside.  Fears of lethal guardians inside did little to dissuade the adventurers.  

Before I forget, a few of those shining tetrahedrons were not that far away in the sky, revolving around an even larger shining tetrahedron.  Strange and disconcerting...

The temple had Carcosa-glyphs etched into the stone on the outside of its cyclopean masonry, but none of the adventurers could read it - especially without their sorcerer companion.

No sooner did a newly promoted orange-man scout ahead than 3 ethereal shoggoth-worms appeared.  The orange-man went over to greet and negotiate with them, but a shoggoth-worm bit off most of his shoulder and also the poison weakened him to the point where he was just lying there, asking for help... which would not come until after the ensuing battle.

The blaster was barely affective, but Jua'an's sword could damage them.  Gorra, being a priest, hadn't (ever?) used his eldritch beam power and this might qualify as a Lovecraftian abomination - just because you don't see any tentacles doesn't mean they're not actually there.

Yes, his scorching beam of lavender light seared the ethereal shoggoth-worms.  Meanwhile, Jua'an got a telepathic message from his sword, or rather, the eldritch-eye that was part of his new magical blade.  It told him to call upon the blade's power, uttering the name of some Great Old One or other.  Jua'an became super-charged... fuchsia (still crystal, though)... with a third eye... and his personality was different.  He was still Jua'an, but also someone completely new.  I'm going to have Jua'an's player determine aspects of this other fellow, named Zeno, before next we game.

Now, attacking with Advantage and doing double the damage, Zeno made quick work of the creatures.  Once vanquished, the lemurians worshiped the PCs as gods.  Thinking it might be handy to have 4 monkey-people on the "payroll," they took 4 along with them into the further gloom of this snake-men temple.

They encountered a couple humanoids, jale-men, hiding behind some rock formations.  These were warriors of an entire jale tribe living in this temple.  They accessed the temple from a different way than the main entrance and have been living here for about a year.  Meaning them no harm (yet), the PCs asked these two to bring them to their people.

I read the description of the color jale and speculated that the hue might look slightly different to different people, which caused Jua'an to wonder if their coloring looked different to each other, and if so, how do they tell each other apart from others?

The jale-men introduced the PCs to their people, showed them the grandest point of interest in the cave system, a golden pylon.  However, that area of the temple was infested by creepers (half spider and half man from the Beneath Kra'adumek adventure).  After killing a few creepers (though 2 of the 3 PCs were paralyzed during the fight), they reached the gold pylon.  Unfortunately, the gold pyramid key that opened the pylon was missing.

Assuming the pylon key was somewhere in this temple, the PCs began to explore, intending to eventually make their way back to the creeper caves in order to smoke them out and search their lair.

Their exploration led them to a gigantic eyeball that was attempting to absorb several jale-men into its pupil.  They hacked away at some of the tentacles, saved all but one of the jale-men, and then decided to leave well enough alone as the eyeball attempted to force itself into the mind of a PC.

Then, they found a hunting party of yellow-men who found their way into the temple (no one asked, so I didn't provide a reasonable explanation).  They had cornered a large demon-rat which Nix shot for them.  They went away in peace.

Next, there was a jale-shaman digging at the base of this corroded metallic monolith carved with Carcosa-glyphs.  The shaman divulged that the purple-men were weakened by their recent ordeal and ripe for attack, which is why he was digging for clams.  He found 3 by the time the PCs had heard his story.  Inside the clams were tiny worms known as verma'aqua.  Once you remove their poisonous egg-sac, swallowing a verma'aqua yielded psionic powers within 2 or 3 days... and when the swallowed worm fully matured in 18 months, it bursts out of your chest (occasionally, the host survives - save or die).

Being composed of sand, Gorra took one, and I think the PCs took the 3rd one with them.  In exchange, the shaman got that trident +1 Nix had been carrying around for awhile.  The shaman took a handful of jale-men with him to attack the purple-men in their caves and reach a lower system of caves which only the purple-men chief knew how to access.  The shaman also gave the PCs a "book," which was really several parchment pages strung together, revealing the mystery of the Carcosa-glyphs so they could be understood.  

The monolith warned of the forbidden zone and toxic levels of radiation; however, that message was already thousands of years old.

Heading back to the creepers, the PCs narrowly avoided a mauve worm that was burrowing through the cave system.  The PCs fired a flaming wooden spear tied with peatmoss into the creeper cave, started a fire at the mouth of their cave, and covered that recent worm hole with a blanket from the jale-men.

After awhile, all the creepers were dead, allowing the PCs a chance to thoroughly investigate their lair.  They found the gold pylon-key, a laserdisc of Rochelle, Rochelle: a young woman's erotic journey from A'agrybah to Za'arnath, various high-tech parts, and 8 hexagonal coins of turquoise.

We stopped the session just before the PCs went into the pylon.  I got to use one of my new maps, as well.  Not my favorite, but it's weird aesthetic suited the oddball environment.

A few choice phrases heard 'round the table...

• "Would a sleaze-based weapon have it's own +5 bonus?  It definitely has a strange Cha'altian logic to it."
• "Like being touched by God... or a God."
• "Our healthcare plan includes a cyber-surgeon for lost limbs in the call of duty, but passage to the cyber-surgeon, that's not included.  There's a co-pay for that."
• "Carcosan men hobbies include running for their lives, trying not to be sacrificed by Old One worshiping sorcerers, and fucking like crayola rabbits."
• "Fat chicks come from aliens."
• "Go to your happy place while we commit atrocities." 
• "Bad mojo is our business."
• "By the time we get back to Cha'alt, I bet everyone will be drinking New Gods soda."

Next session will be Saturday, July 6th.  We're so close to VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR that I can smell it... If you want to game with us, get yourself a weekend badge right over here.

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Need your hardcover Cha'alt books?  I got you covered, hoss.  Also, in a week or so I'll be launching another Cha'alt-related Kickstarter campaign.  Stay tuned! 

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 7]

 

Huzza'ah for the bare minimum!  I have a personal rule that I don't run virtual games for less than 2 people and live, in-person games for less than 3.  So, I was thankful that we had 3 players for yesterday's game.

An interesting line-up, as well.  We had the grog (sand construct) priest and two sorcerers - Morningwood and Drogon (who started out the campaign as a priest, but converted at the beginning of last session).  That means no warriors and no thieves.

After banging the gong and catching Morningwood's player up on what happened last time (can you believe he didn't read my blog post session report?  Outrageous!), the PCs continued to explore the system of caves and tunnels beneath Qada'ath.

Morningwood, being a pixie-fairy, turned himself invisible and flew around the cave containing a warlord named Skull-Face, a dozen soldiers  armed with spears, and a trio of sex-slave harem women.  He heard two interesting pieces of conversation.  Something about x'queeu being uncovered and that these guys were planning on conquering as much of this "dungeon" as they can in just a few hours.

Gorra the priest called up his demon friend who lives in the Outer Settlements of Qada'ath to see what was going on.  Apparently, Gonzo has been acting strange.  He burned his own house down, stole the Ark of the Covenant, and was looking for the PCs.

They kept searching in other caves.  Halfway down a tunnel, they found a humanoid citizen of Qada'ath eating a sandwich in the dark, trying not to be seen.  He recognized Drogon who denied being himself.  The guy pulled out his communicator and showed video footage of the Crimson Bastards (that's what I'm calling the PCs - it was their adventuring party name in the last campaign - until they come up with a better name) doing stuff they actually did (killing some guards and sand-blades) along with stuff that they didn't do (but probably wanted to), like blowing up the blue glass factory and barging into the executive offices of Supreme Councilor Kra'ang and shooting him point-blank in the head.  Just before dying, the pink little squishy guy muttered "X'queeu."

  Drogon knew that word due to his priest and sorcerer combo-background.  The word x'queeu means holiest of holy weapons.

Apparently, they were public enemy #1, and denounced as terrorists.  Believing most of the footage was doctored by The State, the PCs filed this information away, and kept going (after Drogon autographed the dude's sandwich receipt from Jimmy Ja'ans).

They kept going down the tunnel and found an old, gray-haired, balding, rough-looking mercenary choking a small red muppet named Elmo as a red-shirt alien humanoid and crew member of some starship was huddled at the back of the cave in a fetal position crying.  Yeah, I know, but... I couldn't resist.

The PCs discovered that the merc was hired by Gonzo to kill the Crimson Bastards.  So, the PCs tricked the merc into giving up Gonzo's location by telling him that the Crimson Bastards were hiding out among the dudes in Skull-Face's cave, reassuring not-Larry David that they would be his backup as soon as he entered the cave blasting.

Then the PCs explored two other caves - one containing a portal and 4 neo-templars from another dimension who were dead-set on destroying the Ark of the Covenant and its dread contents - the x'queeu!  The neo-templars explained that the holiest of holy weapons was an artifact that could pierce the veil between dimensions, allowing the Old Ones free reign throughout the multiverse.  

These neo-templars were looking for Gonzo, so the PCs made a deal with them.  They would take them to Gonzo in return for help (if they needed it) getting out of these caves and back to the Outer Settlements and one of their magic weapons the neo-templars wielded.  

Gorra took a morning-star +1 that could manifest a hurricane once per day.  

The other cave contained cannibals with glowing green eyes who were swarming around a massive crystal.  The CHUDs were chanting "Meequay denza'an irikais," which means... once the artifact is released, our redemption will be at hand (or tentacle).  

Drogon wanted a better look at that crystal, so he fireballed them.  Unfortunately, he rolled a 1 for the d6 fireball table in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, which would have backfired on them.  So, he spent a point of Divine Favor and re-rolled - getting another 1.  There were 2 polished fuchsia stones (representing points of Divine Favor) remaining on the table, so Drogon decided to employ fuchsia burn, using them both to achieve a critical success.

All the cannibals were smoldering husks, but the crystal absorbed some of the spell's super-charged magical energy, allowing me an opportunity to roll on the weird, wild spell after-effect table in Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise.  I rolled a 73, which, as it happens, is usually everyone's (and by everyone, I mean reviewers) favorite.  The sorcerer's head falls off, and gross stuff pukes out his neck, growing tentacles and an egg hatches that produces a miniature sorcerer who slowly grows to full size.  

In the massive crystal, the PCs saw a vision of one possible future - the Ark being loaded onto a Federation military transport as Gonzo looked on.  Then, a map of Cha'alt showing a red line - Indiana Jones style - the transport making its way across the S'kbah desert to the Crimson Rock of Sacrificed.  Finally, the planet Cha'alt imploding into a hundred-million fragments!

Now, the PCs were extra motivated.  So, they bypassed a crystalline dragon (though Gorra broke a tiny piece of it off, in case he had a chance to clone himself a crystal dragon at some later point), and found the cave containing ka'alaxian crystals that could reshape reality itself with a sorcerer's ritual - the primary reason why the PCs came down to these caves in the first place.  

There were a couple scholarly humanoids studying the glowing chartreuse crystals.  The PCs noticed silky, translucent spider webbing all over the ka'alaxian crystals.  So, they bade one of the scholars to touch a crystal in hopes of triggering any trap or alarm or whatnot.

Interrupting this, Drogon's player decided to stimulate a Cha'alt X-Card - HUMOR.  And he had his own idea, explaining to the table that maybe those translucent strands was jizz, rather than spider silk.  Very well, I said... these sticky strands are spider splooge.

BTW, I talked about this whole encounter and even created a D100 "Spider-Jack" random table group project for anyone who wants to participate between now and Valentine's Day.  Here is the Inappropriate Characters YouTube episode.  I'm hosting the D100 table over at TheRPGsite.com in the Design, Development, and Gameplay board.  See what we've got so far and submit your own entry!

Sure enough, a 3-foot portal opened in mid-air above the PCs.  The giant spider (the size of a medium-sized dog) sat on the edge of the portal, jacking off - as interdimensional, crystal-coveting spiders often do.

The PCs managed to pry a ka'alaxian crystal loose and Drogon wished to use its energy to destroy any giant spider army that might be behind the one seen and close the portal to their dimension.  To seal the deal, Drogon chose to call upon a lavender demon moon of destiny, and inexplicably, decided to roll a gilded die simultaneously.  "This I gotta see," I said while leaning in with anticipation.

He rolled a 5 on the lavender moon die, resulting in success, but then a 6 on the Gilded Die of Satanis - holy shit, a critical-success + something awkward, embarrassing, or cringe as the cherry on top.

I determined that Drogon closed the portal with a blast of eldritch energy, shooting the spider perched on the portal's edge towards the sorcerer's crotch.  As the spider was already in jack-mode, he began jacking Drogon off while the ka'alaxian + crit-bonus manifested a bewitching beauty made flesh, or a close approximation, for the sorcerer to slide into (with the help of the spider, who now saw Drogon as his master).

It was one of the craziest, fucked-up things I've ever GMed, and we were all here for it.

Soon after, the PCs found a door out of the cave system, but this hand-print looked a bit different than the last.  Being suspicious, they insisted the red-shirted crying starship dude (Wesley) put his hand on the imprint pad.  One failed saving throw later and Wesley's hand disintegrated.  The party's priest Gorra immediately tried to heal his hand back - which only produced a tiny hand growing out of the stump, like Kristin Wiig's SNL character with the tiny hands.

I suggested that Morningwood's player, who suggested the SNL sketch reference, stimulate the POP-CULTURE Cha'alt X-Cards in order to get the Divine Favor bonus.  He did, and that little hand made Wesley cry even harder.

Now, outside in the hot desert air under fuchsia sky with twin suns, the PCs + neo-templars began the hour-long walk back to the Outer Settlements.  20 minutes in, a hover-limousine pulls up.  A tinted window descends as a high-end escort asks the PCs if they want a ride.

They all pile inside the hover-limo as 3 sexy escorts start telling the PCs how awesome and strong and manly and handsome they are.  The girls start touching them while offering them blue dreamers (a designer sex drug) - without ever discussing money!  I even had them roll a sort of insight check to determine if this was fishy.  Drogon's spider pet/minion, Ta'anzo, was suspicious and Morningwood's player rolled a natural 20, so he definitely felt a disturbance in the force.  

Earlier in the session, I bugged the pixie-fairy's player about the scepter he acquired a couple sessions ago.  He's been a player in my D&D one-shots and campaigns, off and on, since the late 90s.  I had forgotten some of that guy's quirks.  One of them being, if he's got an item with a variable effect, his risk adverse nature will usually prevent him from utilizing it.  Also, he's afraid of losing HP, which is just simply an occupational hazard for a sorcerer, using my Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.

Apparently, my ribbing was enough to get him to use the rainbow scepter - he rolled a 6 on a d8 - indigo (psionics).  Morningwood started to receive telepathic impressions from the girls... how Gonzo had hired them to kill the Crimson Bastards and how the girls had gotten their pimp to inject poison into the blue dreamers.

Bound and gagged, the escorts were no longer a problem.  The driver took the PCs straight to where Gonzo was living now, in a rent-controlled apartment above the cantina.  By this time, it was about a half-hour from our usual end-time, and I knew coming face to face with whatever was behind the door to Gonzo's apartment would be lengthy and a major set-piece (from a design standpoint).  Plus, my kids were getting antsy and wanted my attention.  So, we ended things there.

Hopefully, all 6 players will be able to make the February 24th game.  I'll leave you with a few choice phrases from this session...

• "I will keep my ear to the sand."
• "Be careful and watch your tentacles!"
• Jimmy Ja'ans
• "It doesn't pay to be rude in Cha'alt." - after that merc told the PCs to get the fuck out of the cave, they shot him.  Lol
• "Do I get that sleaze factor bonus because I talked about gonzo-style porn to those neo-templars?"

Thanks for reading, hoss!

VS

p.s. The Cha'alt hardcover books are on sale - right over here!  Also, weekend badges are available for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR - grab yours now!!!

The Cha'alt Event (part II)

If you want to start at the beginning, this is part 1.

Five players was a decent turnout.  I was hoping for something ridiculous, like 12... with spectators standing nearby, hoping someone would unceremoniously die so they could jump in, taking the dead PC's place.  Alas, I'm not there yet.  Soon!

The PCs

• Kalovi: female blood-elf fighter, quick to draw first blood.
• Dome Clo-Kar: human fighter, sturdy and tough, his right arm blackened and cursed.
• Ultimus Van Huka'a: moon-elf, thief, came to Cha'alt for the rich zoth deposits.
• Sasha: female sun-elf cleric whose family lost their name because of some disgrace, but still carries herself with pride.  Also, has a demon that she must appease.
• Bandalorr: midnight-elf wizard.  Absorbed in the dark arts, he shocked his own people and was captured by slavers.

The Setup

I wanted something really simple, direct, and flavorful to begin with as the PCs were ushered into The Black Pyramid, which was the meat and potatoes of this session.

Marched through the desert wastes for a couple hours by slave master Kell, the PC slaves finally reach the shining black capstone to the pyramid of wondrous mysteries and unutterable doom.

In three days, Tyra'ak the prolonged of life will turn one-hundred-and-eleven.  Kell took the 5 most able-bodied slaves to The Black Pyramid in order to obtain a magic item for the birth-festival of Tyra'ak.

If a magic item is retrieved from the weird depths of that nigrescent sepulcher, a slave shall win his freedom.  

Incidentally, the players interpreted this as 'they find one magic item and bring it out, then all the survivors go free'.  What Kell had in mind was that freedom must be bought with one magic item per slave.  As you'll read, in the end, it didn't matter.

As per usual, the PCs entered the pyramid and began to explore.  I'll present the highlights as bullet-points to keep things moving and to avoid spoilers.

The Highlights

• Dome Clo-Kar did something which no one else has tried, and I didn't really anticipate (that's just one of the many things I love about roleplaying games).  He exited the conduit between rooms and was able to walk upon the outside surface of a room.  The hardened fighter stood there, surrounded by the inky void of blackness... before coming back inside.
• Exploring the movie theater playing Escape From New York, I feel the players really got a sense of The Black Pyramid.  It's not just a tomb of horrors waiting to crush PC bones into dust.  Rather, it's a strange environment with people looking for not just survival but entertainment, power, and looting the room that contains god's shadow.
• There were a number of great lines heard from the in-character banter back and forth between PCs.  My favorites were, "All men are free when the slave masters aren't around," from Dome Clo-Kar.  And the gloomy Bandalorr, "We'll be free when we're dead."
• Bandalorr acquired himself a magic item via Logan's Run.  After he identified and attuned it, he went up a level.  I decided that for this one-shot, it made sense to incentivize the acquisition of magic items above all else.  
• It's not a dungeoncrawl until a PC goes all murderhobo on some poor unsuspecting NPC.  Kalovi decided to slit a priest's throat for no reason in particular.  That led to interrogation of the dead priest's companions and eventually bartering with amicable psionicists.  
• The last room explored contained a gigantic devil-toad slumbering next to a pile of treasure.  Amongst the treasure was a magical sword.  Dome Clo-Kar really, really wanted that sword.  So, he stole it, waking the devil-toad, failing to correctly answer a riddle, and then the rest of the party tried to kill the infernal, tentacled godling because... it's D&D, I guess.  Well, that proved to be a fatal mistake for all but one party member.  Bandalorr used his fireball spell (thanks to my little fireball hack d6 table) and rolled a 1.  He used divine favor to re-roll... and got another 1.  Then no one made their saving throw and all the PCs were either burned to a crisp right then and there or died in the next round of combat against the devil-toad.
• Using his newfound magic item to escape harm, Bandalorr walked, between universes, out of The Black Pyramid and back to slave master Kell.  In exchange for the sanctuary medallion of renewal, Kell rewarded the sorcerer with not only freedom, but a spot in the highly coveted sorcerer's training program that Tyra'ak instituted not long ago.

The Aftermath

While I was routing for the players and their characters to not only survive but flourish, I realized that glory was not to be there's as they willfully engaged in battle with such a creature.  

There were many chances to avoid the fight, but apparently that was not the adventuring party's destiny.  

Still, a sole survivor is pretty badass and the legendary lethality of The Black Pyramid remains.

Any questions?  Feel free to ask!  I really wish I had the time to run Cha'alt 5 days a week because it's both very much like, as well as distinctly unlike, anything I've ever created.  Cha'alt has a life of its own.  

If you're looking for the Cha'alt PDF, it's here.  If you prefer the fancy hardcover (the PDF is a FREE bonus), it's there.

VS

p.s. I also want to thank Misty Mountain Games for allowing me to hold the Cha'alt book release party at their store.  Also, the Dominos pizza was pretty good!

Alpha Blue session report: Five Times the Finger-Bang!

Earlier today, I ran yet another Alpha Blue shorty on Roll20.  Two recurring players - Cédric P and Patrick H.

Patrick played his usual character Miles Artemis, a human telepathic pirate. Cedric opted to roll up a new one.  This time a human mutant female gambler named Lexina with snake DNA, kangaroo pouch, and sickly (-4 to Health).  She's into Master/slave relationships, women's feet, and scruffy men.

Since Miles was returning, I rolled to see what his character had been up to since the last session.  He was cruising the outer rim for bi-sexual, nymphomaniac models, but didn't find any.

GM:  The two of you got paired up, randomly assigned by an interstellar employment agency called Universal Exploits.

Your mission is to locate the daughter of a highly placed politician.  Her last whereabouts are the space station brothel known as Alpha Blue.  If you bring her back to her father, you each will be paid 5,000 credits (minus Universal Exploits sub-contracting fee).

Miles:  Quite a large payday.

GM:  You just got into Alpha Blue this morning and are standing at the central terminal.  A scan of the daughter comes in.

Lexina:  She ran away or she was kidnapped?

GM:  You're not sure because there's no information about that in your file.

Lexina:  Ok, we need to start looking.  What are the main places of interest on the station?  There's a bar, I guess.

Miles:  I think there are two or three bars, if I recall.

GM:  Yes, there are several bars.  Miles is familiar with the Blue Oyster Lounge.

Lexina:  Ok, we can always start there.  But I am curious about exploring other locations.

GM:  You arrive at the Blue Oyster, look around, but don't see anything out of the ordinary.  The usual collection of spacers, aliens, and a few droids.  The human bartender asks what you'll have.

Miles, you have telepathy, so perhaps a mind scan would yield some results.  You can roll 2d6 if you want to try.  [He rolls and gets a result of 5... a success.]

You get a clear image of the woman you're looking for in your mind.  Her name is Jaspa.  You sense that she's nearby.

Miles:  I scratch my chin a bit, "I'm getting an image, her name is Jaspa and she's close by, but I can't pinpoint the spot."

Lexina:  I take a drink at the bar and I look around to see if there are any other rooms, like a private room or something.

GM:  The bartender looks at Miles and says, "Hey, what do you think you're doing?  You can't do that in here."  He points to a sign that reads, 'No mind-scanning on these premises!'

Miles:  I blink before laughing a bit, "Sorry, didn't know."

GM:  The bartender pours you today's special - Purple Prizm and space gin with a chunk of pineapple floating on top.

Lexina:  Delicious.  Since I had prior (bad) experiences with bounty hunters, I look around to see if I can spot any "bounty hunter" types.

GM:  "That'll be 5 credits, snake-girl."

Lexina:  "Here you go, handsssome."  I tip 2 creds.

GM:  The bartender takes your money and goes back to cleaning glasses.  "Thanks."

You see there are some back rooms, but they are off limits.  However, you also see several barthrooms in the back.

Miles:  I wait for her order to finish before asking the bartender for a drink.  "I like something a bit strong and bitter."

GM:  "You got it, hoss."  He pours Miles a Martian pineapple martini.  "That'll be 10 credits... cause it's a stronger drink."

Miles:  I hand over 15 credits, "Here yah go and a tip for the drink."

Lexina:  I prefer smoother ones because of my delicate reptilian nature.

GM:  In the corner of the lounge you see a klingon arguing with a short droid.

Lexina:  "Look Milesss... probably trouble... maybe he is alssso after the target."  I get closer to listen to their discussion.

GM:  You listen in.  They're arguing about politics.

Lexina:  Ok, I'm going to check the ladies room since Miles sensed her near.

Miles:  I'm going to sit at the bar with my drink, keeping my back to the bar top and watching the door for anyone leaving or coming.

GM:  Lexina sees a female in one of the stalls.  You doubt it's her because you can easily see her bilious-green tentacles under the stall door.

Miles sits with his drink and notices his shorter insect friend, Xyap'stee, walk by the lounge.

Lexina:  I ask her, "Have you seen my girl Jaspa?  Black hair with a white streak, mammalian."

Miles:  I call out to my short insect friend, raising a drink in his direction.

GM:  The woman opens the door so you can see her sitting on the toilet.  Her panties are around her ankles, but her legs are spread so you can watch her pee.  She says, "I don't know anyone by that name, honey."

Lexina:  "Ah, a shame... thanksss anyway, honey."  I check myself briefly in the mirror and leave the place (except, if I feel she is lying or something).

GM:  The insectoid greets you warmly, saying "My good friend.  Where have you been?  Hey, try this."  He has a glowing magenta powder in his palm.  "You rub it on your nipples.  That's how it works."

Lexina doesn't think she's lying.  Your reflection looks good.  You step out of the bathroom and see several more klingons at the bar.  You notice Miles just outside the lounge, talking to some short insect humanoid.

Miles:  I'm going to try it out for curiosity's sake, rubbing it on my nipples like Xyap'stee said.  "Been doing some work on a job right now.  Actually here to find a woman by the name Jaspa, some daughter of a politician."

Lexina:  Do the klingons seem to be in a good mood?

GM:  Miles, your entire body tingles moments after rubbing the luminous magenta powder on your nipples.

Xyap'stee says, "Lot of high-born ladies here in the leisure district.  Or maybe she's slumming it sexy in the red hologram district?"

Miles:  Would I know directions to both?

GM:  In your experience, Lexina, klingons are never in a good mood.  Today, they seem especially volatile.  There's some sort of revolt happening on a nearby planet.  Maybe a political revolution...

Lexina:  Ok, I keep my distance.

GM:  Both those districts are easy to find.  You can hop on the light-speed rail just down the corridor.
Lexina:  I get closer to Miles, "Maybe we can get outssside the bar to see if you can feelsss her presssence..."

GM:  Just as you're about to leave the lounge, Lexina, a klingon steps in front of you.  He says something to you in his native language.

Lexina:  Is telepathy forbidden in the entire station?

GM:  No, just this bar.

Miles, you're entire body feels numb... and like you can fly.

Lexina:  Ok, do I understand some words or his intentions?

GM:  Probably not.  Roll 1d6.  [Cedric rolls a 6.]

Miles:  "Hey, buddy, how long does this last?"  I enjoy the numb feeling.

GM:  You're actually fluent in klingon, but the klingon isn't expecting that.  Assuming you don't know what he's saying, he immediately repeats himself even louder, "Why don't you buy me a drink, serpentine bitch?"

Lexina:  (hehe)

GM:  The insect tells you it'll wear off in about an hour.

Lexina:  I smile and answer in klingon, "Ssssure, mighty warrior."

GM:  The klingon appears surprised and impressed.  He gestures for you to sit down as the bar with him.

Lexina:  I pay for his super strong drink and I take something soft, like a Purple Prizm.

GM:  The bartender pours both.

Xyap'stee says to Miles, "Look at that sleek droid.  Undoubtedly some kind of assassination model.  I used to have one like that... back when I was running guns on Zeta Minor."

Lexina:  I get close to the klingon, like snakes do.  "Things ssseems tenssse... there is a lot of rumorsss flying aroundsss..."

GM:  Meanwhile, the klingon puts his hand on Lexina's leg.  He moves it up until he's made his way to your crotch.

Miles:  "Assassination model all the way out here?  Wonder who he's after?"  I look to the droid, keeping a careful eye on it.

GM:  You clock the assassination droid.  It's black and shiny, holding a female prisoner.

The klingon is going to try and finger-bang you right at the bar, unless Lexina tries to stop him.

Miles:  I will stare at the prisoner, comparing her looks to the mental image of Jaspa, searching for similarities.

Lexina:  Will I receive Health for this or does it have to be full-on sex to get more HP?

GM:  If you get off, then it counts and you'll get temporary bonus Health.

Miles isn't sure in his current state of awareness, but he things the droid is walking with the girl he's looking for - Jaspa.

Lexina:  Ok, I try to get some intimacy.  "I got enough creds for a private lounge, fearsssome one..."

Miles:  I will walk to the bar, bumping my shoulder into Lexina and playing it off as numbness or being drunk as I whisper into her ear, "Found the girl."

GM:  "No need for that.  I'm good right here," the klingon says, continuing to feel you down there.  He works your snake-vagina into a froth until you cum.  "Second round's on me, baby."  [I roll 5 more Health for Lexina.]

Miles bumps into Lexina just after your orgasm.  You hear what he said.

Lexina:  Hmmm ssssss.

To the klingon:  "Do you know that droid?  He owes me something."  My hands get to his junk.

GM:  The klingon nods.  "I don't know that droid in particular, but I recognize the model.  Also, the girl he's holding is the daughter of Senator Urik."

Lexina:  I work on the klingon handjob.  Biting him on the shoulder with my snake fangs, guessing that he will appreciate this kind of stuff, whispering "I may have to take this package out of his robotic hands... some nice credsss are involved."  I sit on his lap.

GM:  He appreciates it and finishes quickly.  "Go, baby.  Do your thing.  My friends and I will be here for another hour at least."  Turning to the bartender, "Can I get some space wipes, please?"

Lexina:  I kiss the klingon in the ear with my fork tongue and I sensually move away.

GM:  The droid is about to enter an escalator up to the next level.

Lexina:  I try to find Miles.

Miles:  I'm watching the droid closely, hand on the butt of my blaster while motioning for Lexina to follow.  "Over here," he calls out, not too loudly.

GM:  The droid spots Miles and fires at him with a blaster.  [Rolling dice.]  Miles takes 16 points of damage.  Laser burns cover the left side of your torso and leg.  He got you good.

Remember, both of you can double your dice pool once per session.  And the session is ending in about 5 minutes.  Normally, both of you roll 2d6 to attack.

Lexina:  I get out of the bar and I take my micro-phaser out of my kangaroo pouch, situated just above my crotch.  I fire at the droid while doubling my dice.

Miles:  I'll double my dice pool for my attack and fire with my blaster.

GM:  Lexina shoots... [Even with an attack of 4d6, she doesn't do much damage... a measly 8 points.]  The angle was off.

Miles doesn't do much better.  The droid is already halfway up the escalator.  You do 7 points of damage.  Let me see who he's going to target, most likely Miles.

Lexina:  How's Jaspa reacting?

GM:  Jaspa is struggling with futility.  [I roll (badly) for the assassination droid.]  Miles takes another 4 points of damage.  He's got 5 left.  You guys are returning fire, I assume...

Lexina:  I shoot at the elevator controls.

Miles:  Yes, while taking cover behind anything that is by him.

GM:  [Lexina rolls extraordinarily well.  Instead of simply wasting such a great shot by saying, "You disabled the escalator," I decide that her success increases their advantage - as per the no damage left behind rule.]  Not only do you stop the escalator, but Lexina's blasting makes it collapse.  The droid lets go of the girl and is trying to hang on to the escalator remnants.  Miles, you've got an easy shot if you want to take it.

Miles:  I'll take it.

GM:  [I roll 3d6 for his attack this time because of said advantage (i.e. the droid's vulnerability due to his hanging on with both hands rather than trying to defend himself).  The aftermath is devastating.  Miles ends up doing 31 points of damage.]  Yowza!  You annihilate him.  There's almost nothing left.

Lexina:  Oh yeah!

GM:  Jaspa runs towards Miles and into her arms.  "Thank you for saving me."

Miles:  I blow off the smoke rising from my blaster, holster it, and catch her in my arms.  "Aye, it was no trouble, miss."

GM:  Long story short, you both collect your credits.  Miles is now 2nd level; Lexina is halfway there.

_________

Thanks for reading the latest installment of this lurid space pulp adventure!

VS

Child's Play 2

About 3 weeks ago, I ran a quick fantasy RPG session for my two eldest daughters (Briella is almost 6 and Illyria is 4).

I call it "D&D," but it's really the most free form, rules light, and no-frills (meaning that we don't worry about much) version of D&D you could ever play.

 First session is here.  I brought up the idea of playing multiple times and Briella just wasn't interested.  So, I assumed it would be a cold day in Hell before I'd get her into another game.

It just so happens that school was called off on account of freezing rain, icy roads, and all around shitty winter conditions.  Briella was helping me get my youngest daughter, Trinity, up for the day.  Trinity's room was semi-dark, so Briella turned on this little green lamp on the dresser.  It made the room seem weird and kind of creepy.

I'm almost sure it was Briella who suggested that we play D&D under these conditions.  So, I got my stuff, told Illyria she could join us, and started things off.

Briella wanted to play a new character.  Illyria followed suit.

Briella played Melody, a magic-user princess with a pet bunny as her familiar.  Illyria played another magic-user princess named Beatifulness with a pet cat as her familiar.  Trinity is only 19 months old, so I made her character an imp thief named Tres.

That's all the character creation we needed.  The three adventurers were in a local tavern in the village of Elslow.  They had lived in Elslow all their lives, only journeying to the Tower of Soft Black Stars for their apprenticeship in sorcery.

As they were seated around a wooden table, enjoying refreshments, they noticed a cloaked stranger enter the tavern and look around.  He sat down at their table, introduced himself as Urstan, and told the three of his mission - to find adventurers who could clear out the local dungeon.  This nearby dungeon is where monsters live... monsters who come up to the surface at night and cause mischief.

Both girls were impatient to explore the dungeon, kill monsters, and take their treasure, so I sped things up a bit.

After some traveling, the three stood in front of a cavern shaped like the yawning mouth of a monstrous giant.  Hesitant but eager to get in there, they entered and walked into a side-cave containing 4 goblins.  I gave them a list of options: attack the goblins, talk to them, or leave them be.  They decided to attack.

Melody attacked first with her dagger.  I asked Briella if she'd rather use a spell, but no - t'was the dagger.  Briella needed to roll a 3 or better on a single six-sided die.  She did and the first goblin was stabbed and killed.

Illyria also wanted to use her dagger, despite my suggestion that she cast a spell.  She also hit and another goblin died.

With two goblins remaining, one attacked Beautifulness, slashing her leg.  The second goblin missed.  Almost forget, one of Briella's conditions before agreeing to play again was that they couldn't be killed.  I agreed.

Even though I assured Illyria that her character was alive and still had her leg, she up and quit the game.  Briella asked me to play her character for the remainder of the session, so I did.

Briella decided to cast sleep on the goblins.  She was successful and both slept as Beautifulness (now played by me), slit their throats.  They only had 9 gold pieces between them.

The next cave was based on an idea that Briella had while I was doing something for Trinity.  In the center of the cave was a gold statue with several humans in strange clothing standing around the statue.  At the far end of the cave was a door, the likes of which the PCs had never seen.

Briella wasn't sure what to do, so I asked if she wanted to talk to the humans.  She did.  They were foreigners who had been invited to clear the dungeon by the cloaked Urstan.

One of the humans was a wizard with a long gray beard named Ivellios.  He had been studying the runes outlining the door, and was ready to open it.  They were clearly magical.  Ivellios swung the door open, revealing a black portal.

Beyond was an unfamiliar countryside, rolling hills, a dark forest, and on the other side of the forest was a castle.  Melody wanted to reach the castle, so off they walked.

Halfway through the forest, the adventurers heard trolls.  Two of them chopping trees with large axes.  Melody wanted to attack them and cast sleep again.  She was successful, but only put one of the trolls to sleep as trolls were stronger than goblins.

Playing Beautifulness, I cast an ice storm to cut the second troll to ribbons with little shards of razor-sharp ice.  I rolled well and soon both trolls lay dead.  The trolls carried gemstones with them, as well as, a magic item - it was a gold scepter with ruby centerpiece and two snakes carved onto one side.  No idea what it did.

It wasn't long before they had reached the castle.  Inside was a handsome prince.  Melody turned down the prince's advances; however, Beautifulness, again played by Illyria, was very interested.  Soon enough, the two were married in a brief ceremony.  The reception was furnished with all manner of delicious foods and drinks.

No time for a honeymoon, as the adventurers wanted to get back to the dungeon.  Then one or more things came up and we had to stop the session there.  All told, we probably only played for an hour, but it was still fun.  These mini-games keep my GMing muscles from completely atrophying.

VS

Get paid for your play reports!

This post explains the recent hubbub over Girls Gone Rogue.  There's also a thread over at TheRPGsite where someone wonders if people actually play Alpha Blue.

I realize there are precious few Alpha Blue play reports on the internet.  Actual play reports are important - especially for Alpha Blue - because it shows how and why the game is played.

So, I'm looking for more play reports, and I thought it was about time someone incentivized that shit...

In the month of February, anyone who posts their own Alpha Blue play report on an RPG blog will be eligible to win $25 (sent via paypal).  The winning play report will be judged February 28th on the following criteria...

• Length - don't write a novella, but it should be long enough for readers to get into it while learning about your session, players, approach to GMing Alpha Blue, etc.
• Genre - your play report should showcase what Alpha Blue does best - scifi, sex, and comedy.
• Highlight the game - also, don't be afraid to showcase various material from the books (Girls Gone Rogue, Universal Exploits, and Slippery When Wet), such as random tables you've rolled on, technology used, NPCs met, etc.
• Grammar - if your post reads like an 8th grader threw it together the night before it was due and never bothered to proof read it, I'm taking points off.
• Enthusiasm - readers want to feel that you're having a good time, enjoying yoruself and loving the game.
• Entertainment - the adventure itself should be fun to read; posts should capture those little details that make readers feel like they were there, participating.
• Response - even the best blog post - if no one reads or comments - isn't going to be as useful as one that gets a lot of attention.  Marketing is key.  Get the word out.  I'll be helping with that, but I can't do it all.

Let me know if you have any questions about this contest.  Good luck and may the best actual play report win!

VS

Alien Hieroglyphs - Alpha Blue actual play report

Yesterday was probably the last face-to-face roleplaying I'll get to have until sometime in 2017.  Impending twins and all that.  So, I wanted to go out with a bang.  And we did.

The 4 hour game turned into a 2 hour game because of pizza, off-topic discussions, and character creation.  Since there was only 2 players, we went all-out, despite the one-shot nature of this particular game.  Below are a couple videos that capture the character creation experience that is Alpha Blue...

Steve's character, Azaxyr, was an alien pilot who needed an atmosphere suit to survive (non-oxygen breather).  He was a dog-sized amphibian with a strange way of speaking, porcupine quills, hemophilia, and a Necrophilia sexual fetish.  Oh yeah, he also had the power (more like a defect in the far future) of disabling any electronic device he came within a few inches of.

Patrick's character was a human pilot and bounty hunter named Gebek wielding a neon-frisbee.  It's like a laser-frisbee, except neon doesn't cauterize the wounds, so you keep bleeding.

Since I don't have a chat-log that I can just look back at and retype here, I'm going to bullet-point the crap out of this actual play report.

• The space adventurers were traveling to Alpha Blue when intercepted by a Federation patrol ship who wanted them to submit to a random checkpoint search and seizure.  "Fuck that," was the PC's response, naturally.
• It took awhile to destroy the Federation ship.  Waterbeds were punctured on both sides of the conflict.  We decided that once you take your waterbed off-world, the warranty is invalidated, and that artificial gravity is the leading cause of waterbed death.
• Once everyone was dead, the PCs went aboard and found a criminal in a similar survival suit to Azaxyr.  This convict's name was Ettis, a human-sized being made of pure energy who considers the spilling of blood to be a sign of good fortune.
  
• The reason they were going to Alpha Blue in the first place was a new Ancient Egypt exhibit in the space station's museum - yeah, sex and drugs on Alpha Blue, but there's culture, too.  Somewhere in this collection of Egyptology junk was a sarcophagus which contained hieroglyphs.  When deciphered, the hieroglyphs gave coordinates to a stable wormhole (Patrick's idea).
• They got to Alpha Blue and Azaxyr disabled the space station's automated welcome wagon with a touch.  This is where Azaxyr said, "I just want to watch the world burn... one small display screen at a time."  The spacers continued on towards the Egyptian exhibit.
• That led them to the red hologram district where Gebek got knifed and the pair of them were propositioned by a hooker.  No takers, as they had a mission to fulfill.
• The PCs entered a cross-section of the space station that was both red hologram district and party/entertainment.  So, there was wall-to-wall sex, drugs, alcohol, and weirdness going on. 
• They both smoked some pink crystals and enjoyed the benefits, as well as, succumbing to the dark side of alien narcotics.  
• While Gebek was out of commission and propped up at a booth a la Weekend at Bernie's, watching a stripper with 5 boobs, Azaxyr took a job - kill 3 Federation officers walking around this section of Alpha Blue.
• Once Gebek woke up, there was a shoot-out.  Azaxyr died in the laser fight.  Ettis walked up behind the toughest Federation officer and blasted him in the back of the head.  
• Luckily, Alpha Blue has one of the best medical care facilities in the galaxy.  Although, Azaxyr didn't have space health insurance, so it cost him 1,400 credits to get a new pancreas, spleen, and right arm.  I finally got to roll on the spare parts random table in the Alpha Blue book. Yay!  
• Not only were pictures of the sarcophagus taken, but a space mummy was destroyed, and the entire sarcophagus was stolen by the PCs. 

I wanted to play my CD of Heavy Metal (yeah, I still use CDs - when I can find them - I'm old) but lost it somewhere.  Patrick used his phone to play the entire album.  But the songs kept getting interrupted by Red Lobster ads.  So, I told them that Space Lobster ads were coming over the "air waves" of the PC's starship... even though there isn't a Space Lobster within light years of here!

Anyways, it was a fun game.  And the last for awhile.  But I'll still run a few one-hour games via Roll20, so at least I've got that to look forward to.

BTW, Thilo reviewed Girls Gone Rogue on his Endzeitgeist website here.

Thanks for reading,

VS

p.s.  Almost forgot!  I'm still promoting my Trinity of Awesome kickstarter.  Check it out, and tell your friends.  ;)