Sunday, September 17, 2023

Crystals of Chaos (session report #17)


This session concludes the Crystals of Chaos 9-month Cha'alt campaign on 2023.

That scene from Kill Bill (volume 2, I think) where Bill's brother asks Daryl Hannah's character which she's filled most with, after it's all said and done... relief or regret.  Like her, I'm sure every GM feels a bit of both.  And like him, if pressed, we'll usually feel more of one than the other.  So, which is it?  

It's sad when things end, but if nothing ended, there also wouldn't be new beginnings. Put me in the relief column.  So many things transpired, in and out of the game, since January.  Also, it does suck that not everyone could be at the last session.  But we have to take a 3-week break after yesterday's game and I'd been meaning to reach a conclusion for a little while.  Plus, I want to experience new RPG awesomeness.  

So, while the RPG Pundit is already chiding me for concluding my 9-month campaign when his World of the Last Sun has lasted 10 years, all I can do is nod and laugh and be grateful for everything that led up to this point.  What we accomplished is quite remarkable, as you can see by reading my Crystals of Chaos session reports.  Thanks this Crystals of Chaos, we have the lavender moons, Cha'alt X-Cards, fuchsia burn, and so many things!

Who was on the roster?  Robard the Red, Jackal, and Heighten Chancery Philthrop III.

Last session, the PCs had taken the hellevator down to the bowels of Cha'alt where the Hell Worm dwelt.  They were chasing a Federation officer named Commander Andrak who got hold of a device that, if opened, would annihilate the universe.

Before breaking camp and heading off in search of Andrak, the party got a visual communication from Starship Jefferson (their transport presumably still parked above Cremza'amirikza'am).  It was Teddy Westside wearing a banana-furry costume.  After the initial shudder, the PCs asked what was up.  

"I've got good news and bad news.  Which do you want to hear first?"

The bad news, Robard said.  "The bad news is 19, aka centaur hottie."  Then what's the good news, the sorcerer followed-up?  "I'm getting married," Ted replied.  

Yep, Teddy Westside and centaur hottie were eloping to Alpha Blue... and taking the Starship Jefferson with them.  They assured the party that they'd be back eventually to pick them up after their honeymoon.  

Robard fell into a deep, dark depression... and we all watched him go down the emotional well.  It humanized Robard, made him more relatable, watchable (from an audience's perspective), and provided extra fodder for roleplaying.  Throughout his breakup ordeal, he was awarded a couple Divine Favor fuchsia stones for character embodiment.

The PCs saw another brown pool of sweet smelling candy water, and a white unicorn trotted up to it, turned around, backed up a couple paces, and pooped into it.  After the unicorn finished her business, a couple demons came along.  

Robard wanted a unicorn horn as a spell component and the halfling tried to help by remotely shoving his hand/tentacle through a portal to hold onto it.  Heighten critically failed and the unicorn stabbed his hand, instead.  Robard used one of his infernal lavender moons of destiny dice to make this a defining moment for his character.  Unfortunately, he, too, rolled a 1 on the d6.  Even though he had that Divine Favor.  Robard refused to spend it, only accentuating his emotional depths.  Robard missed and broke down crying.

After the demons led the unicorn away, the PCs examined the brown liquid pool that smelled like blueberry waffle cone graham cracker cheesecake, knowing what it was from before and just now, Jackal turned the pool into zoth with the tip of his trident.  Heighten dipped his hand tentacles into the zoth and healed himself.

Meanwhile, the demons took the unicorn to a nearby cave where a demon Willy Wonka waited upon a candy-studded chocolate tentacle thrown.  Further back in the cave, a film crew was getting shots of THOTs wrestling in candy slime.  Where did these women come from?  demon Willy Wonka touched the unicorn with his wand and she turned into a hot chick, which the candy man sent to his film crew to create even more content for his OnlyFans account.

Seeing demon Willy Wonka as a threat and wanting the unicorns / hotties for themselves, the PCs attacked without warning.  The battle was quickly over, ending in a fiery crescendo as Robard fireballed all three.  The demons were dead, and Willy Wonka with devil horns and a tail was mostly burned to a crisp.  The PCs took his wand and broke it, but instead of turning the girls back into unicorns, it permanently kept them humanoid females.  

And there was another spell cast (or maybe this was still due to the fireball), but I rolled on the d100 weird spell aftereffect table and fruities came out of a portal to challenge the adventurers for supremacy of this domain.  Robard's character grabbed the Cha'alt X-Card for "sleaze."  So, I told them the fruities wanted to decide things with a fuck-off.  Whoever can bang these sluts the hardest and best would rule this candy cave and all the unicorn girls it contained.

I had everyone pick a woman, sexual position, and bedroom maneuver, then asked for a d20 roll.  Real quick, all the players were rolling like crap most of the game.  The strawberry, who revealed his strawberry dick upon opening his trench-coat, won the fuck-off when I rolled an 18.  The PCs hung their heads in shame as the fruities victoriously danced and gyrated their junk to the crippling defeat of the Crimson Bastards!

At some point in there, the film crew recording the slime candy wrestling girls (who used to be unicorns) and the documentary film crew capturing the adventurers' exploits needed some legal guidance so one group couldn't sue the other... and a demon lawyer was summoned.  The halfling murdered the lawyer because of course he did.

The OnlyFans film crew either joined the PCs' documentary film crew or died horribly.

Knowing the PCs as I do, it wasn't at all surprising when the PCs decided to crush the fruities... and crush them they did.  Jackal's player held up the "exploitation & grindhouse" card - I leaned into such cannibal holocaust fare as primitive humanoid tribesmen came out of the shadows to light a bonfire and prepare a fruity feast.  Everyone had plenty to eat as the screams of chopped up and burning anthropomorphic fruit filled the cave.

I believe it was at this point that Colin, Robard's player, said something that was so glaringly obvious that I scarcely know how it wasn't part of the Cha'alt X-Card guidelines this while time.  Of course, a PC should be incentivized with Divine Favor after he taps a card.  So, yeah, I started giving that out.

After the cannibal carnage, the PCs decided to take it easy for the rest of the day, sleep in the cave, and wake up the next morning to continue their journey.

The PCs kept going, walking down the main tunnel which eventually led to a deposit of massive crystals showing different scenes in space, time, and dimension.  Specifically, these four... Commander Andrak opening a red box and Cha'alt exploding; demons launching a brutal attack on the surface, specifically, A'agrybah, killing the banana-men defensive guard; an alien temple containing humanoids all wearing lavender robes - at the center of the temple is a weird device; and a world similar to Cha'alt but everyone and everything had dicks covering it.

The halfling wanted to use his dimensionally remote tentacle hand to grab Andrak and pull him through, which he did... as they found out that Andrak was just a humanoid shell or puppet for Ubbo-Sa'athla who wanted to destroy the whole universe and remake everything with dicks all over stuff.

Jackal hacked into Andrak who just crumbled and melted away.  Heighten used his hand again to knock the red box away.  Robard cast a spell using the party's unicorn girl entourage menstrual blood to fuel his sorcery (it was just lucky that the girls got their periods that morning).

I rolled on that d100 wild magic table again and Robard was out of phase with everything on this plane.  But he saw a portal to the purple labyrinth, and went in with the box, trying to lure Ubbo-Sa'athla into it.  His plan worked, but then Ubbo-Sa'athla was trapped in the purple labyrinth with Robard - even if the sorcerer escaped, the Great Old One would have a chance to either leave or destroy that extra-dimensional wizard plane - which would be a shame since sorcerers of Cha'alt (and other realms) rely on the purple labyrinth for all kinds of strange mystical stuff.  

The labyrinth itself was trying to communicate with Robard.  Robard wanted to use another soul-shard corresponding to the infernal lavender moons of Cha'alt to trap the Great Old One and explode the red box without harming the PCs, Cha'alt, or even the purple labyrinth.  He rolled a 3, which is the lowest roll possible while still succeeding.  Creating a much smaller and even more purple universe behind yet another portal, Robard went in... and so did Ubbo-Sa'athla, then Robard escaped just as the instability of that device inside the red box was triggered by so many dimensional doorways.  

It exploded, ending that universe within a universe within a universe... possibly even now being remade in the Old One's image... as everything and everyone are covered with dicks.

Upon walking out of that cavernous crystal area, the PCs saw graffiti on the rock that read, "Go immediately to the Chartreuse Dragon Cantina ~ Crimson Bastards."  

They teleported there, at which point the PCs were met with a surprise party.  Even though Teddy Westside and centaur hottie weren't there, all the adventurers... Krandol, Zagreus, and even Gath were there.  And a bunch of NPCs lost to the mists of memory.

They all drank and ate and laughed at stories of their adventures.

That was it.  I closed the campaign with one last gong, and the players and I talked about how much we enjoyed the adventure and the whole damn thing.

Receiving a point of Divine Favor was really both a no-brainer and master stroke that I still can't believe I didn't think of.  I'll have to read through my posts, but I'm pretty sure that notion never actually came to me.

Oh yeah, this session's audio was also recorded on a tiny device.  So, once the audio is cleaned up, we might have something neat to share with folks.

The following are hilarious and/or cool things that were said this session...

  • The unicorn/centaur sexcapades reminded someone of this SNL sketch with Christopher Walken. Here it is, if you're curious.
  • "He flew too close to the lavender moons."
  • "Unicorns have IBS, but zoth makes them regular... but too much gives them constipation."
  • "The only economy that's still viable on Cha'alt is OnlyFans."
  • When you can legitimately say, 'Surprise, motherfucker!' you get to roll your attack with Advantage."
  • "I should have listened to my Mother and gone into bird law."
  • "I was touched by the greater magics of this place."
  • "Would that be a dickopalypse or dickaggedon?"
  • "Maniacal laughter is the last phase of grieving." 
  • "Objection, your honor, he's leading the GM."
  • "Failing foreskin... instead of failing forward, but also a dick joke."
  • "I don't think there was ever a 'normal' Robard."

I've said it before and here it is again, thanks to all the players, everyone who's reading these session reports, those commenting and talking about Crimson Dragon Slayer and Cha'alt, the people who've purchased Cha'alt, and support what I'm doing with Kort'thalis Publishing.

When I'm back from vacation later this month, I'll let you know what we plan on doing Saturday, October 7th.  Colin was thinking about running a SLA Industries one-shot, and then I've got something wicked up my wizard sleeve as Halloween draws nigh.

So long and thanks for all the fuchsia tentacles!


p.s.  Get your Cha'alt hardcover trilogy and a custom made set of Cha'alt X-Cards with this here special deal.  And don't forget all the fun you'll miss if you don't attend VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR... next July in Madison, WI.

Thursday, September 14, 2023

Cha'alt X-Card Trilogy Deal


Ok, here's the deal.  I need to get more hardcover Cha'alt books sold before Kickstarting Book 4 of the trilogy in January.

I also want to get my Cha'alt X-Cards into the hands and tentacles of gamers like you.  What are Cha'alt X-Cards, you ask?  A set of 8 cards, each with a different descriptor that comprise the greatest campaign setting ever made... CHA'ALT.  

It's eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, sleaze, humor, pop-culture references, and exploitation / grindhouse (added later, after the initial pictures were taken).

At any point in the session, a player can grab a card from the middle of the table and raise it up, letting the GM know he should incorporate a bit (or perhaps a lot) more of whatever is on the card into the current encounter, scene, moment, whatever.

EDIT: And the player who tapped the card gets a point of Divine Favor (or your metacurrency of choice) as a reward (incentivize the play you want to see more of).

So, that prisoner exchange the GM is describing suddenly becomes tinged with alienage and cosmic horror, assuming the eldritch card was tapped. Does that one convict tweaking-out have forbidden knowledge locked inside his subconscious - about to rip and tear its way out like a thousand screaming tentacles?

You see what I did there?  I just came up with that secret subplot just now, thanks to the Cha'alt X-Card prompt.  And players are encouraged to come up with their own inspirational ideas when they raise a particular card... subject to the GM's capricious whims, of course.

Anyways, I made myself a set of Cha'alt X-Cards and got to try them out.  They worked even better than expected, so now I want YOU to have your own set... and it gets even better - I'm going to handmake these 8-card sets so that you'll have custom Cha'alt X-Cards of your very own.  They'll be colorful and weird and probably low-fi art-punk as Hell.  I'm going to try a bunch of different things and let folks pick out their favorite (subject to availability).

The ones you see here on this blog post were the original prototypes.  I can and shall do better.  I'm hoping these will be cherished artifacts for years and years to come, used in various games (both Cha'alt and non-Cha'alt), and one day as ebay worthy as one of Banksy's public murals.

So, how do you get your set of 8 uniquely custom Cha'alt X-Cards?  Purchase the full trilogy of hardcover Cha'alt books at some point this month, in September, and then before the end of October, I'll mail out the Cha'alt X-Cards (you'll get the actual books days after your order).  I can't send them together because 1) I have to design and physically make them, which takes time... and 2) If I tried to send the cards along with the books, I'd lose the "media mail" discount on domestic shipping.

Speaking of which, this deal - a set of free Cha'alt X-Cards - is only good for those living in the USA.  For those living outside the USA, I can send you a set of Cha'alt X-Cards for an additional $20.

For the entire, professionally printed, gorgeous hardcover trilogy of books (that also come with the PDFs if you don't already have them), it's $130 domestic ($200 foreign).  Paypal me at:

Got a question?  Just ask...


p.s. I'm currently selling weekend badges for my midwest gaming convention VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR.  You should go, hoss!

Tuesday, September 12, 2023

The Burning Man


It had been ages since I'd run a session on Roll20, way before VENGER CON.  

After all, I didn't need these infrequent fixes now that I've got a bi-weekly Cha'alt campaign going into its 9th month, and 2 or 3 times a year, I'm a GMing fool at conventions, running shit all weekend long.

Nevertheless, I missed my 90-minute, text only, 18+, virtual sessions that used to be my gaming bread and butter the past few years.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of running Cha'alt: Burning Man for Charles H. (he did a post-game audio clip) and a guy named Paul I found on Twitter who was interested in getting Cha'alt for himself.  So, I said, why not try it out for yourself to see if it fits?  

The characters were a half-human / half-lizardman elemental sorcerer named Nicolo and a Mi-Go type crustacean priest working to bring back Cthulhu named Erka'al.

Usually, when I set these Roll20 sessions up I try to think of a cool sounding name that evokes a simple and gameable concept.  I don't always follow-through with that concept, but it gives me a starting point.  This being Cha'alt, I'm happy to use something topical to get the ball rolling - getting that ball to initially roll is usually the hardest part.

Since the Burning Man festival was in the news, I used that.  And since most of my Cha'alt one-shots start with the PCs wandering the desert, it seemed like a no-brainer!  The PCs stumbled upon some kind of large gathering which turned out to be a ritual with a mysterious purpose.  As I do, the Burning Man idea was conflated with the Wicker Man - PCs saw humanoid slaves caged inside the abdomen of this gigantic man made out of wicker or bamboo.

An elf filled them in before he took off on his reptilian riding spider, giving Nicolo (who had asked if he was holding any drugs) a glass vial of zoth.  A storm was coming, dark purple clouds appeared on the horizon, moving towards the valley where this ritual was taking place.

Various other attendees caught their eye - a man blowing into a translucently violet conch-shell, an insectoid slaver leading three slave girls by their collars down to the wicker man, and a High Priest who drew a sigil into the sand while chanting.  The sigil became a pool of liquid.  The High Priest dipped his tentacle into it and withdrew it wreathed in flame.

As the fire was set at the base of the wicker man and the slaves were yelling for someone to help them, the PCs assessed the situation, trying first to glean more information via Erka'al's psychic abilities.  He discovered that these celebrants were attempting to summon a conqueror worm in order to rid themselves of an otherworldly entity living in a nearby cave.

Nicolo inquired about purchasing a blonde slave who had been flirting with him.  He didn't have near enough gold, but the insectoid slaver told him that if he killed the neza'ateem (that's what they called the thing in the cave... in the ancient tongue it means "something birthed by the unknown"), he could have the slave girl free and clear.  

In old school tradition, Nicolo asked if there was some secret, some scrap of information, a trick or weakness... something to help them slay this neza'ateem.  The slaver gave the sorcerer his necklace, a tentacled entity fashioned out of purple-jade that would hopefully bring him luck.

As the flames licked higher and the storm was directly overhead, the adventurers made their way to the cave (about a mile away from the valley).

Just outside was a stone marker with carvings, the topmost being an eye inside a triangle.  A few humanoids had followed them and gathered outside the cave, waiting to see what fate was in store for them.

They went inside and saw crystals embedded in the rock walls, just up ahead was a body ripped in two and the gruesome remains gnawed at by the beast they were hunting.  The tunnel forked, and the PCs went in the direction that didn't have bloodstains.  They found slabs of stone with bodies laying on them.  This was some kind of mausoleum.  

Nicolo took a purple crystal from wall, drank the vial of zoth, and tried to vision-quest his way into answers.  Being 3rd level and only two of them, it seemed apparent that they needed an edge.

In this vision, the sorcerer saw the entity being cut in twain by a magical sword.  He tried reaching out to locate the sword and Erka'al, who was watching his companion, saw Nicolo's hand extend like a tentacle, going for something beneath a death-shroud laying upon one of the bodies.

It was a sword, and the sorcerer could feel its magic.  The two of them looked around to see if there was anything else they could loot that might help them slay the neza'ateem.  Erka'al found a badass helmet in the likeness of a winged serpent.  it wasn't magical, but it was well-made and mighty to behold.

Without too much screwing around (there wasn't much time before the session was going to end), the creature approached - tentacles, teeth, and bad breath.  It made its way towards them as the priest shot it with his luger.  The bullet went in, spurting emerald-green blood as it did so, but that didn't even slow the beast down.

Charles asked me about Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer as he was looking for a way to even the odds. I told him he could either spend a point of Divine Favor to get Advantage on his attack roll or call upon one of the infernal lavender moons of Cha'alt, allowing him to do what would normally be impossible.  He chose the latter.

"Just roll a d6," I said.  He did and it came up a 6 - critical success!  I narrated how he swung and hacked into it, the blade going cleanly through, bringing the entity down into two pieces that flowed with green blood.

Afterwards, the adventurers exited the cave, were met with rejoicing and praise, Nicolo got the girl, and someday there might be more to come.

It was a good, solid, and satisfying session.  I was stoked to try out the "epic deed" mechanic for a 3rd time (every bit of playtesting helps).  It worked as intended, a decent chance of overcoming an insurmountable obstacle that makes sense, that's immersive... according to the campaign setting.

The players had fun and want to do it again, so we'll see how our schedules go.  I'm aiming for every other week, as that seems doable.  This session went over by 10 minutes or so, but generally speaking a 90-minute scenario isn't too exhausting in-between my requisite Game Mastering duties.

Thanks for reading!


p.s. VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR is open for registration, so get your weekend badge before we're capped at 100 attendees.  Also, hardcover Cha'alt books are still for sale!

Saturday, September 9, 2023

One-Page Collaboration


Sometimes, I get people asking to collaborate with me.  Occasionally, I'll want to collaborate with someone in particular... or a third party really wants me and another person to work on something together.

And usually, this doesn't go anywhere because as creators and self-publishers know, a project can take up to infinite time, energy, and money if one isn't careful.  And it's difficult to suggest parameters without knowing exactly what the other person is thinking, and you you want to see how it goes, and people in such a situation usually try to be open-minded and flexible.

Pretty much everything that could invite disaster, or at the very least, unnecessary suffering.  However, I had an idea earlier today that just might make everything nice and easy.

I'm calling it the one-page collaboration for a reason.  That's because both parties agree to keep the parameters at one page (which also may include both sides of a page, or two side-by-side pages "control panel" style, but whatever).

No matter the project, if it's worthwhile, we should be able to boil it down to one or two pages of gameable material.  The sort of thing you can have sitting in front of you at the table, behind your screen, waiting to be used.

At this point in my life and hobby, I just want to focus my "extraneous project energy" on short and sweet, hyper-minimalist stuff that I can use in my Game Mastering... plug and play, hoss.

Having said that, if anyone would like to do a one-page collaboration with me, just let me know.  Chances are, I'm down to clown.  I do have a couple ideas in the tank, but also come to me with what you want to do.  Who knows, maybe we'll meet in the middle and genius will strike between the two of us?

The fine print - whatever we collaborate on is jointly owned.  I can self-publish and sell it, and so can you, if you so choose.  We can take the content (which may vary between the two of us) and put our own aesthetic spin on the layout, if we so choose, or both put out the exact same thing.  Any costs over $50 (that I'm happy to pay) will be split 50/50.  And somewhere in the product, there will be language saying that this was a collaboration between Venger Satanis and XYZ.

Ok, I think that's it.  Don't forget about the Fall 2023 Cha'alt Game Ja'amdetails over here!



p.s. VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR weekend badges are now available (while supplies last, attendance capped at 100). And the Cha'alt hardcover sale is still going strong - get yours today!

Thursday, September 7, 2023

Cha'alt Contest & Game Ja'am


I wasn't sure how much extra room I'd have for additional races in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, but now I know.  

I already have one or two things in mind, but wanted to give you guys a chance to come up with something eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humorous, sleazy, exploitation/grindhouse and/or pop-culture references.

Aim for 3 - 5 sentences that include a brief description, something interesting about that race in the context of Cha'alt, and either a racial benefit or two racial benefits along with one drawback (to keep races from becoming too over-powered).

You have until Halloween to submit your entry.  The winner will be chosen on November 1st and will be included in next planned PDF update around mid-November.

In other news, I'm releasing another limited-time open game license for Kort'thalis Publishing.  Between October 1st and Thanksgiving this year (November 23rd, 2023), you have my permission to publish your own products (either free or commercial) that uses one or more IPs owned by Venger Satanis and released by Kort'thalis Publishing. 

Stipulation, you must include the following acknowledgement in your product in all its forms (digital, print, etc.)...

"Whatever intellectual property owned by Venger Satanis and published by Kort'thalis Publishing is used with his malevolent permission in relation to the Fall 2023 Cha'alt Game Ja'am. Shemha'amfora'ash!"

That gives you approximately 3 weeks to come up with an idea and about 7 weeks to execute it.  If you want to run something by me, I'd be more than happy to give you some quick advice or perhaps a brief once-over when you're at the "showing it off" stage.

The winner not only gets his name credited in the book, but a free PDF of anything that Kort'thalis Publishing has to offer!

Contact me at:

Assuming you get them into me, Cha'alt Game Ja'am products will be showcased on this blog just after Thanksgiving (most likely November 25th, my birthday).

Venger Satanis and Kort'thalis Publishing is not responsible for any poor decision making on your part, and I can banish anyone from the Cha'alt Game Ja'am at any time and for any reason (though, this is extremely unlikely).

If you have a question, feel free to comment down below.  Thanks!


p.s. Badges have already gone on sale for next July's VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSRDetails and registration on the Tabletop Experiences platform.  Additionally, hardcover Cha'alt books are still on sale - Get them here!

Sunday, September 3, 2023

Crystals of Chaos [session report #16]


These session reports aren't just an ongoing narrative of what's happening in the game, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the cooperative story that we're creating and experiencing at the table.  

It's also a deconstruction of the medium and this particular campaign, what works, what doesn't, things tried, lessons learned, plans for things to come, etc.

Even though it was loads of fun and significant based on the utilization of certain techniques, mechanics, and play aids, session #16 felt a bit like treading water.  There's a reason for that.  I'm trying... or was trying, it might be more accurate to say, to delay the "final boss," which I wrongly conflated with the end of the campaign.

Just because the main and current antagonist is defeated, that doesn't mean the campaign has to end there.  Although, I do want to conclude it eventually.  So, anyway, yeah... this session seemed more like a random episode of Lost in Space, where the adventurers meet some random NPCs in a random weird part of the world, get up to some mischief, find their way into a jam, out of a jam, and keep going towards whatever leads are left to follow.

Next session, no matter what, it's going to have closure.  And then, if it continues, which I think it will, there will be yet another reason to keep adventuring.  

Three players this time due to a European vacation for Heighten's player and Jackal's player being sick.  So, it was the half-orc warrior Krandol, Zagreus the dwarf thief, and Robard the dwarf sorcerer.

The PCs found themselves in the underworld depths of Cha'alt, not too far away from the Hell-mouth.  They wandered the obsidian and onyx tunnels and caves, dimly lit by orange pools and streams of hot magma.  Eventually, they came to a buxom young hottie named Jennifer who (as I randomly rolled) was dumb as a box of rocks.  She asked them their desert name and talked of an ancient prophecy she was destined to fulfill - going with strangers from the surface to do something important (like save Cha'alt from total annihilation).

First however, they would have to dispatch Jennifer's pimp.  The pimp came out of the shadows at that moment with a leopard print zoot-suit and matching feathered hat.  He brandished a gold-plated blaster and proceeded to shoot Krandol in the chest doing 17 points of damage; the weapon did 1d30 damage because why the fuck not?

It didn't take long for them to rid Cha'alt's underworld of this pimp so Jennifer could accompany the PCs on their mission.  

Robard took the golden gun.  Krandol tickled their new companion with his tentacles, received a hardcore lap dance, and got his rocks (dumb as hers may be) off... thus securing the half-orc with the bonuses due from sexual release.

Due to that distraction, the adventurers lost their sexy female guide who was both expecting and leading them to a certain place.  So, they just kind of looked around to see what they could see.  Wasn't long before they stumbled upon three Federation soldiers who'd lost faith in their insane commander and went native.  They warmed themselves by a fire, cooking demon-rat on a stick.

Now, I had briefly introduced something that goes by x-rated cards, triple-x cards, Cha'alt cards, Venger cards, Cha'alt-X cards, or some variation.  Basically, they're the opposite of the SJW x-card "safety tools" you sometimes hear about from leftists on social media.  But instead of warning the GM to gloss over "problematic content," my cards encourage the GM to go farther into eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalyptic, humorous, sleazy, and pop-culture territory.  It's a way to make the game even more "problematic" and inappropriate... speaking of which, I showed them off in the latest episode of Inappropriate Characters [start at the 59th minute].

So, all 7 cards were in a pile in the middle of the table.  At any point, a player (or me, I suppose) could hold up one of those cards, and I'd do what I could to incorporate that vibe into the game.  

At this point, Robard's character tapped the post-apocalyptic card, so I described that the Federation dudes had pulled a cargo container from the before-times out of some subterranean ravine.  It contained really old provisions, such as a can of beans, spam, cliff bars, chocolate pudding cups, etc.

I also made it clear that if anyone at the table (but especially the individual who used the card) could provide suggestions.  If someone has a red-hot idea, why not share it, right?  This is supposed to be collaborative storytelling, after all.

Realizing these ex-Federation troopers would be an asset in finding Commander Andrak, they brought them along.  Eventually, the PCs encountered a chartreuse elf and fuchsia elf arguing about the existence of a legendary "promised land" called Fucha'al.  Robard involved himself in that discussion, wondering if it was somehow related to the purple labyrinth. 

I'm not sure why, but they went back the way they came and journeyed another mile or so up to the Hell-mouth.  Their side (the Cha'alt side) was congested with a waiting army of 250 - 300 demons with a demon general right next to the Hell-mouth itself.  Robard made Zagreus invisible, so he could sneak up to the general without being detected.  The dwarf thief pilfered a bar of gold from the demon who realized what was going on, slashing at the invisible Zagreus without effect.

Zagreus looked into that orange-red abyss and saw a butt-biting demon and several other humanoids being tortured by a pool of liquid fire.  The PCs decided to keep going in that other direction, away from the Hell-mouth.

The ex-Feds pointed the PCs in the direction of Commander Andrak's last known whereabouts.  So, they continued on... coming to a pool of brown liquid that smelled like cotton candy marshmallow berry waffle cone.  It smelled so good, but looked suspiciously like poop water.  Two of the Federation guys washed themselves in it before Robard dipped a rock in it and put it on the tip of his tongue for only a second, but enough time to realize that it was indeed shit.

They moved on, only to encounter a strange humanoid covered head to toe in red crystals.  He claimed to be the last survivor of that red crystal universe the PCs had a hand in destroying, and wanted to punish the PCs for taking part in it.  He banished them to a red crystal prison where they found three other adventurers who'd been trapped here, but they were also made of red crystal.  The leader was Crystar, and he had a badass red crystal sword.

Those three had a plan, which was to slaughter the jeweled gnomes that also lived and worked in this prison.  So, they found the gnomes who were throwing red crystals into the open belly of a demon statue that was filled with fire - a humanoid figure was in there, consumed with flames and silently screaming.

They shattered the gnomes and teleported the flame prisoner out when they realized that killing the gnomes wasn't enough to get them out of this prison.  It was a tall humanoid with goatee and black eye-patch named Zarzax.  He insisted that everyone bow to him.  The PCs were reluctant, no surprise there, so Zarzax made a show of force, nearly killing the sorcerer in one blow (while also brushing off a would-be devastating attack from the party's resident badass, Krandol).

After bowing to Zarzax, the new leader used Crystar's sword to cut through the red crystal prison reality into the PCs' home world, back where they left off.  Krandol convinced Zarzax to lead the demon army they found.  So, Zarzax went up to the demon army and only had to slay 12 of them before they bowed before him, then the PCs encouraged their new evil leader to conquer Hell itself.  Why not, right?

Robard used commune, according to the new alignment rules in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, to speak psychically with the Hell-mouth - but not before pulling out the eldritch card and describing the Hell-mouth as some gargantuan, Lovecraftian fire-worm (or lava-worm, if you prefer) with tentacles, it's open maw being the gateway between the infernal realms and the bowels of Cha'alt.  Yes!

Robard asked if the fire-worm would close its mouth in exchange for a service.  The fire-worm gave Robard a year and a day to summon it again upon the surface of Cha'alt, which the sorcerer agreed to.  But to make it official, the fire-worm wanted Robard, in this metaphysical space, to have sex with a fire-worm / lady hybrid while it watched.  Robard did as he was asked... calling upon the lavender moon of Chipotle Cheddar to seal his destiny.  At first, like Heighten Chancery Philthrop III, he rolled a one (critical fail), but used a point of Divine Favor to re-roll and got a 3.  Success!

Robard succeeded... "I lived the sorcery."  The Hell-mouth closed, separating Zarzax and his new demon army from the PCs, so they could continue going after Commander Andrak and save Cha'alt.

That was pretty much it.  With only 20 minutes or so left of the session, I decided to end it there.  Oh yeah, Robard's player recorded our session with some new device he just acquired.  After cleaning up the audio, he's going to send me the file(s) and then there will be a legit artifact from the Crystals of Chaos campaign (other than these session reports).

Yeah, it was lots of fun, but didn't really move the needle so much as delayed the big finish... which probably won't actually finish the campaign, but we'll see.  No promises.

It was awesome to debut the new Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer character sheets and Cha'altian x-cards, have another go at the infernal destiny d6s, and record this session for posterity.

According to Zagreus' player, we need a harlequin romance card, too!  To comment on the cards, quickly, I think they worked great.  Only 2 of the 7 used, but that was a fine start, and they did exactly what was intended.  I'll definitely keep them at the table for future sessions.

Next session in 2 weeks if all goes well.  Thanks for reading!  Your feedback is appreciated.


p.s. Yeah, now's the time to get your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR.  But in the meantime, if you don't already own the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy, ordering details right over here.