Inappropriate Characters

No, I'm not just talking about barbarian halflings and dark elven monk/assassins!

RPGpundit, "Grim" Jim Desborough, and I decided to create our own RPG talk show.  Three outspoken OSRish libertines who have similar views and experiences throughout the hobby/industry we all know and love (loathe...?).

Here's the first episode of Inappropriate Characters.  It's only #1, so cut us a little slack for the meager production values.  As we continue to produce the show, it'll get slicker.

And here's our Patreon page where the three of us are looking for funding/support.

If you have questions, comments, topics you want us to discuss, feedback, or anything else, let us know!

Thanks,

VS

Let's play some Q'uay-Q'uar!

What started as a passing thought - wouldn't it be cool to have a totally made-up "space casino" game for gamblers in my sleazy scifi RPG Alpha Blue - has now become a reality.

It's called Q'uay-Q'uar; translated, it means "purple and yellow" in the Q'tari language.  Some play for fun, others for cold hard credits, and for a rare few... it's the difference between life and death.

Not totally happy with how it played (or looked) in the prototype stage, I asked +MonkeyBlood Design (Glynn Seal) to create an awesome looking board, and then I made up the rules to go with what he put in front of me.  It was a bit of a challenge, but I'm very pleased with how it turned out.

Q'uay-Q'uar will be available with the upcoming Alpha Blue scenario High Stakes Q'uay-Q'uar landing June 1st.

Below is a video of my eldest daughter and I playing a quick game.  We played quite a bit over the last couple days - my next eldest daughter, as well.  There's a surprising amount of latitude for such a simplistic diversion.

Thanks for reading and watching,

VS

Alpha Blue session report: Second Time Only Costs You Credits

Continuing Friday's one-hour game (that invariably takes 90 minutes to complete) from last week, I've got a whole new actual play to report on.  There were two new players, neither of which had ever played Alpha Blue before...

Patrick H's character was Miles Artemis, a human space pirate with telepathic abilities wearing an outre denim ensemble with over-sized collar in orange sunburst and pink.  He wielded laser nun-chucks and throwing stars.  His sexual fantasy/fetish is amputees.

SirSPT's character was Katya Vosdil, a human (female) medic from one of those Slavic countries on old Earth, though she used to be a slave on Arrakis, who's also incredibly lucky (re-roll any dice pool once per session, which, now that I think about it, I forgot to tell the player.  Oops!  I'll give him two re-rolls next session), wearing a leather acid wash uniform in flesh tone (Caucasian), beige, and silver.  She wielded a laser rifle.  Her sexual fantasy/fetish was tentacles, monsters, creatures, aliens, etc... and she's also bi-sexual.

The player mentioned up front that he was modeling Katya on a previous player-character from one of his Warhammer 40K sessions, possibly influenced by Babylon 5's Susan Ivanova.  No problem there, Alpha Blue's rules are extremely light and flexible, most of the game is in the roleplaying.

GM:  A shuttle is taking you both to Alpha Blue, one of the largest and most notorious pleasure stations in the galaxy.  You notice various space phenomena on the way and make idle small talk with your fellow passengers.

Miles Artemis and Katya Vosdil are seated next to each other and so the two of you have been talking most of the way.

A service-bot is scooting around the shuttle, asking anyone if they want a purple prizm to drink.

Katya:  I shift somewhat uncomfortably next to Miles, really hoping to not get captured and sold off again.  "So... what brings you to Alpha Blue?"

GM:  Both of you notice an inordinate amount of "rough types," aboard the shuttle, spacers criminals, degenerates - human and alien.

Miles: I reach into an inside pocket, grab my personal flash, swallow a mouthful of sour whiskey, and offer it to Katya before responding to her question.  "I'm looking for some work - heard this was the place to go, ya know?  Also, I'm mighty curious to see Alpha Blue, my adventurous spirit demanded it."  I let out a small laugh.

GM:  The service-bot rolls up to where the two of you are seated, "Would the lady and gentelman care for a purple prizm?

Miles:  I ponder for a moment, "Aye, I'll take a purple prizm."

Katya:  I shrug and try to play along.  "I'll take some purple prizm, too."

GM:  It hands Miles a purple-colored can of sparkling grape soda.  You crack open the top, about to drink in the delicious carbonated burn... when an alien grabs the prizm out of your hand.  He takes a long drink, finishes it, and throws the empty can in your lap.  "Now get yourself one, space chump."

The service-bot uses its robotic hand to offer a purple prizm to Katya.

The alien has a large, bulbous and veiny head, wearing purple robes.

Miles:  I let out a booming laugh at the alien, "Well, that's mighty polite of you, ain't it?" resting my hand on my weapon, "I'm sure you only meant to take a sip."

Katya:  I look the can over, then the alien over with a mixed reaction before watching Miles to see what he does.

GM:  The alien replies, "Put that thing away, human.  You don't want to mess with me.  I'm wanted in 12 systems for mindless violence and piracy in high space!"

Miles:  "Well, ain't that something, a fellow pirate, is it?"  I laugh a bit more before offering my own flask to him.  "Why didn'tcha mention that in the first place?"

GM:  The alien smiles and takes a couple steps back, as if he's decided to terminate the interaction before things escalate.  Miles senses that this alien jerk is going to fire on him as soon as you go back to whatever you were doing.

The alien winks one of his many black-within-black eyes at Katya before leaving.

Miles:  Just so I read clear, he left but will eventually shoot at me?

GM:  He's slowly leaving, but still within sight, maybe 20' away, leaning against the shuttle's inner door.

You look into the alien's mind and see that he plans on shooting you before the shuttle gets to Alpha Blue.

Just then, an automated female voice announces, "Two minutes before this shuttle reaches its intended destination."

Katya:  I fan myself at the alien's gesture.  "He's nice..."  I mutter as I hand my can of purple prizm to Miles.

Miles:  Probably will regret this, but I fake a movement of bringing the flask to my lips and whisper the words "He's about to shoot, you might want to duck," to Katya before taking one of my hidden ninja stars and throwing it toward the alien's head and throat in a quick, sudden motion.

Katya:  I look over with some confusion before watching Miles throw some sort of projectile.  With a quickly explaimed, "Cyka!" she hits the deck.

GM:  Your laser throwing stars slash the alien's face and body [13 points of damage].  Bright green blood gushes over the floor as he raises his blaster to fire... [I end up rolling a total of 21 damage]

Miles gets shot right in the chest.  There's a large energy burn in the center of your outfit, ruining it.  You have 4 Health left.  Your move, Miles.  Also, once per session, you can double your dice pool.

Miles:  Do I have more of those stars?

GM:  You have unlimited stars.

Miles:  I'm going to throw more at him and double my dice pool.

GM:  Ok, roll 6d6, and good luck!

What's Katya doing besides trying not to get shot?

Miles, your highest result was a "5," unfortunately.  So, I'm going to roll 2d6 damage (exploding) for you.  [I roll a 5 + 6 + 6 for a total of 16]

Katya:  I fumble for my old laser rifle and glance around in case anyone else starts shooting or throwing stars around.

GM:  Several of your laser stars embed themselves in the alien's head, neck, and torso.  More green blood oozes out and he slumps down in front of the inner door, dead.

Katya doesn't see anything besides people cowering and also trying not to get shot.

Miles:  I walk over to the body, checking to make sure the alien is dead, taking the gun from its hand and my thrown stars before walking back to my seat, "Well, now that hurt a bit," I grunt in pain.

GM:  The automated female voice over the shuttle's speaker says, "This shuttle will arrive at its intended destination in 10 seconds.  Please stay seated until the vehicle is completely still.  Have a wonderful day, and thank you for traveling Federation Space."

Does Miles also search the alien's dead body?

Miles:  Yes.

Katya:  I rise to my feet, now pointing the rifle at Miles.  "Debil!  What are you thinking?  You cannot just murder aliens!"

GM:  You retrieve your laser stars, take his blaster, as well as, find a black pouch and three drink tickets for the Blue Oyster Lounge (an Alpha Blue bar).

Miles:  "Listen, sweetheart, I'm a telepath.  He was about to shoot me; I managed to strike before he fired his first shot."  I grunt again in pain.

I open the black pouch to see what's inside.

GM:  You find 32 greenish-blue marbles with pink sparkles.  At least, they look like marbles.

Katya:  Pressing the laser rifle against Miles' head, "You have no right to call me 'sweetheart,' cyka.  I'm going to need more reason beyond telepathic bull."

GM:  While Miles examines the contents of the black pouch, taking a few of the small, colorful spheres out and putting them back in, a 3' tall insect humanoid with cybernetic enhancements walks up to you and makes you an offer.  "I'll give you 100 credits for those things."

Miles:  "Shall I read your mind to prove that I can do it?  Also, the way he moved said he was about to attack.  I seen it many times from pirates to hired killers."  I put my hands up to show no weapons to Katya.

I say to the insectoid, "Sure.  Sold, buddy," and hold out my hand for the credits while I give him the pouch.

GM:  The little insect alien hands Miles 100 credits and pockets the black pouch containing those marbles.  "Thanks.  By the way, I like the way you handled that scum, you really draxed him the sklonst."  Then the insectoid turns to Katya and says, "This human's a real droom'bsh.  I'd hang on to him if I were you."

Katya:  I think for a moment before lowering my rifle.  "Zayebis.  Fine, but if I find you going off and throwing more stars around at people, I will come down on you like blizzard on invading army."

Miles:  I let out a small chuckle and bow my head to the insectoid, "Why thank yah for the compliment," holding up the drink tickets toward Katya and the insect, "When we get in, first round's on me."

GM:  "Yaaz!" The insectoid exclaims.

Katya:  I mull the idea over for a moment before shrugging.  "Sure, would be a waste to turn down free drink."

GM:  The three of you go through the usual decontamination screening before reaching Alpha Blue's central terminal.  You easily find directions to the Blue Oyster Lounge.

Moment's later, you walk into the lounge.  It has dim, midnight-blue lighting.  You hear soft but eccentric alien jazz played by an exotic looking trio of blue-skinned humanoids.  Drinks are being poured by a human bartender.  Several patrons are sitting at the bar at various tables.  Most are alien.

Miles:  Nodding his head appreciatively, "I can dig this place, shall we grab a table or sit right up at the bar?"

GM:  Katya immediately notices an alien humanoid of ambiguous gender with pale green tentacles.  It's sitting at the bar.

Katya:  "Bar," I say without hesitation.

Miles:  I let out a booming laugh, "Bar it is!"

GM:  The three of you sit at the bar.  Katya maneuvers herself to sit next to the tentacled lifeform.  The bartender asks if ya'll want to order the special.

Miles:  "What's the special?" I ask the bartender.

GM:  "It's today's drink.  You wouldn't know it by its name, pal."  The bartender chuckles.  "Ever heard of a flaugyn'naar?"

Miles:  I laugh a bit.  "Don't think I have, but I'll give it a try!"

Katya:  I hold up two fingers.  "One for me and one for my tentacled friend next to me."

GM:  The bartender pours 4 drinks in clear, rectangular glasses.  The liquid is thick, red, and bubbly.

"Thanks for the drink," the tentacled humanoid replies.  "A pleasure to meet you.  My name is Jayna."

Miles:  I put down the three drink tickets, "This is to cover me," points to Katya, "her," points to the insectoid, "and him."

GM:  The insectoid asks Miles, "So, are you working with anyone... like a crew?"

Miles:  I shake my head, "Nah, I actually came here to see what work I can find, see what this huge place has to offer."

GM:  "That'll be 10 credits for the 4th drink," the bartender says.

The insectoid says, "Well, I might have some work for a droom'bsh like yourself.  Pays real well, too."

Katya:  I nod at Jayna while setting 10 credits on the bar.  "Pleasure is all mine.  Katya Vosdil, MD at your service."

Miles:  I grin wide.  "I'm all ears.  What kinda work we talking about?"

GM:  The weird drink is cold and tastes like a mix between strawberries and raw shrimp.  It doesn't do much for Miles, but Katya feels especially in the mood for love...

___________

Unfortunately, work duties in the real world abruptly halted our game.  Both players said they had fun, so I plan to pick things up where we left off next Friday.

And then the Friday after that, I'll be at GaryCon running Crimson Dragon Slayer and more Alpha Blue!

Thanks for reading.  I hope you enjoyed this actual play report of "Second Time Only Costs You Credits."

VS

Presidential Election

Remember Universal Exploits?  That was an Alpha Blue sourcebook and campaign guide I published a few months back. 

It's got a ton of random tables and ideas, giving your sci-fi or space opera RPG of choice more than a little edge.  But what's the significance with the upcoming election?

I wrote some satirical political stuff, mostly about Donald Trump and included it in UX because he was a big focus in the daily news cycles.  They were written before Trump was the official Republican nominee for President of the United States. 

Since we're so close to election day, I decided to have a 50% off sale on the Universal Exploits PDF (softcover books on DriveThru and Amazon / CreateSpace have also been discounted, just not as much).  The sale will run until the election is over and the result is finalized... which could be well into 2017 considering what we've seen so far!

Even if you're not interested in the "space Trump" humor, I hope the star pulp and vintage sleaze are enough to take your mind off things.  ;)

VS

p.s.  Even though the Amazon price has been changed, it will probably take several hours for the updated price to show.

Alien Hieroglyphs - Alpha Blue actual play report

Yesterday was probably the last face-to-face roleplaying I'll get to have until sometime in 2017.  Impending twins and all that.  So, I wanted to go out with a bang.  And we did.

The 4 hour game turned into a 2 hour game because of pizza, off-topic discussions, and character creation.  Since there was only 2 players, we went all-out, despite the one-shot nature of this particular game.  Below are a couple videos that capture the character creation experience that is Alpha Blue...

Steve's character, Azaxyr, was an alien pilot who needed an atmosphere suit to survive (non-oxygen breather).  He was a dog-sized amphibian with a strange way of speaking, porcupine quills, hemophilia, and a Necrophilia sexual fetish.  Oh yeah, he also had the power (more like a defect in the far future) of disabling any electronic device he came within a few inches of.

Patrick's character was a human pilot and bounty hunter named Gebek wielding a neon-frisbee.  It's like a laser-frisbee, except neon doesn't cauterize the wounds, so you keep bleeding.

Since I don't have a chat-log that I can just look back at and retype here, I'm going to bullet-point the crap out of this actual play report.

• The space adventurers were traveling to Alpha Blue when intercepted by a Federation patrol ship who wanted them to submit to a random checkpoint search and seizure.  "Fuck that," was the PC's response, naturally.
• It took awhile to destroy the Federation ship.  Waterbeds were punctured on both sides of the conflict.  We decided that once you take your waterbed off-world, the warranty is invalidated, and that artificial gravity is the leading cause of waterbed death.
• Once everyone was dead, the PCs went aboard and found a criminal in a similar survival suit to Azaxyr.  This convict's name was Ettis, a human-sized being made of pure energy who considers the spilling of blood to be a sign of good fortune.
  
• The reason they were going to Alpha Blue in the first place was a new Ancient Egypt exhibit in the space station's museum - yeah, sex and drugs on Alpha Blue, but there's culture, too.  Somewhere in this collection of Egyptology junk was a sarcophagus which contained hieroglyphs.  When deciphered, the hieroglyphs gave coordinates to a stable wormhole (Patrick's idea).
• They got to Alpha Blue and Azaxyr disabled the space station's automated welcome wagon with a touch.  This is where Azaxyr said, "I just want to watch the world burn... one small display screen at a time."  The spacers continued on towards the Egyptian exhibit.
• That led them to the red hologram district where Gebek got knifed and the pair of them were propositioned by a hooker.  No takers, as they had a mission to fulfill.
• The PCs entered a cross-section of the space station that was both red hologram district and party/entertainment.  So, there was wall-to-wall sex, drugs, alcohol, and weirdness going on. 
• They both smoked some pink crystals and enjoyed the benefits, as well as, succumbing to the dark side of alien narcotics.  
• While Gebek was out of commission and propped up at a booth a la Weekend at Bernie's, watching a stripper with 5 boobs, Azaxyr took a job - kill 3 Federation officers walking around this section of Alpha Blue.
• Once Gebek woke up, there was a shoot-out.  Azaxyr died in the laser fight.  Ettis walked up behind the toughest Federation officer and blasted him in the back of the head.  
• Luckily, Alpha Blue has one of the best medical care facilities in the galaxy.  Although, Azaxyr didn't have space health insurance, so it cost him 1,400 credits to get a new pancreas, spleen, and right arm.  I finally got to roll on the spare parts random table in the Alpha Blue book. Yay!  
• Not only were pictures of the sarcophagus taken, but a space mummy was destroyed, and the entire sarcophagus was stolen by the PCs. 

I wanted to play my CD of Heavy Metal (yeah, I still use CDs - when I can find them - I'm old) but lost it somewhere.  Patrick used his phone to play the entire album.  But the songs kept getting interrupted by Red Lobster ads.  So, I told them that Space Lobster ads were coming over the "air waves" of the PC's starship... even though there isn't a Space Lobster within light years of here!

Anyways, it was a fun game.  And the last for awhile.  But I'll still run a few one-hour games via Roll20, so at least I've got that to look forward to.

BTW, Thilo reviewed Girls Gone Rogue on his Endzeitgeist website here.

Thanks for reading,

VS

p.s.  Almost forgot!  I'm still promoting my Trinity of Awesome kickstarter.  Check it out, and tell your friends.  ;)

FORCE DOCK - Alpha Blue actual play report

Another week, another Alpha Blue game on Roll20.

I both like and dislike (love and hate are too strong of words for the platform) Roll20.  It's easy, frustrating, counter-intuitive, and a lot of fun simultaneously.

Case in point: for some reason Roll20 decided to automatically write in big, bold letters, "2 Successes" when a player had rolled a 1 and 4.  That's never happened before, so perhaps one of us clicked a box or it's a new setting Roll20 is trying out.  Since it was dead wrong (1 on its own would be a crit fail and 4 is a partial success), I found it distracting.

Anyways, I'm here to report the action!

Two new players - Dave and Hawk.  Neither had played Alpha Blue before.

Dave wanted his character to be a spacer version of the Monster Magnet frontman, Dave Wyndorf.  He's an ice pirate and we never settled on a name (that I can see from the chat log), so I'll just call his character Space Lord.

Hawk wanted something weird (I usually have 2 players each time I run one of these and 50% of the party invariably wants to make an unusual character.  An alien is the weirdest, so we rolled some dice and came up with a human-sized being made of pure energy with pineapple texture on his head.  For his alienism quirks - he says random, personal things at inappropriate times and never lies or obscures the truth in order to protect himself.  For a career, he rolled pilot.  We ended up calling his character Piney.

That's as far as character creation went since we only had an hour to game.  Let's get to it...

VS:  You stole a fast starship form a crime lord you barely saw at last night's disco.  The ship came with a couple droids that are currently wandering around near the cockpit area.  The droids are the only thing of value on this ship.

Space Lord:  We need guns and mercs now.  My region of the galaxy is arid, and I have a more industrialized approach to piracy.  Are we on the station or in deep space?

VS:  You're flying through space, but you could turn around and head back for Alpha Blue.

Piney:  What do you think, Space Lord?  Should we try to pirate some ice or go back to the space station for supplies?

Space Lord:  Well, we did just steal this starship from the docks there, I presume.  I don't really remember the last couple days after I ate that Sarlacc nugget.  Probably should look at flipping this thing for a freighter... and find some lizard mercs.

Piney:  That sounds like a plan.  You know, my hemorrhoids are really bothering me today.

VS:  Your ship's scanners find a nearby planet that should provide what you're looking for.

Space Lord:  Any Federales or orbital defense picked up on our scanners?

VS:  No, this is a backwater planet.  The kind that Alpha Blue likes to hang around.

Space Lord:  Good deal.  Pineapple head, you're the pilot.  Take us down for a closer look.

Piney:  Roger dodger.

VS:  You land the ship in a clearing near a swamp.  Visuals indicate there are several reptilian humanoids standing around just outside.

Space Lord:  What kind of reptilian - feral or civilized (civilized being loosely applied).

VS:  They look like Silurians from Doctor Who.  So, apparently civilized... more or less.

Piney:  If these guys aren't here in peace, they're leaving in pieces.  Space Lord, this is your specialty.  Go talk to them.

Space Lord:  We observe for a few moments to see if they communicate.

VS:  You hear a few loud clangs.  One of the reptilians is knocking on the side of your ship.  "Hey, assholes!  What do you think you're doing parking here?  This is a no parking zone.  Can't your pilot read?"

Space Lord:  I open the hatch.  "Sorry there, my friend.  Are you with the planetary authorities?"

VS:  "No."

Piney:  Since I'm still sitting in the cockpit, I'm getting my blaster ready.

Space Lord:  "We're with an advanced survey crew from Galactic Redistribution, Inc.  We'd like to talk to someone about water samples."

VS:  "Ok, let me get S'ssszzslls," he says walking away, then turns his head, "Got any snacks?"

___________

The space adventurers find some snack food for the reptilians and two of the humanoid reptiles agree to join the crew in exchange for a couple hundred credits and a small share of any loot they find.  Turns out one of the reptilians is "good with a blaster" and the other is a pimp, naturally.

Space Lord and Piney discover that a Federation cruiser just took off with all the good water (now ice) and so the pirates attempt to intercept the Federation ship.

___________

VS:  You've located the them.

Space Lord:  How big is their ship?  Is it big enough for us to dock inside?

VS:  Alongside, yes.  The Federation cruiser is larger than yours, but not by that much.

Space Lord:  Hail them with a distress call, Piney.  Tell them our oxygenator is wack and we're all going to die unless they rescue us.  We need to dock if possible.

Piney:  Aye, we'll hail their ship.

VS:  "We don't talk to spacer scum.  Move along.  Hail the Federation!"

Space Lord:  Hmm... we could try to space jump it, that might leave their ship intact for us.  Of course, we could die horribly if we miss.  We need that ice!

Piney:  Can we force dock it?

VS:  You can try.  Roll 2d6 if you want to attempt it.

Piney:  [He rolls a 5 and 6 for a critical success!]

VS:  Ok, you successfully "force dock" your ship to theirs - which has never been done before in the history of space.

Piney:  Hail to the King, baby!  These lizards better be able to shoot straight.  Round up the droids.

Space Lord:  Can the droids hack the door or do we need to blast it?

VS:  All six of you are at the airlock as one of your droids inputs into the ship's computer.  Sparks fly and the Federation ship's door opens.

Space Lord:  If there are targets on the other side, we're ready.

VS:  You hear a few Federation troops running down the corridor towards you.

Space Lord:  No mercy!  Unless they surrender.

Piney:  Does this blaster have a disintegration option?

VS:  No, but you could always try turning it up to "11," but that might have serious consequences.

Piney:  Nah, we'll keep it at 9.5.

VS:  From what you know, Federation shock troops like these never surrender.

Space Lord:  That's how I rationalize their murder.  "Not too much damage to the inside of the ship, guys."  I hope I didn't forget my vibro-knife.

___________

A lot of laser fire is exchanged.  The PCs take down the Federation troops and make their way towards the bridge.  On their way, they see a lovely green-skinned female walking down a side corridor.  She reminded Piney of his ex-wife.

While the reptilian mercs "take care" of the female, the PCs charge on towards the bridge where they see two Federation officers pushing buttons.

Piney threatens one of them, but rolls a critical failure and is the least intimidating presence currently on the ship, giving one of the officers a chance to pull out his blaster and fire - a line of deadly red light narrowly misses his pineapple-ridged head.

Eventually, both officers are overcome and surrender to the PCs.

The reptilians lazily walk onto the bridge smoking cigarettes after its all over.  They obviously had sex with the green-skinned female.

Besides the ice, the PCs discover that the Federation ship is carrying something else of value - something called a gorlax.  Piney rolls and gets "mostly success," enough to know that a gorlax is some kind of giant, alien gorilla made of purple slime.

___________

That's all we had time for.  Both Dave and Hawk told me the session was awesome and gonzo, then they thanked me for GMing.

Both Space Lord and Piney reached 2nd level, where only their Health changes (going from 25 to 30).

I hope y'all enjoyed reading this Alpha Blue actual play report.  BTW, I recently created a new Kickstarter campaign to fund a trio of short PDF scenarios.  Only 3$!!!  Check it out.

VS

Sandcrawler Menagerie - Alpha Blue actual play report

This post is a report of actual Alpha Blue play that went on earlier today via Roll20.

One GM (me) and two players.  One of the players (David) had very little roleplaying experience.  Neither of them had ever heard of Alpha Blue before the session started.

David wanted to be something unusual.  Those were his only instructions.  So, we went with an alien.  Strange that Roll20 doesn't have an easy go-to feature for rolling a d30, so I just rolled a d20 instead.  Crystalline!  Then I rolled size and got "human."  Rolling twice for alien features I got these: often uses "the" unnecessarily (think Starfire from Teen Titans Go!) and relates his experiences to The Wizard of Oz... which he believes is real or is based on actual events.  He wields a vorpal chainsword.

8BitAndroid already had a concept in mind - a human/wolf hybrid.  So, I assumed he'd be a mutant and that would be one of his three mutations.  The others being that he had horns and a kangaroo pouch.  For a weapon he carried a thermal detonator.

Both wanted to roll for a name.  Both rolled the same number and got Terran.  8Bit decided his character wanted to change his name to Akros Sterling, but also mentioned something about the two being blood brothers.

Next, I rolled for their occupation and got "bounty hunter" for both.  Haha!  They were blood brothers.

After what seemed like a century of people trying different things in order to get one picture to show - which led to my entire computer freezing/crashing - I gave up and simply described everything.  Below are bits of dialog that I'm cherry-picking from the chat archive.

VS:  Ok, both of you are cruising around in a stolen starship.  You felt as though Grabba the Butt (my go-to intergalactic gangster created by +Fantastic Dimensions) owed it to you.  Grabba had other ideas, so you just took off and haven't looked back since.  You stopped to refuel on a barren, desert world.  While filling your tank full of space gas, you notice a gigantic sandcrawler and a jawa selling a wide variety of robots.  Another spacer is present.  He's checking out their wares.

Terran:  Let's go.

Akros:  Junk and sand everywhere.  I wonder why Grabba was so upset with us?  At least we managed to... recover his ship.  It'll do us good.

Terran:  Well, we can't do anything about the Grabba.  It is what it is.

VS:  The jawa walks up to you.  "Do you enjoy our little sandcrawler menagerie?  Every droid half-price.  You can't go wrong with that sexbot, my friends."  Akros has 500 credits.  Terran has 800 credits.

Akros: [Mutters and inspects the bots]  Half price?  I wonder if they have any defects.  I'd hate to be duped out of hard earned credits if they're just going to fall apart after light use.

VS:  The jawa says, "I always include a guarantee in the price - one standard month."

Terran:  Only a month?

VS:  "Or buy the warranty - three standard years.  Only 100 credits!"

Akros: [Huffing a bit and kicking a few tires]  "Which one is the cheapest?"

VS:  You notice one of the prospective buyers is handling a blonde, female android that looks just like Kristen Bell.  She's not wearing much clothing.  The price tag says 400 credits on her arm.

Akros:  [Notices Bell but doesn't want to spend a lot of credits]

VS:  The jawa points to some cheap piece of CGI crap from one of the prequels.  "This one is only 50 credits, my friend.  You want it gift wrapped?"

Terran:  I don't think we need that one.

______

Meanwhile, Akros notices the other customer loosening the velcro strap on his blaster.  Akros comes up behind him and puts a blaster to his head.  The guy walks away, but then it turns out the jawa wasn't a jawa at all but a little amphibian alien with three eyes.  He sucker-blasts Akros in the chest for 11 points of damage.  Both the PCs started the game as 1st level characters with 25 Health.

It's a shootout!  A few rounds later, the ambushing alien named Meebly has a bloody stump for a leg due to Akros' thermal detonator and blackened/burned hand from Terran's blaster.

______

VS:  Meebly gets down on his hands and knees, "You've beaten me.  If you spare my life, I shall be your servant."

Akros:  You can serve my crystalline brother, but if you betray us I'll bite your head off.

VS:  "By the way, I stole this sandcrawler.  So, maybe we should get out of here?

Terran:  Let's get aboard the starship.

VS:  "Bring the sexbot.  KB will make a fine companion for the three of us.  She's the only one I didn't rig with explosives."

Akros:  I kick the console and get our ship flying.

VS:  "Also, my former masters, the klingons, will be here soon.  And I expect they'll be furious.  I was supposed to kill you both for 3,000 credits."

Terran:  That's it?

VS:  Just as you're about to leave the solar system, you notice a klingon warhip approaching the desert planet.  Meebly:  "Whoo boy, I'm beat.  Where do you spacers keep the Venusian whisky?"

Akros:  Shit!  I'm going to activate a cloaking device or something.  [rolls a critical success]

VS:  You bounce a sub-sonic wave pattern against a nearby moon, effectively camouflaging your escape vector.

Terran:  Meebly, get us some beer or something!

VS:  Meebly opens up a panel in the lower back region of the Kristen Bell droid.  Sparks fly.  He closes up the panel.  "Bring us some space beers, KB.  We're thirsty."  She complies, bringing everyone a beer poured into a strange, blue-green rectangular glass.

Akros:  Whoa, that piece of junk actually works!

VS:  "Heck yes she works!  You should see what she can do with her squelch-valve."

________

That was it.  The players told me they had fun.  Maybe we'll pick it up again soon.  Who knows...

Thanks for reading,

VS

p.s.  There's a nice little review of Girls Gone Rogue over here.

Adventures in the Forbidden Zone

Holden:  Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your childhood movie watching habits.

I must have been about 10 when Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone reached premium cable.

I remember seeing it a lot - probably 20 or even 30 times once it hit HBO, even though before today, I couldn't give you any more than scant details.  Maybe not even that much.  It was borderline scary at times and even though it could never match the awesomeness that was Star Wars, I enjoyed it immensely.

I watched it over and over again just as I did with The Beastmaster, Ice Pirates, Flash Gordon, Conan the Barbarian, and Blade Runner.  But not necessarily from beginning to end.  The majority of viewings must have come in just before or after the sail barge train battle scene.

Because seeing it again today after 33 years, I didn't recall anything of the first 10 minutes.  You know, the part that kind of sets up the rest of the movie.

This review does a good job of summing up the plot while noticing the sleazy aspects that make it a weird time-warp kind of anomaly that could only exist right around 1983.

There's a Mad Max kind of feel to it, as well.  Not so much cyberpunk as I envision it, unlike the linked review above, but definitely a high-tech / low-life aesthetic.  Not too long ago, Cyborg was screened at one of my monthly pizza/movie nights.  Spacehunter reminded me of Cyborg, too.  Especially, the brunette android.  But there was more to it than that - a world gone to seed.  A post-apocalypse of trash, a wasteland of dirty nomads looking for flesh.

The whole thing seems to have a bigger budget than I would have guessed.  The alien planet looks kind of like an alien planet.  Not sure whey they filmed those outdoor scenes, but it's realistic while also being unfamiliar.  Likewise, the "garbage chic" costumes and "rust tech" machines are equally impressive.

The pacing is also excellent.  It feels like a long journey even though the audience never grows bored.  Interesting things are happening all the time and in between, we get the emotional journey of the good guys.

Which brings me to my favorite aspect - because it's a rare commodity these days, like some kind of mineral used for making particle beam weapons that can only be found on planet SK-9 in Terra Quadrant.  Sleaze!

Like Starchaser: the Legend of Orin, there was a sexist kind of masculine vibe that I enjoy, that feels right to me, even though in today's culture of twitter wars and social issue outrage would surely be described as "toxic."

The protagonist, Wolff, obviously uses his pretty android engineer for sex.

When the three human women are captured by the antagonist's henchmen, they're obviously going to be used for sex or to satisfy some carnal appetite.

When Wolff meets the girl tracker, Nikki, who helps him find the captured women, there's definitely some adult expectation subtext going on.  Later, when Wolff gives her a bath and finds out she's about 16, he takes on a fatherly role, leaving behind a possible romantic relationship which Nikki assumed would happen.

Mid-way through the movie, Wolff and Nikki encounter a tribe of underwater amazons.  The amazons voice their interest in Wolff as breeding stock.  That doesn't sound like a bad idea to Wolff, however, when they put Nikki in danger, he decides to get out of there rather than have sex with many strange and beautiful (and probably dangerous) women.

You don't get stuff like that in a "kid's movie" these days.  1983 is long behind us, and so when a forgotten cult classic like this emerges from our distant cinematic past, I feel we should embrace it.

Obviously, there are a few problems or missed opportunities with the movie.  The antagonist goes by the name Overdog?  Yeah, it's no Star Wars.  But then neither is Ice Pirates, and that also deserves a 2nd or even 3rd viewing if it's been over a decade since you've seen it.

The standalone Spacehunter DVD seems to be out of print and therefore more expensive than it should be; however, after a little searching, I discovered that Walmart sells a Krull / Spacehunter combo DVD for around $5.  Doesn't get any better than that.  Well, neither film has any extras - not even the ability to select chapters.  But the movies are the main event, so yeah... buy it.

It should go without saying that Alpha Blue is the perfect vehicle for a kind of Starhunter RPG experience.  Pick up the bundle if you want both sourcebooks included in one low price.

Thanks,

VS

A Threesome of Space Opera Sleaze

I just created this DriveThruRPG bundle at 20% off each of the three products:  Alpha Blue, Girls Gone Rogue, and Universal Exploits.

Those on the fence, hesitant about spending their hard earned money on a humorous soft core sci-fi shameless ripoff of dozens of popular and obscure franchises can check out the previews, read the reviews, and (if you like what you see) get a deal on everything at once.

Combined, these three books are like How to Game Master like a Fucking Boss, except for sci-fi and space opera RPGs.  There are multiple, short essays on GMing in the genre of blasters and starships.  The entire series is full of adventure hooks, evocative artwork, 1970's & 80's nostalgia, and high-res maps you can take to a local printer or use in a virtual tabletop.  You simply would not believe how many random tables are included in order to facilitate an infinite space sandbox for years of campaigning.

Even though Alpha Blue and both its sourcebooks are firmly in the old school style, I've provided ultra-neo innovations that make it easy to try this game with your non-gamer friends.  One-shot character creation takes as little as 5 minutes; short campaigns about 15.  It's all pick-and-choose or rolling on random tables... no number crunching, no min-maxing, and best of all - NO BORING!!!

I hope you take a chance on these books that I've put my heart and soul into creating the past year and a half.  In my opinion, it's the best of Kort'thalis Publishing and if you don't mind getting a little screwball and raunchy with your thermal detonators and photon torpedoes, I believe it'll soon become your new favorite RPG.

VS

p.s.  And here's a fun little bonus on the house!

It's all about the exploits!

This blog post focuses on Universal Exploits, my latest creation.

Reviews have been favorable.  Some say, it's the best thing Kort'thalis Publishing has ever put out.  Here are reviews one, two, and three.  Additionally, a fresh review of Alpha Blue herself.

Below is a video walk-thru or visual preview of Universal Exploits.  Even at 9 minutes or so, I feel like I barely scratched the surface...

If you've had a chance to check out the book, I hope you also consider writing a review and telling people what you think about Universal Exploits.  Actual play reports are awesome, too!

Curious about any aspect of the game or its sourcebooks?  Just ask, I'd be happy to provide info or run a short demonstration for you.

Remember, if you purchase UX from Amazon or CreateSpace, email me for the PDF (just send invoice, receipt, proof of purchase, etc.) so you can get those high-resolution files of starships, Grabba the Butt's palace of perversity, and custom character sheets.

Enjoy,

VS

p.s.  This is where to find the previous maps/PDFs.  Oh yeah, and here are the new custom character sheets for Alpha Blue.

Universal Exploits in Print!

For those who don't know, Universal Exploits is the 2nd sourcebook for my sleazy space opera RPG Alpha Blue.  Yes, I merged R-rated, NC-17, and even XXX stuff with 1970's sci-fi.  You're welcome.  ;)  

It feels old school, even though its system only vaguely resembles D&D, Star Wars, and Traveller.  The vast majority of content is system-neutral, but the engine runs on d6 dice pools (usually the most you'll be rolling is 3 or 4d6 - you won't need 15d6 for anything!)

You've heard the expression - give a man fish and he'll eat for a day, teach him to fish and he can feed himself for a lifetime?  Well, a good random table is like teaching a man to fish.  It'll serve him a hundred times over, maybe even a thousand.

All three books - Alpha Blue, Girls Gone Rogue, and Universal Exploits have more random tables than 3.5 had feats!  This is pure space sandbox roleplaying with adventure hooks galore.  Combine these three books with whatever sci-fi / space opera RPG you're already using.  Make it edgy and dangerous - make it dirty!  Three times the laughter, three times the fun, three times the retro weirdness among the stars!

Universal Exploits is now in print over at CreateSpace - that's Amazon's print-on-demand service.  If possible, get it there.  Otherwise, you can get it at Amazon itself (they take a larger royalty, in that case).

Regardless of how you get it, definitely email me with some kind of confirmation or receipt so I can get you the PDFs that come with it!  There's the book PDF with new custom character sheet, maps of new starships, and a layout of Grabba the Butt's palace of perversity!  All high-resolution for printing out and using in your Alpha Blue game.

Here's my email:  Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

A print version will also be available on DriveThruRPG soon, but their printer is slower and more finicky.

Even though I've been doing this awhile, I'm still very much the underdog, the outsider, the little guy going door to door asking gamers to take a chance on gonzo space smut.

This is currently the best kept secret of the DIY/OSR scene.  Aside from the Kickstarter backers who originally funded it and are now beginning to enjoy their rewards, almost no one knows about Universal Exploits.  So, please mention it when you can, blog about it, review it, help me get the word out!

Thanks,

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing

Girls Gone Rogue kickstarter

I'm out there.  I can't be bargained with.  I can't be reasoned with.  I don't feel pity, remorse, or fear.  And I absolutely will not stop, ever, until I am dead.

Yep, I'm back at it again.  Here is my latest Kickstarter project Girls Gone Rogue.  It's a companion volume to Alpha Blue, filled with tables galore and fleshed-out adventures!

If you enjoy sex comedies and vintage sci-fi from the 60's, 70's, and 80's, this is your lucky day.

BTW, I'll be on my family vacation for a little over a week, starting tomorrow morning.  So, don't expect to hear much from me until Monday, February 8th.

Until then, please help me spread the love.  Tell your friends about Alpha Blue and Girls Gone Rogue!

Thanks,

VS

Girls Gone Rogue playtest

Yesterday was the first playtest of a new Alpha Blue scenario I've been working on since the book's release - Girls Gone Rogue.

I had an idea to merge the plot from two of my favorite films, Escape from New York and Blade Runner.

There were 7 players and I had everyone make new characters, even though over half of them had made characters a month back when playtesting Alpha Blue.  A lot had changed and I wanted them (and the noobs) to get the full Alpha Blue experience.

This little d4 table for randomly determining a character's age and experience worked like a treat, adding even more background nuance.

I won't go into detail about the actual adventure because of spoilers; however, below will be a number of details, thoughts, and miscellaneous from the session...

It all began when a beautiful brunette woman in a translucent red dress walked into the club and ordered a drink.  Her name was Serene and she was looking to party.

Here's the quote of the day, "If the testicles have tentacles attached to them, even better."  That came from the mouth of +sean mcconkey.  He played one of the most interesting characters - an alien spider creature templar/priestess that could change size when he got excited and was really into golden showers!

Not sure why I didn't explicitly state it, but players can create robot characters, too.  Deciding to go robot would be the same as choosing to play an alien, mutant, or roll on the something special table.  There's even a random table in the character creation section for what machine you were before being converted into a functional machine with artificial intelligence, sensitivity, etc.

Also not explicitly stated, but seemed obvious to me and another player, one can choose to play a combination of alien and mutant, mutant and something special, alien and robot, etc. if they opt to forgo rolling twice on the career tables.  We had a couple characters go that route, including Joshua Cooper Darlington who played an alien mutant.  He was a rat-sized creature composed of fire that bought a meat-shell that he could operate and walk around in.  Kind of like the thing Krang used in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon from the 80's and 90's.  His bite was poisonous, too!

I had been working on the "shimmering circle" for an entire week before the game.  Layers of acrylic paint, glazing liquid, self leveling clear gel, sparkling latex wall paint I had left over from making my daughters' rooms extra girly, and gloss varnish.  It's not too big and very slick, so rolling on the surface is difficult.  Perfect for mirroring the difficulty of fighting in a zero gravity arena!  The guys had a lot of fun with that.  It led to a close-line decapitation with an arm - that's not something you see everyday!

+Jacob Nelson (who played a human digestive scientist... for some reason) laughed so hard and so many times during character creation and throughout the scenario, that I worried about him.  He noted quite a few of the references, such as the "Blue Steel" mutation from another favorite film of mine - Zoolander.

Almost everyone roleplayed their sexual fantasy and fetish throughout the game.  One might imagine that rolling for such a thing at character creation would lead to one of two possibilities, either that detail is relegated to the void, never surfacing during play, or that incorporating it into play would be a chore, feeling forced instead of natural.  Well, I'm pleased to report that PC proclivities were present without getting in the way of adventuring... in fact, the erotic aspects became enmeshed with it.

+Tim Virnig (who played Sliik Khok, a human technician assassin) improved on the name for a desert-world bar I came up with.  So, it looks like the Most Easy Cantina will be replaced with the Moist E-Z Cantina.  I'll probably include options for using both in the PDF.

Everyone survived and had a good time, so I went away satisfied.

VS

p.s.  I made a video about the shimmering circle over here.