Sunday, September 17, 2023

Crystals of Chaos (session report #17)


This session concludes the Crystals of Chaos 9-month Cha'alt campaign on 2023.

That scene from Kill Bill (volume 2, I think) where Bill's brother asks Daryl Hannah's character which she's filled most with, after it's all said and done... relief or regret.  Like her, I'm sure every GM feels a bit of both.  And like him, if pressed, we'll usually feel more of one than the other.  So, which is it?  

It's sad when things end, but if nothing ended, there also wouldn't be new beginnings. Put me in the relief column.  So many things transpired, in and out of the game, since January.  Also, it does suck that not everyone could be at the last session.  But we have to take a 3-week break after yesterday's game and I'd been meaning to reach a conclusion for a little while.  Plus, I want to experience new RPG awesomeness.  

So, while the RPG Pundit is already chiding me for concluding my 9-month campaign when his World of the Last Sun has lasted 10 years, all I can do is nod and laugh and be grateful for everything that led up to this point.  What we accomplished is quite remarkable, as you can see by reading my Crystals of Chaos session reports.  Thanks this Crystals of Chaos, we have the lavender moons, Cha'alt X-Cards, fuchsia burn, and so many things!

Who was on the roster?  Robard the Red, Jackal, and Heighten Chancery Philthrop III.

Last session, the PCs had taken the hellevator down to the bowels of Cha'alt where the Hell Worm dwelt.  They were chasing a Federation officer named Commander Andrak who got hold of a device that, if opened, would annihilate the universe.

Before breaking camp and heading off in search of Andrak, the party got a visual communication from Starship Jefferson (their transport presumably still parked above Cremza'amirikza'am).  It was Teddy Westside wearing a banana-furry costume.  After the initial shudder, the PCs asked what was up.  

"I've got good news and bad news.  Which do you want to hear first?"

The bad news, Robard said.  "The bad news is 19, aka centaur hottie."  Then what's the good news, the sorcerer followed-up?  "I'm getting married," Ted replied.  

Yep, Teddy Westside and centaur hottie were eloping to Alpha Blue... and taking the Starship Jefferson with them.  They assured the party that they'd be back eventually to pick them up after their honeymoon.  

Robard fell into a deep, dark depression... and we all watched him go down the emotional well.  It humanized Robard, made him more relatable, watchable (from an audience's perspective), and provided extra fodder for roleplaying.  Throughout his breakup ordeal, he was awarded a couple Divine Favor fuchsia stones for character embodiment.

The PCs saw another brown pool of sweet smelling candy water, and a white unicorn trotted up to it, turned around, backed up a couple paces, and pooped into it.  After the unicorn finished her business, a couple demons came along.  

Robard wanted a unicorn horn as a spell component and the halfling tried to help by remotely shoving his hand/tentacle through a portal to hold onto it.  Heighten critically failed and the unicorn stabbed his hand, instead.  Robard used one of his infernal lavender moons of destiny dice to make this a defining moment for his character.  Unfortunately, he, too, rolled a 1 on the d6.  Even though he had that Divine Favor.  Robard refused to spend it, only accentuating his emotional depths.  Robard missed and broke down crying.

After the demons led the unicorn away, the PCs examined the brown liquid pool that smelled like blueberry waffle cone graham cracker cheesecake, knowing what it was from before and just now, Jackal turned the pool into zoth with the tip of his trident.  Heighten dipped his hand tentacles into the zoth and healed himself.

Meanwhile, the demons took the unicorn to a nearby cave where a demon Willy Wonka waited upon a candy-studded chocolate tentacle thrown.  Further back in the cave, a film crew was getting shots of THOTs wrestling in candy slime.  Where did these women come from?  demon Willy Wonka touched the unicorn with his wand and she turned into a hot chick, which the candy man sent to his film crew to create even more content for his OnlyFans account.

Seeing demon Willy Wonka as a threat and wanting the unicorns / hotties for themselves, the PCs attacked without warning.  The battle was quickly over, ending in a fiery crescendo as Robard fireballed all three.  The demons were dead, and Willy Wonka with devil horns and a tail was mostly burned to a crisp.  The PCs took his wand and broke it, but instead of turning the girls back into unicorns, it permanently kept them humanoid females.  

And there was another spell cast (or maybe this was still due to the fireball), but I rolled on the d100 weird spell aftereffect table and fruities came out of a portal to challenge the adventurers for supremacy of this domain.  Robard's character grabbed the Cha'alt X-Card for "sleaze."  So, I told them the fruities wanted to decide things with a fuck-off.  Whoever can bang these sluts the hardest and best would rule this candy cave and all the unicorn girls it contained.

I had everyone pick a woman, sexual position, and bedroom maneuver, then asked for a d20 roll.  Real quick, all the players were rolling like crap most of the game.  The strawberry, who revealed his strawberry dick upon opening his trench-coat, won the fuck-off when I rolled an 18.  The PCs hung their heads in shame as the fruities victoriously danced and gyrated their junk to the crippling defeat of the Crimson Bastards!

At some point in there, the film crew recording the slime candy wrestling girls (who used to be unicorns) and the documentary film crew capturing the adventurers' exploits needed some legal guidance so one group couldn't sue the other... and a demon lawyer was summoned.  The halfling murdered the lawyer because of course he did.

The OnlyFans film crew either joined the PCs' documentary film crew or died horribly.

Knowing the PCs as I do, it wasn't at all surprising when the PCs decided to crush the fruities... and crush them they did.  Jackal's player held up the "exploitation & grindhouse" card - I leaned into such cannibal holocaust fare as primitive humanoid tribesmen came out of the shadows to light a bonfire and prepare a fruity feast.  Everyone had plenty to eat as the screams of chopped up and burning anthropomorphic fruit filled the cave.

I believe it was at this point that Colin, Robard's player, said something that was so glaringly obvious that I scarcely know how it wasn't part of the Cha'alt X-Card guidelines this while time.  Of course, a PC should be incentivized with Divine Favor after he taps a card.  So, yeah, I started giving that out.

After the cannibal carnage, the PCs decided to take it easy for the rest of the day, sleep in the cave, and wake up the next morning to continue their journey.

The PCs kept going, walking down the main tunnel which eventually led to a deposit of massive crystals showing different scenes in space, time, and dimension.  Specifically, these four... Commander Andrak opening a red box and Cha'alt exploding; demons launching a brutal attack on the surface, specifically, A'agrybah, killing the banana-men defensive guard; an alien temple containing humanoids all wearing lavender robes - at the center of the temple is a weird device; and a world similar to Cha'alt but everyone and everything had dicks covering it.

The halfling wanted to use his dimensionally remote tentacle hand to grab Andrak and pull him through, which he did... as they found out that Andrak was just a humanoid shell or puppet for Ubbo-Sa'athla who wanted to destroy the whole universe and remake everything with dicks all over stuff.

Jackal hacked into Andrak who just crumbled and melted away.  Heighten used his hand again to knock the red box away.  Robard cast a spell using the party's unicorn girl entourage menstrual blood to fuel his sorcery (it was just lucky that the girls got their periods that morning).

I rolled on that d100 wild magic table again and Robard was out of phase with everything on this plane.  But he saw a portal to the purple labyrinth, and went in with the box, trying to lure Ubbo-Sa'athla into it.  His plan worked, but then Ubbo-Sa'athla was trapped in the purple labyrinth with Robard - even if the sorcerer escaped, the Great Old One would have a chance to either leave or destroy that extra-dimensional wizard plane - which would be a shame since sorcerers of Cha'alt (and other realms) rely on the purple labyrinth for all kinds of strange mystical stuff.  

The labyrinth itself was trying to communicate with Robard.  Robard wanted to use another soul-shard corresponding to the infernal lavender moons of Cha'alt to trap the Great Old One and explode the red box without harming the PCs, Cha'alt, or even the purple labyrinth.  He rolled a 3, which is the lowest roll possible while still succeeding.  Creating a much smaller and even more purple universe behind yet another portal, Robard went in... and so did Ubbo-Sa'athla, then Robard escaped just as the instability of that device inside the red box was triggered by so many dimensional doorways.  

It exploded, ending that universe within a universe within a universe... possibly even now being remade in the Old One's image... as everything and everyone are covered with dicks.

Upon walking out of that cavernous crystal area, the PCs saw graffiti on the rock that read, "Go immediately to the Chartreuse Dragon Cantina ~ Crimson Bastards."  

They teleported there, at which point the PCs were met with a surprise party.  Even though Teddy Westside and centaur hottie weren't there, all the adventurers... Krandol, Zagreus, and even Gath were there.  And a bunch of NPCs lost to the mists of memory.

They all drank and ate and laughed at stories of their adventures.

That was it.  I closed the campaign with one last gong, and the players and I talked about how much we enjoyed the adventure and the whole damn thing.

Receiving a point of Divine Favor was really both a no-brainer and master stroke that I still can't believe I didn't think of.  I'll have to read through my posts, but I'm pretty sure that notion never actually came to me.

Oh yeah, this session's audio was also recorded on a tiny device.  So, once the audio is cleaned up, we might have something neat to share with folks.

The following are hilarious and/or cool things that were said this session...

  • The unicorn/centaur sexcapades reminded someone of this SNL sketch with Christopher Walken. Here it is, if you're curious.
  • "He flew too close to the lavender moons."
  • "Unicorns have IBS, but zoth makes them regular... but too much gives them constipation."
  • "The only economy that's still viable on Cha'alt is OnlyFans."
  • When you can legitimately say, 'Surprise, motherfucker!' you get to roll your attack with Advantage."
  • "I should have listened to my Mother and gone into bird law."
  • "I was touched by the greater magics of this place."
  • "Would that be a dickopalypse or dickaggedon?"
  • "Maniacal laughter is the last phase of grieving." 
  • "Objection, your honor, he's leading the GM."
  • "Failing foreskin... instead of failing forward, but also a dick joke."
  • "I don't think there was ever a 'normal' Robard."

I've said it before and here it is again, thanks to all the players, everyone who's reading these session reports, those commenting and talking about Crimson Dragon Slayer and Cha'alt, the people who've purchased Cha'alt, and support what I'm doing with Kort'thalis Publishing.

When I'm back from vacation later this month, I'll let you know what we plan on doing Saturday, October 7th.  Colin was thinking about running a SLA Industries one-shot, and then I've got something wicked up my wizard sleeve as Halloween draws nigh.

So long and thanks for all the fuchsia tentacles!


p.s.  Get your Cha'alt hardcover trilogy and a custom made set of Cha'alt X-Cards with this here special deal.  And don't forget all the fun you'll miss if you don't attend VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR... next July in Madison, WI.

Thursday, September 14, 2023

Cha'alt X-Card Trilogy Deal


Ok, here's the deal.  I need to get more hardcover Cha'alt books sold before Kickstarting Book 4 of the trilogy in January.

I also want to get my Cha'alt X-Cards into the hands and tentacles of gamers like you.  What are Cha'alt X-Cards, you ask?  A set of 8 cards, each with a different descriptor that comprise the greatest campaign setting ever made... CHA'ALT.  

It's eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, sleaze, humor, pop-culture references, and exploitation / grindhouse (added later, after the initial pictures were taken).

At any point in the session, a player can grab a card from the middle of the table and raise it up, letting the GM know he should incorporate a bit (or perhaps a lot) more of whatever is on the card into the current encounter, scene, moment, whatever.

EDIT: And the player who tapped the card gets a point of Divine Favor (or your metacurrency of choice) as a reward (incentivize the play you want to see more of).

So, that prisoner exchange the GM is describing suddenly becomes tinged with alienage and cosmic horror, assuming the eldritch card was tapped. Does that one convict tweaking-out have forbidden knowledge locked inside his subconscious - about to rip and tear its way out like a thousand screaming tentacles?

You see what I did there?  I just came up with that secret subplot just now, thanks to the Cha'alt X-Card prompt.  And players are encouraged to come up with their own inspirational ideas when they raise a particular card... subject to the GM's capricious whims, of course.

Anyways, I made myself a set of Cha'alt X-Cards and got to try them out.  They worked even better than expected, so now I want YOU to have your own set... and it gets even better - I'm going to handmake these 8-card sets so that you'll have custom Cha'alt X-Cards of your very own.  They'll be colorful and weird and probably low-fi art-punk as Hell.  I'm going to try a bunch of different things and let folks pick out their favorite (subject to availability).

The ones you see here on this blog post were the original prototypes.  I can and shall do better.  I'm hoping these will be cherished artifacts for years and years to come, used in various games (both Cha'alt and non-Cha'alt), and one day as ebay worthy as one of Banksy's public murals.

So, how do you get your set of 8 uniquely custom Cha'alt X-Cards?  Purchase the full trilogy of hardcover Cha'alt books at some point this month, in September, and then before the end of October, I'll mail out the Cha'alt X-Cards (you'll get the actual books days after your order).  I can't send them together because 1) I have to design and physically make them, which takes time... and 2) If I tried to send the cards along with the books, I'd lose the "media mail" discount on domestic shipping.

Speaking of which, this deal - a set of free Cha'alt X-Cards - is only good for those living in the USA.  For those living outside the USA, I can send you a set of Cha'alt X-Cards for an additional $20.

For the entire, professionally printed, gorgeous hardcover trilogy of books (that also come with the PDFs if you don't already have them), it's $130 domestic ($200 foreign).  Paypal me at:

Got a question?  Just ask...


p.s. I'm currently selling weekend badges for my midwest gaming convention VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR.  You should go, hoss!

Tuesday, September 12, 2023

The Burning Man


It had been ages since I'd run a session on Roll20, way before VENGER CON.  

After all, I didn't need these infrequent fixes now that I've got a bi-weekly Cha'alt campaign going into its 9th month, and 2 or 3 times a year, I'm a GMing fool at conventions, running shit all weekend long.

Nevertheless, I missed my 90-minute, text only, 18+, virtual sessions that used to be my gaming bread and butter the past few years.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of running Cha'alt: Burning Man for Charles H. (he did a post-game audio clip) and a guy named Paul I found on Twitter who was interested in getting Cha'alt for himself.  So, I said, why not try it out for yourself to see if it fits?  

The characters were a half-human / half-lizardman elemental sorcerer named Nicolo and a Mi-Go type crustacean priest working to bring back Cthulhu named Erka'al.

Usually, when I set these Roll20 sessions up I try to think of a cool sounding name that evokes a simple and gameable concept.  I don't always follow-through with that concept, but it gives me a starting point.  This being Cha'alt, I'm happy to use something topical to get the ball rolling - getting that ball to initially roll is usually the hardest part.

Since the Burning Man festival was in the news, I used that.  And since most of my Cha'alt one-shots start with the PCs wandering the desert, it seemed like a no-brainer!  The PCs stumbled upon some kind of large gathering which turned out to be a ritual with a mysterious purpose.  As I do, the Burning Man idea was conflated with the Wicker Man - PCs saw humanoid slaves caged inside the abdomen of this gigantic man made out of wicker or bamboo.

An elf filled them in before he took off on his reptilian riding spider, giving Nicolo (who had asked if he was holding any drugs) a glass vial of zoth.  A storm was coming, dark purple clouds appeared on the horizon, moving towards the valley where this ritual was taking place.

Various other attendees caught their eye - a man blowing into a translucently violet conch-shell, an insectoid slaver leading three slave girls by their collars down to the wicker man, and a High Priest who drew a sigil into the sand while chanting.  The sigil became a pool of liquid.  The High Priest dipped his tentacle into it and withdrew it wreathed in flame.

As the fire was set at the base of the wicker man and the slaves were yelling for someone to help them, the PCs assessed the situation, trying first to glean more information via Erka'al's psychic abilities.  He discovered that these celebrants were attempting to summon a conqueror worm in order to rid themselves of an otherworldly entity living in a nearby cave.

Nicolo inquired about purchasing a blonde slave who had been flirting with him.  He didn't have near enough gold, but the insectoid slaver told him that if he killed the neza'ateem (that's what they called the thing in the cave... in the ancient tongue it means "something birthed by the unknown"), he could have the slave girl free and clear.  

In old school tradition, Nicolo asked if there was some secret, some scrap of information, a trick or weakness... something to help them slay this neza'ateem.  The slaver gave the sorcerer his necklace, a tentacled entity fashioned out of purple-jade that would hopefully bring him luck.

As the flames licked higher and the storm was directly overhead, the adventurers made their way to the cave (about a mile away from the valley).

Just outside was a stone marker with carvings, the topmost being an eye inside a triangle.  A few humanoids had followed them and gathered outside the cave, waiting to see what fate was in store for them.

They went inside and saw crystals embedded in the rock walls, just up ahead was a body ripped in two and the gruesome remains gnawed at by the beast they were hunting.  The tunnel forked, and the PCs went in the direction that didn't have bloodstains.  They found slabs of stone with bodies laying on them.  This was some kind of mausoleum.  

Nicolo took a purple crystal from wall, drank the vial of zoth, and tried to vision-quest his way into answers.  Being 3rd level and only two of them, it seemed apparent that they needed an edge.

In this vision, the sorcerer saw the entity being cut in twain by a magical sword.  He tried reaching out to locate the sword and Erka'al, who was watching his companion, saw Nicolo's hand extend like a tentacle, going for something beneath a death-shroud laying upon one of the bodies.

It was a sword, and the sorcerer could feel its magic.  The two of them looked around to see if there was anything else they could loot that might help them slay the neza'ateem.  Erka'al found a badass helmet in the likeness of a winged serpent.  it wasn't magical, but it was well-made and mighty to behold.

Without too much screwing around (there wasn't much time before the session was going to end), the creature approached - tentacles, teeth, and bad breath.  It made its way towards them as the priest shot it with his luger.  The bullet went in, spurting emerald-green blood as it did so, but that didn't even slow the beast down.

Charles asked me about Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer as he was looking for a way to even the odds. I told him he could either spend a point of Divine Favor to get Advantage on his attack roll or call upon one of the infernal lavender moons of Cha'alt, allowing him to do what would normally be impossible.  He chose the latter.

"Just roll a d6," I said.  He did and it came up a 6 - critical success!  I narrated how he swung and hacked into it, the blade going cleanly through, bringing the entity down into two pieces that flowed with green blood.

Afterwards, the adventurers exited the cave, were met with rejoicing and praise, Nicolo got the girl, and someday there might be more to come.

It was a good, solid, and satisfying session.  I was stoked to try out the "epic deed" mechanic for a 3rd time (every bit of playtesting helps).  It worked as intended, a decent chance of overcoming an insurmountable obstacle that makes sense, that's immersive... according to the campaign setting.

The players had fun and want to do it again, so we'll see how our schedules go.  I'm aiming for every other week, as that seems doable.  This session went over by 10 minutes or so, but generally speaking a 90-minute scenario isn't too exhausting in-between my requisite Game Mastering duties.

Thanks for reading!


p.s. VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR is open for registration, so get your weekend badge before we're capped at 100 attendees.  Also, hardcover Cha'alt books are still for sale!

Saturday, September 9, 2023

One-Page Collaboration


Sometimes, I get people asking to collaborate with me.  Occasionally, I'll want to collaborate with someone in particular... or a third party really wants me and another person to work on something together.

And usually, this doesn't go anywhere because as creators and self-publishers know, a project can take up to infinite time, energy, and money if one isn't careful.  And it's difficult to suggest parameters without knowing exactly what the other person is thinking, and you you want to see how it goes, and people in such a situation usually try to be open-minded and flexible.

Pretty much everything that could invite disaster, or at the very least, unnecessary suffering.  However, I had an idea earlier today that just might make everything nice and easy.

I'm calling it the one-page collaboration for a reason.  That's because both parties agree to keep the parameters at one page (which also may include both sides of a page, or two side-by-side pages "control panel" style, but whatever).

No matter the project, if it's worthwhile, we should be able to boil it down to one or two pages of gameable material.  The sort of thing you can have sitting in front of you at the table, behind your screen, waiting to be used.

At this point in my life and hobby, I just want to focus my "extraneous project energy" on short and sweet, hyper-minimalist stuff that I can use in my Game Mastering... plug and play, hoss.

Having said that, if anyone would like to do a one-page collaboration with me, just let me know.  Chances are, I'm down to clown.  I do have a couple ideas in the tank, but also come to me with what you want to do.  Who knows, maybe we'll meet in the middle and genius will strike between the two of us?

The fine print - whatever we collaborate on is jointly owned.  I can self-publish and sell it, and so can you, if you so choose.  We can take the content (which may vary between the two of us) and put our own aesthetic spin on the layout, if we so choose, or both put out the exact same thing.  Any costs over $50 (that I'm happy to pay) will be split 50/50.  And somewhere in the product, there will be language saying that this was a collaboration between Venger Satanis and XYZ.

Ok, I think that's it.  Don't forget about the Fall 2023 Cha'alt Game Ja'amdetails over here!



p.s. VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR weekend badges are now available (while supplies last, attendance capped at 100). And the Cha'alt hardcover sale is still going strong - get yours today!

Thursday, September 7, 2023

Cha'alt Contest & Game Ja'am


I wasn't sure how much extra room I'd have for additional races in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, but now I know.  

I already have one or two things in mind, but wanted to give you guys a chance to come up with something eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humorous, sleazy, exploitation/grindhouse and/or pop-culture references.

Aim for 3 - 5 sentences that include a brief description, something interesting about that race in the context of Cha'alt, and either a racial benefit or two racial benefits along with one drawback (to keep races from becoming too over-powered).

You have until Halloween to submit your entry.  The winner will be chosen on November 1st and will be included in next planned PDF update around mid-November.

In other news, I'm releasing another limited-time open game license for Kort'thalis Publishing.  Between October 1st and Thanksgiving this year (November 23rd, 2023), you have my permission to publish your own products (either free or commercial) that uses one or more IPs owned by Venger Satanis and released by Kort'thalis Publishing. 

Stipulation, you must include the following acknowledgement in your product in all its forms (digital, print, etc.)...

"Whatever intellectual property owned by Venger Satanis and published by Kort'thalis Publishing is used with his malevolent permission in relation to the Fall 2023 Cha'alt Game Ja'am. Shemha'amfora'ash!"

That gives you approximately 3 weeks to come up with an idea and about 7 weeks to execute it.  If you want to run something by me, I'd be more than happy to give you some quick advice or perhaps a brief once-over when you're at the "showing it off" stage.

The winner not only gets his name credited in the book, but a free PDF of anything that Kort'thalis Publishing has to offer!

Contact me at:

Assuming you get them into me, Cha'alt Game Ja'am products will be showcased on this blog just after Thanksgiving (most likely November 25th, my birthday).

Venger Satanis and Kort'thalis Publishing is not responsible for any poor decision making on your part, and I can banish anyone from the Cha'alt Game Ja'am at any time and for any reason (though, this is extremely unlikely).

If you have a question, feel free to comment down below.  Thanks!


p.s. Badges have already gone on sale for next July's VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSRDetails and registration on the Tabletop Experiences platform.  Additionally, hardcover Cha'alt books are still on sale - Get them here!

Sunday, September 3, 2023

Crystals of Chaos [session report #16]


These session reports aren't just an ongoing narrative of what's happening in the game, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the cooperative story that we're creating and experiencing at the table.  

It's also a deconstruction of the medium and this particular campaign, what works, what doesn't, things tried, lessons learned, plans for things to come, etc.

Even though it was loads of fun and significant based on the utilization of certain techniques, mechanics, and play aids, session #16 felt a bit like treading water.  There's a reason for that.  I'm trying... or was trying, it might be more accurate to say, to delay the "final boss," which I wrongly conflated with the end of the campaign.

Just because the main and current antagonist is defeated, that doesn't mean the campaign has to end there.  Although, I do want to conclude it eventually.  So, anyway, yeah... this session seemed more like a random episode of Lost in Space, where the adventurers meet some random NPCs in a random weird part of the world, get up to some mischief, find their way into a jam, out of a jam, and keep going towards whatever leads are left to follow.

Next session, no matter what, it's going to have closure.  And then, if it continues, which I think it will, there will be yet another reason to keep adventuring.  

Three players this time due to a European vacation for Heighten's player and Jackal's player being sick.  So, it was the half-orc warrior Krandol, Zagreus the dwarf thief, and Robard the dwarf sorcerer.

The PCs found themselves in the underworld depths of Cha'alt, not too far away from the Hell-mouth.  They wandered the obsidian and onyx tunnels and caves, dimly lit by orange pools and streams of hot magma.  Eventually, they came to a buxom young hottie named Jennifer who (as I randomly rolled) was dumb as a box of rocks.  She asked them their desert name and talked of an ancient prophecy she was destined to fulfill - going with strangers from the surface to do something important (like save Cha'alt from total annihilation).

First however, they would have to dispatch Jennifer's pimp.  The pimp came out of the shadows at that moment with a leopard print zoot-suit and matching feathered hat.  He brandished a gold-plated blaster and proceeded to shoot Krandol in the chest doing 17 points of damage; the weapon did 1d30 damage because why the fuck not?

It didn't take long for them to rid Cha'alt's underworld of this pimp so Jennifer could accompany the PCs on their mission.  

Robard took the golden gun.  Krandol tickled their new companion with his tentacles, received a hardcore lap dance, and got his rocks (dumb as hers may be) off... thus securing the half-orc with the bonuses due from sexual release.

Due to that distraction, the adventurers lost their sexy female guide who was both expecting and leading them to a certain place.  So, they just kind of looked around to see what they could see.  Wasn't long before they stumbled upon three Federation soldiers who'd lost faith in their insane commander and went native.  They warmed themselves by a fire, cooking demon-rat on a stick.

Now, I had briefly introduced something that goes by x-rated cards, triple-x cards, Cha'alt cards, Venger cards, Cha'alt-X cards, or some variation.  Basically, they're the opposite of the SJW x-card "safety tools" you sometimes hear about from leftists on social media.  But instead of warning the GM to gloss over "problematic content," my cards encourage the GM to go farther into eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalyptic, humorous, sleazy, and pop-culture territory.  It's a way to make the game even more "problematic" and inappropriate... speaking of which, I showed them off in the latest episode of Inappropriate Characters [start at the 59th minute].

So, all 7 cards were in a pile in the middle of the table.  At any point, a player (or me, I suppose) could hold up one of those cards, and I'd do what I could to incorporate that vibe into the game.  

At this point, Robard's character tapped the post-apocalyptic card, so I described that the Federation dudes had pulled a cargo container from the before-times out of some subterranean ravine.  It contained really old provisions, such as a can of beans, spam, cliff bars, chocolate pudding cups, etc.

I also made it clear that if anyone at the table (but especially the individual who used the card) could provide suggestions.  If someone has a red-hot idea, why not share it, right?  This is supposed to be collaborative storytelling, after all.

Realizing these ex-Federation troopers would be an asset in finding Commander Andrak, they brought them along.  Eventually, the PCs encountered a chartreuse elf and fuchsia elf arguing about the existence of a legendary "promised land" called Fucha'al.  Robard involved himself in that discussion, wondering if it was somehow related to the purple labyrinth. 

I'm not sure why, but they went back the way they came and journeyed another mile or so up to the Hell-mouth.  Their side (the Cha'alt side) was congested with a waiting army of 250 - 300 demons with a demon general right next to the Hell-mouth itself.  Robard made Zagreus invisible, so he could sneak up to the general without being detected.  The dwarf thief pilfered a bar of gold from the demon who realized what was going on, slashing at the invisible Zagreus without effect.

Zagreus looked into that orange-red abyss and saw a butt-biting demon and several other humanoids being tortured by a pool of liquid fire.  The PCs decided to keep going in that other direction, away from the Hell-mouth.

The ex-Feds pointed the PCs in the direction of Commander Andrak's last known whereabouts.  So, they continued on... coming to a pool of brown liquid that smelled like cotton candy marshmallow berry waffle cone.  It smelled so good, but looked suspiciously like poop water.  Two of the Federation guys washed themselves in it before Robard dipped a rock in it and put it on the tip of his tongue for only a second, but enough time to realize that it was indeed shit.

They moved on, only to encounter a strange humanoid covered head to toe in red crystals.  He claimed to be the last survivor of that red crystal universe the PCs had a hand in destroying, and wanted to punish the PCs for taking part in it.  He banished them to a red crystal prison where they found three other adventurers who'd been trapped here, but they were also made of red crystal.  The leader was Crystar, and he had a badass red crystal sword.

Those three had a plan, which was to slaughter the jeweled gnomes that also lived and worked in this prison.  So, they found the gnomes who were throwing red crystals into the open belly of a demon statue that was filled with fire - a humanoid figure was in there, consumed with flames and silently screaming.

They shattered the gnomes and teleported the flame prisoner out when they realized that killing the gnomes wasn't enough to get them out of this prison.  It was a tall humanoid with goatee and black eye-patch named Zarzax.  He insisted that everyone bow to him.  The PCs were reluctant, no surprise there, so Zarzax made a show of force, nearly killing the sorcerer in one blow (while also brushing off a would-be devastating attack from the party's resident badass, Krandol).

After bowing to Zarzax, the new leader used Crystar's sword to cut through the red crystal prison reality into the PCs' home world, back where they left off.  Krandol convinced Zarzax to lead the demon army they found.  So, Zarzax went up to the demon army and only had to slay 12 of them before they bowed before him, then the PCs encouraged their new evil leader to conquer Hell itself.  Why not, right?

Robard used commune, according to the new alignment rules in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, to speak psychically with the Hell-mouth - but not before pulling out the eldritch card and describing the Hell-mouth as some gargantuan, Lovecraftian fire-worm (or lava-worm, if you prefer) with tentacles, it's open maw being the gateway between the infernal realms and the bowels of Cha'alt.  Yes!

Robard asked if the fire-worm would close its mouth in exchange for a service.  The fire-worm gave Robard a year and a day to summon it again upon the surface of Cha'alt, which the sorcerer agreed to.  But to make it official, the fire-worm wanted Robard, in this metaphysical space, to have sex with a fire-worm / lady hybrid while it watched.  Robard did as he was asked... calling upon the lavender moon of Chipotle Cheddar to seal his destiny.  At first, like Heighten Chancery Philthrop III, he rolled a one (critical fail), but used a point of Divine Favor to re-roll and got a 3.  Success!

Robard succeeded... "I lived the sorcery."  The Hell-mouth closed, separating Zarzax and his new demon army from the PCs, so they could continue going after Commander Andrak and save Cha'alt.

That was pretty much it.  With only 20 minutes or so left of the session, I decided to end it there.  Oh yeah, Robard's player recorded our session with some new device he just acquired.  After cleaning up the audio, he's going to send me the file(s) and then there will be a legit artifact from the Crystals of Chaos campaign (other than these session reports).

Yeah, it was lots of fun, but didn't really move the needle so much as delayed the big finish... which probably won't actually finish the campaign, but we'll see.  No promises.

It was awesome to debut the new Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer character sheets and Cha'altian x-cards, have another go at the infernal destiny d6s, and record this session for posterity.

According to Zagreus' player, we need a harlequin romance card, too!  To comment on the cards, quickly, I think they worked great.  Only 2 of the 7 used, but that was a fine start, and they did exactly what was intended.  I'll definitely keep them at the table for future sessions.

Next session in 2 weeks if all goes well.  Thanks for reading!  Your feedback is appreciated.


p.s. Yeah, now's the time to get your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR.  But in the meantime, if you don't already own the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy, ordering details right over here.

Sunday, August 27, 2023

Revenge of the OSR


Registration for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR is officially open.  

This right here is the link!

It's going to be a wild, amazing, game-filled, glorious time for those able to attend this July convention on the east side of Madison Wisconsin (actually, right on the edge of Sun Prairie and Madison).

The last two VENGER CONs were fantastic, and this one is at an even nicer, newer hotel.  We're lucky to find an amazing venue at such a reasonable rate.  However, when I say reasonable... well, it's still a bit pricey.  Basically, my overhead just doubled.  Instead of needing 20 attendees to break-even, I'll need 40.

But I'm also confident that we'll sell-out at 100 (that's the maximum attendance).  Promotional marketing is key.  If you could throw some links around social media or to based and zoth-pilled gaming friends you know, that would be fantastic!  I can send you either the tall or wide banner for your blog, if you'd like to host it.  Just email me:

Meanwhile, I'll be sending around flyers locally in order to bring gamers in the tri-state area closer together, uniting around principles of awesomeness.

It seemed like half of all attendees are Game Masters, and expert-level at that, so there won't be any shortage of games.  I intend to run Cha'alt, Alpha Blue, and this Lovecraftian mystery RPG that I'll start working on in 2024.  Plus, I should have book 4 of the Cha'alt trilogy in-tentacle by VENGER CON III

If you have any questions, comments, or feedback, let me know.

Until then, I'll be around - here on Venger's old-school gaming blog, Twitter [X], Facebook (as Darrick Dishaw), YouTube, and MeWe.

There's news in my non-gaming life, too.  My Father just passed away a couple days ago.  He was 87, and still fairly sharp of mind and in mostly decent health up until the end.  It's no exaggeration to say that I owe him everything.  Best Dad ever!  He was always extremely supportive of my book writing dreams, and loved having his signed hardcover Cha'alt books on the coffee table for everyone to see.  

Thanks for all the well-wishing and continued support from everyone around me, and our entire family.

Love you guys,


p.s. I've been selling Cha'alt hardcovers like hotcakes recently.  That means the end is actually in sight, and it won't be long before they're gone (probably by VENGER CON IV: The Search For More Money, so don't freak out if you're currently struggling in these trying economic times). Ordering details here.

Friday, August 25, 2023

American Revolution


"You finally really did it.  You maniacs!  You blew it up!  Ah, damn you.  God damn you all to Hell!"

This nation, America, isn't just broken and divided... it's forever stained by what the Democrats have done.  Weaponizing the DoJ, the three-letter agencies, going after the former President and current political opposition.  

When any local official can go after President Trump and his lawyers and media personalities for looking into a 100% rigged election, you know it's both against the Constitution and common sense.  This is absolutely election interference and political persecution... banana republic stuff.  It's bad for our country and poisonous to self-governance.  

This iconic mugshot photo will go down in history as the moment when everything started to backfire on the entrenched deep state, permanent political class, and ruling elite who believe with every fiber of their being that they own us.

As Vivek Ramaswamy said in the debate just a couple nights ago, this moment is an American Revolution.  President Trump is just getting started.  I hope he picks Vivek as his running-mate for 2024, and Vice-President Ramaswamy goes on to win in 2028.

If you'd like to drop a comment below, please do.  


p.s.  If you'd like to support me and my work, here's information on ordering the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy.  My eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalyptic campaign setting has been compared to OSR Rifts & OSR Gamma World.

Tuesday, August 22, 2023

Crystals of Chaos [session report #15]


Hey, guys!  What's up?  Yeah, 15th session of our Cha'alt campaign "in the can," as they say.

4 players because 1 of them had a social function they couldn't get out of.

Heighten the halfling thief, Zagreus the dwarf thief, Robard the Red dwarf sorcerer, and the half-orc warrior Krandol.

Got to try some new stuff this time, so for that reason alone it was a worthwhile session.  But we all had fun.

So, last time the PCs escaped from that pocket universe just as it was exploding.  A bit of residual energy was also born in the aftermath, as an amorphous blob of crimson effulgence.  Zagreus decided to grab it before Robard could properly vet the thing with his sorcery.

The intense crimson light asked Zagreus what form he'd like to choose, and the dwarven thief chose a cheeseburger (of course).  So, we kind of collectively hashed-out what this thing would look like, the final say coming from Zagreus (such as his name - Mayor McCheese - I didn't realize until searching for an image of this thing that that's its actual name) and my dice - just to keep things interesting and neutral.

So, it became the cheeseburger humanoid guy from the old McDonald's commercials and we all attempted to do the voice - same as the Mad Hatter from Disney's Alice in Wonderland.  With jellybabies just under the top bun... because Tom Baker.  

Then, the PCs felt a tremor as a slow but steady Cha'altquake reverberated through Cremza'amirikza'am.  One of the PCs realized that particular vibration was due to sandworms burrowing above.

Robard wanted to magic himself an escape portal for later, just in case bad things went down.  He did, and I rolled on the fuchsia-infused wild magic effects table in Fuchsia Malaise.  A zone of silence followed the party, which led to a violent altercation with a gang of demons - which reminds me, at some point, I really need to come up with a d100 table for random demons I can consult when a bunch of infernal dudes happen to be walking down a tunnel.

A little bit later, there was another demon encounter, so I'm kind of conflating both of them in my mind.  But the first was silent, and Robard's player wondered aloud what it would be like if this fight took place as if in a silent movie.  I thought that was a fun idea, so I said yeah... and we roleplayed the fight like we were all in a silent movie.  I even found a silent movie piano track on YouTube to play during some of the action.

The second demon encounter was a bunch of demons surrounding several demon rights activists with picket signs and protest chants at the ready.  Unfortunately for them, demons don't care about humanoid activists, protests, or any political posturing.  So, the demons were about to sacrifice the humanoids for the greater glory of Kort'thalis.  The PCs didn't really want to hero-out for the activists, but were hoping to deny Kort'thalis any more devotees or sacrificial power.

These demons were tougher, and between a crystal-encrusted glaive, ruby laser eye-beams, and body spines, they gave the adventurers a run for their money.  Both of the new NPCs got killed, Teddy Westside was crippled, I think Robard was down to 3 HP or something, and Heighten had three of his fingers sliced off when he tried to gank the leader's glaive in mid-air.

You see, I told him that if he wanted to grab the glaive in mid-air and use it for himself, that he'd need to roll one of his lavender demon-moon destiny dice.  And he did.  He rolled a 1, which was a critical failure.  Then, he burned a point of Divine Favor to roll that d6 again, and got another 1.  That's why three of his fingers went bye-bye.  And now, that moon-demon Heighten had called upon owned a shard of the halfling's soul... and he'd need to undertake a service at some point in the near future.

Yeah, it was a formidable battle, but the PCs came out on top... and Robard used his sorcery to conjure up a new hand for the halfling.  It was a mixture of tentacles and gold and demon parts.  Heighten claimed the glaive for himself, since he was maimed by it and all.

Incidentally, this was my worst session for taking notes.  I wrote almost nothing down for some reason and have to pretty much rely on only my memory.  Oh well, shit happens!

For some reason, Robard wanted to free the demon who lived in the black blade he'd been wielding every since Krandol upgraded to the purple plasma sword (the black demon-sword was originally Robard's, though).  So, he used all those humanoid activists that the demons were going to sacrifice in order to permanently free the demon who would have the blade and the violet power-armor suit of the samurai-rangers.  Too bad for the activists, as Robard needed all their blood to complete his ritual.

I filled the guys in on my alignment shake-up, trying to turn that into something gameable in Crimson Dragon Slayer D20.  Chaotic PCs get to commune with the Old Ones (once per session), so Robard availed himself of the opportunity.  I imagined something like in The Golden Child, when the main villain Sadow Numspa'ar or something like that meditated or said a demonic prayer and everything melted away as he appeared in Hell, talking to Satan or whoever.

Surrounded by slimy tentacles, the sorcerer felt the presence of a Great Old One.  He asked for assistance and was willing to take on a task in exchange.  While I didn't have anything red hot at the tip of my brain, I told him the message was received and the sorcerer would get clued-in soon.  Not the greatest beginning for the new alignment system (I should have prepared more), but it was a start.

The last combat of the night (there wasn't as much exploration or social stuff happening in this session, unfortunately - definitely my bad and room for improvement next time) was with a dragon who guarded the elevator taking folks from Cremza'amirikza'am to the depths of Hell.

At first, the PCs were going to bargain with the dragon, which was smart.  However, I wrote a note to let the halfling thief know that his demon liege was cashing-in on his debt right now - kill the dragon!  Heighten used his new warlock hand to open up a portal behind the dragon and surprise him - and he also wanted to use the recently added Fuchsia Burn mechanic since there was only 2 points of Divine Favor currently on the table, essentially burning both to spike a critical-hit.

Him being a thief with sneak-attack, plus the glaive's inherent powers had him rolling 27d4, which came out to about 75 points of damage.  When the dragon returned fire (yes, a pun) he got some of the squishier PCs, like the sorcerer, down to 3 or so HP.

Robard cast a spell, which he, again, wanted to supe-up... causing me to roll on that wild magical aftereffect table.  Coincidentally, Robard's player decided to "mix" his dice for that roll, and then I laughed as I told everyone at the table there are reasons why you don't do that.  The result (according to my roll on that d100 table) was sorcerous seizure.  The original spell, Missile Command, went off, but it put the sorcerer in some kind of coma.  Thinking on my feet, and based on group input, I determined that Robard melted into a purple puddle physically, as the rest of him awoke in the purple labyrinth.  I also wanted Robard out of the way so if the dragon breathed fire again, his incapacitated body wouldn't get incinerated.  

Zagreus couldn't hit the broadside of a barn, and Krandol was whittling the dragon down in HP.  Not having Jackal hacking away on behalf of the party was disappointing.  Luckily, just before the dragon burned them all alive - three sandworms burrowed into the giant cavern they were fighting in.  The sandworms seemed most interested in devouring crystals, but their movement through Cremza'amirikza'am was also causing instability - rocks falling and it was a widespread cave-in situation everywhere.

While the dragon was distracted, the PCs ran to the elevator and pushed the button down.  I played The Girl From Ipanema since that strikes me as the most cliche trope of elevator music.  

Eventually, the elevator doors opened, and an attractive woman gestured for the PCs to follow her.  That's where we ended things.  We got a late start and ended a bit early, so this session seemed a bit shorter than most, but it was still packed with cool stuff.

The next blog post will most likely be about next July's VENGER CON III, so stay-tuned for that.

Thanks for reading, hoss!


p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy (or individual books)?  Sale is right over here with ordering details!  Remember, these are professionally printed, signed and numbered, hardcover books unlike anything you've seen before - PDFs included.

Monday, August 14, 2023

Hardcover Cha'alt Sale!!!


There's no other eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse campaign setting I know of that's as rich and deep and fucking awesome as CHA'ALT...

Let's get it done!

  • The original Cha'alt hardcover for $35 + $5 shipping ($35 shipping outside the USA)
  • Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise hardcover for $40 + $5 shipping ($35 shipping outside the USA)
  • Cha'alt: Chartreuse Shadows hardcover for $55 + $5 shipping ($40 shipping outside the USA)
  • The Cha'alt trilogy for $120 + $10 shipping ($65 shipping outside the USA)

FYI, if you need to get ahold of me for any reason, my email is:

Incidentally, that's my paypal email address, too.



Sunday, August 6, 2023

Crystals of Chaos [session report #14]


For those who haven't been keeping up, I just ran the 14th "episode" of my Cha'alt campaign via Crimson Dragon Slayer D20 Revised (still free, still awesome).

Many believe that such an ultra-light ruleset can't sustain a long-term campaign.  Well, they're wrong.  Sure, I come up with the occasional ruling on the spot, but I'd be doing that even with a 200+ page rulebook.

And amazingly enough, we got the band back together!  The only thing we didn't get to try out (that I can remember) were the lavender moon dice of infernal destiny!  Oh well, next time!

Jackal the dwarf warrior, Krandol the half-orc warrior, Heighten Chancery Philthrop the 3rd (halfling thief), Robard the Red (dwarven sorcerer), and Zagreus the dwarf thief.  The cleric PC we picked-up late in the campaign was absent because his player had family affairs he needed to contend with.

So, with five players, we embarked on this latest stretch of the odyssey.  Since everyone was present, I had plans of ending the campaign with this session.  However, as you'll shortly see, that was pleasantly derailed.  I use that word "derail" specifically because I do try to let the PCs go where they may and follow their action to wherever it takes them... while also providing a loose narrative structure to keep things moving along.  

If I had pushed things too hard in the direction of my own preconceived notion for how the adventure should turn out, I'd be railroading the players.  Not cool, bro.

After all, we're cooperatively creating a story as we go.  As long as all the details and ending aren't set in stone, the tale we tell is alive and malleable, possibilities abound, fuchsia sky's the limit.

Two weeks ago, our normally scheduled program was postponed due to VENGER CON.  So, it took a little time before we recalled what happened the session before.  But once a couple details were presented, our memories refreshed.

It started with a dream... a dream of colorful dragons and riding on their backs through weird space.  Along the way, the PCs saw a serpent's eye as big as one of Cha'alt's moons, fuchsia tentacles bathed in chartreuse flames rising from a black pyramid and a crystalline banana shattering into a thousand shards, each one reflecting the face of a Great Old One so monstrously terrifying that looking upon its untenable visage immediately woke them up.

The PCs settled old business, which included acquiring payment in humanoid slaves, including some beach girl centaur hottie, named Nineteen, that I stumbled upon over at the Lamentations of the Flame Princess facebook page months ago. Robard immediately claimed her as his concubine.  I decided to roll on a few tables that I didn't normally have access to, and determined that she was insecure and had 6 kids (because Zagreus had found a time crystal earlier, it was indeed likely that some of those kids actually belonged to Robard).

The other thing the PCs got from their demon allies was information - that Commander Andrak of the Federation had gone to the southern caves in hopes of making his way down below Cremza'amirikza'am to find that ancient artifact / secret weapon / apocalyptic device he's been after since the campaign's halfway point.

Then, they noticed a violet spot of light on the cave floor, it was from a shaft that had no beginning.  Robard used his sorcery to find an invisible dimensional rift that led them into a dark bio-mechanical cave containing 40 or 50 humanoid battery-pods like from The Matrix, each filled with a person surrounded by wires, cables, and translucent pink goo.

The pods were being guarded by 11 black spider-droids, about the size of a big dog - and beyond all that was a large violet crystal glowing so intensely that it's light penetrated another dimension (the PCs' home world).  Robard casted a spell on Jackal, creating 5 additional mirror images of him.  But he wanted to super-charge the spell by making a ritual out of it, takes longer but if you're not in a rush, you get a bigger and/or better effect.

I decided to roll on the weird spell aftereffects from Fuchsia Malaise.  So, rolling the percentile and wouldn't you know, it came out "radioactive spider"!!! What are the odds?  Yes, 1 in 100... but still!

Normally, I don't keep a ton of other books nearby me when I'm GMing Crystals of Chaos, just trying to keep a somewhat restrained "work space."  However, because of the convention a couple weeks ago, I had my Alpha Blue books right next to my chair.  Since the radioactive spider result mentioned a possible mutation, I asked everyone to roll.  Everyone unfortunately "passed," which means no mutant... Venger sad.

Then I had the silly, genius, totally irresponsible idea of suggesting that anyone who decided to intentionally fail their roll would get a bonus point of Divine Favor.  4 out of the 5 agreed.  So, we got Krandol with possible seizures each scene / encounter (which I forgot to roll later, I'll have to write myself a note for next session), divine healing hands for Chancery, and eidetic memory for Zagreus, and Robard the Red smells like roses pretty much all the time.  Oh yeah, and centaur-hottie got danger sense.

Hey, in my defense - Cha'alt is gonzo, and also I still thought this might be our last session.  Why not go out with a bang?  There was certainly a bang... keep reading, hoss!

Ok, spider-droids dispatched with the PCs taking no damage because all 3 hits were directed at Jackal's mirror-clones, leaving two magical clones "alive."  I'm not sure if it's written into the fine print of that spell or because of the ritualized gonzo nature of how the spell turned out, but Robard commanded everyone to destroy the last two mirror images of Jackal, lest they take on sentience of their own and try to replace the "master image."

So, the PCs made short work of them.  One of the clones might have wounded a PC, but nothing significant.  Robard decided to plunge his black bladed demon sword into the violet crystal in an ongoing effort to make the GM squirm... more likely, an unconscious effort to push me out of my comfort zone... or that's just what his character would do in that situation.  Who can be sure?

After giving it some quick thought (and forcing Robard's player to burn a couple fuchsia stones on attaining a halfway decent d20 roll), I determined that the violet-hued techno-magical suit of retro-futurist armor belonging to the Samurai-Rangers of the Lost Universe would fuse itself to both Robard and his black infernal sword.  I listed all the benefits, but Robard's player is going to do a write-up of how it all shakes out.

Lastly, the party fiddled with a battery-pod, releasing one of the simulation-dreamers who assumed he was still in Chicago, circa 1999.  So, he decided to tag along and see what Cha'alt had to offer before deciding to awaken his fellow batteries.  That NPC's name is John Dick, an amateur male porn actor.

Meanwhile, back on Cha'alt, the PCs have made quite a name for themselves in Cremza'amirikza'am and picked up a couple followers - Ma'ato (green and slobby) and Namir (the color and smell of Corinthian brown leather who's arrogant and resembles George Hamilton).  The PCs then asked about the camera crew - now that I think about it, this may have happened before the violet shaft of light scene, but whatever - and it occurred to me that I should come up with a random table to determine what's going on with their documentary... are they on break, eating lunch, going to get more filmstock, fucking an intern, etc.  

Eventually, we decided it would be hilarious if they were on strike.  I described all three crew members holding picket-signs demanding more money with some catchy slogan.  Ideas were flowing like moderately-priced wine, and it was hard to keep up with what everyone said, but I do remember lots of laughs that lasted a few minutes.  And it ended with studio executive sharkoids giving the PCs 40% investment in the production for 500 gold pieces.

Next, the PCs headed further south and found a massive chunk of ka'alaxian crystal with tangerine striations embedded in an even more massive stalagmite.  Who's going to touch it?  A common refrain in my games.  I believe multiple PCs did, and they experienced the same vision...

Commander Andrak, one side of his face horribly burned and scarred from his last tangle with the PCs, standing in a cave embedded with blood-red crystals.  The Federation officer held a crimson box in his hands.  When he opened it, there was a flash and the adventurers could see the entire planet of Cha'alt explode.

That bastard Robard the violet-red asked if that vision would allow him to teleport there using his sorcery (because technically, he has been there or at least seen the place via the crystal's warning).  I said yes, and then he opened a portal, and everyone came with.  So there they were, standing in "the last room" of the adventure, possibly the campaign, hours ahead of time and with approximately 90-minutes of game time remaining.  Lol

After a minute or so of deep thought, I told Robard that the blood-red crystals were forcing his mind to project them all into yet another dimension - a crimson labyrinth.  Luckily, I had brought my VENGER CON Like A Fucking Boss d100 gonzo table with me downstairs before the game's start.  I rolled on it several times to give me ideas, since I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen until I spontaneously thought it up.  Now, that's auto racing without a seatbelt - not for the faint of heart!

The atmosphere was 7% cinnamon.  Then I rolled on a result that simply said "The day God went mad."  Of course, I knew what that was in reference to, since I wrote it and all.  It's the original title for the vintage episode of Doctor Who episode called "The Face of Evil."  So, in the distance, there was a mountain (similar to Mount Rushmore) fashioned in the likeness of Tom Baker.

Inside his open mouth, the PCs saw a few humanoids.  So, off they went to climb.  Then I rolled again and got Satan's Little Helpers - just inside the mouth was a biker gang whose High Priest had been taken down a corridor and through a locked door - this was technological and the bikers asked the PCs to help free their High Priest, and in exchange, the bikers would do something for them (but I forget what exactly).

Krandol used his purple plasma sword to burn a hole through the door.  Inside was their High Priest, sitting cross-legged with arms out at his side, meditating and chanting under his breath.  In each hand, he had a crystal - one chartreuse and the other fuchsia.  I imagined the High Priest as resembling PeeWee Herman since Satan's Little Helpers was from PeeWee's Big Adventure and Paul Reubens just passed away (RIP, hoss).

One of the PCs asked him what he was doing, and the High Priest replied "Waiting for it to come!"  And the PCs noticed an infernal glyph carved into the stone floor beneath his lotus position.

Chancery Heighten Philthrop III, who'd been relatively quiet so far, decided to get the party started with a laser blast at the High Priest.  Literally, everyone at the table assumed the halfling thief's player would miss because that was his MO.  However, that notion turned out to be utter bullshit, as he scored a 15.  Plenty good enough to shoot a stationary humanoid who's preoccupied and with his eyes closed.

He got the High Priest in the neck and blood spurted out, then his head opened wide and this small, squidgy, slimy green Lovecraftian obscenity slithered out and hovered in mid-air... then grew into the size of a mid-sized car with massive tentacle - the fuchsia and chartreuse crystals also hovering next to the horror.

I forgot how much raw firepower the PCs could exert when they're all assembled.  And all my attack rolls failed and/or the PCs made all their saves.  So, they killed it without a scratch (I should have beefed it up mid-battle, but decided against it on a whim).  Then, to add insult to injury (not really, but that's what it felt like) someone (most likely the halfling, since he just acquired divine healing hands) asked "Does anyone need healing?"  To which everyone responded "Nope," since no one had a single HP taken from them.

Oh yeah, on that first round of combat, the PCs blew the conch shell to summon that worm the dark elves used a few sessions ago.  So, he showed up to eat the flesh and drink the emerald-green blood of the abomination once it finally showed up one round later.  

However, I subverted that anticlimax by telling them the emerald blood seeped into the infernal glyph and made the entire thing glow as an "earthquake" shook the entire place and pieces of the mountain they were in started crumbling.  They hightailed it out of there on the bikers' motorcycles and as they were exiting the mouth, noticed a priest or something of the Tom Baker religion, this dude in priest robes had a Tom Baker scarf wrapped around his neck.  He mentioned something about the Tro-kla'an or convergence of weird occurrences and mystical events that would likely result in another apocalypse.

That priest asked the PCs for a lift out of this micro-universe, so they allowed it, if he could hold on to Nineteen, Robard's centaur-hottie concubine (who wasn't a slave, but her own woman - she can do what she likes).  He did and grabbed her boobs on the ride back, which Robard swore revenge for (not a cuck, but possibly a simp - Lol).  We'll have to see how this plays out next session.

The PCs made it out of the crimson labyrinth (on second thought, in my mind's eye, it's more of an expanse or realm than a labyrinth) dimension to the blood-red crystal room.  Realizing that I still had the exact same logistics problem as earlier, I quickly followed-up with "And then the apocalyptic explosion was so HUGE that it psychically blew everyone back through the teleportation gateway you used to get here, and back to the spot you were in before reaching the red crystal room."

We were about out of time, and that was a perfect point to end the session.  It didn't go the way I expected, but I (and it sounds like all the players) felt it was an awesome session!  I know I'm extremely biased, but it seems like VENGER CON a couple weeks ago helped prepare me for improvising the eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalyptic vibe of Cha'alt.

If all goes well, session #15 will be in two weeks.  Although, the middle of August is a tricky time for me work-wise, so no promises.  I won't know how much work I'll have to put in until it gets much closer.

In any case, thanks for reading!  You had to be there to hear all the jokes (including a strange but dirty Doctor Who anecdote).  Nevertheless, the following are a few amusing phrases heard at the table...

  • "White Jackal Privilege!"
  • "Dumping random A.I. generated shit through the multiverse into Cha'alt." [Basically, whenever you use the prompt "Cha'alt," then whatever you generate using A.I. will appear somewhere in the Cha'alt multiverse]
  • "Don't cross the crystal streams."
  • "Worms that eat up Lovecraftian abomination corpses are called Cha'altian roombas."
  • "You might have to find another God."  [I didn't say it, but good advice in this campaign, and reminded me of the movie I just finished, the 1976 King Kong - classic!]

Please, comment down below if you have a question, feedback, or just to say "Hi."


p.s. Do I still have gorgeous, premium hardcovers of the Cha'alt trilogy for sale?  Do I...?!? Yes, yes I do.  In today's world, buy from the little guy, the independent creator selling books out of his basement, just trying to break-even - not soulless corporations that first and foremost care about profits - and are hard-pressed to come up with good content!