LEAP DAY - Biggest CHA'ALT Sale

 

Aside from my 5 children, Cha'alt might just be my greatest accomplishment.

For one unbelievable day [extended through Sunday, March 3rd]... February 29th, Leap Day, I'm selling the gorgeous, professionally printed, signed and numbered Cha'alt hardcover book for only $20 + $5 shipping/handling.

What is Cha'alt (in case you were sent here by a friend of a friend)?  It's my eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, exploitation grindhouse campaign setting.  It's a system-neutral OSR and 5e compatible tome of lore, factions, new races, adventures, locations, monsters, magic items, high tech, and features The Black Pyramid, a darkly weird megadungeon funhouse that's like nothing you've ever seen.

Check out the reviews, testimonials, vlogs, word of mouth, and hushed whispers of lurid illumination, unutterable chanting, and that foul piping music interspersed with foreboding drums!  According to the RPG Pundit, [link here] Cha'alt is a masterpiece of stupid gonzo fantasy!

After the last sale and Kickstarter, I only have about 300 left to sell.  Want your book by this time next week?  Paypal me the $25 [USA only; foreign shipping is $60 for book + shipping] at...

Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

People have been asking, so I'm also going to include a special price for the entire Cha'alt hardcover trilogy - $90 for all three (that includes USA shipping; if you live outside the country, add $60 onto that).  

It comes with the PDF, if you don't already own it.  But guess what?  Today, that PDF is absolutely FREE!!!  This is the link, hoss.

Folks have seen the Cha'alt hardcover for sale in the wild going for $200, and that's what some people are charging on ebay!  Grab yours now for an eighth of that price.

Thanks, enjoy, and have a terrific Leap Day, hoss!

VS

Game Master to the Rich & Famous

 

I should be blogging about the prior weekend's Cha'alt campaign, but alas only 2 of the 6 players could make it.  So, I had to cancel.

Not a total loss because I got to spend even more time with my Mother, who turned 85 on Saturday.

So, now that I have a window in my blogging schedule, why not write about something that's been brewing in the PSYCHOCOSM mind-space for a few months?  

This was an idea just on the borderline of breaking through at the beginning of the 2nd Cha'alt campaign, when Colin was still around.  The game was so good (and it's still excellent, even with his absence, though I must confess, ever so slightly diminished - pouring a vial of zoth out for my tentacled-homie... wherever he might be), that I wanted to share it.  I wanted others to feel the Cha'alt experience, beyond my faithfully recorded session reports.

I also wanted to monetize the well-oiled (well-zothed?) machine we had going because, let's face it, Kort'thalis Publishing pays the bills, but that's pretty much it.  It's a hobby-business.  If I'm lucky, it pulls in about $10K a year.  That's not nothing, but it's 2024.  There have been a number of life changes recently, and it's time to think big.

I'm ready to take the GM-for-hire thing to the next level.  

$50K for the GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN.  Your one-year contract for an every-other-week (26 sessions total), 4-hour game, up to 7 players (minimum of 3), within a 45-minute drive of the Sun Prairie / Madison, WI area.  As per usual, I'll be running my own world, Cha'alt [eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, and exploitation grindhouse] with Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.

My style is immersion-centric, rules-light, fiction-first, theater of the mind, rule of cool, 18+ for mature content, and noob friendly.   I have over 40 years of experience with RPGs, that include designing and self-publishing countless books, Game Mastering sessions wherein several players have honored me with the title greatest GM in the entire world.  I view this calling as somewhere between a culture-building, performance-based artform and self-actualizing religious vocation.

Modern-day radical-leftism would have us "eat the rich" or march them to the guillotine, owing to their hateful and ignorant Marxist agenda.  Instead, why not exchange goods and services for money so that everyone benefits?  America is a capitalist nation, democratic republic, and (for all its current problems) the greatest country in the world!

Yes, $50,000 sounds like a lot of money.  In fact, it is a lot of money!  However, I'm betting that an individual able to afford a personal chef or company willing to shell-out for woke anti-white training seminars can afford it.  Share the cost with players or write it off as an extended team-building work retreat.  Maybe after all these years, you've come to realize that golf isn't your thing and would rather ditch the country club?  Or perhaps money's no object when it comes to a deeply immersive, transformative thrill-ride like the Cha'alt experience?

With the GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN (if both parties agree, the contract is renewable at the end of the year + 10% increase), you're basically leasing a private, exclusive multiverse, which you and your buddies get to explore, interact with, and adventure in - like virtual reality but even better, it exists in our collective imagination, and the GM isn't A.I. but organic... conscious - infinitely superior to a machine... Venger Satanis, in the flesh.

Finding such will not be easy, and I don't plan to have this operation up and running until at least this fall, maybe January of 2025, but that's my mission.  

If scheduling permits, a couple one-year contracts would probably be the most I could handle at one time (while still keeping my primary home game).  So, if you live in the greater Madison, WI area, get ahold of me ASAP to lock-in your GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN one-year contract.  Three-hour introductory trial-sessions start at $500.

The marketing for this new business venture won't begin until after VENGER CON III, as I don't want anything to distract me from this July's convention - also in the Sun Prairie / Madison, WI area.

Thanks for reading,

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing
Arch-Duke of the Old School Renaissance

The Curse of Venger Satanis

 

I somehow accidentally stumbled upon this blog post from 2016 where someone was reviewing one of the worst RPGs ever made, Empire of Satanis, written by me... and the blogger included my curse upon RPG.net.  

Specifically, the curse was directed at those trashing EoS.  Which seems weird in retrospect because it deserved to be trashed.  It's awful.  But some of those trashers were pretty nasty about it, and most of them turned out to be radical-leftists.  Even though I was using their negativity to fuel my power and magic, I could see that many of them were horrible, miserable people who deserved everything that was coming to them.

Did my curse nudge The Big Purple towards its incestuously Commie demise as thee place to discuss woke, SJW, critical race transgenderism?  Yes, perhaps.

Without further ado, here's my curse...

Hail Satan! Lord of the Pit! King of Hell! Ruler of the Earth! Master of the Abyss! I open the unknowable doorways and touch the violet flame, drink the revitalizing blood and break the skulls of those who cross Him or His brothers. I call upon the most vicious demons of Hell to intervene. From this night forth, you will be plagued by self-doubt, weakness, failure, hopelessness, hunger, pain, loss, insecurity, and envy. Nothing can save you and no one will come to your aid. All who have befriended you will now desert you in your hour of need. 

In the name of the Ancient Ones, I curse those who tear down Empire of Satanis! May Satan have no mercy whatsoever upon your miserable souls. 

Hail Satan! 

So it is done! 

Venger As'Nas Satanis 

Thanks for reading,

VS

p.s. I wrote that before I took up the name Venger Satanis.  Also, get your hardcover Cha'alt books here.  And now's the time to grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR in Madison, WI this July.

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 7]

 

Huzza'ah for the bare minimum!  I have a personal rule that I don't run virtual games for less than 2 people and live, in-person games for less than 3.  So, I was thankful that we had 3 players for yesterday's game.

An interesting line-up, as well.  We had the grog (sand construct) priest and two sorcerers - Morningwood and Drogon (who started out the campaign as a priest, but converted at the beginning of last session).  That means no warriors and no thieves.

After banging the gong and catching Morningwood's player up on what happened last time (can you believe he didn't read my blog post session report?  Outrageous!), the PCs continued to explore the system of caves and tunnels beneath Qada'ath.

Morningwood, being a pixie-fairy, turned himself invisible and flew around the cave containing a warlord named Skull-Face, a dozen soldiers  armed with spears, and a trio of sex-slave harem women.  He heard two interesting pieces of conversation.  Something about x'queeu being uncovered and that these guys were planning on conquering as much of this "dungeon" as they can in just a few hours.

Gorra the priest called up his demon friend who lives in the Outer Settlements of Qada'ath to see what was going on.  Apparently, Gonzo has been acting strange.  He burned his own house down, stole the Ark of the Covenant, and was looking for the PCs.

They kept searching in other caves.  Halfway down a tunnel, they found a humanoid citizen of Qada'ath eating a sandwich in the dark, trying not to be seen.  He recognized Drogon who denied being himself.  The guy pulled out his communicator and showed video footage of the Crimson Bastards (that's what I'm calling the PCs - it was their adventuring party name in the last campaign - until they come up with a better name) doing stuff they actually did (killing some guards and sand-blades) along with stuff that they didn't do (but probably wanted to), like blowing up the blue glass factory and barging into the executive offices of Supreme Councilor Kra'ang and shooting him point-blank in the head.  Just before dying, the pink little squishy guy muttered "X'queeu."

  Drogon knew that word due to his priest and sorcerer combo-background.  The word x'queeu means holiest of holy weapons.

Apparently, they were public enemy #1, and denounced as terrorists.  Believing most of the footage was doctored by The State, the PCs filed this information away, and kept going (after Drogon autographed the dude's sandwich receipt from Jimmy Ja'ans).

They kept going down the tunnel and found an old, gray-haired, balding, rough-looking mercenary choking a small red muppet named Elmo as a red-shirt alien humanoid and crew member of some starship was huddled at the back of the cave in a fetal position crying.  Yeah, I know, but... I couldn't resist.

The PCs discovered that the merc was hired by Gonzo to kill the Crimson Bastards.  So, the PCs tricked the merc into giving up Gonzo's location by telling him that the Crimson Bastards were hiding out among the dudes in Skull-Face's cave, reassuring not-Larry David that they would be his backup as soon as he entered the cave blasting.

Then the PCs explored two other caves - one containing a portal and 4 neo-templars from another dimension who were dead-set on destroying the Ark of the Covenant and its dread contents - the x'queeu!  The neo-templars explained that the holiest of holy weapons was an artifact that could pierce the veil between dimensions, allowing the Old Ones free reign throughout the multiverse.  

These neo-templars were looking for Gonzo, so the PCs made a deal with them.  They would take them to Gonzo in return for help (if they needed it) getting out of these caves and back to the Outer Settlements and one of their magic weapons the neo-templars wielded.  

Gorra took a morning-star +1 that could manifest a hurricane once per day.  

The other cave contained cannibals with glowing green eyes who were swarming around a massive crystal.  The CHUDs were chanting "Meequay denza'an irikais," which means... once the artifact is released, our redemption will be at hand (or tentacle).  

Drogon wanted a better look at that crystal, so he fireballed them.  Unfortunately, he rolled a 1 for the d6 fireball table in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, which would have backfired on them.  So, he spent a point of Divine Favor and re-rolled - getting another 1.  There were 2 polished fuchsia stones (representing points of Divine Favor) remaining on the table, so Drogon decided to employ fuchsia burn, using them both to achieve a critical success.

All the cannibals were smoldering husks, but the crystal absorbed some of the spell's super-charged magical energy, allowing me an opportunity to roll on the weird, wild spell after-effect table in Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise.  I rolled a 73, which, as it happens, is usually everyone's (and by everyone, I mean reviewers) favorite.  The sorcerer's head falls off, and gross stuff pukes out his neck, growing tentacles and an egg hatches that produces a miniature sorcerer who slowly grows to full size.  

In the massive crystal, the PCs saw a vision of one possible future - the Ark being loaded onto a Federation military transport as Gonzo looked on.  Then, a map of Cha'alt showing a red line - Indiana Jones style - the transport making its way across the S'kbah desert to the Crimson Rock of Sacrificed.  Finally, the planet Cha'alt imploding into a hundred-million fragments!

Now, the PCs were extra motivated.  So, they bypassed a crystalline dragon (though Gorra broke a tiny piece of it off, in case he had a chance to clone himself a crystal dragon at some later point), and found the cave containing ka'alaxian crystals that could reshape reality itself with a sorcerer's ritual - the primary reason why the PCs came down to these caves in the first place.  

There were a couple scholarly humanoids studying the glowing chartreuse crystals.  The PCs noticed silky, translucent spider webbing all over the ka'alaxian crystals.  So, they bade one of the scholars to touch a crystal in hopes of triggering any trap or alarm or whatnot.

Interrupting this, Drogon's player decided to stimulate a Cha'alt X-Card - HUMOR.  And he had his own idea, explaining to the table that maybe those translucent strands was jizz, rather than spider silk.  Very well, I said... these sticky strands are spider splooge.

BTW, I talked about this whole encounter and even created a D100 "Spider-Jack" random table group project for anyone who wants to participate between now and Valentine's Day.  Here is the Inappropriate Characters YouTube episode.  I'm hosting the D100 table over at TheRPGsite.com in the Design, Development, and Gameplay board.  See what we've got so far and submit your own entry!

Sure enough, a 3-foot portal opened in mid-air above the PCs.  The giant spider (the size of a medium-sized dog) sat on the edge of the portal, jacking off - as interdimensional, crystal-coveting spiders often do.

The PCs managed to pry a ka'alaxian crystal loose and Drogon wished to use its energy to destroy any giant spider army that might be behind the one seen and close the portal to their dimension.  To seal the deal, Drogon chose to call upon a lavender demon moon of destiny, and inexplicably, decided to roll a gilded die simultaneously.  "This I gotta see," I said while leaning in with anticipation.

He rolled a 5 on the lavender moon die, resulting in success, but then a 6 on the Gilded Die of Satanis - holy shit, a critical-success + something awkward, embarrassing, or cringe as the cherry on top.

I determined that Drogon closed the portal with a blast of eldritch energy, shooting the spider perched on the portal's edge towards the sorcerer's crotch.  As the spider was already in jack-mode, he began jacking Drogon off while the ka'alaxian + crit-bonus manifested a bewitching beauty made flesh, or a close approximation, for the sorcerer to slide into (with the help of the spider, who now saw Drogon as his master).

It was one of the craziest, fucked-up things I've ever GMed, and we were all here for it.

Soon after, the PCs found a door out of the cave system, but this hand-print looked a bit different than the last.  Being suspicious, they insisted the red-shirted crying starship dude (Wesley) put his hand on the imprint pad.  One failed saving throw later and Wesley's hand disintegrated.  The party's priest Gorra immediately tried to heal his hand back - which only produced a tiny hand growing out of the stump, like Kristin Wiig's SNL character with the tiny hands.

I suggested that Morningwood's player, who suggested the SNL sketch reference, stimulate the POP-CULTURE Cha'alt X-Cards in order to get the Divine Favor bonus.  He did, and that little hand made Wesley cry even harder.

Now, outside in the hot desert air under fuchsia sky with twin suns, the PCs + neo-templars began the hour-long walk back to the Outer Settlements.  20 minutes in, a hover-limousine pulls up.  A tinted window descends as a high-end escort asks the PCs if they want a ride.

They all pile inside the hover-limo as 3 sexy escorts start telling the PCs how awesome and strong and manly and handsome they are.  The girls start touching them while offering them blue dreamers (a designer sex drug) - without ever discussing money!  I even had them roll a sort of insight check to determine if this was fishy.  Drogon's spider pet/minion, Ta'anzo, was suspicious and Morningwood's player rolled a natural 20, so he definitely felt a disturbance in the force.  

Earlier in the session, I bugged the pixie-fairy's player about the scepter he acquired a couple sessions ago.  He's been a player in my D&D one-shots and campaigns, off and on, since the late 90s.  I had forgotten some of that guy's quirks.  One of them being, if he's got an item with a variable effect, his risk adverse nature will usually prevent him from utilizing it.  Also, he's afraid of losing HP, which is just simply an occupational hazard for a sorcerer, using my Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.

Apparently, my ribbing was enough to get him to use the rainbow scepter - he rolled a 6 on a d8 - indigo (psionics).  Morningwood started to receive telepathic impressions from the girls... how Gonzo had hired them to kill the Crimson Bastards and how the girls had gotten their pimp to inject poison into the blue dreamers.

Bound and gagged, the escorts were no longer a problem.  The driver took the PCs straight to where Gonzo was living now, in a rent-controlled apartment above the cantina.  By this time, it was about a half-hour from our usual end-time, and I knew coming face to face with whatever was behind the door to Gonzo's apartment would be lengthy and a major set-piece (from a design standpoint).  Plus, my kids were getting antsy and wanted my attention.  So, we ended things there.

Hopefully, all 6 players will be able to make the February 24th game.  I'll leave you with a few choice phrases from this session...

• "I will keep my ear to the sand."
• "Be careful and watch your tentacles!"
• Jimmy Ja'ans
• "It doesn't pay to be rude in Cha'alt." - after that merc told the PCs to get the fuck out of the cave, they shot him.  Lol
• "Do I get that sleaze factor bonus because I talked about gonzo-style porn to those neo-templars?"

Thanks for reading, hoss!

VS

p.s. The Cha'alt hardcover books are on sale - right over here!  Also, weekend badges are available for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR - grab yours now!!!

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 6]

 

This was a fun-filled session.  It's important to remember that fun should usually go hand-in-tentacle with immersion... not always, but most of the time.  

Same goes for movies.  There are movies I love without a drop of humor or fun, films that don't bring a smile to my face, but they're admirable all the same.  And yet, the vast majority of my favorite movies have me laughing and shouting and reveling.

Keep that in mind, GMs, when you're pondering thy orb and plying thy trade.  If you can exchange deep levels of resource management for the frolicsomeness of There's Something About Mary, The Hangover, or Dodgeball, do it.  No matter how many experts, reviewers, grognards, newcomers, or casual onlookers tell you otherwise, that's a wise trade.  Sure, you can attempt to go for both... but if it's going to be either one or the other, you'll know where my zuleks are going, hoss.

I'm refining my session prep since that's going to be part of the book I'm currently writing, The Cha'alt Experience, Designing Worlds Like A Fucking Boss.  In practice, it went extremely well.  In fact, I don't know the last time I was able to generate that much content in such a short time.  So, this book is already paying dividends - sweet!

4 players - the crystal warrior who actually has a name, now - Jua'an Tufrifo, Nix the demon thief, Gorra the grog priest, and Drogon makes a reappearance... because of his long absence and the party's lack of wizardry, I convinced the player to swap out his half-orc priest for a sorcerer of the human variety (the human was his idea).  "He fell into a portal," is the gist of how we're explaining the change.  Most likely something to do with the purple labyrinth and Drogon's consciousness inhabiting another dimension-traversing humanoid.

It was just after mid-morning in the dreaming city of Qada'ath, the twin suns not yet high enough in the fuchsia sky to be blotted-out by the Great Old One floating above.  The adventurers were walking around, thinking about lunch. Occasionally getting looks or comments directed at their fancy wristbands (which they stole) indicating they were part of the citizen elite and would be able to have pretty much anything they wanted to eat + healthcare.  

Just then, a labor-grade citizen ran up to Gorra and stole his wristband, then darted down a dark alley.  The PCs ran after, shooting the thief and taking him down.  Gorra recovered his wristband and swiped the gray one belonging to the thief.

While they were standing around the alleyway, they noticed a few curious shops they'd never seen before... there was the Wind Chime Tea House, a cloning facility called The New You, Happy Ending Massage Parlor, and some kind of shop called Touch Grass.  To my delight and amazement, they tried them all...

If you've seen The Golden Child in the last few years, you'll remember the snake-lady oracle behind the paper screen.  Well, the tea house's basement had pretty much that exact setup.  The snake-lady was named Ka'ala and the PCs paid the liaison and got their fortune (along with a tea-voucher)...

Jua'an Tufrifo decided, inexplicably, to roll the gilded die of Satanis while getting his fortune read.  As Ka'ala told him about risk and reward and temporary gain, (the gilded die did not disappoint) the snake-lady passed her liaison a small scroll which was handed to the crystalline.  It was a message from Jua'an's ex-girlfriend telling him that while they were together, she never had an orgasm.  He got a point of Divine Favor for that.

The rest of the party got theirs... Nix had the most ominous - don't buy any blue bananas (translated into our world, that would be green bananas).

The cloning facility allowed for people to, you guessed it, clone themselves.  Lots of upgrades and upcharges, such as full memory implants and 6-pack abs, getting rid of unwanted biological quirks such as allergies or motion sickness.  Basically, if you want to feel like yourself but an idealized version like Ryan Gosling in the Barbie movie (yes, I finally did see it... and kind of liked it, parts, anyway), you're looking at about 1,500 nu-talons per clone.  The PCs didn't have the money for much of anything right now, but definitely earmarked the place for a return visit in the future.

The massage parlor went as you'd probably guess.  Everyone picked a masseuse and got their high-five bonus as per Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer (still a free PDF on DTRPG).

Touch Grass, however, was a bit different.  As the attendant, (after going on a bit about the deep-immersion, hyper-realistic super-simulation that is this world) showed them into a stone room with a raised circular platform containing 8-feet around of lush green grass, the 3 original PCs physical selves reverted back to Earthly humanity, part of the Two Jacks Detective Agency from 1929 Chicago... with accompanying original memories flooding through - the Golden Dragon Palace Chinese restaurant, the Egyptian Theater, James Archibald, and that creepy extradimensional portal).  Only the sand-construct Gorra was unchanged.  Everyone touched or played in the grass and left, resuming their "normal" Cha'alt selves.  

They each got a point of Divine Favor, and started walking back downtown.  A tongueless prophet covered in blood ran up to Nix and handed the demon a rock covered in parchment - it was a scroll describing there's more where this can be found in a network of tunnels and caves below Qada'ath.  The rock had a brilliant and shimmering green vein which Drogon identified as ka'alaxian crystal or "wishing stone" to the layman.  These rare and powerful crystals (introduced in the prior Cha'alt campaign last year) can be used by sorcerers to warp reality.

Oh yeah, after passing the scroll and rock to the adventurers, the tongueless prophet was shot in the back by either a sand-blade or assassin who soon disappeared into the crowd.

The entrance to this subterranean location could be accessed near the black glass tower at the epicenter of Qada'ath.  So, they headed towards the city's center where the Supreme Council resided, inside a tower made of black glass.  Before they could find a way inside, a couple of sand-blades sauntered up to the PCs and asked them to turn around so they could put one of those translucent, squishy, neon-pink, tendril-having little guys on the back of their head.  I reminded them that those are the things put on the subjects strapped-down in their chairs and forced to watch that disturbing film-reel at the Citizen Orientation Center last session.  The viscera'az (which is what they call it) somehow conjures and concentrates dark vibrations, which usually makes people scream in terror.

Jua'an Tufrifo was having none of it, deciding that it was worth the trouble to blast both sand-blades, instead.  Being the shenanigan daredevil he is, he rolled a d20 to attack and a gilded die - natural 20 and 6, motherfucker!  Two laser beams and two dead sand-blades later, Gorra put on one of their sleek black uniforms and the entire group headed for the place where they could get down to that cave.

After descending 30-feet of spiral stairs, they came to a mirrored door with hand-print opener.  They remembered a notation on the scroll that said, "Do not approach the threshold empty-handed."  The PCs decided Gorra, being made of sand and could stretch his arm out, was their best chance of getting through unscathed.  Just to add another layer of protection, since that warning was a bit vague, Gorra held the viscera'az in his hand while trying the hand-print.

Good thing he did - a dozen or so 2mm spines went into the slimy pink thing, killing it.  The door opened and the players felt like they were back in Cremza'amirikza'am with all manner of weird shit, idiosyncratic individuals, factions, monsters, etc. 

I won't go into exhaustive detail, but they found... 

• A cryo-pod (thanks to Gorra's player stimulating a post-apocalypse Cha'alt X-Cards, for which he got a polished fuchsia stone of Divine Favor).  Jua'an rolled the gilded die yet again while blasting, this time his blast ricocheted off the cryo-pod door stuck to the mutant monstrosity's crab claw and struck his belt-buckle, which made his pants fall down.  The crystal warrior's solution was to stretch the dead viscera'az into a new belt... support helped by a chork's leather tunic which basically looked like poorly made and ill-fitting ass-less chaps. 
• Killed some pig-faced and bird-feathered chicken-orcs or chorks, fireballed some more chorks who were in a cave with a large crystal that contained a holographic message about finding a group of shamans far below the surface from before the apocalypse who came up with an antidote when the Federation first tried to subdue the native population with drugs 80+ years ago.
• Met a zedi knight from the purple labyrinth who was looking for just the right sized crystal to charge his laser-sword (which the PCs coveted).
• A pit belonging to a suckered abomination requiring 7 humanoids sacrificed to it (instructions for summoning, banishing, and calling it were written on the cave wall in ancient glyphs).
• Found a device with a logic puzzle that eventually granted them access to some woman's OnlyFans account (3 days absolutely free).
• A group of humanoids from the freedom fighter group Scarlet Dawn looking for a way out (they know a secret codeword to get into the Federation military base) and told the PCs where the rest of their group are hiding... in case they don't make it.
• Humanoid slaves mining crystals (but not the really good kind) with a giant, open-mouthed, stone head that transported them to Hell.  This conflict was also fireballed, but for reasons I can't fathom, the sorcerer's player wanted to roll the gilded die along with the d6 determining the fireball's blaze intensity and radius.  The gilded die did its job and just before the flames engulphed the entire area, they could hear one of the miners call out, "Look what I just found - an origami unicorn - that must be worth a bloody fortune!"
• The cave of ka'alaxian crystals that was polluted by toxic runoff from neon-pink fluid from above, dripping down the walls of the cave (the nearby population were all strange looking mutants).
• And finally a huge cave full of soldiers and sexy green harem girls led by a humanoid named Skull-Face.

And that's where we stopped the session. It was a fun-filled time and nudged the PCs towards another leg of their journey - a way to stop the Federation from oppressing Cha'alt as they rob the planet of its precious resources.

The gilded die got so much playtesting time (as opposed to the one for Cha'alt X-Cards) that I feel even more strongly that it will objectively improve your games (assuming you're looking for more Douglas Adams and less J.R.R. Tolkien).

Below are some amusing bits of dialog I hastily scribbed down between moments of laughter and exciting action...

• "We have a plan, it goes kaboom... as most of our plans do."
• [This isn't a quote, just something I thought of] If you're obsessed with blue glass, then you've got blue brain.  If you're a habitual user of the drug, you're a glass head.
• "Clean-up... aisle Cha'alt!"
• "Brain drain animal"... [he was referring to the viscera'az]
• "It's about the man upstairs.  Gotta serve the greater evil." [points to Uma'at-Allah, the Great Old One floating above Qada'ath]
• "She's a serpentine charlatan."
• "Jua'an Tufrifo's new nickname shall be crystal cheeks."
• "Feed 'em to the worms!"
• "What if Tha'anos was a drug manufacturer?" [wondering aloud if making blue glass should be combined with population control]
• "The crimson bastards were born in dark alleys."
• "It's freaky Friday all over again!"
• "Did you take some bad glass?"
• "I have cock-rings bigger than you!"
• "Origami unicorn."
• Pig-faced orcs with yellow and teal feathers... part orc, part chicken... why not call them chorks?"

Yep, an epic session.  The newish player said how weird and different this dungeon was, and the rest of us laughed because to someone that hasn't been through the prior Cha'alt campaign, he's right - there's probably nothing quite like what he's just experienced.  

But for those who've been along for Venger's wild ride last year, this felt a lot like Cremza'amirikza'am.  Yeah, I have a type... moving on!

Next session should be in 2 weeks - February 10th.  See y'all then.

VS

p.s. If you don't already own the Cha'alt trilogy in hardcover, I've got you covered - details right here.  Believe it or not, there are still a few weekend badges available for this July's VENGER CON III in Madison, WI - grab it now!

Calling All Gamers For VENGER CON III

 

It's that time, hoss.  

July, especially for those of us surrounded by ice and snow, seems like a long ways away... but really it's only 6 months from now.

I really want VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR to be even better than the first two conventions.  Knowing what you want to run and what you want to play will help enormously.  So, speak up and give me your proposed schedules, wish-lists, and tentative desires.

You can email me at: Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

I'll be running a combination of Cha'alt, Alpha Blue, and whatever weird old-school, OSR, or traditional RPG attendees want me to run.  In fact, let me know what bizarre, odd-ball RPG one-shot you'd like me to run during VENGER CON III and y'all will eventually get a chance to vote for the top nominees.  Whatever you want (but if it's not rules-light, I'll probably hack it or handwave it)!

And if you haven't already, grab your weekend badge right over here.

Big spaces, limited attendance, laidback & easy going structure, new hotel, nice rooms, not having to shout to be heard or lose your voice talking over the noise, meet fellow gamers and actually get to know them over the weekend, hang-out and game with me (will start out at least one morning of the convention with an Ask-Me-Anything Q&A) and other awesome folks, along with this year's guest of honor Scott from the Diversity & Dragons YouTube channel.

Last but not least, VENGER CON's demon mascot Zeemoa'ar!  He'll be there at the convention as I open each day of awesomeness by sounding the gong.  The whole weekend will be unbelievably epic, and I can't wait to share those experiences with you guys this July (when Wisconsin gets warm again).

Thanks,

VS

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 5]

 

Sometimes, I run meandering, stream of consciousness sessions, other times they're dungeoncrawls or standard sandboxes of wandering around and the PCs find adventure where they can.

This was a linear (but not railroad, as the PCs always had a choice and I never forced them down, nor would I force them down a particular path) scenario.

Before I forget, in 2 or 3 days from now, I'll be asking for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR GMs and players to give me their tentative schedules and wish-lists, respectively.  So, come back soon for that blog post.  I know a lot of gamers are already looking forward to this July's VENGER CON in Madison, WI.  Time to start planning in earnest.

Ok, back to the session report.  One of my favorite players returned after 2 months of dealing with personal matters, so he came in with a brand-new character... and now that I look back at my notes, I have no idea what that character's name is.  But he's a warrior and made entirely of crystal.

Nix the demon thief, Gorra the grog priest, and Ha'agly Morningwood the pixie-fairy sorcerer rounded-out the adventuring party.  4 is a good number of players, so away we go!

I meant to take a before and after picture of the 3D printed "dice display" thing, but I do have an older picture that I'll try to link or show here in a minute.  But you can see pics I took of the new paint job.  The color scheme is pure Cha'alt, and even one of my daughters, before the game, said "That's your aesthetic, Dad."

What's it for?  It keeps your dice in one place, so when you need to roll that d12, you know exactly where it is, perched atop its little spot upon slime-flesh mountain!  ;)

Anyway, I suggested the PCs should already be together, but asked the crystalline warrior's player how he would have met them.  In line at the leech store.  That must have been after explaining the method of getting high off blue glass.  You melt it down, have a leech suck it up, and then press the leech's mouth into your skin as it secretes the liquid blue glass into your system.  It's a debilitating and all-consuming euphoria not unlike heroin (whereas the Federation-made drug fuchsia malaise was more like marijuana... a mellow, feel-good laziness).  

As the PCs walked down the streets of the fantasy cyberpunk (i.e. Shadowrun) dreaming city of Qada'ath, they saw drones with mechanical arms drop down from the fuchsia sky (though beneath the Great Old One floating above the city), pluck humanoids from the orange labyrinth, and deposit them deep into the interior of the city.

Meanwhile, a dissident was shouting warnings to anyone who would hear, "Stop taking the blue glass!  The Supreme Council doesn't serve Uma'at-Allah (the Old One overhead) but themselves!"  

Before he could reveal any more about the blue glass drug, a black-clad city guard known as a sand-blade arrived to shoot him point-blank with a laser rifle.  As the crowd dispersed, another sand-blade asked the PCs where their wristbands were?  No wristbands?  Off to the Citizen Orientation Center!  They went inside a little hover-van that contained a couple other humanoids waiting to be processed.  

Skipping ahead... 

However, I do want to highlight a spontaneous exchange between Crysta'ar [I'm just going to start calling him that] and another guy in the waiting room who bought the deluxe Chevy-grade package of blue glass leeches with the full warranty - even though Qada'ath gives away free drug paraphenalia like it was 2022 San Francisco...

The PCs got inside a locked area of the facility where people were strapped down to a chair watching an alternate version of The Wizard of Oz with ultra-violence, suicide, and animal cruelty (remember, these are the bad guys) as a clipboard and lab coat guy occasionally affixed one of those translucent, neon-pink organic slimy things to the back of someone's head - which made them scream bloody murder.  Apparently, the lab coat guy explained, that little pink squidgy thing transferred dark emotional energy as if a nightmare was asphyxiating you... anally.  

The PCs convinced lab coat guy to give them wristbands so they could wander around, pledge allegiance to Uma'at-Allah, and leave the Citizen Orientation Center.  Everyone realized it was weird that no one was murdered and nothing was stolen, but that's the way it goes sometimes.

During the allegiance pledge part of the processing, I had each player roll a d20 for their character.  Both Crysta'ar and Morningwood rolled a Gilded Die of Satanis, and sure enough, the result came up a 1 or 2.  Morningwood started squealing like a fangirl at a Taylor Swift concert and Crysta'ar was uncontrollably vibrating which made his voice wobbly.

After, they were approached by a violet-skinned elf named Z'quiro.  He was employed by a guy who wanted to know how blue glass was made.  A guard at one of the manufacturing factories was already bribed, so all they had to do was slip in, find out, and relay that information back to Z'quiro.  The PCs asked, so the violet elf told them his boss wanted to create a competing product.

So, the PCs snuck into the factory through the door manned by the bribed guard - "The sandworm always sings thrice." - and they killed another interior guard, saw beds full of 32 people resting and watched as humanoids were taken to some ritual chamber.  3 priests used their spiritual powers to change humanoids placed upon an altar-stone into sheets of blue glass.  Cue one of my favorite actors Charlton Heston - "Blue glass is people!  It's people!"

Finally, the adventurers get some satisfaction the old fashioned way, killing everyone who stand in their way.  The first two priests died quickly as Crysta'ar and Nix had blasters (Gorra's player had to leave 20 minutes before the session's conclusion).  The third priest gesticulated in an eldritch manner and a supernatural light emanated from his hands as a factory worker was turned into a Lovecraftian abomination.  

At one point, Crysta'ar's player rolled another gilded die and got the result he wanted, sliding across the freshly mopped floor - face first straight into the open robes of a dead blue glass priest. The pixie-fairy sorcerer who's afraid of casting spells rolled with his mini-blaster accompanied by a gilded die - that came up 6.  So, he succeeded, but then a ceiling vent blew him into the tentacled creature, and Morningwood's pants got stuck to the tentacle slime, ripping off and leaving him half-naked.

Morningwood got another decent shot off, but was 1 point away from hitting.  I hadn't mentioned it before, but this idea was swimming in my head for weeks... if players made the sign of the tentacle while intoning "By His loathsome tentacles," they'd get a +1 on their roll [usable for each player, once per session].  So, the pixie-fairy's player did that, and that resulted in a hit... for 2 points of damage. Before the creature was blown apart by the others, it slapped a massive tentacle at Morningwood, putting him down 10 HP and Nix 6.

On the way out, they broke-up sheet of blue glass and filled their pockets.  That's where we ended the session.

No one stimulated a Cha'alt X-Cards, unfortunately... but at least the Gilded Die of Satanis got quite a bit of playtesting - and it was all positive.  I have another idea for some far-fetched meta-narrative mechanic, but won't reveal that until next session.

Below are some great quotes from the game...

• "That might be poetic justice, but the real poetry is in the bloodshed."
• "In this version, the flying monkeys are the good guys."
• "Sausage Candy giving out sandy handies."
• "Chili's baby-back leeches."
• "I yearn for something weird!"
• "Yes, that ceiling vent has always been there."
• "Sand powers, activate!"
• "Please, leech responsibly."

Now that the PCs are aware of a major secret of Qada'ath, the supreme council, and Federation, things will start heating up.  I'm also experimenting with campaign arcs, a concept I heard about on YouTube where you break up the campaign into three-session chunks, rather than running it episodically or as one continual season.  

Looking forward to the next game on Saturday, January 27th.  Thanks for reading.  If you enjoyed this, please comment and share with others!

VS

p.s. Only 6 days left to go on The Cha'alt Experience: Designing Worlds Like A Fucking Boss Kickstarter.  If you haven't already, grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR right over here!

Lore24 Like A Fucking Boss

 

I noticed that Lore24 was something the RPG bloggers were doing this year.  Last year was the megadungeon-23 project.  So it goes...

And it just so happens that world building is the subject of the book I'm working on right now - the kickstarter still has about 2 weeks, and it's almost funded.  Check out The Cha'alt Experience: Designing Worlds Like A Fucking Boss.

Coming up with ideas is one thing (it's amazing, really, and I'm not trying to downplay that); however, synthesizing those ideas into a world that's going to be your campaign setting for the next few weeks, months, years, or decades is another matter... and that's where I come in.  I'll show you how.

Now, I'd like to turn my attention to a product I just released on DTRPG called Gilded Die of Satanis.  It's a genre and system-neutral game mechanic sort of inspired by the gilded dice in Candela Obscura.  But I Vengerized it beyond recognition.

If, like me, you're a degenerate weirdo who sometimes wants his sword & sorcery to include moments that could only happen in sit-coms like It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia or movies like Step-Brothers, Beerfest, Waiting..., Dodgeball, or Tropic Thunder, then Gilded Die of Satanis is for you.

It's quick and easy, and players always have the choice if they want to engage with the gilded die or not.  So, check it out and see for yourself.

Well, it's a new year.  I don't know what 2024 will bring... but it will most assuredly be a wild ride.  Hopefully, this will be the best year any of us have had for awhile.  A lot of it is beyond our control, but we can still strive for excellence.  

Onwards and upwards, hoss!

VS

p.s. If you want the Cha'alt trilogy in glorious hardcover (before my wife burns what's left in the backyard come 2025), get them through The Cha'alt Experience kickstarter.  If you want to game with me, Diversity & Dragons (the guest of honor), and dozens of other hardcore old-school, OSR, and traditional gamers in Madison, WI this July, get your weekend badge for VENGER CON III.

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 4]

 

This session was managed with a skeleton crew.  Myself and 3 players did what we had to do in order to keep the campaign going through this God forsaken holiday season.

A lot happened but I'm still going to try and keep this short because every 20 minutes or so one or more of my kids yell for me to come and deal with something.

We had a brand-new player who decided to play a grog (sand construct) priest of the Great Old Ones named Gorra (male).  The other two were Ha'agly Morningwood the pixie-fairy sorcerer and TX-1139 aka Uppgrade the droid warrior.

Before I continue, let me remind everyone that I have a new Kickstarter for The Cha'alt Experience: Designing Worlds Like A Fucking Boss.  Check it out and back if you can, hoss!  It's a great way to get the Cha'alt trilogy in hardcover, as well!

The usual adventurous activities which I had prepared shortly after our last session wouldn't do since most of the party was MIA, so I improvised.

The PCs were at the Quick Stop, spontaneously buying some supplies from the two black-robed drug dealers hanging outside the convenience store (Jack and Heat-vision Bob), and then snacks, oil, and information from Dante the clerk and Quick Stop manager.  

Morningwood got himself a little "squirt gun" sized blaster that was powered with this little crystal that turned it into something almost like a disintegrator (but after use it takes an hour to recharge).  

Once inside, Gorra asked where the party was at, and Dante told him to go to a cantina called Casa Zoth around 9:30.  It didn't take Gonzo too long before he sauntered in and asked when the PCs could get their black van and Ark of the Covenant out of his garage.  They took Jack and Heat-vision Bob along with.

The Federation had a transport check-point and the PCs wanted to risk going through, knowing that if the shit really hit the fan, they could take care of those Federation soldiers themselves.  

The sorcerer used a glamor spell and Gorra decided to give an impromptu sermon.  At the start of the session, I had explained the new game mechanic we were playtesting (first time we tried it was last session), the Gilded Die of Satanis (product releasing on DTRPG later this week).

He rolled a standard d20 along with a gilded d6.  The gilded die came up cringe (2 in 6 chance), but he also rolled a natural 20 - that meant Satanis Gold!  He managed to be such a zealot that his religious oratory got their black van waved through.  Additionally, his Yog-Soggothothery ended with a Howard Dean "yeehaw-scream" that embarrassed himself and everyone in the vehicle. And for his trouble, earned a point of Divine Favor.

They got through, went inside Gonzo's garage, and looked at the weird writing engraved on the Ark.  Turns out, they're primordial glyphs, an older and darker form of language which eventually developed into the eldritch-infernal glyphs which every sorcerer worth his zoth already knows.

Luckily, Jack knows a demon who can read primordial glyphs.  So, the pixie-fairy writes it all down on a scroll and they take it to the demon, while also taking the van, along with the Ark of the Covenant (it has an aura of gravitas) out of Gonzo's garage.

They come up to a cafe where the demon was sitting on the patio.  He asked TX-1138 to get him a drink while he translated what was written on the scroll.  Also, Gorra played a game of 17-dimensional chess with another cafe patron while the demon prepared the translation (Gorra won - I'll include the rules for 17-dimensional chess in another blog post next year).  

Here's the translation...

"This Ark contains a power so terrible and fearsome that the Old Ones' servants hid it away - Do Not Open!  Ever!!!  Furthermore, those in possession of the Ark of the Covenant are assumed to be its protectors, and must guard the Ark from revealing its secrets."

So, they stash the Ark away in another dude's garage, and decide to head to Casa Zoth.  The PCs got to the cantina early and saw that hardly anyone was there.  To kill time, they went across the street to a gun store.  A strip club was also in the vicinity.

After perusing, buying, and special ordering various weaponry and ammo, the adventures heard a commotion outside.  Three Federation soldiers were behind a barricade, shooting at a couple of civilians just inside the door to the strip club.

Quickly deciding to get involved and help the strip club patrons, TX-1138 waded near the Federation, believing that his former Federation droid body would allay their suspicions.  And he was right.  The soldiers didn't suspect he was a danger until TX-1138 open fired on them, wounding one.

Morningwood used magic missile, Gorra used his new hot-pink blaster (it was cheaper), and TX pulled out his bazookoid and rolled a crit.  Basically, that finished them off.  

The two guys in the strip club were grateful and bought the PCs a round, including TX's little cyber-demon companion growing out of his magical wound, named Downgrade.  "Tequila, por favor."  I still don't know why this little kuato guy is Mexican, but he is.

Once inside the strip club, they heard about a legendary stripper named Sausage Candy.  She's known far and wide as "the good luck lap dance" stripper.  They all got a lap dance, but only Gorra paid extra for the Champaign Room.  When he came out, there was a post-coital bonus waiting for him, and Sausage Candy had glittery sand all over her face.

As the PCs were leaving, they eavesdropped on two low-lifes and a tall fancy man wearing expensive robes and an impressive hat.  They were talking about a shipment coming in.  The fancy man paid the low-lifes with an ornate box, and both parties departed.  The scum went to Casa Zoth (TX and Morningwood followed) where they opened the box to find a sticky, organic, pink, fleshy thing.  The PCs had no idea what it was, but the low-lifes were pleased.

Meanwhile, Gorra shadowed the man with the fancy hat.  He went to a disused star-port (a nicer, newer, and much bigger star-port was recently built several months ago just a few streets away) and received a shuttle containing strange cargo - it looked like blue crystal.  

The blue crystal went into a truck which the fancy hat man and his little humonculous sidekick eventually (after some car trouble created by Gorra when he turned into sand and screwed with the power-coupling) drove outside The Settlements and to the Federation Wall about 10 miles away.

They know this because the PCs stole the shuttle after putting the dock workers to sleep.  Getting close enough for a visual, they saw the truck unload its cargo by Federation soldiers and then load it onto a hover-tank on the other side of the wall.  Then, the hover-tank went away from the wall, north... possibly to A'agrybah.  

Perplexed, the PCs considered what was happening and then their options.  Finally deciding to take the stolen shuttle over the orange labyrinth and into mysterious Qada'ath.

They landed safely and went out to explore.  The PCs were astounded to see that it looked like Shadowrun. 

Choosing to head downtown, they walked - eventually coming to a nighclub that was next door to someplace that manufactured that same blue crystal.  Although, in Qada'ath, they call it blue glass.  

Turns out, it's a drug [hey, it's 4:20 as I type this... the prophecy!].  What you do, and the PCs watched it happen, is break off a piece of blue glass from a glass sheet, melt it down, use a little creature (kind of like a leech), to suck it up, then you put the elongated creature on your skin and it secretes the drug right into your bloodstream.  And it gets you fucked up, like, tripping balls!

Gorra was brave enough to try it (curious to see how it affected a grog or sand-construct), so I had him roll.  He decided to roll his d20 along with a gilded die, and the gilded die came up a 1 (or possibly a 2).  The grog started to feel something, then foul smelling clay gushed out of his bottom - clearing the dancefloor.  Yeah, that was cringe, but hilarious!

By then it was almost 6pm and my GMing muscle felt like a wet noodle.  So, we ended the session there.

Thanks for reading, hoss!  There's a 1% chance I'll be staying up until midnight tonight.  It's now 4:34pm and I'm already yawning.  See ya on the flip side...

Happy New Year!

VS

p.s. If you don't yet have your weekend badge for Venger Con III: Revenge of the OSR, Grab it now!  You won't want to miss an entire weekend of old-school, OSR, and traditional RPGs in Madison, WI this July.