Wednesday, February 28, 2024

LEAP DAY - Biggest CHA'ALT Sale


Aside from my 5 children, Cha'alt might just be my greatest accomplishment.

For one unbelievable day [extended through Sunday, March 3rd]... February 29th, Leap Day, I'm selling the gorgeous, professionally printed, signed and numbered Cha'alt hardcover book for only $20 + $5 shipping/handling.

What is Cha'alt (in case you were sent here by a friend of a friend)?  It's my eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, exploitation grindhouse campaign setting.  It's a system-neutral OSR and 5e compatible tome of lore, factions, new races, adventures, locations, monsters, magic items, high tech, and features The Black Pyramid, a darkly weird megadungeon funhouse that's like nothing you've ever seen.

Check out the reviews, testimonials, vlogs, word of mouth, and hushed whispers of lurid illumination, unutterable chanting, and that foul piping music interspersed with foreboding drums!  According to the RPG Pundit, [link here] Cha'alt is a masterpiece of stupid gonzo fantasy!

After the last sale and Kickstarter, I only have about 300 left to sell.  Want your book by this time next week?  Paypal me the $25 [USA only; foreign shipping is $60 for book + shipping] at...

People have been asking, so I'm also going to include a special price for the entire Cha'alt hardcover trilogy - $90 for all three (that includes USA shipping; if you live outside the country, add $60 onto that).  

It comes with the PDF, if you don't already own it.  But guess what?  Today, that PDF is absolutely FREE!!!  This is the link, hoss.

Folks have seen the Cha'alt hardcover for sale in the wild going for $200, and that's what some people are charging on ebay!  Grab yours now for an eighth of that price.

Thanks, enjoy, and have a terrific Leap Day, hoss!


Monday, February 26, 2024

Game Master to the Rich & Famous


I should be blogging about the prior weekend's Cha'alt campaign, but alas only 2 of the 6 players could make it.  So, I had to cancel.

Not a total loss because I got to spend even more time with my Mother, who turned 85 on Saturday.

So, now that I have a window in my blogging schedule, why not write about something that's been brewing in the PSYCHOCOSM mind-space for a few months?  

This was an idea just on the borderline of breaking through at the beginning of the 2nd Cha'alt campaign, when Colin was still around.  The game was so good (and it's still excellent, even with his absence, though I must confess, ever so slightly diminished - pouring a vial of zoth out for my tentacled-homie... wherever he might be), that I wanted to share it.  I wanted others to feel the Cha'alt experience, beyond my faithfully recorded session reports.

I also wanted to monetize the well-oiled (well-zothed?) machine we had going because, let's face it, Kort'thalis Publishing pays the bills, but that's pretty much it.  It's a hobby-business.  If I'm lucky, it pulls in about $10K a year.  That's not nothing, but it's 2024.  There have been a number of life changes recently, and it's time to think big.

I'm ready to take the GM-for-hire thing to the next level.  

$50K for the GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN.  Your one-year contract for an every-other-week (26 sessions total), 4-hour game, up to 7 players (minimum of 3), within a 45-minute drive of the Sun Prairie / Madison, WI area.  As per usual, I'll be running my own world, Cha'alt [eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, and exploitation grindhouse] with Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.

My style is immersion-centric, rules-light, fiction-first, theater of the mind, rule of cool, 18+ for mature content, and noob friendly.   I have over 40 years of experience with RPGs, that include designing and self-publishing countless books, Game Mastering sessions wherein several players have honored me with the title greatest GM in the entire world.  I view this calling as somewhere between a culture-building, performance-based artform and self-actualizing religious vocation.

Modern-day radical-leftism would have us "eat the rich" or march them to the guillotine, owing to their hateful and ignorant Marxist agenda.  Instead, why not exchange goods and services for money so that everyone benefits?  America is a capitalist nation, democratic republic, and (for all its current problems) the greatest country in the world!

Yes, $50,000 sounds like a lot of money.  In fact, it is a lot of money!  However, I'm betting that an individual able to afford a personal chef or company willing to shell-out for woke anti-white training seminars can afford it.  Share the cost with players or write it off as an extended team-building work retreat.  Maybe after all these years, you've come to realize that golf isn't your thing and would rather ditch the country club?  Or perhaps money's no object when it comes to a deeply immersive, transformative thrill-ride like the Cha'alt experience?

With the GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN (if both parties agree, the contract is renewable at the end of the year + 10% increase), you're basically leasing a private, exclusive multiverse, which you and your buddies get to explore, interact with, and adventure in - like virtual reality but even better, it exists in our collective imagination, and the GM isn't A.I. but organic... conscious - infinitely superior to a machine... Venger Satanis, in the flesh.

Finding such will not be easy, and I don't plan to have this operation up and running until at least this fall, maybe January of 2025, but that's my mission.  

If scheduling permits, a couple one-year contracts would probably be the most I could handle at one time (while still keeping my primary home game).  So, if you live in the greater Madison, WI area, get ahold of me ASAP to lock-in your GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN one-year contract.  Three-hour introductory trial-sessions start at $500.

The marketing for this new business venture won't begin until after VENGER CON III, as I don't want anything to distract me from this July's convention - also in the Sun Prairie / Madison, WI area.

Thanks for reading,

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing
Arch-Duke of the Old School Renaissance

Saturday, February 17, 2024

The Curse of Venger Satanis


I somehow accidentally stumbled upon this blog post from 2016 where someone was reviewing one of the worst RPGs ever made, Empire of Satanis, written by me... and the blogger included my curse upon  

Specifically, the curse was directed at those trashing EoS.  Which seems weird in retrospect because it deserved to be trashed.  It's awful.  But some of those trashers were pretty nasty about it, and most of them turned out to be radical-leftists.  Even though I was using their negativity to fuel my power and magic, I could see that many of them were horrible, miserable people who deserved everything that was coming to them.

Did my curse nudge The Big Purple towards its incestuously Commie demise as thee place to discuss woke, SJW, critical race transgenderism?  Yes, perhaps.

Without further ado, here's my curse...

Hail Satan! Lord of the Pit! King of Hell! Ruler of the Earth! Master of the Abyss! I open the unknowable doorways and touch the violet flame, drink the revitalizing blood and break the skulls of those who cross Him or His brothers. I call upon the most vicious demons of Hell to intervene. From this night forth, you will be plagued by self-doubt, weakness, failure, hopelessness, hunger, pain, loss, insecurity, and envy. Nothing can save you and no one will come to your aid. All who have befriended you will now desert you in your hour of need. 
In the name of the Ancient Ones, I curse those who tear down Empire of Satanis! May Satan have no mercy whatsoever upon your miserable souls. 
Hail Satan! 
So it is done! 
Venger As'Nas Satanis 

Thanks for reading,


p.s. I wrote that before I took up the name Venger Satanis.  Also, get your hardcover Cha'alt books here.  And now's the time to grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR in Madison, WI this July.

Sunday, February 11, 2024

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 7]


Huzza'ah for the bare minimum!  I have a personal rule that I don't run virtual games for less than 2 people and live, in-person games for less than 3.  So, I was thankful that we had 3 players for yesterday's game.

An interesting line-up, as well.  We had the grog (sand construct) priest and two sorcerers - Morningwood and Drogon (who started out the campaign as a priest, but converted at the beginning of last session).  That means no warriors and no thieves.

After banging the gong and catching Morningwood's player up on what happened last time (can you believe he didn't read my blog post session report?  Outrageous!), the PCs continued to explore the system of caves and tunnels beneath Qada'ath.

Morningwood, being a pixie-fairy, turned himself invisible and flew around the cave containing a warlord named Skull-Face, a dozen soldiers  armed with spears, and a trio of sex-slave harem women.  He heard two interesting pieces of conversation.  Something about x'queeu being uncovered and that these guys were planning on conquering as much of this "dungeon" as they can in just a few hours.

Gorra the priest called up his demon friend who lives in the Outer Settlements of Qada'ath to see what was going on.  Apparently, Gonzo has been acting strange.  He burned his own house down, stole the Ark of the Covenant, and was looking for the PCs.

They kept searching in other caves.  Halfway down a tunnel, they found a humanoid citizen of Qada'ath eating a sandwich in the dark, trying not to be seen.  He recognized Drogon who denied being himself.  The guy pulled out his communicator and showed video footage of the Crimson Bastards (that's what I'm calling the PCs - it was their adventuring party name in the last campaign - until they come up with a better name) doing stuff they actually did (killing some guards and sand-blades) along with stuff that they didn't do (but probably wanted to), like blowing up the blue glass factory and barging into the executive offices of Supreme Councilor Kra'ang and shooting him point-blank in the head.  Just before dying, the pink little squishy guy muttered "X'queeu."

  Drogon knew that word due to his priest and sorcerer combo-background.  The word x'queeu means holiest of holy weapons.

Apparently, they were public enemy #1, and denounced as terrorists.  Believing most of the footage was doctored by The State, the PCs filed this information away, and kept going (after Drogon autographed the dude's sandwich receipt from Jimmy Ja'ans).

They kept going down the tunnel and found an old, gray-haired, balding, rough-looking mercenary choking a small red muppet named Elmo as a red-shirt alien humanoid and crew member of some starship was huddled at the back of the cave in a fetal position crying.  Yeah, I know, but... I couldn't resist.

The PCs discovered that the merc was hired by Gonzo to kill the Crimson Bastards.  So, the PCs tricked the merc into giving up Gonzo's location by telling him that the Crimson Bastards were hiding out among the dudes in Skull-Face's cave, reassuring not-Larry David that they would be his backup as soon as he entered the cave blasting.

Then the PCs explored two other caves - one containing a portal and 4 neo-templars from another dimension who were dead-set on destroying the Ark of the Covenant and its dread contents - the x'queeu!  The neo-templars explained that the holiest of holy weapons was an artifact that could pierce the veil between dimensions, allowing the Old Ones free reign throughout the multiverse.  

These neo-templars were looking for Gonzo, so the PCs made a deal with them.  They would take them to Gonzo in return for help (if they needed it) getting out of these caves and back to the Outer Settlements and one of their magic weapons the neo-templars wielded.  

Gorra took a morning-star +1 that could manifest a hurricane once per day.  

The other cave contained cannibals with glowing green eyes who were swarming around a massive crystal.  The CHUDs were chanting "Meequay denza'an irikais," which means... once the artifact is released, our redemption will be at hand (or tentacle).  

Drogon wanted a better look at that crystal, so he fireballed them.  Unfortunately, he rolled a 1 for the d6 fireball table in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, which would have backfired on them.  So, he spent a point of Divine Favor and re-rolled - getting another 1.  There were 2 polished fuchsia stones (representing points of Divine Favor) remaining on the table, so Drogon decided to employ fuchsia burn, using them both to achieve a critical success.

All the cannibals were smoldering husks, but the crystal absorbed some of the spell's super-charged magical energy, allowing me an opportunity to roll on the weird, wild spell after-effect table in Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise.  I rolled a 73, which, as it happens, is usually everyone's (and by everyone, I mean reviewers) favorite.  The sorcerer's head falls off, and gross stuff pukes out his neck, growing tentacles and an egg hatches that produces a miniature sorcerer who slowly grows to full size.  

In the massive crystal, the PCs saw a vision of one possible future - the Ark being loaded onto a Federation military transport as Gonzo looked on.  Then, a map of Cha'alt showing a red line - Indiana Jones style - the transport making its way across the S'kbah desert to the Crimson Rock of Sacrificed.  Finally, the planet Cha'alt imploding into a hundred-million fragments!

Now, the PCs were extra motivated.  So, they bypassed a crystalline dragon (though Gorra broke a tiny piece of it off, in case he had a chance to clone himself a crystal dragon at some later point), and found the cave containing ka'alaxian crystals that could reshape reality itself with a sorcerer's ritual - the primary reason why the PCs came down to these caves in the first place.  

There were a couple scholarly humanoids studying the glowing chartreuse crystals.  The PCs noticed silky, translucent spider webbing all over the ka'alaxian crystals.  So, they bade one of the scholars to touch a crystal in hopes of triggering any trap or alarm or whatnot.

Interrupting this, Drogon's player decided to stimulate a Cha'alt X-Card - HUMOR.  And he had his own idea, explaining to the table that maybe those translucent strands was jizz, rather than spider silk.  Very well, I said... these sticky strands are spider splooge.

BTW, I talked about this whole encounter and even created a D100 "Spider-Jack" random table group project for anyone who wants to participate between now and Valentine's Day.  Here is the Inappropriate Characters YouTube episode.  I'm hosting the D100 table over at in the Design, Development, and Gameplay board.  See what we've got so far and submit your own entry!

Sure enough, a 3-foot portal opened in mid-air above the PCs.  The giant spider (the size of a medium-sized dog) sat on the edge of the portal, jacking off - as interdimensional, crystal-coveting spiders often do.

The PCs managed to pry a ka'alaxian crystal loose and Drogon wished to use its energy to destroy any giant spider army that might be behind the one seen and close the portal to their dimension.  To seal the deal, Drogon chose to call upon a lavender demon moon of destiny, and inexplicably, decided to roll a gilded die simultaneously.  "This I gotta see," I said while leaning in with anticipation.

He rolled a 5 on the lavender moon die, resulting in success, but then a 6 on the Gilded Die of Satanis - holy shit, a critical-success + something awkward, embarrassing, or cringe as the cherry on top.

I determined that Drogon closed the portal with a blast of eldritch energy, shooting the spider perched on the portal's edge towards the sorcerer's crotch.  As the spider was already in jack-mode, he began jacking Drogon off while the ka'alaxian + crit-bonus manifested a bewitching beauty made flesh, or a close approximation, for the sorcerer to slide into (with the help of the spider, who now saw Drogon as his master).

It was one of the craziest, fucked-up things I've ever GMed, and we were all here for it.

Soon after, the PCs found a door out of the cave system, but this hand-print looked a bit different than the last.  Being suspicious, they insisted the red-shirted crying starship dude (Wesley) put his hand on the imprint pad.  One failed saving throw later and Wesley's hand disintegrated.  The party's priest Gorra immediately tried to heal his hand back - which only produced a tiny hand growing out of the stump, like Kristin Wiig's SNL character with the tiny hands.

I suggested that Morningwood's player, who suggested the SNL sketch reference, stimulate the POP-CULTURE Cha'alt X-Cards in order to get the Divine Favor bonus.  He did, and that little hand made Wesley cry even harder.

Now, outside in the hot desert air under fuchsia sky with twin suns, the PCs + neo-templars began the hour-long walk back to the Outer Settlements.  20 minutes in, a hover-limousine pulls up.  A tinted window descends as a high-end escort asks the PCs if they want a ride.

They all pile inside the hover-limo as 3 sexy escorts start telling the PCs how awesome and strong and manly and handsome they are.  The girls start touching them while offering them blue dreamers (a designer sex drug) - without ever discussing money!  I even had them roll a sort of insight check to determine if this was fishy.  Drogon's spider pet/minion, Ta'anzo, was suspicious and Morningwood's player rolled a natural 20, so he definitely felt a disturbance in the force.  

Earlier in the session, I bugged the pixie-fairy's player about the scepter he acquired a couple sessions ago.  He's been a player in my D&D one-shots and campaigns, off and on, since the late 90s.  I had forgotten some of that guy's quirks.  One of them being, if he's got an item with a variable effect, his risk adverse nature will usually prevent him from utilizing it.  Also, he's afraid of losing HP, which is just simply an occupational hazard for a sorcerer, using my Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.

Apparently, my ribbing was enough to get him to use the rainbow scepter - he rolled a 6 on a d8 - indigo (psionics).  Morningwood started to receive telepathic impressions from the girls... how Gonzo had hired them to kill the Crimson Bastards and how the girls had gotten their pimp to inject poison into the blue dreamers.

Bound and gagged, the escorts were no longer a problem.  The driver took the PCs straight to where Gonzo was living now, in a rent-controlled apartment above the cantina.  By this time, it was about a half-hour from our usual end-time, and I knew coming face to face with whatever was behind the door to Gonzo's apartment would be lengthy and a major set-piece (from a design standpoint).  Plus, my kids were getting antsy and wanted my attention.  So, we ended things there.

Hopefully, all 6 players will be able to make the February 24th game.  I'll leave you with a few choice phrases from this session...

  • "I will keep my ear to the sand."
  • "Be careful and watch your tentacles!"
  • Jimmy Ja'ans
  • "It doesn't pay to be rude in Cha'alt." - after that merc told the PCs to get the fuck out of the cave, they shot him.  Lol
  • "Do I get that sleaze factor bonus because I talked about gonzo-style porn to those neo-templars?"

Thanks for reading, hoss!


p.s. The Cha'alt hardcover books are on sale - right over here!  Also, weekend badges are available for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSRgrab yours now!!!