Saturday, September 18, 2021

Your Dungeon Is Racist


A new satirical / parody blog has arrived - Your Dungeon Is Racist!

I wanted to see something in the vein of The Onion, Babylon Bee, and Titania McGrath, except focused on gaming (for the most part).  

So, I decided to make it.  Check it out right now!!!

Occasionally, I miss reading Your Dungeon Is Suck, even though it was kind of awful and cringe at times + ripped on yours truly frequently.  YDIR will try to rise above that level of shit-posting and juvenile call-outs to members of the RPG community, hobby, and industry.

More than anything, YDIR is a middle-finger to the woke establishment that's gotten so political with its head so far up its own ass that everyday news stories beg to be mercilessly mocked.

If you have an idea for an article or artwork you'd like to submit, feel free to email me at:

Thanks for all your support and please enjoy the humor... if we can't laugh at the Social Justice Warriors trying to push our culture ever further to the far-left, then we are, indeed, living in an authoritarian nightmare.


p.s. Less than 24 hours to back my Crimson Escalation kickstarter!  If you're interested in fast, realistic, exciting combat, do yourself a favor and throw in a buck... or just start using it for free!

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Gotta Serve Somebody


Yeah, that's a Bob Dylan song.  

This blog post isn't about vintage music, but something personal to me... and might give you a hitherto unglimpsed insight into my psyche, my being.

If our current year culture has proven anything, it's shown us that creating a vacuum and just leaving it open indefinitely doesn't work.  If there's an opening, a void for any length of time, it will eventually be filled by something.

For the radical-left, that void has been replaced by their new religion - secular progressivism.  When I was much younger, I probably would have thought that would be an improvement to something like Christianity.  But now I look fondly on the days when the Christian church, God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit were a vital part of American culture.

As we'll see, Satanism is not the antithesis of Christianity but the other side of that same coin; it's shadow.  

What we see before us today is as shallow, vacuous, and silly as what we replaced the time capsule with under the statue of General Robert E. Lee.  Here are some of the contents: a rainbow pride flag, empty vial of the covid-19 vaccine, BLM sticker, photograph of a left-leaning political activist, and face mask.

WTF?!?  Is that our legacy?  Is that going to influence and inspire the youth to become good, responsible people in a functioning society?

I've always been anti-authoritarian, skeptical, questioning, independent, an outsider... determined to make up my own damn mind about what I think.  I was born to walk the Left Hand Path.

While in Junior High, I discovered the writings of H.P. Lovecraft and Anton Szandor LaVey.  As some of you may know, LaVey founded the Church of Satan and wrote about his life, experiences, and philosophy in such books as The Satanic Bible, The Secret Life of a Satanist, The Devil's Notebook, and others.

LaVey respected and loved life, children, and animals.  The pseudo-Satanists in Texas who view abortion as their sacrament aren't practicing real Satanism.  Hell, they don't even believe in Satan!  To them, Satan is a grift, a cultural-Marxist agenda to take down "the patriarchy" and American family, not unlike BLM.

There's room for all types of belief in the Church of Satan, or there was when LaVey was still alive.  They used to call him and his supporters "right-wing" and "fascists" just like the left calls moderate conservatives (such as myself) today.  All because we recognize the value of tradition, faith, personal responsibility, and meritocracy... albeit, with a dark side.  

To everyday people, Satan might be cartoonishly represented as a red guy with horns, tail, goatee, and trident.  But Satan also represents that dark force in nature, as primitive as it is powerful.  

Satan symbolizes that alien (eldritch?) spark of divinity that sets us apart from other animals.  Our consciousness has more purpose than merely an acute realization of our own suffering - or hedonistic desire for pleasure.  By correctly harnessing consciousness, I believe we can become our own God.  That doesn't mean we replace God, Satan, or the pantheon of your choice.  Rather, we're attempting to create a soul or spiritual vessel that can outlast the death of our material form.

I've read both the Old and New Testament in the bible, and I believe there's plenty of room for interpretation.  If you've never studied Esoteric Christianity, the Fourth Way, Gurdjieff, or Ouspensky, then I suggest you look into it.  I discovered those subjects during my brief, college-age stint in the Temple of Set, an offshoot of the Church of Satan, and years of research expanded my understanding of both Satanism and Christianity.

What I'm trying to say is there's a fair amount of Venn diagram overlap between LaVeyan Satanism and Christianity.  More so, I would say, than Satanism and the far-left's secular progressivism.  

Obviously, this is merely an overview.  Perhaps I've created more questions than I've given answers.  Feel free to ask me here or in an email, if you're curious.

Hail Satan!


p.s. I have such sights to show you, hoss!  Where do I begin?  I have a new satire blog called Your Dungeon Is Racist.  The Kickstarter for Crimson Escalation is winding down.  I'm also organizing an old-school RPG convention in July of 2022 called VENGER CON

Monday, September 13, 2021

Freeing Slaves To Enslave Them


I hope to run a couple more playtest sessions of the Cremza'amirikza'am megadungeon that will be featured in book 3 of the Cha'alt trilogy - Kickstarter next month!

Two players in last week's game, both returning - MEMEME (ME3) and Prince of Nothing (check out his blog).

Prince played the same character as the last two times, a lock-picking droid thief named ST-34L.  ME3 played the shameless half-orc priestess as before.  Since there were only two players (a couple of unfortunate scheduling conflicts prevented the others from joining), I bumped them up to 3rd level.

By the time this session got going, everyone was aware of the machine on 2nd level that spews out this lurid magenta-violet light making everyone horny (or thirsty, as the kids say).

Again, the PCs tried to play with the buttons to no avail.  The massive resonator is protected by an invisible force field.  For me personally, that's where the "realism" breaks down.  Can you imagine the strength of will it would take for EVERY motherfucker in the megadungeon to leave the machine alone?  It boggles the mind how much of an impossibility that would be.  A triple-headed Big Bird dragon is literally more likely than the resonator still functioning without some kind of protective barrier.  But I digress...

Dark-elves and slaves were scattered.  ST-34L has an amusing plan for taking out a single drow watching two collared slaves in the huge open cave where everyone was before all Hell broke loose.  

ST-34L told the dark-elf, Stra'ang - member of the obsidian spider tribe in Cremza'amirikza'am, that he was the winner of Globulon-6 Grand Lottery Prize, held only during the alignment of the thousand spheres!  The winner is bestowed immortality and 100,000 chulaks.  To claim his prize, Stra'ang needed the droid to scan the back of his head.  

Wonderful ruse that should have worked.  I gave Stra'ang a 1 in 6 chance to see through it.  Wouldn't you know it, I rolled a 1.  Brandishing his laser-whip, the dark-elf attempted to subdue the surface-dwelling humanoids who tried to trick him.  Except, I rolled a 2.  Miss.

The PCs attacked him back with club and laser, killing the dark-elf.  After looting his body, the adventurers decided to keep the human slaves, allowing them to earn their freedom by guiding the PCs around Cremza'amirikza'am.  The half-orc Yarra wanted to only enslave the dark-elves, not keep the former slaves for themselves, but the droid thief insisted.

ST-34L attempted to fiddle with the resonator controls as another drow showed up, looking to recapture his slaves, but ran when he saw the PCs.  The PCs chased him down a tunnel, running smack into a contingent of skeletal humanoids.

A closer look revealed the humanoids were wearing spandex that made them look like skeletons - something between Scobby Doo villains, glam goth rockers, and Cobra Kai during Halloween.  The faux-skeletons turned out to be minions of a local warlord named K'chava.

One of the minions, named Dra'ak, was about to put slave collars on the PCs when ST-34L shouted, "Fight with us if you want to live!  Slavery is evil and will never be tolerated by decent men.  Kill them, my slaves!" Which was hilarious.

One of many reasons I prefer text-only is that it allows me to go back and see what actually happened, instead of how I remember it happening.

On the 1st round, Yarra missed and ST-34L just barely connected, blasting one of them for decent damage.  Their two human slaves did well, one of them getting a critical-hit.  He went ape-shit, biting a faux-skeleton's ear and plunging his thumb into the dude's eye.

The minions retaliated - a hit on each of the PCs for 5 and 4 points of damage.

2nd round, Yarra, ST-34L, and both humans miss.  Prince decides to use his Divine Favor for a re-roll, but gets a natural 1.  "Story of my fucking life," he says in the chat.

The bad guys attack again with 2 good hits.  They do 2 and 5 points of damage.

3rd round [crits on 18, 19, and 20 as per Crimson Escalation] - Prince rolls an 18!  Lucky break, hoss.  ST-34L wallops the bad guys for 24 points of damage that takes down two enemies.

The remaining pseudo-skeleton begged for mercy in the name of the Demon-God Kor'thalis.  ST-34L collars the poor son of a bitch.  "He's now our slave," ST tells Yarra.  "You will suffer the fate that you reserved for others.  This is what humans call IRONY.  Hah hah hah."

After some light interrogation, the PCs discover that the minion's warlord and former master, K'chava, is a half-demon and there's a human named Torg who understands machines like the resonator.  

During the exposition, the slaves were having sex and then Yarra gets in on the action, too.  ST-34L is livid, warning everyone to behave themselves or else.  "YOU WILL BE FINED A WHOLE HOUR IF YOU PERSIST IN THIS TOMFOOLERY." 

They have just enough time to formulate a plan - impersonate the minions wearing skeletal spandex when the session came to its end.

Prince said, "Man, this was a hoot!" which was nice.  ;)

I'm eager to finish sketching out the rest of level 2 and then onto level 3.  Meanwhile, I'm drawing more maps that will eventually become future levels of Cremza'amirikza'am.

If you want to be kept up-to-date on future games, follow me on Twitter @VengerSatanis, join the Conservative OSR & RPG group on Facebook, the Venger Satanis YouTube channel, friend me on MeWe, or just keep watching the blog for details.  


p.s. I'm trying to get 666 backers (if not 1,000) for the Crimson Escalation Kickstarter, so thanks if you've already backed it!  If you haven't yet, you should.  It's only $1.

Thursday, September 9, 2021

3-Sentence Opener Contest Winners


At long last, I'm ready to reveal the winners of my 3-sentence opener contest!

Before I do, here's a quick list of dos and don'ts I came up with, based on the 100+ entries submitted...

  • Keep it short and sweet - just a few colorful details is all that's needed.
  • A little purple prose goes a long way.  The opener is not the place to wax poetic.
  • The scenario should be set in a specific... place; even if that place is vaguely suggested.
  • Give the players some idea who or what they'll be facing.
  • Hint at some kind of reward or other juicy motivation.
  • Foreshadow potential danger as you set the scene.  Use both carrot and stick to drive the action.
  • Don't rob the players of what little agency they have by writing their characters into the middle of trouble they never signed up for.
  • Make it gameable - inspiring and easy for the GM to run.
  • If it doesn't directly deal with the PCs, their perceptions and current path to adventure... consider getting rid of it. 
  • Don't come right out and tell the PCs that this is their mission, this is what they have to do.
  • Use the PCs point of view whenever possible.
  • Immediacy!  What is happening here and now?  Open the scenario in the moment.
  • Information that the PCs wouldn't have access to should remain hidden.

Thank you to everyone who participated.  Just the act of submitting your entry puts you on the road to adventure writing excellence.  Now, you have to hone your talent.  Don't stop reaching for the stars, hoss!

If you are among the winners (I decided on two winners for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place), email me so we can get your prizes squared away:

First Place

A proud princess of the Nu Caliphate kneels before you. She begs, "We are threatened by the warlock Orgo, who has summoned the green gibbering zombie-slugs from beyond the stars to slime our earth! Slay him noble warrior, and I will reward you with your weight in melanj spice ten times over!"

By A Derpy Slurpy Snail

First Place

The crack of plasma whips and the howling of slaves can be heard all around the quarry in which you work. Mounds of gibbering, convulsing and copulating flesh that make up your daemon overseers watch over head, cackling at your misery and servitude. A young woman, her alabaster flesh scarred from the sadistic games of these profane horrors, whispers in your groups ears saying "I have a key to your shackles, prepare to run, we don't have much time."

By Malalhotep

Second Place

The goblins have invaded your grandad’s farm, stolen his magic sword, and killed his dog. They left a message for all of humanity to go f—- themselves. They went that way.

By Robin

Second Place

As you approach a town, a local constable greets you with, "Eleven people have disappeared down that God-cursed hole and it's only been three days since they first heard the noise in the cellar. Whatever is down there, kill it, remove it and save this village from damnation. The mayor is offering his country estate and the entire contents of the treasury, as reward."

Joss Sticks on Jupiter 

Third Place

Night falls over the putrid splendor of Shahrg├╝l; the clamor of the bazaar retreating before the quiet roar of back alley gambling dens and clandestine orgies. Here you sit smoking from hookah pipes, and sharing seductive glances with feminine creatures that secrete psychoactive poisons within the pipes' massive water tanks. Yet the bliss is abruptly lost as a figure as beautiful as it is alien bursts forth from the smoke, calling out to you "Come to me! Come to me!"

By Malalhotep

Third Place

Once more we return to our previously occupied party member to find he is awakening the next morning after a long night of energetic activity still cuddled with the beautiful alien barmaid. His moment of satisfaction suddenly turns to alarm as he catches sight of the nine ambilocal cords now attaching themselves from the barmaids still shapely stomach to their strange green glowing sack pods now growing on the floor. As the barmaid turns towards him in what could only be joy she says" Oh love! They are almost ready! Just a few minutes more and our children will sing their first song of life!"

Karl Von Doom Kringle




p.s. Just over a week left to back my Crimson Escalation Kickstarter - it's only a buck!

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Healing The Divide


I was writing a comment on a welcome blog post by B/X Blackrazor when I realized this message should have a wider audience.

I consider myself a fighter in general.  I fought in the edition wars.  I fought to see my vision of the OSR expand and flourish.  I'm fighting in the current culture wars.

But like any fighter, deep down, I long for peace.  Or at least I'd like to not fight against my fellow gamers.  

Below is a copy/paste of my comment.  Maybe it sways a few people, maybe it's the start of a movement that will save our hobby from continuing this bitter civil war, or maybe no one will give a shit.  

Here goes nothing...


First, thanks for the mention!

Politics has gotten so bad in our gaming spheres that most of us are finally reaching a tipping point.  

We have a few choices ahead of us...

1) We entrench deeper, becoming more partisan, more hostile to the other side, less willing to engage with those not perfectly aligned with ourselves, seeing our political adversaries as not quite human.

2) We look towards moderation and compromise, we try to see the other side's views and engage with more humility, humanity, and understanding.  We treat our political adversaries as colleagues on "the other side of the aisle" like it was for the 1980s, 90s, and 00s... before the hyper-politicization of all things.

3) We agree to put politics completely aside and focus on gaming.  Any mention of politics is either ignored or shot down until there's only gaming and non-politicized culture remaining.  We throw away our lists, boycotts, blockchains, etc.  This also relies on #2 because we need to start seeing gamers as gamers and people like ourselves, not the worst scum you could think of, or inhuman monsters. This will also lead, I believe, to moderation and compromise, which is how we remain a society and country.

Personally, I don't want to stay the course of option #1.  It's as tiresome and unproductive as fighting a protracted civil war.

I hope we can move forward with options 2 or 3.  Not just for our own sakes, but for the RPG hobby.  If we stick with 1, what do we have to look forward to, segregated drinking fountains?  This drinking fountain is for progressives, this one over here is for Trump supporters, and maybe there's a third for everyone in-between.  Yeah, no thanks!

Hmm... maybe I should turn this into a blog post (if I do, I'll link to your blog, hoss) because there's a chance it could gain traction and actually do some good.  Something that Raven Crow blogger guy mentioned - we need more clerics because there are wounds that could do with healing.  


Thanks for reading!  Feel free to comment, talk about stuff, vent, help me figure out what might heal the divide, or anything really.  Communication is key.  ;)


p.s. Just a week and a half left to throw in $1 to support the Crimson Escalation Kickstarter!

Thursday, September 2, 2021

More Sexy Cremza'amirikza'am!


Here's another session report... three players (one returning) explored the weird and sleazy 2nd level of the Cremza'amirikza'am megadungeon.

Even if you hope things go a certain way, you never expect five dark elves to gangbang the willing half-orc priestess of the adventuring party.  That's just not something you see everyday... or at all.  

After taking minimal damage from a landmine, the PCs were undecided as to which direction they should go.  To the northern cave where some great beast slumbered noisily or to the east - a massive cave containing 20 humanoid slaves (wearing high-tech prison collars) and five dark elf overseers.

The slaves were mining little glowing purple crystals called embers.  One slave discretely tried to buy his freedom with the embers he was carrying.  Meanwhile, the half-orc Yarra was cat-calling the dark elves, seeing if they were willing to go to town on her.

Eventually, the half-orc's filtrations proved too much for the dark elves - that accursed magenta-violet light making those susceptible crazy-horny. 

Now that I recall the details, only 3 of the dark elves mounted the half-orc's waiting orifices.  The other two tried to maintain some control over their slaves.  Too little too late.  A slave uprising was at hand!

As the slaves went in all sorts or directions - a few going into the slumbering beast's cave only for one of them to get cut in twain by a gigantic slimy crab-claw - the PCs went to another tunnel and found the resonator.  

The first thing Worm the human fighter did upon reaching the resonator was to fiddle with the controls.  An invisible barrier stopped him, so they kept going.

The final cave contained a trio of pale, bloated cannibals eating humanoid flesh.  Liking those odds, the PCs attacked as the cannibals approached them with hostile intent.  Combat at long last!

As per usual, I used Crimson Escalation.  This time, I had my rough-draft "visual aid" to help me with the extremely easy task of remembering rounds and crit ranges (rounds 1-3 are dead simple, once you get beyond the 4th round, it requires a modicum of mental energy... unless you have a cheat-sheet).

The battle only lasted 3 rounds (which is pretty normal in these circumstances).  The half-orc Yarra teased us with a natural 19 at the outset.  However, this being the first round, it was not a critical, but a palpable hit.  She nearly killed a cannibal right then and there.  The rest of combat, the half-orc healed wounded party members.

One player, whose character was another human fighter named Huck, had never played D&D before.  He hit on round one, missed round two, and got his first crit on round three with a 19, doing so much damage that he killed the cannibal that was on him.

When there was only a single cannibal remaining, it seemed appropriate for him to run away.  Yarra got one free attack but missed.  I think a single parting shot is appropriate when the enemy has to run past foes to escape.  Everyone getting an attack seems like overkill, and no one getting an attack seems like not enough.  So, that's going to be a new house-rule of mine.  Fleeing enemies can be attacked once (per adventuring party)... unless in hot pursuit.

A couple side-benefits to Crimson Escalation which I haven't mentioned yet...

1) It incentivizes larger adventuring parties.  Obviously, Crimson Escalation can go against the party if they are swamped by the opposing force.  Don't give monsters an advantage - go in with a full-sized party.  Use hirelings if you have to... or prepare to use sneaky hit-and-run guerilla tactics.

2) Once crits start flying and the bodies hit the floor (yeah, just try getting that song out of your head now!), it's a great time to roll (or simply adjudicate) morale.  During normal combat, when one side takes five points of damage and the other side takes three, and it just keeps going like that, it's difficult to know when to call for a morale check.  Not with Crimson Escalation, a few rounds in, after that last crit and bodies drop, you'll know it's time.

[This is the link because mobile blogger is a little bitch!]

So, what did the cannibals have in their cave?  Below are the contents...

  • The talons of some gigantic hound or bird (11 total).
  • Sentient periwinkle slime in a jar (along with some humanoid teeth... for some reason).
  • A jeweled dagger with prominently ruby (the ruby has a noticeable flaw in it, but still fairly valuable.
  • Half-full bottle of Smoky Jon's BBQ sauce.

Another session won't happen until sometime next week.  Daniel (the noob) said he had a good time.  Mememe who played the half-orc Yarra wanted to be put on the list to be notified of future games.  The returning player, TimeShadows, thanked me, as well.  

As this was the first playtest of level 2, I think it went rather well.


p.s. If you haven't already, back the Crimson Escalation Kickstarter.  It's only a buck!

Sunday, August 29, 2021

Crimson Escalation Kickstarter


The future of combat is now!

You've heard me talk about it for a few weeks now.  And if you've been in one of my virtual games on Roll20, you've seen it in action...

Crimson Escalation is, in my opinion, the greatest innovation to D&D (and every game similar) since Advantage/Disadvantage.  I believe it will revolutionize combat!  

Find out about this mechanic in the Kickstarter's description.

Only a $1 pledge, 21 days left to back, already 222% funded, $1k stretch goal that you won't believe.  Give it a try!

Thanks for your continued support,


p.s. I'm open to interviews (Rob Couture, who came up with the original idea, might be, as well).  Email me at

Saturday, August 21, 2021

Sexy Cremza'amirikza'am Play Report


Whoo-boy!  This session was a doozy.

Trigger warning - awesomeness ahead!!!

Each time I run these short demo playtests involving the new megadungeon I'm currently writing, the place gets more and more fleshed out.

Because it's likely that PCs will go in and out (this play report will keep getting dirtier, BTW), I wanted an alternative first encounter.

Channeling my favorite 1977 movie that isn't Star Wars, the PCs encountered the beautiful Vanessa along with her loyal banana-men servants.  She showed the adventurers a scroll that contained a will - basically, the deed to Legs, Thighs, and Breasts... a combo whorehouse and chicken shack.  I already have plans to develop a 2nd whore and chicken retailer called Finger Licking Good strategically placed on the other side of that level.  Kind of like A Fistful of Dollars... but with fried chicken and prostitutes.

I decided to add-in the hyper-sexualization of From Beyond in the areas of Cremza'amirikza'am saturated with that trippy magenta-violet illumination.  The longer they're within that field of energy, the hornier they'll get.  Still working out the mechanical details.

Shortly after, the barbarian Grimm Da'ark shoved his face into an extra-large feathery blueberry, failed his save, and swelled up like Violet from the original Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

The big fight of the session came soon after their introduction to Vanessa - a massive crystalline octahedron with tentacles attacked the party.

It was a fun battle that lasted all of three rounds.  The first round, the human fighter Worm cautiously approached, and was unceremoniously smacked down by a crystal tentacle.  The others attacked in kind.  Grimm Da'ark rolled a natural 20, but everyone else missed.

The creature focused its tentacle on the barbarian.  Matthew, playing Grimm Da'ark, suggested that maybe the tentacle would squeeze the blueberry juice out of him.  I took that suggestion and ran with it.  5 points of damage as it juiced the barbarian.

Since the next round Ezio the thief rolled a natural 1 on his attack roll, I blamed his dagger slipping out of his hand on all the blueberry juice flying around.  Meanwhile, the sorcerer Archimedes grabbed one of the giant blueberries and threw it at the creature.  It burst after a successful hit, but I rolled a 19 on the creature's saving throw, so it merely stained the thing a disquieting shade of indigo.

I don't think I mentioned it in any previous play reports, but Matthew opted to give up his automatic Divine Favor each session in exchange for a magical sword... moon-blade.  You'll see why that's important in a minute.

The creature hit the thief and nearly did max damage.  Ouch!  The sorcerer cast the Crimson Dragon Slayer D20 equivalent of magic missile, doing almost max damage himself.  Just for a little descriptive flourish, I announce that cracks appeared in the creature's crystal structure.  

Immediately, the barbarian says at the next available chance he's driving his moon-blade into a crack.  Since it's the 3rd round, Grimm Da'ark's natural 19 became another crit [Crimson Escalation keeps paying dividends] - the blast of ultratelluric energy shatters it into a thousand tiny shards on the cavern floor.

The guy playing Worm asks if they're all getting an ultratelluric tan from the blast.  I roll my customary d6, as there's now a 2 in 6 chance of that occurring.  As luck would have it, the result is a 2.  In fact, yes, everyone with exposed skin now has a pale green, pink, and blue ultratelluric tan.

And just because Matthew has been a great player and there's been precious few items of treasure - especially juicy magic items - over the last few sessions (through no fault of his own, I keep playtesting the first part of the megadungeon that's barren in that regard), I decided that his moon-blade would get something special from that ultratelluric blast, as well.

His magical sword is now encrusted with a layer of prismatic crystallization.  I didn't give him specifics, so allow me to do that now!  

It gives his sword an extra +1, and once per day it can burst into an array of dazzling colors that will transfix a single humanoid opponent (who's able to see it) for one round [save to avoid].  So, basically, the victim won't be able to attack on his next turn and those attacking him will get Advantage on their attacks until he recovers.

And the names... oh, the names that we came up with for his new sword.  I'll list them below, and please let us know your favorite!

  • Starblade
  • Gay Blade
  • Queer-Blade
  • Ga'ay-Blade
  • Purple Piercer
  • Prismatic Piercer
  • Crysta'ar (the gay blade)
  • Violet Violator 
  • Solaris

One of the players had to go to work, so we were down to just three players and about 25 minutes remaining.

The remaining PCs kept exploring the system of caves and found dozens of dead wasp-men along with traces of orange powder.  Then Ta'arna showed up via magic portal.  

The PCs followed her as she looked for someone to revenge upon.  She got her wish.  Some cultists got fucked-up before running away, and the adventurers discovered that magenta-violet illumination on this level of Cremza'amirikza'am makes humanoids exceedingly horny.  

Vanessa had been teasing her chaperones continually, until Da'ark had had enough and made advances.  Vanessa succumbed to the barbarian's desires with the help of those lurid colors saturating the cavern.

The sorcerer summoned popcorn to eat as he watched while Ta'arna stood guard.  And that's where the session ended.  

Each playtest, Cremza'amirikza'am seems to get better.  Next, I'll be testing out level 2... not sure when.  Follow me on Twitter @VengerSatanis and join the Conservative OSR & RPG facebook group if you want to know when I'm running Cha'alt next.


p.s. I'm a day behind with everything due to sick kids at home.  So, give me until tomorrow to go through the 3-sentence openers you submitted.

Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Cremza'amirikza'am Play Report


I was able to squeeze-in another quick playtest session over this past weekend.

It was all returning players (including Prince of Nothing).  Obviously, my old-school and rules-light version of 5th edition D&D isn't to everyone's liking.  Same thing with the text-only.  However, the people that do like it, really like it... so that keeps me going.

The Cremza'amirikza'am megadungeon isn't a cakewalk, so all 4 players started with 2nd level characters.

I'm at the point where I pretty much know everything that's going on in level one.  But running it helps solidify things, new things jump out at me (just writing this blog post, I've got a half-dozen new ideas), and I can feel where it needs more - additional worldbuilding, encounters, loot, interesting decision-points, etc.

For the first 50 minutes, exploration and social interaction were the only pillars utilized.  Between the NPC who really wanted to acquire cheese in order to trade it for the fuchsia malaise drug and Monsieur Froma'aj (dare I base him on Pizza the Hutt from Spaceballs?) who had a lock on level one trade, the PCs barely had time to investigate that otherworldly magenta-violet light (maybe I should create a new weird spell effect table for the first three levels of the megadungeon?) or the giant feathery blueberries.   

It wasn't until the end of our 75-minute session that we got some combat - the PCs got in the middle of a firefight between security droids and devil-worshiping monks.  An interesting aspect of the fight was that the PCs didn't get involved until the 2nd round.

I could have gone either way with Crimson Escalation.  Start the crit range with 20 at round one as the PCs entered the fray or begin their participation with round two so crits range from 19-20 right off the bat.  I decided on the latter.  After all, the battle began when the battle began and this would be the one and only combat of the session.

Prince of Nothing was playing a stealthy lock-picking droid named 13F.  As usual, he rolled abysmally when finally getting to attack from his hiding spot.  I let him use his Divine Favor to re-roll both his Advantage D20s.  And I'm glad that was my ruling because his first three rolls were a 6, 4, and 5.  His fourth and last attack roll was a 17, allowing him to utilize his sneak attack damage to utterly destroy one of the droid guards (the rest of the PCs were attacking the monks).

The monks had blasters.  Thankfully for the PCs, I rolled crappy for damage (an 8 and 5).  Matthew's character Grimm Da'ark the Savage rolled a natural 20 for a crit.

The other two PCs, Borguul the fighter and Murderbell (love that name!) the pixie-fairy fighter, held their own, getting some decent shots in. 

Even though we got to the 4th round where 16 and above crits, the only other crit rolled was another natural 20, proving that even if no mechanical benefit is awarded, combat becomes more thrilling with Crimson Escalation because of the element of surprise and possible danger that goes with ever-increasing critical-hit ranges.

Just as the opposition were decimated, my parents arrived at the house for lunch.  So, I had to stop the game a minute or two short.

So, for their benefit and yours, here's the treasure they looted from the bodies...

  • $1,600 in Monopoly money
  • 5 blasters
  • Security droid spare parts
  • 174 talons
  • 32 gold pieces
  • 6 vials of zoth
  • Crystal hologram of Adam Koebel inducing a non-consensual robot orgasm in some livestreamed Alpha Blue game.

Not a bad haul, if I say so myself.  ;)

It was a fun game!  I hope to continue playtesting Cremza'amirikza'am over the next few weeks.  If you want to know when I'll be running another one-shot on Roll20, follow me on Twitter and/or the Conservative OSR & RPG facebook group.  

I'll be Kickstarting book 3 of the Cha'alt trilogy sometime in October, so strap something on for that awesomeness!


p.s. The 3-sentence opener contest has only three more days to go.  Please, consider submitting yours.

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Cha'alt After Dark


Another adults-only title from Venger Satanis, but instead of sleazy sci-fi Alpha Blue... it's basically D&D in the campaign setting of Cha'alt - eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse.  

52 full-color pages of GM advice, optional (sex) rules, random tables, artwork, and adventures!  

The included adventures are "Manifestation", So Beautiful, So Dangerous", "Girl With The Tentacle Tattoo", and "Cha'alt After Dark".  

Thanks for checking it out, right over here. Hope you love it!


p.s.  I still have luxurious hardcover books for sale - both Cha'alt and Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise.  Ordering details here!  I'm also organizing my own old-school, OSR, and traditional RPG convention.  Attend July 2022's VENGER CON. It will change your life.

Friday, August 13, 2021

3-Sentence Opener Contest


I'm running a tasty little contest from now until midnight of H.P. Lovecraft's birthday, August 20th.  That gives you seven days!

Ok, how do you play / win?  First, let me dribble unto thee with some unsolicited Game Mastering advice.

You don't need much to start off an RPG session.  In fact, you shouldn't have much at all.  

What you should have is a tight three-sentence opener that 1) grabs the players attention, 2) motivates the characters to get off their asses to do something, and 3) involves some kind of worldbuilding, genre emphasis, and/or foreshadowing of what's about to happen.

No easy task!

In my opinion, every GM worth his essential salts should have a few of these in his back-pocket... just in case the opportunity should arise yet inspiration falls short.


Comment below with one or more of your own openers (feel free to post as many as you want).  They have to be exactly three sentences, and you should be mindful of the above criteria.

Your opener does NOT have to be setting or world specific, so don't feel like you have to make yours fit Cha'alt.  However, I AM partial to the eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, and post-apocalypse...

I'm the only judge (but feel free to comment with your own hot-take), and the contest closes at midnight on August 20th.


First Prize will receive both gorgeous Cha'alt and Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise hardcovers [USA residents don't have to pay shipping.  Canadian residents must pay $30; other international residents must pay $45... or they can choose to take the 2nd place prize, instead.]

Second Prize will receive every Cha'alt PDF.

Third Prize will receive any one Kort'thalis Publishing PDF of their choosing.


I may compile the submitted entries into a FREE PDF sometime down the road.  Your submission grants me the right to include it, but you can also freely use your submission yourself at any point in the future.  Credit will be given if accompanied with the author's name or pseudonym.  


Good luck and thanks for playing!


p.s. Yes, I'm still selling the aforementioned luxury hardcovers.  Ordering details can be found here.  If you haven't secured your ticket to next July's VENGER CON, do it now!

Monday, August 9, 2021

Back To The Megadungeon


I'm currently playtesting a brand-new megadungeon in the works, that will be the main feature of book 3 in the Cha'alt trilogy.  

The megadungeon is called Cremza'amirikza'am, of course.

The Lost City is a ruin on the surface of the planet.  Below the eroded city walls and crumbling buildings is the entrance.  

After attacking several small, robed humanoids and driving them down into Cremza'amirikza'am, the PCs went in after them.  The staircase went on for what seemed like hours, descending down into the bowels of Cha'alt.

Meeting an ooze along the way, the PCs eventually came to the first floor of the dungeon, an octagonal chamber with a door ajar.  A magenta-violet light saturated the atmosphere and little aquatic insects and jellyfish looking creatures swam through the lurid illumination.

The second battle of the session was with a trio of monks wearing vials around their neck - the vials contained a glowing yellow-green liquid.

In both battles, the PCs came out victorious.  Neither battle lasted more than 3 rounds.  Even though it waited patiently in the wings, Crimson Escalation did not come into play.  Another playtest thumbs-up, in my opinion.  When creating a fresh mechanic or sub-system, you don't want it constantly making demands.  Occasionally, such things should remain in the background.

As mentioned in my latest video, I'm channeling Buffy the Vampire Slayer, From Beyond, and Event Horizon... along with all my other influences and pop-culture references.  Cha'alt is still a gonzo parody, after all.

A couple interesting tidbits of note...

  • There was a surprise round where a PC shot an arrow at the diminutive humanoids.  I counted that as round zero for purposes of Crimson Escalation.
  • A pixie-fairy sorceress cast sleep on the monks after a couple rounds of combat.  Since casting that spell brought her down to zero and made her unconscious, I decided to give the monks a saving throw.  Only one made it, and he quickly fled out of the octagonal chamber.
  • After the first (surprise round) arrow, the humanoids took cover, giving the shooter Disadvantage, unless circumstances changed.  I think that's a good way of doing it, so just wanted to share.
  • One of the PCs ate/drank a bit of the periwinkle slime they encountered on the infinite stairway.  I asked for a saving throw, and he did really well, though didn't quite make his 1st level's 19+ threshold.  So, I told him he got lucky, that several periwinkle splotches appeared on his body and face - much better than becoming a slime oneself.
  • The monks of Cremza'amirikza'am told the PCs that the megadungeon was an entrance to another world.  When one of the PCs asked "What world is that?"  I immediately replied "Hell".  That's just an example of spontaneous remarks becoming worldbuilding concrete.  Yep, that's set in stone.

Another playtest session tomorrow.  Wonder what'll happen?


p.s.  I've still got luxurious hardcover Cha'alt and Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise books for sale right here.  And I'm also running an old-school, OSR, and traditional RPG convention next July in Madison, WI.  It's called VENGER CON

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Immersion Revelation


Where to start with my very recent (as of this morning) revelation?

Ok, so apparently there are two distinct types of immersion...

The old-school immersion uses the player-character as an alter-ego to experience the game world as yourself, but with a sword, blaster, spells, etc.  Let's call this "me with an axe" immersion.

The new-school or modern immersion uses the player-character as a role, totally separate from oneself, that one can inhabit like an actor.  Let's call it "me as someone else".

That's why, when I'm talking about immersion and how old-school systems and play-styles facilitate immersion better than modern D&D (3rd and 4th editions specifically), lots of gamers get bent out of shape.  To them, immersion means something completely different.

For modern D&D gamers, immersion is fostered by giving you a character in which to lose yourself - heavy background, lots of lore, character options, and death is (and should be) rare.  According to them, old-school D&D is not ideal because it creates the other kind of immersion.

Both immersions are a type of escapism, self-discovery, and fun... but they go about it in entirely different ways.

If you want to watch my video about all this immersion stuff it's right over here - please like, comment, share, and subscribe!



p.s. This is how you order your very own luxury hardcover Cha'alt and Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise books. That link takes you to VENGER CON, my old-school RPG convention next July in Madison, WI. 

Sunday, August 1, 2021

Crimson Escalation


The full title of this blog post should be Crimson Escalation while playtesting the Cremza'amirikza'am megadungeon, but I think that might break the internet.

Speaking of internet breakage, I didn't want to overpromise on this little mechanic until I had properly playtested it.  

Even though I've only tested it once, I believe this could be the single greatest combat-related system improvement since 5e came out with Advantage and Disadvantage.

I'm calling it Crimson Escalation.  In the simplest terms, it's a progressive critical-hit range.  The first round, crits happen on a natural 20.  The second round, crits happen on a natural 19 or 20.  Third round, it's a natural 18-20, etc.

Some optional fiddly-bits could be added, but that's the basic premise.  As I theorized, here are the results...

  • Combat was shorter - without it, combat would have dragged on longer.  More misses and lower damage leads to longer combats.  Boring!
  • Combat was more brutal - I think we can all agree, watching someone whittle away at the trunk of a tree is less satisfying than seeing it chopped in twain with a battle-axe. 
  • Combat was more tense - as combat continued, the stakes grew higher because every round it became easier to hit with a higher probability of greater damage.

I assumed that last one (heightened tension) might be the case, but as mentioned, I didn't want to promise it before seeing for myself.

When I was asking for feedback on social media, a couple people wondered if PCs would delay their action in order to attack later in the battle, which didn't make any sense to me then and still doesn't now.  

Another point was raised about reinforcements - if a couple fresh goons rush into the battle halfway, how do you account for that, regarding crits?  Personally, I'm not going to track multiple crit ranges during combat, so everyone's at the same range.

As soon as the Cha'alt After Dark PDF is released, I'm asking my layout team to include Crimson Escalation in Crimson Dragon Slayer D20.  I'm not going to wait for next year's revision - it's that good.

I'm not going to go into detail about delving into the Cremza'amirikza'am megadungeon below The Lost City, but I'm going for a mix of Stuart Gordon's From Beyond and my Metebelis III interpretation of Lovecraft's dreamlands.  It's still very much a work-in-progress.

However, the session culminated in an epic battle between a local warlord death-priest and his guards versus the two 3rd level PCs (both fighters).  It lasted 5 rounds, which is kind of the max for a routine (but still thrilling) combat, according to my sensibilities.  As you'd expect, there were multiple crits.  It was an exciting battle as we anticipated the outcome - the longer combat lasted, chances increased that it would get exponentially bloody!

By the way, the two PCs won the battle.  They were both injured, but survived thanks to being 3rd level.

A short combat is usually a round or two (usually over in 10 minutes).  Medium combat is somewhere between three and five rounds (somewhere around 15-25 minutes).  Anything more than five rounds is long (at least a half-hour) and considered too much, unless it's some kind of major boss battle.  

A primary reason I enjoy old-school D&D is shorter combats.  That leaves more time for adventuring... and even more battles each session!  Dear God, when I think back to my time running 4e and 60-90 minute combat [shuddering].  Never again.

Anyway, my mind blew-up (in a good way), and this is my life going forward - Crimson Escalation now and forever, hoss!


p.s. Want the deluxe Cha'alt and Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise hardcovers?  Boom!  Want to attend VENGER CON next July?  Shazam!

Friday, July 30, 2021



It's something I've been thinking about for a few years and just kept putting it off, waiting for the right time...

Well, it's time.

Next year (2022) on Friday July 22nd, Saturday July 23rd, and Sunday July 24th will be the first ever Venger Con!

Here's the link with all the details.  It's my first time using the Tabletop Events platform, so if I made a mistake, let me know and I'll rectify it.  

It's going to focus on old school, OSR, and traditional RPGs - without politics or "safety tools".  My goal is to not only provide space for excellent gaming, but also to foster gaming excellence.  There will be morning workshops on how to do everything (such as GM, be a player, and write adventures) like a fucking boss.

I considered lowering the age requirement to 16, but for right now, it's 18+.  Each standard admission badge (100 max) is $100 and that's for the entire weekend.

The hotel is nice and conveniently located.  We have a large room, a medium-sized room that can be divided in half, and a smaller room for all of our gaming needs.  

There might be a handful of vendors and special guests, but primarily Venger Con is about gaming - getting the most out of our games, making incremental improvements, and showing the world just how awesome old-school gaming can be!

Thanks for checking it out, asking questions, commenting, and continuing to support me and my work.

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing

p.s. I'll have several books available for purchase at the convention, but if you want your luxury Cha'alt and Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise hardcovers sooner than later, you can order them here!

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Shorter, Brutal Combats


An idea formed after posting and reading comments on one of my vacation videos here.  Rob Couture had the original idea, FYI.  His YouTube comments were lost when merging his two accounts.

Basically, every round of combat increases the critical-hit range by one.  I've decided to call this Crimson Escalation!

On the first round, the vast majority of PCs and monsters [Yes, this benefits both PCs and their opponents!] will only crit on a natural 20.  On the second round, they'll crit on a 19 or 20.  On the third round, the crit range is 18-20.  Fourth, 17-20 and so on...

Critical-hits do the usual double damage, and it also means you definitely hit the target.  This is useful especially for high AC opponents when, on the fifth round, you will hit on anything that's a roll of 16+.

If you're fortunate enough to have a higher than normal crit range, then good for you.  You get to keep your +1 crit range bonus, that just makes you a more efficient killer!

Regardless of the crit range, if a natural 20 is rolled, that character may also perform some sort of stunt, special maneuver, or epic deed based on present circumstances, described by the player (if he wishes), and adjudicated by the Game Master. 

This will shorten combat and also make it more deadly.  Two things the OSR usually prefers over modern D&D.  I'm going to officially add this to Crimson Dragon Slayer D20 soon.  Until then, I'd like you guys to help me playtest it.  

I don't see a potential downside, assuming fast and brutal battles is what you want, but you never know.  Additionally, this should help balance out non-sorcerer classes, as well.  Suddenly, those wading into melee are slightly more awesome than they were before.  Take that, fireball spamming wizards who's best friends with a cleric!



p.s. We're between Cha'alt kickstarters at the moment, but if you want your luxury supreme hardcovers, Order them right now!

Monday, July 12, 2021

Sandbox D&D Campaign (part 3)


Ok, we've gone through part 1 and part 2.  Let's dive into part 3...

At this point, you've been running the game for awhile, somewhere between 7 and 10 sessions.  It's time to gear up for the climax.  Yeah, I'm assuming this campaign will last until session 20.  That's a Herculean effort, be proud of that!  

If you're a beginner DM, I wouldn't try to go over... not until you've been doing this for years.  And even then, I feel like a 20-session campaign is a good place to stop.  One day, I'm going to run a campaign that continues for years, but even I'm not ready for that - too many responsibilities!


     I. Bring Together

          A. Story Forge - As the GM, you didn't craft a story (plot) before the adventuring took place.  Now that the PCs are mid-level, the half-told story can start to be understood.

          B. Tying disparate threads together - The thing your 3rd henchman said about the azure spider might have something to do with the blue webbed caves of Aza'akeen.  Find patterns and sew seemingly random elements together.

          C. PC backstory - Up until now, I hope you've mostly ignored whatever history the player-characters have been yammering about.  But this is when it starts to matter - use something from their past to either complicate the present or make it more dramatic.

     II. Godlike Power

          A. Special Abilities - As the PCs have reached mid-level, it's time they started REALLY kicking ass!  Don't feel you need to go all-out "new school" with feats, prestige classes, and class-based talents up the wa'azoo.  Nevertheless, as the GM, you should dole out something kind of awesome to reward players and their characters for sticking it out this long.

          B. Artifacts & Relics - Somewhere in the realm, or outside of it, there's got to be an unbelievable magic item, piece of high-tech, or super-science contraption.  The PCs can quest for it before they invade the Big Bad in his lair.

          C. Evil has its own ultimate weapons - The monsters and deadly NPCs pitted against the adventurers also have godlike powers.  Unleash them upon the PCs, or at least threaten to rip into them.

     III. New Is Always Better

          A. Non-standard - If you've been relying on stuff you've read, watched, or stolen from other campaign settings, that shit ends here.  It's time to create your own content - new monsters, new traps, new magic items, new treasure, new places, new NPCs, etc.

          B. Shocking reveal - There's something that's always been nagging you from the very beginning about this campaign setting.  Remember the waterfall mist and time/space doorway from Land of the Lost?  That's what I'm talking about. Time to turn things on their head - what the PCs accepted as true suddenly proves to be an utter lie!  Revel in your revelations!!!

          C. Big Bad in his lair - The final confrontation is just around the corner.  Gearing up for that confrontation will take a couple sessions and then actually storming The Beast's black fortress (or whatever) will probably also take multiple sessions.


Hope you enjoyed all 3 parts, hoss.  Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing!  


Friday, July 9, 2021

D&D Sandbox (part 2)


Sandbox play is one of the greatest styles of D&D (or any other RPG) campaigns because it relies on self-governance, rather than the GM making all major decisions.

Create your own sandbox campaign using this outline along with my follow-up here...

     I. Traveling 

          A. Wandering monsters - create a random table for PCs traveling from place to place

          B. Hazards - come up with some sticky situations the PCs might encounter in their travels.

          C. NPCs - who will the PCs meet along the way?

     II. Noteworthy NPCs

          A. Flesh out prominent NPCs in the realm - King, Queen, other royalty and nobility.

          B. Lower-class patrons, mentors, merchants, and faction leaders who the PCs may interact with on a regular basis.

          C. Nemeses!  The PCs will have enemies pitted against them and their causes, thwarting PC goals, and possibly trying to kill them.

     III. New Details

          A. More information about places the PCs already know, like the small dungeon you told them about in the 1st session.

          B. Further reaches - what's over the mountain or beyond the barrier or below the surface?

          C. Weird shit!  Now that the PCs feel rather comfortable and "at home" with the campaign setting, it's time to throw in a few curve balls.  What gives that giant floating crystal the right to mind-control everyone who steps foot inside the obsidian labyrinth?


That's it for now.  I might come up with part 3 in a few days.  If you have a suggestion, question, or comment, please post something below.  



p.s. I made a video where I talk about this blog post.

Thursday, July 8, 2021

DIY Sandbox D&D Campaign


The following is just a quick tutorial on making your own D&D sandbox.  What's presented her should give you the bare bones to jumpstart a long-term campaign.

     I. Locations

          A. Starting location such as a city, village, settlement, etc.  Wherever the PCs come from.

          B. Handful of small locations of interest - temples, dungeons, tombs, towers, castles, swamp, forest, valley, hills, etc.

          C. The Big Bad location, this is where the PCs aspire to go... eventually.

     II. Factions

          A. Good guys vs bad guys.

          B. Shades of gray (no one is all good nor all evil).

          C. Directly relate to the PCs' background and/or goals.

     III. What's The Deal?

          A. Rumors, myths, and legends.

          B. The immediate micro-hook that initially draws the PCs outside their comfort zone.

          C. The far off, long-term goal or macro-hook that can be pursued when the PCs are ready.

Ok, that's it.  If you want to hear me talk about it, here's the link to my YouTube video.


p.s. Here's the link to part 2.

Thursday, July 1, 2021

Open Letter To Gaming Conventions

I've been tasked as the spokesman for a plurality of traditional and OSR gamers to ask conventions a very important question in light of Gencon and Origins banning the new TSR over Ernie Gygax Jr.'s interview.  Maybe you aren't aware of it, but it's been all over social media lately.  

I have to ask if your convention will be accepting of non-woke, non-SJW gamers, gamers who reject that particular ideology, who are openly conservative, who are sick and tired of being harassed by the radical-left and labeled racists, bigots, nazis, whatever phobes and ists, white supremacists, etc. just because we don't subscribe to recent, reality-warping theories of gender identity, critical race theory, and anything having to do with cultural Marxism.

As an example, if you'd allow someone to wear a Black Lives Matter t-shirt, but not a MAGA hat... that's a serious problem. Similarly, if individuals such as Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson would not be allowed to attend, that speaks volumes about the egregious levels of gatekeeping in the gaming community.

If politically moderate, old-school liberal, libertarian, right-leaning gamers and just normal people who want to game without politics (including leftist politics) aren't welcome, then there's no reason for my continued presence at your gaming convention until mainstream, middle-America values are tolerated once again.

Hundreds of us (soon thousands, I hope) are sick and tired of being excluded from our beloved hobby by those championing (in name only) inclusion, diversity, and equity.  The culture of RPGs has always been welcoming, decent, and law-abiding, but our past seems to be continually altered by revisionists to make it seem like everyone in Lake Geneva, WI circa 1974 owned slaves!  

I'm sure you have been around long enough to know our hobby was pretty darn great back in the good old days, even though there have always been and will always be exceptions.  Now... well, we're not so sure.


Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing

Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Caravan Attack [Play Report]


I like simple concepts.  You're walking down the road and something catches your eye - things are not ok.  You feel compelled to get involved, mostly because the risk of death might be right around the corner.

So it was with the Roll20 session a couple days ago.  I was playtesting a new Cha'alt adventure that'll show up in Cha'alt After Dark, once that's completed.

I shared this link with the players because it's what I listened to throughout the game (up until Mos Eisley cantina).

PCs are walking through the hot S'kbah desert on their way to who knows where.  They spy a caravan of humanoids atop riding lizards; those lizards equipped with bulging saddlebags, as well.

I let the PCs react because this is their story.  They walk closer, intent on making contact with the caravan.  Maybe they'll rob it, maybe they'll make friends?

All of a sudden, a sand-barge full of skeever desert pirates attacks the caravan with its laser cannon.  All Hell breaks loose as the PCs battle the skeevers.  

Before we get too deep, let's describe the 2nd level PCs...

  • Matt played Alahka'ar, a crystalline sorcerer.
  • Prince of Nothing played Razor Kage, Federation bounty hunter (fighter, basically) wielding an M-3 Lawgiver and plasma katana.  Check out his blog!
  • "Some Dude" played a droid thief named ST-33L.
  • Heather played Lottie, a halfling cleric.

Turns out the skeevers were after the caravan's smoky quartz crystals that were to be sold in the city of A'agrybah.

A pitched battle sent a few skeevers to their sandy graves and the sorcerer shot his web into one of the barge's anti-grav thrusters, the malfunctioning thruster making it tilt to one side.  Eventually, the skeevers had enough and ran away with their lives and not much else.

As the barge was sputtering away, Kage fired a parting shot.  It went straight through a skeever's hand.  I told the players that henceforth, that pirate would be nicknamed "glory hole" for the rest of his days.  Everyone laughed.

The caravan folk were extremely grateful, asking the PCs if they'd like to journey with them the rest of the way to A'agrybah and also offering half of their crystals to repay their courage and heroism.  The adventurers accepted gladly.

An hour or two later, the caravan and PCs encounter 4 desperados.  They watched each other intently.  If the PCs hadn't been there, the grim looking outlaws would have robbed the caravan for sure.

Razor Kage went up to the shiftiest of the desperados, demanding his clothes.  It was a scene straight out of The Terminator.  "Your clothes... give them to me."  The interaction could have gone either way, so I randomly rolled to see how he'd react.  Poorly, was the answer.  

The outlaw fired first and missed.  Razor Kage returned fire, putting a smoldering void where the desperado's chest should have been.  Adios, hoss!

The other outlaws stayed uninvolved as Kage looted his body.  One of the looted items was a matchbook from the infamous sex club Pervert's Paradise.  A half-hour to the club or a couple more hours to A'agrybah... hmm, what to do?

After a cinematic screen-wipe with artistic acid-wash dissolve, the PCs show up at Pervert's Paradise as evening drew nigh.  This is a family friendly blog, so I won't spoil what happened, except the adventurers were hired to take out a slave trader's rival, also present at the club.

A distraction was created with a suped-up cocktail.  Remember that awful blue drink from the movie Heathers?  Yeah, it was like that.  ST-33L included some of his cyber-lubricant for good measure.

It was a bigger battle than the sand-barge.  Alahka'ar almost lost his life, and would have surely died if not for the cleric's healing hands.  

Everyone contributed greatly, as is the way with a 4-PC adventuring party.  The PCs even got a little extra hazard pay since their sorcerer almost bit the big one.

It was a good time.  The session lasted almost two hours, which seemed to be the perfect length for a virtual one-shot.  And it gave me some playtest notes to improve the adventure before its released.  Win-win!


Tuesday, June 29, 2021

Boycott Gencon and Origins


Yes, I think it's time to fight fire with fire.  Cancel Gen Con, Origins, and every other institution supporting cultural Marxism.  

Things have been off the rails for awhile.  A reckoning was coming... if you couldn't see it on the horizon, it's probably because you tried your darnedest to shut out all politics from your gaming spaces.  Doesn't matter, radical-leftism infiltrated gaming culture years ago!

Well, the fight has come to you.  The new TSR has been banned from the biggest gaming conventions in the world.  Pretty soon, we won't have those spaces left.  It'll just be a barren landscape of woke dominance.  Capitulating to the SJW crowd will eventually get you a dirt covered knee to go along with your severed head.

We need to fight back while we still can.  Wait too much longer, and it's game over... literally.  

For mobile phone users, the link to my latest video is right here.

Have something to say?  Say it here.  The freedom of expression still exists on this blog.  Thanks!


p.s. Only a week left for my Cha'alt After Dark kickstarter campaign.  Don't miss out on the gorgeous, signed, numbered, limited-edition hardcover books!

Monday, June 28, 2021

Cha'alt on Roll20


Do you like eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalyptic adventures?

I'll be running 2 or 3 different Cha'alt sessions on Roll20 this week.

The first one is this afternoon, 1pm central standard time.  Join if you can.  I'll update this blog post with future dates, once those are locked in - so check back!

Here's the link!

I believe you need to message me to join and then I can invite you.  I've never been on the player-side of Roll20, so not entirely sure.  

If there's an issue, just contact me:



p.s. My xxxtra sleazy Cha'alt After Dark Kickstarter (more scenarios) is doing xxxtremely well.  See what I did there?  Only 10 days left to back.  Those gorgeous signed, numbered, limited-edition hardcovers are at a special discount... don't miss out!