"The Ruin of A'agrybah" - CHA'ALT Campaign 4.17

 

We had a "full" table of 4 players today.  

This is the core group that's been around for years at this point.  I will be finding more when we resume the face-to-face Cha'alt campaign going into its 5th year sometime in January of 2027, but for now, 4 is great... even 3 is fine, if someone can't make it, but I could accommodate up to 7 without issue.

Another great and wild session, so let's get into it.  Strum, Bishop Crane, Ug, and Mista Firestorm (though, he has another cactus-folk mobster at the ready for next session).

Picking up where we left off, Strum, Ug, and Firestorm returned to the Moshtobah cave system.  Realizing they never got past the very first cave before being taken to yet another strange dimension, the PCs, reuniting with Crane, buckled down so they could make a real exploration into the last known resting place of Athas' Great Old One, Keelta'anpa'adraj.

Before leaving that original cave, the PCs ransacked the leftovers of that woman's box 'o porn and sexual devices, touching them to the blade of his sword so Orin could absorb the contents into his "blade space."  Orin was happy to have more artifacts of sexual depravity.

The very next cave, the adventurers see an elf painting a bone-white pylon gold with a wide-bristled brush.  They talk to him for a bit, basically trying to understand why... why he was painting it and what was significant about that pylon in particular.

Without having a satisfactory answer, the elf showed the curious PCs inside.  Basically, the only thing inside the black interior (bigger on the inside than outside) was the stone matrix table, its surface covered with all manner of smaller, uniform crystals of concentrated power.  Where ordinary crystals contain the spiritual energy of the Old Gods, pylon crystals are fourth-dimensional nodes making it possible to travel not only through time and space, but dimensions.

Before entering the pylon, however, Ug wanted to paint his magic sword, Orin, with gold... gold being the most gilded of colors.  Orin was also pleased with the fresh coat of paint, no one being the wiser what would happen when Ug wielded him, blazing forth with unparalleled glory!

Carrying on from last session, Mista Firestorm decided to assault the elf with the magic butt-plug.  Prior to that, I told everyone (but this information would probably have come from the sorcerer) that the butt-plug, now that it was no longer in the weird pocket-universe of the cosmic spider, would go back to only working on humanoid females - no one else.  

Nevertheless, the butt-plug was used on the male elf inside the pylon.  I quickly wrote-up a d4 random table to decide how he would react.  Based on the roll, the elf freaked out and kicked over the matrix table while trying to get away.  The crystals spilled-out all over the black floor as the pylon started moving, eventually landing on a cliff, overlooking a desert that contained a ziggurat.

The pylon elf immediately ran for his life, only to be gobbled-up by a T-rex moments later.  The party chatted about whether it was worth the risk to get the butt-plug back out of the dinosaur, and eventually passed on the idea.  Instead, they found stone steps leading down from the cliff to the desert.  They took that and headed over to the ziggurat which was about 500-feet in front of them.  Two guards stood outside the door.

Talking their way past the guards, they entered a large audience chamber containing about 50 people with a raised platform where sorcerer-king Jethryk would soon be preforming his ascension ritual (he was there alongside 4 or 5 other priests and guards waiting in the wings).  

Before I continue, something in Ug changed.  He definitely sounded different.  Now, I surmised that might be due to corrosion in his brain-boost batteries.  But it could also be his magic and sentient sword Orin watching copious amounts of lounge lizard porn in the "blade space" that is his private quarters.  Perhaps by osmosis, Ug unconsciously adopted the effete and degenerate lounge lizard persona.

The PCs checked out the place, walked around, and decided to explore other areas of the ziggurat.  Firestorm found a room painted entirely green, and also a smaller ritual chamber with all the usual stuff, candles, candle holders, tapestries, altar, and a pillar with a demonic jade jaguar atop.

While Strum attuned the jade idol, the others fought off some guards and then a couple of templars who served Jethryk.  The templars wielded magical obsidian blades.  I rolled a couple of crits that brought Firestorm down to sigle-digits and wounded Ug before the PCs took them down.

Now fully attuned, Strum called upon the demon jade jaguar from the ethereal plane while Firestorm looked around to see if there was anything that could either tell them more about the sorcerer-king's ascension ritual or help them defeat him.  I had an idea, and told Firestorm's player to stimulate either the gonzo or pop-culture Cha'alt X-Cards (still one of the best things about Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer and I would say the entire OSR, if I'm being modest).  In true Beauty and the Beast fashion, one of the candles came to life.  Due to all the residual magic energy in this ritual chamber, I felt it was plausible (plausible for Cha'alt, that is) that a candle could become sentient.

And thus, Luminaire was born, French accent and all.  That green room had a craft services table filled with meats, cheeses, and snacks.  The adventurers bribed Luminaire to help them as the saucy candle scarfed down all the cheese.  

The ethereal jaguar scattered the people, Ug used Luminaire to set the tapestries on fire, Firestorm grabbed Jethryk from the platform with Crane ready to blast fools with his laser.  It took awhile to kill the sorcerer-king, but they eventually accomplished their goal.  Apparently, Orin became even more powerful with the gold paint.  It went from a +2 to a +3, the damage it does is exploding, and when the sword crits an actual explosion of gold flakes covers the opponent.  

Now that the ziggurat was deserted and the fires died out, the PCs finished exploring the structure.  Eventually, they came to a room where a man was painting a transparent (so you could see through it, not inside) pylon a neon-green.  The PCs negotiated a ride in exchange for some strawberry worm-wine and a strawberry fruitie which Crane conjured with his ivory scepter.  

The new pylon man must have bonded with his new fruitie instantly (Crane did a good job of talking-up the idea of having a traveling companion) because he named him Steve (no relation to any player who may or may not be named Steve) and was sad when the strawberry-man was denied him since the pylon pilot input the dimension code with a typo and they found themselves not back on Cha'alt, but the Athas of where they'd just left (again).

Pylon guy brought out something the adventurers had never seen before.  It was a particle churn vacillator, used for identifying coordinates of lost individuals who don't know the official designation of their home dimension or dimensional destination.  While ordinary plane-jumpers use phrases like the puce Cha'alt dimension or electric-banana Cha'alt, both the Guardians of Space, Time, and Reality, as well as, the dimensional navigation guild or DNG use alpha-numeric codes to differentiate places within the skinematic Vengerverse.

Pylon guy said he could eventually take them back to Cha'alt, but he'd need more fuel for the pylon, instructing them to gather crystals.  The PCs know enough not to trust a random "trust me, bro" NPC they get a ride from and chalked that up to "maybe we'll see you around if the stars are right, hoss."

Resigning themself anew to awakening the Great Old One at the end of the yellow brick road, they continued.  Soon coming to a tall, bald, and brawny orange dwarf with assless lizard-skin chaps who was some sort of cult leader and handed out an assortment of strange pills to the compliant community there... and the PCs.  The orange dwarf told them "The sleeper must never awaken!" as he did.  The PCs didn't swallow any of the drugs, but the others did.  Most of them got real sleepy.  

Ug viewed the lizard-skin assless chaps as an afront to his heritage and murdered all the sleepers, even though some of them probably would have died in their sleep, anyway.  Checking their pockets, Strum found a 3-inch transparent cube.

As they were coming up to a crossroads, Mista Firestorm said "Maybe there'll be a demon looking to make a bargain?"  And sure enough, as I pulled a couple of suggestions from the Black Skull of Secrets (I didn't have the players write anything new because the skull is chock-full of weird ideas that we'll probably never get to).  The demon had a face like a warthog and was carrying a big metal book decorated with skulls and bones - a book on necromancy.  

Bishop Crane used Pa'azuk to see into his mind and discovered that he was here to buy a toaster from someone through Craigslist, and was told to meet behind the Walmart.  The PCs looked around, but they didn't see any Walmart.  Just a demon.  And then the PCs kept trying to convince him to part with the book in exchange for a toaster, which the PCs didn't even have... but then it all ended when Crane decapitated the demon via Kaltha'alax.

Moving on, the PCs found another community - this one hopped-up on amphetamines to basically do the opposite of what the first cult wanted to do.  These guys were hoping to awaken Keelta'anpa'adraj, not lullaby him into a drug-induced slumber.  As it happens, the cult on speed was putting on a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Cloak.  Well, it was the people's theater group who were putting it on (just like this).  And that led to an aside from the guy filling the PCs in on what was going on - their cult actually had an amazing technicolor dream-cloak kept inside a plexiglass case.  There were 4 rows of 7 colors towards the bottom of the glass case.  You had to correctly guess the 3 colors.  If you tried to force the plexiglass case open, acid would poor into the case and ruin the dream-cloak.  

Realizing there must be a catch, they started trying.  I've basically used this puzzle-trap many times before.  In the beginning, I used to come up with specific "correct" colors, then I came up with a list of colors and let the random roll of fate decide.  This time, I made it easy on myself and had the players name a color and then I rolled.  I rolled an 8-sided die and if a 4 or 3 or 7 came up, those were the right colors.  If a 1 was rolled, however, something bad would happen.

Two bad things happened on their way to unlocking the case - an eldritch, infernal beast came out of a portal.  Firestorm offered the necromancy book, and the beast took it in its tentacles and then buggered-off back through the portal.  The second thing was the spontaneous creation of a black sphere of utter annihilation.  Everyone (the PCs + the dude they were talking to) rolled a d20 + their level.  Luckily, the guy at the bottom was the cultist and wig-master for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Cloak.  The sphere rushed towards him, utterly annihilating him - but he also burst into a shower of blood.

Apparently, there were at least 3 different variations of teal amongst the buttons.  Shouts of "These rows need more teal!" could be heard across the table to the point where it seemed there was more teal than cowbell.  

Eventually, tangerine, purple, and alabaster gray buttons did the trick, and the plexiglass case opened so the PCs could take out the dream-cloak.  They took a little time to identify just what it did, and I'll put that down here now so that information isn't lost (in case both Ug's player and I lose our notes simultaneously...

Or, so you can steal this idea for your own TTRPG fantasy adventures! 

When worn during REM sleep, the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Cloak can bring one thing from the dreamlands into our waking world.  The dream object may recede back to the dreamlands at any time, but not less than 24 hours.  Every day after the first, a save must be rolled (same as its attuned owner) to keep it here.  Otherwise, it fades away as if t'were waking from a dream.

At that point, we were right up to the edge of our time, and ended the session there.  So, stuck in Dark Sun for another session.  While I have a basic "plan" or concepts of a plan for these sessions, almost anything can happen once play commences.  

Saturday, October 17th should be our next session.  So, hopefully everyone can make it.  Two weeks after that is actual Halloween... will have to talk about scheduling before then.  

While on vacation, I snapped a pic of this game I made while our twin boys, my wife, and I were seated at a table waiting for our food.  It's similar to a game I came up with during our virtual Cha'alt campaign on Wednesday nights (shout-out to Roger, Judd, and Charles).  

Each player comes up with a color, texture, and possibly made-up dance move (in Cha'alt, it's a possibly made-up sexual maneuver), and then either a judge or random number generator picks the winner.

This was a fun one, and we had a lot of laughs.  I jotted down a few amusing sentences from the session for your edification, hoss...

• "No guard should have more than 10 HP."
• "When you're a hammer, everything you see is a butt-plug."
• "Practically all magic items have a sexual preference - they like humanoid women, preferably blonde."
• "Smells like lizard ass in here."
• "Yeah, you're part lizard, part taur."
• "Maybe on Athas metal attracts giant worms?"
• "If everyone had everything, there would be no have-nots."
• "Second-teal is no joke."
• "I guess I'm the one who did the ass-aulting today."
• "Templar union rules - no mopping during rituals, especially shitty water."
• "Hon hon hon, mon amie... let me scarf down the cheesy comestibles and I shall be your arsonist flame."  Or something like that.  I did my best with the French accent.
• "It's not a tight fit.  Orin's blade-space is around 8,000 square feet.  He's got plenty of room for porn, sexual devices, and women."

Thanks for reading, and will catch y'all on the flip-side!  

Just a couple weeks ago, I started putting together a few paid-GM 10-session Cha'alt games via Roll20.  Hoping to see if being a professional GM is a viable option.  

This right here should be my GM profile on there (I had to give them something to call me, pronoun-wise, that wasn't a choice).  If you're interested or know someone who is, reach out, hoss.

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  I've got a virtual Cha'alt campaign for Temple of Violet Demon-Flesh ready to go over at Start Playing, here's the link.  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.