"The Ruin of A'agrybah" - CHA'ALT Campaign 4.18

 

Dear Cha'alt Penthouse,

The voluptuous redhead prostitute kneeling in front of me upon that dirty RV mattress told me this was her first time, though I'm pretty sure I saw her cross a tentacle or two behind her juicy booty-cake...

What's up, hosses?  We have another fine session report for you to read.  T'was another crazy romp through the gonzo subterranean wilderness.  All 4 players were able to make it, so let's dive in.

I leveled-up everyone in the party to 8th, and allowed them to take an additional special ability / feat because this was the penultimate session of the campaign (well, this tentacle of the campaign).  Strum took spell potency, Bishop Crane took true faith, Ug took burst of action, and Mista Firestorm took magical aversion.  

After a brief recap, the party waved goodbye to the speed-freaks trying to stay awake in hopes that the Great Old One slumbering beneath these tunnels and caves might wake-up himself.  A little ways down the tunnel, the party saw another demon trying to sell a toaster behind the Dark Sun Walmart.

The toaster was used, but in fairly good condition.  While the PCs weren't interested in buying that, the demon admitted that his partner in crime was already in the Walmart with several items of stolen goods that the adventurers might want to trade for.

Inexplicably allowing him to live, as they noted shortly after walking away from the demon, they walked up to a big Dark Sun Walmart sign, noticed a crudely paved and line-painted parking lot (complete with broken-down car and shabby-looking RV, faceless silver androids keeping high-tech weapons and such out of Walmart.

Ug checked-out the RV and found some purple fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror.  It was a one-sided and 100-sided dice.  He squeezed them and discovered there was something inside the d100.  Ripping it open, he discovered some purple fuzzy weed or p'fweed (which he took).

Which leads me to something new I've been working on - flashbacks!  As I'm currently re-watching the TV show LOST, I decided a week or so ago that I should incorporate flashbacks into the game somehow.  The first playtest was with my Wednesday night virtual Cha'alt game, and it went well.  I got to playtest it twice more this session.  The full details will be in an upcoming PDF, but suffice it to say, Ug recalled a memory of him driving around with his pimp-friend who was carrying a substantial amount of p'fweed.

Mista Firestorm being the closest thing the party had to an actual droid, walked up to one of the androids (who were wearing jorts due to some Karen complaining that the smooth nakedness of the mechanical men was offensive), and asked about their employment situation - soon convincing them of the opportunities that await.  The life of an adventurer is one of taking what you want and killing (or in rare cases fleeing from) whoever gets in your way.  And when there's too much heat, you either fight your way out with the help of explosives or portal-jump to a new dimension.  It didn't take more than a minute or two for both androids to see the beauty of the adventuring life, and so they disrobed their jean shorts before walking into the Walmart to fuck shit up.

Having dispatched the guards, the PCs walked in...

Oh yes, Firestorm went through the android jorts while they were sitting on the ground.  He picked-up a pink crayon, a vial of LSD, and a petrified lizard foot key-chain with a silver key attached.  Ug hacked the automated greeter machine as they walked through.

It was dark, only lit by black light and neon signs.  Humanoids were moving about.  Firestorm snuck around to see if he could locate that demon's partner.  Sure enough, he did find a demon carrying a black bag full of stuff.  After the thief tried to backstab the demon and missed, the demon pulled a laser pistol out of the bag and tried to shoot him.  Both kept missing, and the rest of the party either threatened the demon into giving up his bag or decapitated him with Kaltha'alax... I actually can't remember which route they ended up taking.

Either way, they got his stash.  The black bag contained... another toaster (there must have been a huge sale at some point), a boombox, a cyber-vacuum, and 3 bootleg DVDs with hand-drawn covers entitled "Escape from Los Delaware," "Behind the Amber Door," and "Hot Fun in Dirty Ching-Cha'ang."  Unsure if these were Roger Corman ripoffs, soft, or hardcore porn, or what, they gladly took the loot and decided that was probably enough Walmart for one session.

However, on the way out, Firestorm overheard a couple guys talking about the best batch of toilet-wine they'd ever made.  Intrigued, the thief went over an aisle to see what all the fuss was about.  He saw a display toilet, the bowl filled with a strange liquid that some disheveled vagrant was adding additional chemicals to.  

They talked about crayons and how that was a lottery system to see who would get action at the Dark Sun Walmart brothel.  You see, all the prostitutes had unionized so they only had to accept one client per day, and the crayons determined who would get lucky.

At that point, I pulled out a suggestion from the Black Skull of Secrets and a floor monster appeared.  After some conversation (he had a toaster of his own, and all the goodies that shoppers dropped on the ground), one of the PCs asked the floor creature about the ceiling, I think because they wanted the lights turned back on (assuming the floor and ceiling were friends).  But then, another player suggested that maybe the floor and ceiling were mortal enemies, so I quickly created a d4 random table to determine the nature of their relationship.  

Feel free to use this...1) never been properly introduced, 2) mortal enemies, 3) friends, and 4) healthy rivalry.  

The result was #2, and the floor got real mad and fired the blaster into the toilet wine which created a column of flame that started the ceiling on fire.  Now, as the ceiling burned, the PCs traded the pink crayon for something or other so the floor entity could get laid before the entire Walmart burned to the ground.  The PCs really wanted to get out of there, and quickly exited the Walmart.  

Strutting outside was a full-figured ginger whore who had gotten kicked-out of the Walmart prostitute union for having extra sex on the side.  She was looking for customers, and Ug was willing to part with that cosmic spider scroll, an erotic sex journal, and pink butt-plug (non-magical) for 20 minutes on the RV mattress.  Mista Firestorm even got to watch and provide constructive criticism and praise, when warranted.  

After that, the party ran into the same demon with a toaster.  This time, instead of the toaster he had a small black crystal hanging from a leather band.  Bishop Crane patiently told the demon that he should simply hand over the crystal because they were veteran demon killers pressed for time.  The demon handed it over, mentioning a prophecy written on a bathroom wall aways down the tunnel.  It spoke of adventurers who'd come from A'agrybah bringing ruin with them.  The prophecy also mentioned the awakening of Keelta'anpa'adraj and the balanced joining of a black and white crystal.

The PCs headed in the direction the demon pointed as that was where both the bathroom and white crystal could be found.  That led to another dip into the Black Skull pool as sex-crazed robots assaulted the gang while the cave literally rained virgin blood (which Strum collected to fuel his next few spells).  After shooting one of the sex-bots, the rest scattered.  I was a little bit afraid to reach into the Black Skull again, so that was it for player suggestions.

Eventually, the thief scouted ahead to find a couple more guards and some kind of ritual happening further in that cave.  Firestorm told the guards that he was an off-duty guard himself and wanted to help them pass the time by giving them pills to swallow.  Both taking the drugs, one fell asleep within minutes.  The other pill was similar to a green skittle (in fact, it was a green skittle) that the adventurers had encountered before.  That guard could see and taste the green-lime flavor, believing that everything around him was becoming lime-green.  The PCs let him go off and take advantage of the color and flavor experience so they could sneak inside.

A whole bunch of humanoids attended the sacrifice of a big titty sacrifice.  In fact, her titties were so big that they needed a second altar just to support them.  On either side of the altar stood a templar.  One holding a black orb, the other a white one.  In the middle was some sort of priest holding a ceremonial dagger.  At first, Strum tried to cast fireball as Crane attempted to zap the sacrifice with his ivory scepter, teleporting her to safety.  However, the black orb absorbed their magic.  They would have to do this the old fashioned way.

Firestorm tried to sneak up to the priest, but missed.  Bishop crane blasted them with his laser, Ug slashed with Orin, and Strum used the psionic fire opal to douse one of the templars with psychic flame.  Before the priest died, he summoned a Lovecraftian abomination.  By the time it attacked, the templars and their orbs had been destroyed, allowing both spell casting and priestly powers.  After the tentacled entity took a big bite out of the priest's shoulder, Orin ran up to it and hacked with a single slice, making onlookers think that he missed, when in reality he cut the creature in half, doing something like 65 points of damage once all the numbers had been added.  Indigo ichor oozed from the two halves as Orin sucked-up the thick, slimy blood like he was a crazy-straw.

The busty dark-haired woman was grateful, allowing any of the adventurers to have their way with her behind the altar.  I believe only Ug took on that task as Crane was too celibate, Firestorm too inexperienced (although, maybe he did partake, I forget), and Strum couldn't stop thinking about his one-eyed whore he left behind... but would possibly be reunited with in the future.

Soon, they came to a couple of restrooms on either side of a small cave appearing in the middle of a long tunnel.  One side was men's, the other women's.  Trying the men's restroom first, they went in, kicked a humanoid out of a stall, checked the stalls, found nothing, but then saw that above the urinals was the prophecy written in crayon.  It detailed the adventurers, known as the ruin of A'agrybah, their special mission to awaken the Great Old One, and a magical phrase that must be uttered as the black crystal touches the white.

Before leaving the restroom, I did another flashback for Strum involving his sorcerer apprenticeship.  I'll include that in the upcoming PDF, too.    

"Yoth ka'an vezula bla'an kaznok!"

Eventually, they made their way to a cave further in containing a gigantic robot-crab guarding a large white crystal set into a high rock at the back of the cavern.  Again, Firestorm wanted to sneak around and he did.  Firestorm said the words, opening a massive portal to another dimension.  Meanwhile, Strum cast dominate on the crab, ordering it to find humanoid sacrifices.  It mechanically crept away to find one or more victims.

The PCs ventured into the portal, trying to force the Old One to wake-up.  Bishop Crane took the lead, eventually shouting for Keelta'anpa'adraj to awaken and take his rightful place as ruler of Athas.  The PCs offered what was left of the virgin blood, a tab of acid, and praise... just before the robot-crab returned with 16 humanoids for sacrifice.  The Great Old One absorbed their essence and arose, giving the priest a strange and eldritch hat made of worm foreskin before teleporting the PCs back to Cha'alt, where they discovered they had a new tattoo-like mark of the Ancient Ones. 

Each player got to choose where it was placed on his character - Strum chose his chest, Crane chose around his eye, Ug chose the traditional barbed wire armband popularized in the 90s, and Firestorm chose a tramp-stamp.

Yeah, a lot happened that session.  We've only got one more session for this tentacle of the campaign, and that's slated for Sunday, November 1st.  

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, feel free to share on social media, and comment below!

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  I've got a virtual Cha'alt campaign for the "Temple of Violet Demon-Flesh" ready to go over at Start Playing, here's the link.  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

Masculine Paradigm: The Forbidden Game

 

It dawned on me this morning walking the dogs that my game, Cha'alt, especially the way I run it, would be outright banned if the feminists and beta-male cucks behind wokeness could actually do that.

You'll never see anything resembling the Cha'alt experience promoted by big or even moderately-sized TTRPG companies.  You won't find it pushed-up in the algorithm, even if such a thing exists on YouTube or podcastistan.  Books, supplements, conventions, and even forums and blog posts seem to be actively de-platforming, de-monetizing, and de-legitimizing my preferred style of gaming - by men, for men.

In fact, I wasn't allowed to volunteer my services as Game Master to a local TTRPG club because of my recent pushback against feminism in the hobby (right this way).  That's because the radical-left gatekeeps.  

Most "normal" gamers fall into two groups - those who aren't explicitly feminist but go along, not wanting to rock the female-centric boat that currently dominates TTRPGs, and those realizing that we should gatekeep, that we should have been gatekeeping all these years in an attempt to prevent tourists, activists, and misandrists (if you're not familiar with that word, it's like misogynists, but against men rather than women) from colonizing our hobby and destroying its essence so the shell, of whatever is left, closer resembles the feminist worldview and perspective.  

Everywhere I turn, TTRPG culture has been sanitized, censored, and feminized to the point where it's unrecognizable from its glorious origins.  What's even sadder, it's been happening for so long it's become institutionalized.  Many young gamers don't even realize that fantasy roleplaying emerged from sword & sorcery fiction, history, and war... all within the masculine paradigm.

Rather than just warn everyone what's happened or, even worse, bitching and complaining about it, I propose one possible solution out of many... run your games liberated from feminist, woke, corporate propaganda slop.  

Utilize that masculine paradigm to its fullest extent.  Here are a few ways to de-feminize your game...

Male-Gaze:  I encourage you to describe the world through a man's perspective.  Yes, he's going to notice danger first, but then let's see those heaving bosoms beneath straining corsets, her shapely butt when she bends over, women smiling, being feminine, looking beautiful, etc.  Not independent girl-bosses screeching about how oppressed they are.

Power Fantasy:  Marco Rubio just gave a speech about the ancient Greeks pursuing excellence here, encompassing such virtues as heroism, duty, and honor.  Would you like to explore new lands, conquer them, crush your enemies, take their stuff, seduce the barmaid, defend the realm, vanquish evil, protect that which needs saving, get laid, become more powerful in order to take on even more formidable foes, hear your reputation growing, experience the glory of your adventuring, and accumulate treasure!?!

Realism:  You must struggle to survive, life isn't fair, things don't always work out, a good compromise means neither side is totally happy, weak men create hard times, fuck around / find out, an honest man's common sense is more valuable than all the Kingdom's experts, and "progressive" liberalism either has to eventually return to its traditional roots or become a Kafkaesque totalitarian hellhole.

Humor:  The woke scolds, by and large, are humorless cry-bullies who find jokes offensive... unless they're in political alignment.  Include more humor, whatever you and your players think is funny.  Nothing points out that the Emperor has no clothes like a cutting bit of satire.  Rather than bending the knee to a faceless bureaucracy, ridicule them mercilessly!

Gross, Disgusting, and Weird:  There's something about blood, gore, diarrhea, Kuato from Total Recall, slimy tentacles, eldritch-green ooze that squishes down lightless corridors, and haunted demon-vomit (yeah, I just made that one up) that guys get a kick out of.  It's compelling, sometimes nauseating, and gives our made-up fantasy a texture of reality that men find amusing and immersive.  

If you want to de-feminize your gaming, this is the way.  Try to incorporate some of these, if not all, in your next session and see how you like it.  Want more?  Do more!  Become more!!!  Make it visceral... where you can really feel it, in the moment, here and now - away from the numbers and game mechanics.   

It's your game; make yourself happy.  Don't worry about being canceled in your own game.  Blog about your sessions without fear of woke reprisal.  I have your back, and so do thousands of other gamers, as well; even if most of them are silent right now [Venger gives the Samuel L Jackson stare].  

The time for quiet reflection is long gone, now is the time for action.  Run your own forbidden game - make it happen, hoss!

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  I've got a virtual Cha'alt campaign for the "Temple of Violet Demon-Flesh" ready to go over at Start Playing, here's the link.  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

"The Ruin of A'agrybah" - CHA'ALT Campaign 4.17

 

We had a "full" table of 4 players today.  

This is the core group that's been around for years at this point.  I will be finding more when we resume the face-to-face Cha'alt campaign going into its 5th year sometime in January of 2027, but for now, 4 is great... even 3 is fine, if someone can't make it, but I could accommodate up to 7 without issue.

Another great and wild session, so let's get into it.  Strum, Bishop Crane, Ug, and Mista Firestorm (though, he has another cactus-folk mobster at the ready for next session).

Picking up where we left off, Strum, Ug, and Firestorm returned to the Moshtobah cave system.  Realizing they never got past the very first cave before being taken to yet another strange dimension, the PCs, reuniting with Crane, buckled down so they could make a real exploration into the last known resting place of Athas' Great Old One, Keelta'anpa'adraj.

Before leaving that original cave, the PCs ransacked the leftovers of that woman's box 'o porn and sexual devices, touching them to the blade of his sword so Orin could absorb the contents into his "blade space."  Orin was happy to have more artifacts of sexual depravity.

The very next cave, the adventurers see an elf painting a bone-white pylon gold with a wide-bristled brush.  They talk to him for a bit, basically trying to understand why... why he was painting it and what was significant about that pylon in particular.

Without having a satisfactory answer, the elf showed the curious PCs inside.  Basically, the only thing inside the black interior (bigger on the inside than outside) was the stone matrix table, its surface covered with all manner of smaller, uniform crystals of concentrated power.  Where ordinary crystals contain the spiritual energy of the Old Gods, pylon crystals are fourth-dimensional nodes making it possible to travel not only through time and space, but dimensions.

Before entering the pylon, however, Ug wanted to paint his magic sword, Orin, with gold... gold being the most gilded of colors.  Orin was also pleased with the fresh coat of paint, no one being the wiser what would happen when Ug wielded him, blazing forth with unparalleled glory!

Carrying on from last session, Mista Firestorm decided to assault the elf with the magic butt-plug.  Prior to that, I told everyone (but this information would probably have come from the sorcerer) that the butt-plug, now that it was no longer in the weird pocket-universe of the cosmic spider, would go back to only working on humanoid females - no one else.  

Nevertheless, the butt-plug was used on the male elf inside the pylon.  I quickly wrote-up a d4 random table to decide how he would react.  Based on the roll, the elf freaked out and kicked over the matrix table while trying to get away.  The crystals spilled-out all over the black floor as the pylon started moving, eventually landing on a cliff, overlooking a desert that contained a ziggurat.

The pylon elf immediately ran for his life, only to be gobbled-up by a T-rex moments later.  The party chatted about whether it was worth the risk to get the butt-plug back out of the dinosaur, and eventually passed on the idea.  Instead, they found stone steps leading down from the cliff to the desert.  They took that and headed over to the ziggurat which was about 500-feet in front of them.  Two guards stood outside the door.

Talking their way past the guards, they entered a large audience chamber containing about 50 people with a raised platform where sorcerer-king Jethryk would soon be preforming his ascension ritual (he was there alongside 4 or 5 other priests and guards waiting in the wings).  

Before I continue, something in Ug changed.  He definitely sounded different.  Now, I surmised that might be due to corrosion in his brain-boost batteries.  But it could also be his magic and sentient sword Orin watching copious amounts of lounge lizard porn in the "blade space" that is his private quarters.  Perhaps by osmosis, Ug unconsciously adopted the effete and degenerate lounge lizard persona.

The PCs checked out the place, walked around, and decided to explore other areas of the ziggurat.  Firestorm found a room painted entirely green, and also a smaller ritual chamber with all the usual stuff, candles, candle holders, tapestries, altar, and a pillar with a demonic jade jaguar atop.

While Strum attuned the jade idol, the others fought off some guards and then a couple of templars who served Jethryk.  The templars wielded magical obsidian blades.  I rolled a couple of crits that brought Firestorm down to sigle-digits and wounded Ug before the PCs took them down.

Now fully attuned, Strum called upon the demon jade jaguar from the ethereal plane while Firestorm looked around to see if there was anything that could either tell them more about the sorcerer-king's ascension ritual or help them defeat him.  I had an idea, and told Firestorm's player to stimulate either the gonzo or pop-culture Cha'alt X-Cards (still one of the best things about Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer and I would say the entire OSR, if I'm being modest).  In true Beauty and the Beast fashion, one of the candles came to life.  Due to all the residual magic energy in this ritual chamber, I felt it was plausible (plausible for Cha'alt, that is) that a candle could become sentient.

And thus, Luminaire was born, French accent and all.  That green room had a craft services table filled with meats, cheeses, and snacks.  The adventurers bribed Luminaire to help them as the saucy candle scarfed down all the cheese.  

The ethereal jaguar scattered the people, Ug used Luminaire to set the tapestries on fire, Firestorm grabbed Jethryk from the platform with Crane ready to blast fools with his laser.  It took awhile to kill the sorcerer-king, but they eventually accomplished their goal.  Apparently, Orin became even more powerful with the gold paint.  It went from a +2 to a +3, the damage it does is exploding, and when the sword crits an actual explosion of gold flakes covers the opponent.  

Now that the ziggurat was deserted and the fires died out, the PCs finished exploring the structure.  Eventually, they came to a room where a man was painting a transparent (so you could see through it, not inside) pylon a neon-green.  The PCs negotiated a ride in exchange for some strawberry worm-wine and a strawberry fruitie which Crane conjured with his ivory scepter.  

The new pylon man must have bonded with his new fruitie instantly (Crane did a good job of talking-up the idea of having a traveling companion) because he named him Steve (no relation to any player who may or may not be named Steve) and was sad when the strawberry-man was denied him since the pylon pilot input the dimension code with a typo and they found themselves not back on Cha'alt, but the Athas of where they'd just left (again).

Pylon guy brought out something the adventurers had never seen before.  It was a particle churn vacillator, used for identifying coordinates of lost individuals who don't know the official designation of their home dimension or dimensional destination.  While ordinary plane-jumpers use phrases like the puce Cha'alt dimension or electric-banana Cha'alt, both the Guardians of Space, Time, and Reality, as well as, the dimensional navigation guild or DNG use alpha-numeric codes to differentiate places within the skinematic Vengerverse.

Pylon guy said he could eventually take them back to Cha'alt, but he'd need more fuel for the pylon, instructing them to gather crystals.  The PCs know enough not to trust a random "trust me, bro" NPC they get a ride from and chalked that up to "maybe we'll see you around if the stars are right, hoss."

Resigning themself anew to awakening the Great Old One at the end of the yellow brick road, they continued.  Soon coming to a tall, bald, and brawny orange dwarf with assless lizard-skin chaps who was some sort of cult leader and handed out an assortment of strange pills to the compliant community there... and the PCs.  The orange dwarf told them "The sleeper must never awaken!" as he did.  The PCs didn't swallow any of the drugs, but the others did.  Most of them got real sleepy.  

Ug viewed the lizard-skin assless chaps as an afront to his heritage and murdered all the sleepers, even though some of them probably would have died in their sleep, anyway.  Checking their pockets, Strum found a 3-inch transparent cube.

As they were coming up to a crossroads, Mista Firestorm said "Maybe there'll be a demon looking to make a bargain?"  And sure enough, as I pulled a couple of suggestions from the Black Skull of Secrets (I didn't have the players write anything new because the skull is chock-full of weird ideas that we'll probably never get to).  The demon had a face like a warthog and was carrying a big metal book decorated with skulls and bones - a book on necromancy.  

Bishop Crane used Pa'azuk to see into his mind and discovered that he was here to buy a toaster from someone through Craigslist, and was told to meet behind the Walmart.  The PCs looked around, but they didn't see any Walmart.  Just a demon.  And then the PCs kept trying to convince him to part with the book in exchange for a toaster, which the PCs didn't even have... but then it all ended when Crane decapitated the demon via Kaltha'alax.

Moving on, the PCs found another community - this one hopped-up on amphetamines to basically do the opposite of what the first cult wanted to do.  These guys were hoping to awaken Keelta'anpa'adraj, not lullaby him into a drug-induced slumber.  As it happens, the cult on speed was putting on a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Cloak.  Well, it was the people's theater group who were putting it on (just like this).  And that led to an aside from the guy filling the PCs in on what was going on - their cult actually had an amazing technicolor dream-cloak kept inside a plexiglass case.  There were 4 rows of 7 colors towards the bottom of the glass case.  You had to correctly guess the 3 colors.  If you tried to force the plexiglass case open, acid would poor into the case and ruin the dream-cloak.  

Realizing there must be a catch, they started trying.  I've basically used this puzzle-trap many times before.  In the beginning, I used to come up with specific "correct" colors, then I came up with a list of colors and let the random roll of fate decide.  This time, I made it easy on myself and had the players name a color and then I rolled.  I rolled an 8-sided die and if a 4 or 3 or 7 came up, those were the right colors.  If a 1 was rolled, however, something bad would happen.

Two bad things happened on their way to unlocking the case - an eldritch, infernal beast came out of a portal.  Firestorm offered the necromancy book, and the beast took it in its tentacles and then buggered-off back through the portal.  The second thing was the spontaneous creation of a black sphere of utter annihilation.  Everyone (the PCs + the dude they were talking to) rolled a d20 + their level.  Luckily, the guy at the bottom was the cultist and wig-master for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Cloak.  The sphere rushed towards him, utterly annihilating him - but he also burst into a shower of blood.

Apparently, there were at least 3 different variations of teal amongst the buttons.  Shouts of "These rows need more teal!" could be heard across the table to the point where it seemed there was more teal than cowbell.  

Eventually, tangerine, purple, and alabaster gray buttons did the trick, and the plexiglass case opened so the PCs could take out the dream-cloak.  They took a little time to identify just what it did, and I'll put that down here now so that information isn't lost (in case both Ug's player and I lose our notes simultaneously...

Or, so you can steal this idea for your own TTRPG fantasy adventures! 

When worn during REM sleep, the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Cloak can bring one thing from the dreamlands into our waking world.  The dream object may recede back to the dreamlands at any time, but not less than 24 hours.  Every day after the first, a save must be rolled (same as its attuned owner) to keep it here.  Otherwise, it fades away as if t'were waking from a dream.

At that point, we were right up to the edge of our time, and ended the session there.  So, stuck in Dark Sun for another session.  While I have a basic "plan" or concepts of a plan for these sessions, almost anything can happen once play commences.  

Saturday, October 17th should be our next session.  So, hopefully everyone can make it.  Two weeks after that is actual Halloween... will have to talk about scheduling before then.  

While on vacation, I snapped a pic of this game I made while our twin boys, my wife, and I were seated at a table waiting for our food.  It's similar to a game I came up with during our virtual Cha'alt campaign on Wednesday nights (shout-out to Roger, Judd, and Charles).  

Each player comes up with a color, texture, and possibly made-up dance move (in Cha'alt, it's a possibly made-up sexual maneuver), and then either a judge or random number generator picks the winner.

This was a fun one, and we had a lot of laughs.  I jotted down a few amusing sentences from the session for your edification, hoss...

• "No guard should have more than 10 HP."
• "When you're a hammer, everything you see is a butt-plug."
• "Practically all magic items have a sexual preference - they like humanoid women, preferably blonde."
• "Smells like lizard ass in here."
• "Yeah, you're part lizard, part taur."
• "Maybe on Athas metal attracts giant worms?"
• "If everyone had everything, there would be no have-nots."
• "Second-teal is no joke."
• "I guess I'm the one who did the ass-aulting today."
• "Templar union rules - no mopping during rituals, especially shitty water."
• "Hon hon hon, mon amie... let me scarf down the cheesy comestibles and I shall be your arsonist flame."  Or something like that.  I did my best with the French accent.
• "It's not a tight fit.  Orin's blade-space is around 8,000 square feet.  He's got plenty of room for porn, sexual devices, and women."

Thanks for reading, and will catch y'all on the flip-side!  

Just a couple weeks ago, I started putting together a few paid-GM 10-session Cha'alt games via Roll20.  Hoping to see if being a professional GM is a viable option.  

This right here should be my GM profile on there (I had to give them something to call me, pronoun-wise, that wasn't a choice).  If you're interested or know someone who is, reach out, hoss.

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  I've got a virtual Cha'alt campaign for Temple of Violet Demon-Flesh ready to go over at Start Playing, here's the link.  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

Start Playing with Venger Satanis

 

What's up?  I'm back from vacation and looking to game!  

I've always wondered what it would be like to get paid for GMing.  I might have to keep imagining what it would be like since I just got accepted to the Start Playing platform which handles the payment stuff and some marketing.  Here's a video I made where I show-off my new Cha'alt campaign prep / notes and talk briefly about the Temple of Violet Demon-Flesh.

My first game set-up is scheduled for tomorrow, but I'm assuming that will go unfulfilled as I'm a noob on this site.  Maybe next week or the week after?  I'll try a few different days and times to see how much that matters.

This right here should be my GM profile on there (I had to give them something to call me, pronoun-wise, that wasn't a choice).  I've heard that reviews are key to getting players to sign-up for games with people they've never heard of.  

With that in mind, if I've GMed for you and you liked it or even loved it, this is a link [that link isn't working, even though I tried to make it work a half-dozen times... but you can find the "leave a review" button on my profile.  FYI, this is why I hate new things!!!  Never mind, I got it work finally] for leaving a review.  While it won't be "verified," it'll still show up and help curious players know what they're getting into.

I'm also starting at $10 per seat (player) for a 3-hour game.  As anyone who knows me and the Cha'alt experience knows, I like to get right into it - the good stuff; involving characters in what's going on with the world.

Having watched a couple videos and read a few blog posts, already, if you have some insight about this, or just want to chat, comment below, hoss!

Thanks,

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

I've got a virtual Cha'alt campaign ready to go over at Start Playing, here's the link.

And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

"The Ruin of A'agrybah" - CHA'ALT Campaign 4.16

 

It's not uncommon for me to claim a session of Cha'alt was particularly wild, unhinged, after dark, or surreal.  But this one was definitely batshit crazy.  Strap in, hoss!

If I was to title the session, I'd go with "Side Quest to Save the Universe," "The Day Steve Rolled Five 20s in a Single Session," or "Cha'alt Book Saturation!"

Let me explain about that last one.  Lately, we've been having some bad luck with our septic system.  Thankfully, no Cha'alt books were destroyed, but all of them had to be moved out of the unfinished area of our basement.  The only logical place to put them was in my game room, which I did.  So many books, both in boxes and loose, stacked on top of each other, Cha'alt, Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise, and Cha'alt: Chartreuse Shadows.  All those exposed books must give off some kind of gonzo radiation because our session was definitely... influenced by something... unnatural. 

Ok, let's get started.  Only 3 out of the 4 core players, Bishop Crane was absent.  That means Strum the human sorcerer, Ug the lizardtaur warrior, and Mista Firestorm a teenage human thief stowing away in the frame of an assassin droid.

Before the recap, I had everyone come up with a celebrity cameo rather than gameable suggestion for the Black Skull of Secrets.  Since there was only 3 PCs, I planned on introducing all 3 celebrity cameos that session.  This is an idea I came up with for Primordial Chaos, which I was flipping through while prepping this session.

Picking up where we left off, a door appeared in space - the door was outlined with a glowing purple effulgence, lighting the adornment of spidery bas-relief, creating deep shadows where the viewer got the sense of something inside, watching those standing before the door.  The center of the purple door showed an arachnid-glyph that also glowed purple.  

Inside was a partial purple labyrinth, the missing sections of floor, hallway sides, and ceiling were a black void of nothingness, save for a dimly lit purple area in the far-off distance.  After that, the PCs dealt with a succession of hallways and doors which led to either a ton of purple spiders pouring out, a giant spider-claw trying to kill them, a "room" filled with purple webbing that in the distance contained a gleaming purple jewel.  Ug unsheathed Orin and began cutting a swath until he reached a gem on the end of a butt-plug.  Trying to sever the jewel from the plug, Orin informed his master that the butt-plug was magic, and he could not cut through it.

Taking it for the sorcerer to properly identify (whoever has attuned the magic item, a woman "wearing" the butt-plug falls madly in love with him), they went through the last door which opened into a massive purple chamber containing a furry spider arm the size of a semi-truck.  Shortly thereafter, a clockwork gnome wearing purple robes shushed them, saying "Do not raise your voice, lest you arouse A'araknar-Thule," while pointing to the massive spider-member. "That's no arm."  The clockwork gnome led the adventurers to a pit full of milky eyes - white orbs gazing blindly at anything coming close to the edge.  "The way out is through there."

Ug kicked the gnome into the eyes, saw him sink and vanish, then jumped in himself.  Mista Firestorm went next.  Strum looked for an alternative, but realized the original door was locked, and decided to jump down into the eyes, as well. 

Soon enough, they were all reunited in a burgundy-mauve system of tunnels and caves where the purple secret of A'araknar-Thule resides.  As the clockwork gnome explained, this is N'yoto, the place where His priests contemplate realities devoured.  The priests themselves act as an energy source for the cosmic spider.  If all are killed, A'araknar-Thule becomes insubstantial, like a shadow.

Before encountering the first group of priests, the PCs came across Chevy Chase hovering on a silver saucer, wide-eyed and sleep deprived from hanging 1,000 Christmas lights in the huge cavern just down the way.  It was a hybrid of Christmas Vacation and Pierce Hawthorn from Community who would routinely follow them around, unseen, shouting "Gay!" every time there was an occurrence like shoving the butt-plug up a monster or priest's bottom.

The priests in this huge cave were watching interdimensional cable shows from worlds the cosmic spider had already devoured.  Before long, a sea-glass-hued monstrosity with gelatinous flesh and tentacles hovered nearby.  The PCs made room for the creature to eat the spider-priests first, and so it did.  But then there was another lavender horror, and they both were attacking - until Strum dominated one of them, telling it to fight the other.

Eventually, both were subdued, but Mista Firestorm wanted to try some stuff out on the dominated monstrosity before the spell wore off.  Any surviving priests were dispatched.  The PCs did save one just in case they needed a survivor.

At one point, Ug's player rolled three 1s in a row, and the hand holding a fish appeared from out of nowhere, slapping him across the face.  Ug also had a little talk with Orin, or rather, Orin had a little talk with Ug.  "The only time you bring me out is to hack shit, we never just talk or hang-out, anymore."  To smooth thing over, Ug laid some of the porn magazines on the flat of Orin's blade and were immediately absorbed into the sword's own pocket dimension, which I'm calling blade-space because it sounds fucking cool.

There were priests who tried to use math to figure out if A'araknar-Thule could eat an infinite amount of dimensions if he continued on forever.  Other priests were licking purple tentacles coming down from the ceiling, as the slime was hallucinogenic.  One of the final groups were writing poetry commemorating reality lost... "Reality lost, flippity frost, the spider's run down the chair leg.  Mingling ma'ast, reality lost; watching the spider-jack isn't gay."  To which, Pierce shouted "Gay!" from a safe distance.  If you can't imagine what I'm talking about, here you go.

Not too long into their N'yoto foray, a couple of drug dealers named Walter White and Jesse appeared, trading the fart-squid jetpack for an entire pound of blue persuasion crystal-meth.  

Realizing the sorcerer had to use blood or zoth (zero) to fuel his spells, the mass casualties of the cosmic spider priests allowed him to wish for advanced healing, a charged-up golf cart with monster truck wheels, and a barrage of fireballs that immolated stragglers as the PCs drove by the various caves.  

Before getting to the end-boss of N'yoto, the PCs decided to go through the few caves that got passed-over in the beginning, as the adventurers were worried about surviving priests keeping A'araknar-Thule alive and kicking.  It was the perfect time to use my Ya'ada Ya'ada Ya'ada game mechanic, as we didn't want to take time out to go over backtracking and blasting fools with ranged weapons they couldn't hope to evade.

As per the rule, each player came up with a detail (we forgot about the slap-bass, FYI)... Ug had a pile of heads stacked up on Orin as the lizardtaur played hide and seek and slaughter.  Strum used the dead priests to continue fueling spells.  Mista Firestorm had previously used juice boxes up enemy wa'azoos, but now that he had the magic butt-plug, he pursued that... liberally.  

One of the priests, probably the lone survivor the PCs fed crystal-meth to, told the adventurers about a fracture or fragmentation in time and space, a purple crack in reality.  If they jump into it with a specific place and time in mind, that's where they will appear.  

But first, they had to destroy the pond of gross goo where elongated spider parts grew out, acting like a barrier.  This is where Ug's player rolled his 5th and final natural-20 of the day (he normally rolls 1s, 3s, 4s, etc.).  Mista Firestorm using his newly acquired feat to give the enemy Disadvantage when attacking Strum.  Since I first rolled a crit, having to roll again saved him a potentially life-threatening amount of damage.  A ton of firepower dealt to the spider sludge eventually killed it.  

Before they could jump back to where they were supposed to be, the tiny insect Strum had swallowed all the way back at sorcerer-king Jethryk's palace gave him indigestion.  The stomach cramps soon turned into a little critter ripping out of the sorcerer's abdomen, causing a fair bit of damage as he fainted.  Luckily, Strum was dreaming about the caves beneath that temple of absent divinity, overriding Ug's contemplation of Cha'alt, sweet Cha'alt.

Mista Firestorm had other plans, allowing Beigeizona to reappear next session.  The PCs jumped into the purple crack, arriving back in the Moshtobah caves as if they'd never left.  

I got to try out my recently created dice-tray, and thought it would be amusing to use dice that looked EXACTLY like the tray's flooring.  It was as if the dice seeped into the gonzo-jam color and were absorbed.

Next game won't be until Saturday, October 3rd as I'll be on vacation in-between.  While there weren't many big events happening, a lot of social interaction type roleplaying transpired.  I hadn't expected to make this a bottle episode where the PCs save the universe from A'araknar-Thule, but didn't want to end our Dark Sun stint without Bishop Crane.  As the party's sole priest, potentially resurrecting a Great Old One wouldn't be the same without him.

Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing, hoss!

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

"The Ruin of A'agrybah" - CHA'ALT Campaign 4.15

 

Turns out, the two-part foray into Dark Sun has become a three-parter, at least.

We had 3 players - Strum, Bishop Crane, and Ug.  Before I forget, here is another awesome review of Pulp-Drenched Cities of Cha'alt. "Stream of consciousness on acid," indeed, hoss. 

As the tangerine-hued sky darkned to a burnt-orange, the PCs saw a number of ancient and massive pillars sticking out of the sand.  Each was 30-feet from another of its kind, and there were dozens of them, all over the desert.  They made for good campsites, at least that's what the one-eyed whore Nyla said as the adventurers' approached on their giant lizard.

Two groups were camped upon arriving, so the PCs decided to camp in-between.  Setting up a watch system, Ug soon smelled sand-fish cooking at the campsite towards the east.  Before long, Ug and pucha'ata followed their nose, and asked to be admitted into the neighboring camp so they could eat something.  The supplies they had were zoth, zoth-zero, crayons, weapons, and drugs - no food.

As Ug ate and talked with these Athas elves, reciprocating their hospitality by offering his new friends crayons to eat.  The waxy taste was, apparently, the feature, not a bug.

Meanwhile, the other two were sleeping soundly when a quiet rumbling soon turned into vibrational tremors.  At that point, Strum woke up, thinking a sandworm or something similar might be stirring nearby.  Then, he saw movement around the closest pillar to their camp.  He woke Crane up and the two converged on the humanoid who immediately gave himself up, saying that he was a mul (half-dwarf and half-man) slave who would love the chance to serve such prominent and wealthy masters as themselves.  

They were strangers in a strange land and saw the value in taking this mul with them.  I blanked on a name for this half-dwarven slave who stood before them, short, stocky, bald, and muscular.  So, I decided that it's customary on Athas for a new master to name or rename his recently acquired slave.  Mul became Donkey, which soon became Don Quixote or just Don.

Since the party had lost their templar tag-along last session, Don would steer them round the cultural curves, so to speak.  Eventually, they all ended up at the camp with sand-fish (Strum put Ug's crayon sharing to shame by letting all 7 elves have a go with his one-eyed whore), seeing the electrical storm flash lightning - fuchsia and chartreuse lightning, which is rare in these parts... perhaps a sign?

Turns out, these elves were also going to the temple of absent divinity.  They had a prophetic scroll and demonic cube, both with infernal-glyphs, that foretold a great change in the balance of power on Athas.  Why not travel together, the PCs thought, especially since they could probably use the scroll and/or demon box at some point.  

So, Don moved all their stuff to the new camp, and they slept until morning, then continued their journey to the temple.  About halfway there, the PCs' giant lizard stepped on something that didn't sound like the  familiar sound of reptile-paws on sand.  Disembarking to check it out, they found a metal hatch in the sand.  At first thinking it was a starship of some kind, they opened it and jumped down into a cave (with the help of dried intestines, serving as rope). 

It was a large, irregularly shaped oval cavern that contained a small tunnel the PCs would have to crawl through, a whole bunch of lightless and lifeless crystals embedded in the cave wall, and a three-sided golden monolith or obelisk towards the center with an eye formed into each side of its golden exterior.  

Ug tried to move the gold obelisk but couldn't.  Eventually, it spoke to him telepathically, telling him that it was too weak to regulate the doorways of time and space - the soul energy of the crystals required the death of the void-black succumbing (or Great Old One as the PCs know it on Cha'alt) to revitalize them.  

Their current mission was to awaken Keelta'anpa'adraj from his slumber, not to help the sorcerer-king, nor assassinate this magnificent creature (as Bishop Crane calls the Old Ones).  But if Keelta'anpa'adraj ended up dying inadvertently, knowing the crystals would be recharged was good knowledge to have.

Before leaving this cave, Crane summoned a fruitie to travel down the small tunnel and report back what he saw - man-made horrors beyond comprehension... several humans were giving insect-folk piggy-back rides.  Hearing that the tunnel widened as it went, and wondering if there was something valuable or noteworthy down that way, Crane and Ug went in to see for themselves.  Sure enough, the thri-kreen rape-gangs were doing their dirty work.  And this is what was heard.  Trying to back out quietly, they were spotted, but Ug used his fire stick and Crane his blaster, taking 4 of the 12 out, which made the praying-mantis folk back off so the two could make an expeditious retreat.  

Once reunited, they eventually made their way up to the surface, making a mental note of where this hatch was so they could find it again, if need be.  

Continuing on with the Athas elves riding a giant insect behind them, they eventually came to the temple.  Deciding to sleep just outside as it was nightfall again, the early morning was disturbed by a living, floating, platform with tendril-roots hanging down as it was driven by the 3 psions standing on top of it.  

Eventually, they landed, the psionic-warriors jumped off and faced down the PCs.  One was fire, another ice, and the last storm - each having a corresponding opal embedded in their forehead.  Several rounds and saving throws later, the PCs were damaged but not dead, nor encased in ice.  Each opal was removed upon the psion deaths.  

Strum took the fire opal, keeping it for later (he hadn't decided where to place it yet), Crane took ice, attaching it to Kaltha'alax which would give him an additional 1d6 cold damage and on a critcal-hit, would encase his opponent in ice (save to avoid).  That left the storm opal for Ug who embedded it into his own forehead successfully (we rolled to make sure).  Once per day, he can blast an opponent with a 6d6 lightning storm (save for half damage).  If he wants to keep using it, it costs him a d6 in damage with an additional d6 every time he uses it until the next day when it resets.  So, if he used it 3 times in one day, the first one is free, the second would be 1d6 damage, and the third would be 2d6 damage to himself.

The temple was half-buried in the desert, an amber basilica on top and the lower exterior of the temple was fashioned out of dried lizard skin.  Inside, the PCs found the place was in disarray... smashed altar, tentacled pillars full of cracks with big chunks taken out, braziers that hadn't seen any amber-lotus in weeks, and a spiral staircase going down in the center.  Looking down, the PCs noticed a gigantic boulder preventing anyone from going up or down.

A lonesome priest named Maddox was the keeper of the temple, waiting until the Old Gods returned, but after a century or more, even he didn't really believe the Gods would come back.  Maddox had been maimed (his left-side shoulder and arm were basically useless and he walked with a limp) during a battle that took place just a few years ago when templars had ransacked his temple and crippled him due to criticism of sorcerer-king Jethryk's frequent attacks on neighboring city-states.  

He called the network of tunnels and caves below the temple the Moshtobah caves (moshtobah meaning unattainable riches from below), claiming there were supposed rumors of a godlike entity slumbering deep under the absent divinity.

In exchange for a few minutes with Strum's one-eyed whore, Maddox promised the adventurers something that was left behind in the holiest of holies for cataclysmic emergencies.  The PCs agreed as Maddox took the prostitute into the confessional for a good time after showing Ug the cabinet doors that opened into a hole in the rock.  Not feeling very optimistic, Ug put his hand into the hole, felt something, and withdrew a thermal detonator.  Upon activating it and throwing it down the stairway, the boulder smashed into several pieces, allowing them to explore what was beneath the temple... hopefully finding the sleeper.  

I forgot until just now the phrase that everyone uses in Dark Sun (according to me)... "May the sleeper never awaken."  Next session I'll have to spam it to bits & pieces!!!

I was able to utilize the new map that I'd been working on, slowly, for a couple months because of Kickstarter rewards which always takes up a ton of my free time.  They started at the center and worked their way outward, hearing a woman humming or singing to herself as she tidied up her cave.  

She was alone, not having access to the temple above, but occasionally mixing with the other natives down here.  She mentioned a wild story, her purpose, to check on the interdimensional webbing of the cosmic spider, A'araknar-Thule, making sure he didn't come back and begin eating the reality of their world.  

After telling her about the lonely priest above, she left to check the temple out, warning the adventurers not to look in her special box in the corner of her cave.  Of course, as soon as she left, that's exactly what the PCs did.  They found a big box of porn - battery-operated devices, laser-disc 8-track cassette tapes of classics like "Sand Gets Literally Everywhere," "That Lizard in Loungewear is my Pimp," and "Ex Harem-Girls of the Insatiable Sorcerer-Kings," specialty magazines (such as Hot Scales Monthly and Spicy Iguana), lube, ball-gags, dildos, her hand-written sex journal, the works.  

She had access to the interdimensional strands via a scroll that would open a portal.  Being handed the scroll and told they were now in charge of that particular mission, until she came back (which might be never), they spilled a couple drops of blood and read from the scroll.  A portal appeared.

The PCs peered into it, saw the webbing that could definitely have been made by a gigantic cosmic spider, were careful not to mess with it too much on the off-chance that vibrations would actually call A'araknar-Thule to them, cut a "crossbeam" strand, and then Ug threw in one of the pink sexual devices from her box, hoping it would stick to the web (and it did), finally using the purple labyrinth glyph inside the portal just to see what would happen...

At that point we were running out of time, and so I paused the game so I could think through the potential ramifications of opening a portal to the purple labyrinth within another interdimensional space containing an alleged spider of cosmic size and power.

Notable quotes from the session...

• "Dark Sun: the land of sexual frustration"
• "The love of a thermal detonator is equal to the love of a one-eyed whore."
• "One man's cataclysmic emergency is another man's Tuesday."

Our next game is scheduled for Saturday, September 12th.  That's going to be a session not to miss as it's the probably the last of Dark Sun (for awhile, at least), and I won't be available for the following two Saturdays as I'll be on vacation.

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

Something New - Cha'alt Cards of Fate

 

I'm working on something new... well, a couple of new things.  One that I'll talk openly about here and perhaps in future blog posts.  The other will remain under wraps until October

I blocked a bit of time, securing the services of my layout guy awhile back for Pulp-Drenched Cities of Cha'alt.  And then, my layout guy told me that I had a block of time set aside in late October.  I was like, what?  No recollection of that at all, but since it was there and I occasionally come up with stray thoughts that can sometimes be turned into game mechanics or what have you, I confirmed the time block for future layout concerns.

Anyway, about this idea, it's six, maybe seven (doesn't matter exactly how many, that seems arbitrary for now) cards, like the Cha'alt X-Cards.  One of these are drawn by the Game Master, at some point during the session, maybe when an odd occurrence of numbers happen... I don't know.  

These cards have little (but big, implication-wise) sayings written on the back that will influence the game once drawn or stimulated.  Such sayings as...

1. Backstabbing & Double-Dealing - Someone the PCs have been working with or for are interested in renegotiating terms.  They're in the process of being betrayed.
2. Natural Disaster - Could be rocks falling, cave-in, mudslide, cha'altquake, radiation leak, exposure to toxic material, desert fire (hey, it could happen), etc.
3. Political Theater - City factions, government, royals feuding, nobles and aristocrats jockeying for position, politicians making bold statements, declarations of war, onerous policy regarding taxes, regulations, entitlements, bureaucracy, etc.
4. The Dark Gods Must Be Crazy - Signs, portents, and omens; direct or indirect intervention by the Great Old Ones and/or the New Gods... also, godlike players in the cosmic game of 17-dimensional chess.
5. Dogma of the Unquiet Void Lives Loudly Within You - Zealots, fanatics, cultists, priests, High Priests, servitors, gate keepers, key masters, Qua'aha-Xa'an, and so forth are trying to install, awaken, revive, resurrect, bring forth, manifest, or banish some kind of higher being that will greatly impact life for the PCs.
6. Artifacts, Relics, and Devices of Super-Science - Out there somewhere is a McGuffin waiting to be discovered, acquired, stolen, destroyed, rescued, stopped, attuned, imprisoned, or simply carried from one location to another.  Could be the Necronomicon, Loc-Na'ar, Continuum Transfunctioner, Arc of the Covenant, or whatever you can think of. 
7. Dark Lord, Check and Mate? - The big bad of the campaign rears his ugly head.  The guy behind the guy behind the guy is making moves, putting his pieces into place, and about ready to spring his trap.  The PCs are either in his way or will be collateral damage once he's finished.

A) This is to help facilitate surprising, impromptu events that can lead to some great improvised GMing.

2. The GM is forced to consider certain possible factors that might be going on in the world, and suddenly the GM has to deal with that shit.  It behooves a Game Master to give each a little thought before the next session or two commences.  Otherwise, if he fails to ascend in the playing of it, he shall hang his head in shame... if only to himself.  

Be warned, these Cha'alt Cards of Fate are for the Advanced Class!

I'll explain what I mean about each one, eventually [just added a brief description to each].  Actually, each GM should create and name his own Cha'alt Cards of Fate (yeah, it's growing on me).  Defining each little saying as is his wont.

Oh, and of course you have to decorate the other side your cards, something cool, something badass, something awesome - but it should come from you.  

I'll let you know if this is cool or junk after playtesting it.  Would be crazy for our 90-minute Wednesday night virtual Cha'alt game, but I'm down to clown, hoss. It would be like taking a slice of pie, and then trying to take a middle-slice of pie from the original pie slice.

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

The Cha'alt X-Card Contest

 

I'm surprising y'all with a contest, motherfucker!

Last night, talking to my wife and eldest daughter about the nature of meta and manifesting one's will into the universe (an aspect of the Living Ultra-Cosmos), I suddenly came upon an idea.  Yes, the contest comes AFTER the revelation.  Sorry, not sorry.

You know that weird veiny, super-colorful flesh pattern that I paint onto the Cha'alt X-Cards?  You can also see a similar pattern at the top of the cover art for the first Cha'alt book.  Well, listen up, hoss, because this is now official canon of Cha'alt - ibrexia is the name of the dimensionally sashaying, hive-minded, thought-form species whose somehow-physical skin adorns the Cha'alt X-Cards we all know and stimulate during our games.  Due to the nature of their strange witch-flesh, such cards have the power to alter reality.

I know what you're thinking (aside from when the fuck will he start talking about the contest), since the Cha'alt X-Cards (free PDF, btw) are game mechanics, why would their appearance be something that exists in the eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, grindhouse exploitation campaign setting?  Because meta... that's all I got for ya.  ;)

Ok, now to the contest (see, that wasn't so bad).  From now until October 1st, if you use the Cha'alt X-Cards in your game - doesn't have to be with either Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer or Cha'alt - literally any TTRPG and setting, and blog, vlog, or write-up a session report including their use on social media, you will get a free PDF from Kort'thalis Publishing.

That's right, you could incorporate these cards with DCC, MCC, LotFP, Hyperboria, Paranoia, Toon, Call of Cthulhu, Monty Python, Alpha Blue, Encounter Critical, AD&D, B/X, ShadowDark, Deadlands, the Red Room's Wretched New Flesh, etc... pretty much all the games we play at VENGER CON. Part of this contest is to show people that Cha'alt X-Cards can be usable with a lot of different TTRPGs.  The other part is just to get people using them and to showcase their use at a variety of tables.

Additionally, all submitted entries will be in the running for the ultimate, singular prize - a tentacle-made, wooden and painted set of Cha'alt-X-Cards shipped to you anywhere in the world.  This is a little visual taste!  Of course, this set will be weaved with ancient meta-sigil magic of Kort'thalis, shining luridly with the gross, yet enticing flesh of the ibrexia.

How will I determine the winning session report?  My criteria - the most entertaining and fun to read with best showcasing of the cards.

That's all I've got for you today.  Feel free to comment, share, and contribute your awesome content using my innovative and revolutionary Cha'alt X-Cards!  And if I'm wrong, and they suck, then accurately show their sucking in your session report so we can all see for ourselves.  Though, I'm pretty sure they'll improve the overall roleplaying experience. 

Enjoy, and good luck!

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  And in even BIGGER news, you can now buy an all-access weekend badge for next June's VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality convention in Madison, WI right over here.

"The Ruin of A'agrybah" - CHA'ALT Campaign 4.14

 

Dark Sun has come home to roost!  

In fact, there's so much Dark Sun inspiration in Cha'alt that it felt relatively similar.  Sprinkled throughout, you'll see what I chose to include in my Dark Sun, and how all this could be picked-up and carried back over to Cha'alt.  Not the Cha'alt we're familiar with, but closer to the equator.

We had the usual four - Strum, Crane, Ug, and Beigizona (who soon became Mista Firestorm once the PCs were transported to Athas).

Leaving off with the PCs ready to head into the downward sloping tunnel leading from the outer edge of Ira'ad to the ruins of that once great kingdom, a sherpa made his presence known, telling the adventurers he was assigned to them by the "Oops, we need another guy" Temp Agency.  This NPC was named Twitchy because of his frequent twitches.

Before I forget, we have the convention page for VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality.  Here it is.  Grab your weekend badge now.  It's the last weekend of June in Madison, WI.

“You know, if you play your cards right, I’ll take you to the old presidium with the secret entrance to The Electric-Banana Late-Nite Sanctuary of A’achenshablefishtkorrid-dorna’achtbraunschweiggertenz von O’ohm.  It’s a real trip, man.”  

FYI, I wanted to tease that location which will probably come up again at a later point in the campaign.  I had just finished watching that one Monty Python's Flying Circus episode of the German philosopher with the crazy long name.  This doesn't come anywhere close, but it's an homage.

As Twitchy mentioned the various noteworthy aspects of Ira'ad's ruins, the PCs noticed a foreign-looking glyph.  This glyph was drawn with an accent, a dra'awl from the southern-reaches.  Translated, it means "solar eclipse" and could be traced back to Athas, a neighboring dimension.

Interestingly, 3 of the 4 players rolled natural 20s when searching their mental history for information on the Athasian-glyph.  Bemoaning their good-bad luck with such a wasted roll, I allowed them to "bank" their 20s to use later in the adventure so they could re-roll for the current skill-check.  They all agreed.

Hearing a hundred Kha'alestinians approach with wormskin shields emblazoned with purple severed penises, Ug traced the zoth he just purchased from Twitchy upon the glyph as Strum shot flames from his magical fingertips.  Rolling on a d100, the sorcerer immolated 16 of them - which is a lot, but not nearly enough when there's 100 infidel-slaying jiha'adis in front of you.

Finding themselves in the open desert, on the other side of that portal, with a tangerine sky and obsidian city in the distance, they began walking.  This was after being introduced to Mista Firestorm who, it turned out, was a child inside the body of a hulking assassin droid.  Think Adam Sandler from that Waterboy movie.  It was as strange as it was humorous.  Firestorm was also a dimensional traveler, and had somehow followed the adventurers to Dark Sun by getting there before they showed up.  I'm sure all that will be explained next session.

At any rate, Firestorm wanted to help the other PCs hunt down and kill demons just as his parents had done and showed him how to do.  And so they walked...  

Soon enough, they ran into a couple of escaped slaves named Tik and Tak (half-siblings) who were on their way to a slave auction near the city-state of Tyr.  The young natives were hoping to rescue their friend who can sometimes see future events in his dreams.

"Metal is rare, there are no gods – they were either driven out or murdered a thousand years ago, the sorcerer-kings rule Athas with an iron fist, and are served by the cruel templars and mouth-sewn psions (psionic-users, but if they had their full power of speech could command or destroy men at will).  Most of the inhabitants are poor and many are slaves.  Athas is a desert due to the defiler sorcerers who drained the world of its magical energy.  Oh, and you hear that barely audible sound like the back and forth smacking of violin strings?  That means thri-kreen are near.  Hopefully, it’s not a rape-gang.  If we keep moving, we should be alright."

So, if Cha'alt didn't have the Great Old Ones and their ichor replenishing the planet's magical vitality (but was still a radioactive desert wasteland due to the apocalypse), it would look a lot like Athas.

Almost to the slave auction, they came across an overturned slave caravan with several slaves trapped underneath the bone carriage.  A gigantic black beetle was trying to eat them all, but the PCs watched as the first was devoured.  Long story short, they eventually killed the beetle, "freed" the slaves by allowing them to take the party the rest of the way to the slave auction, and Ug made black carapace armor out of its outer shell.  Additionally, a gland in the beetle's interior had the equivalent of sunscreen oil, which they rubbed on their skin and took the excess with them.

Soon enough, they arrived at a small, man-made ziggurat with raised stone steps that terminated in a wide platform where slaves were auctioned off.  The first of three rounds included the dregs, of which there was a one-eyed ex-whore who Strum took a shine to and ended up convincing the sorcerer-king Jethryk to buy for him.

FYI, the standard greeting has changed from "By His loathsome tentacles" in Cha'alt to "May the sleeper never awaken" on Athas.

Speaking of Jethryk, the PCs were eventually invited to his crimson and gold tent and asked about an irregular metal box stained tyrian purple etched with eldritch-glyphs that meant something in particular.  The reason why they didn't open the box is the sorcerer-king's seer saw doom and horror accompanying its opening.  Failing their rolls (and having already spent their 20s during the previous combat), we used a relatively recent game mechanic known as Fairy Dust...

Strum regaled the table with tales of his coming across a scroll-case with similar glyphs during a visit to Hell, and with his zoth fueled delirium when the rest of the party was fighting to protect the bastard-princess from being torn apart, he finally had time to read the scroll whilst hallucinating, providing him with understanding of subtle eldritch mysteries once attuned to such glyphs.

 The sorcerer learned that opening this box is to usher-in the possible doom of Athas, which they pretty much already knew.  That within this box is the location of the sleeper who shall one day awaken, and centuries ago, they came from beyond the stars, a race of gods known as the Void-Black Succumbing.  These gods were ancient... great and powerful.

This was the Scroll of Riva'an and it spoke explicitly of a Great Old One known as Keelta'anpadra'aj.

Having relayed all that, the sorcerer-king's templars opened the box as Strum poured over the scroll, only doling out the barest of details.  Needing a portal back home, the PCs agreed to journey to the temple of absent divinity, find the sleeper, one of the Void-Black Succumbing, and place a creature that would suck its ichor whose benefits would immediately transfer to Jethryk.

Since the sorcerer-king was going to purchase the slave who dreamt of the future to tell him about the box, but now didn't need him, due to the PCs illuminating Jethryk, Crane asked if he'd buy and release Tik and Tak's slave friend so they could be reunited.  The sorcerer-king was in a generous mood and did as the priest requested.

First, of course, they all went back to the palace in Tyr where they enjoyed the royal treatment.  Strum had as much fun with the one-eyed whore in the palace as he did earlier within the privacy tent.  I asked Grok to come up with a suitable name, and from its suggestion, we chose Nyla Blindside.  We also determined that her fake eye was just a painted rock that she wedged in there to keep up appearances and also doubled as a cavity-opener to keep it wide enough to fit other things in there, as well.

Leaving the next day with Jethryk's templar, Junar, they rode giant lizard mounts.  Halfway into the first day, they encountered a floating entity with tentacles hanging, a hundred eyes, and singular, hungry mouth all cracked and scabrous, resembling the fur of a deadly spider.  This thing was coming towards them slowly, but Junar warned that in combat, the entity is fast.  Apparently, it's called a zyrek, which means "punishment for failure" in their land.  It eats people as a means of natural selection, or so the rumors go.

Bishop Crane was hoping his eldritch beam wouldn't fail him in this godless land.  Luckily, it was there and blasted the thing before Ug with his magical sword Orin, the droid's knives, and Strum's magic missiles (with the help of a slave's blood - Jethryk told the sorcerer that unless he used the magical chartreuse syrup they came with, he'd have to spill blood to fuel his spells).  They eventually killed it, but not before the zyrek attacked Junar.  I rolled randomly as I normally do for who got targeted, and then rolled a natural 20 of my own which resulted in double damage - 2d20, ouch!

That was enough to kill the templar, which, as the PCs admitted, would probably save them the trouble of having to kill him later if the sorcerer-king planned to betray them.  Speaking of which, Jethryk gave Strum a little insectoid-parasite to swallow that would allow him to use the benefits of zoth (or other potentially harmful substances) without the ill effects.  Mista Firestorm asked aloud if that was such a good idea, as it came from a 300+ year old despot who wanted nothing more than continued power over his city-state, and perhaps all of Athas.  Strum acknowledged the possibility of danger, but ate it anyway.  

Oh yeah, the blood of this creature was slime-green with just a hint of yellow and the faintest glow.  Upon investigation, it was the equivalent of zoth-lite, diet-zoth, or zoth-zero, having approximately one-seventh the potency of the real stuff back home.  Also, they searched the templar's body and came away with 30 ceramic pieces, 3 Athasian pearls with a tangerine-purple iridescence, a jeweled bone dagger, and a papyrus scroll written in code that the PCs were determined to decipher.  

Junar,

While I believe these are the adventurers from another world prophesied to save Athas from itself, I intend to use their knowledge and efforts to make me the most powerful sorcerer-king in the entire world.  What they call zoth could revitalize our world, but in my hands, I would become unconquerable.  

See that they secure the lashbetta'aq to the Void-Black Succumbing but do not let it awaken.  Our combined sorcery keeps it slumbering, and that must continue.  

If the otherworlders betray us, kill them once their task is completed.  If you must, finish their task before their blood is cold.  Otherwise, bring them back to the palace at completion so I may learn more of their world before sending them home.  It would suit me to have resources on Cha'alt.  

The ithqueka I gave to the sorcerer will keep him under my control.

Jethryk, Sorcerer-King of Tyr

As night was falling, they were about to make camp.  We ended it there.  This session was less gonzo than usual.  Notice that I didn't draw any suggestions from the Black Skull of Secrets.  I wanted this session, and probably the next, to resemble Dark Sun, or how I envision it, rather than just be Cha'alt 2: Less Metal; No Gods.  

I expect the PCs will be out of Athas by the end of next session, but you never know.  Also, I'm not sure on when we'll play next.  Will have to check availability of the players before making that determination.

Thanks for reading, hoss!  Feel free to comment and share.  Perhaps my version of Dark Sun will inspire others?  

Oh, I finally got the promotional artwork for VENGER CON VI: Belief is Reality, and now the convention's landing page is up - you can check it out here.

VS

p.s. Want some hardcover Cha'alt?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!