Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 6]

 

This was a fun-filled session.  It's important to remember that fun should usually go hand-in-tentacle with immersion... not always, but most of the time.  

Same goes for movies.  There are movies I love without a drop of humor or fun, films that don't bring a smile to my face, but they're admirable all the same.  And yet, the vast majority of my favorite movies have me laughing and shouting and reveling.

Keep that in mind, GMs, when you're pondering thy orb and plying thy trade.  If you can exchange deep levels of resource management for the frolicsomeness of There's Something About Mary, The Hangover, or Dodgeball, do it.  No matter how many experts, reviewers, grognards, newcomers, or casual onlookers tell you otherwise, that's a wise trade.  Sure, you can attempt to go for both... but if it's going to be either one or the other, you'll know where my zuleks are going, hoss.

I'm refining my session prep since that's going to be part of the book I'm currently writing, The Cha'alt Experience, Designing Worlds Like A Fucking Boss.  In practice, it went extremely well.  In fact, I don't know the last time I was able to generate that much content in such a short time.  So, this book is already paying dividends - sweet!

4 players - the crystal warrior who actually has a name, now - Jua'an Tufrifo, Nix the demon thief, Gorra the grog priest, and Drogon makes a reappearance... because of his long absence and the party's lack of wizardry, I convinced the player to swap out his half-orc priest for a sorcerer of the human variety (the human was his idea).  "He fell into a portal," is the gist of how we're explaining the change.  Most likely something to do with the purple labyrinth and Drogon's consciousness inhabiting another dimension-traversing humanoid.

It was just after mid-morning in the dreaming city of Qada'ath, the twin suns not yet high enough in the fuchsia sky to be blotted-out by the Great Old One floating above.  The adventurers were walking around, thinking about lunch. Occasionally getting looks or comments directed at their fancy wristbands (which they stole) indicating they were part of the citizen elite and would be able to have pretty much anything they wanted to eat + healthcare.  

Just then, a labor-grade citizen ran up to Gorra and stole his wristband, then darted down a dark alley.  The PCs ran after, shooting the thief and taking him down.  Gorra recovered his wristband and swiped the gray one belonging to the thief.

While they were standing around the alleyway, they noticed a few curious shops they'd never seen before... there was the Wind Chime Tea House, a cloning facility called The New You, Happy Ending Massage Parlor, and some kind of shop called Touch Grass.  To my delight and amazement, they tried them all...

If you've seen The Golden Child in the last few years, you'll remember the snake-lady oracle behind the paper screen.  Well, the tea house's basement had pretty much that exact setup.  The snake-lady was named Ka'ala and the PCs paid the liaison and got their fortune (along with a tea-voucher)...

Jua'an Tufrifo decided, inexplicably, to roll the gilded die of Satanis while getting his fortune read.  As Ka'ala told him about risk and reward and temporary gain, (the gilded die did not disappoint) the snake-lady passed her liaison a small scroll which was handed to the crystalline.  It was a message from Jua'an's ex-girlfriend telling him that while they were together, she never had an orgasm.  He got a point of Divine Favor for that.

The rest of the party got theirs... Nix had the most ominous - don't buy any blue bananas (translated into our world, that would be green bananas).

The cloning facility allowed for people to, you guessed it, clone themselves.  Lots of upgrades and upcharges, such as full memory implants and 6-pack abs, getting rid of unwanted biological quirks such as allergies or motion sickness.  Basically, if you want to feel like yourself but an idealized version like Ryan Gosling in the Barbie movie (yes, I finally did see it... and kind of liked it, parts, anyway), you're looking at about 1,500 nu-talons per clone.  The PCs didn't have the money for much of anything right now, but definitely earmarked the place for a return visit in the future.

The massage parlor went as you'd probably guess.  Everyone picked a masseuse and got their high-five bonus as per Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer (still a free PDF on DTRPG).

Touch Grass, however, was a bit different.  As the attendant, (after going on a bit about the deep-immersion, hyper-realistic super-simulation that is this world) showed them into a stone room with a raised circular platform containing 8-feet around of lush green grass, the 3 original PCs physical selves reverted back to Earthly humanity, part of the Two Jacks Detective Agency from 1929 Chicago... with accompanying original memories flooding through - the Golden Dragon Palace Chinese restaurant, the Egyptian Theater, James Archibald, and that creepy extradimensional portal).  Only the sand-construct Gorra was unchanged.  Everyone touched or played in the grass and left, resuming their "normal" Cha'alt selves.  

They each got a point of Divine Favor, and started walking back downtown.  A tongueless prophet covered in blood ran up to Nix and handed the demon a rock covered in parchment - it was a scroll describing there's more where this can be found in a network of tunnels and caves below Qada'ath.  The rock had a brilliant and shimmering green vein which Drogon identified as ka'alaxian crystal or "wishing stone" to the layman.  These rare and powerful crystals (introduced in the prior Cha'alt campaign last year) can be used by sorcerers to warp reality.

Oh yeah, after passing the scroll and rock to the adventurers, the tongueless prophet was shot in the back by either a sand-blade or assassin who soon disappeared into the crowd.

The entrance to this subterranean location could be accessed near the black glass tower at the epicenter of Qada'ath.  So, they headed towards the city's center where the Supreme Council resided, inside a tower made of black glass.  Before they could find a way inside, a couple of sand-blades sauntered up to the PCs and asked them to turn around so they could put one of those translucent, squishy, neon-pink, tendril-having little guys on the back of their head.  I reminded them that those are the things put on the subjects strapped-down in their chairs and forced to watch that disturbing film-reel at the Citizen Orientation Center last session.  The viscera'az (which is what they call it) somehow conjures and concentrates dark vibrations, which usually makes people scream in terror.

Jua'an Tufrifo was having none of it, deciding that it was worth the trouble to blast both sand-blades, instead.  Being the shenanigan daredevil he is, he rolled a d20 to attack and a gilded die - natural 20 and 6, motherfucker!  Two laser beams and two dead sand-blades later, Gorra put on one of their sleek black uniforms and the entire group headed for the place where they could get down to that cave.

After descending 30-feet of spiral stairs, they came to a mirrored door with hand-print opener.  They remembered a notation on the scroll that said, "Do not approach the threshold empty-handed."  The PCs decided Gorra, being made of sand and could stretch his arm out, was their best chance of getting through unscathed.  Just to add another layer of protection, since that warning was a bit vague, Gorra held the viscera'az in his hand while trying the hand-print.

Good thing he did - a dozen or so 2mm spines went into the slimy pink thing, killing it.  The door opened and the players felt like they were back in Cremza'amirikza'am with all manner of weird shit, idiosyncratic individuals, factions, monsters, etc. 

I won't go into exhaustive detail, but they found... 

• A cryo-pod (thanks to Gorra's player stimulating a post-apocalypse Cha'alt X-Cards, for which he got a polished fuchsia stone of Divine Favor).  Jua'an rolled the gilded die yet again while blasting, this time his blast ricocheted off the cryo-pod door stuck to the mutant monstrosity's crab claw and struck his belt-buckle, which made his pants fall down.  The crystal warrior's solution was to stretch the dead viscera'az into a new belt... support helped by a chork's leather tunic which basically looked like poorly made and ill-fitting ass-less chaps. 
• Killed some pig-faced and bird-feathered chicken-orcs or chorks, fireballed some more chorks who were in a cave with a large crystal that contained a holographic message about finding a group of shamans far below the surface from before the apocalypse who came up with an antidote when the Federation first tried to subdue the native population with drugs 80+ years ago.
• Met a zedi knight from the purple labyrinth who was looking for just the right sized crystal to charge his laser-sword (which the PCs coveted).
• A pit belonging to a suckered abomination requiring 7 humanoids sacrificed to it (instructions for summoning, banishing, and calling it were written on the cave wall in ancient glyphs).
• Found a device with a logic puzzle that eventually granted them access to some woman's OnlyFans account (3 days absolutely free).
• A group of humanoids from the freedom fighter group Scarlet Dawn looking for a way out (they know a secret codeword to get into the Federation military base) and told the PCs where the rest of their group are hiding... in case they don't make it.
• Humanoid slaves mining crystals (but not the really good kind) with a giant, open-mouthed, stone head that transported them to Hell.  This conflict was also fireballed, but for reasons I can't fathom, the sorcerer's player wanted to roll the gilded die along with the d6 determining the fireball's blaze intensity and radius.  The gilded die did its job and just before the flames engulphed the entire area, they could hear one of the miners call out, "Look what I just found - an origami unicorn - that must be worth a bloody fortune!"
• The cave of ka'alaxian crystals that was polluted by toxic runoff from neon-pink fluid from above, dripping down the walls of the cave (the nearby population were all strange looking mutants).
• And finally a huge cave full of soldiers and sexy green harem girls led by a humanoid named Skull-Face.

And that's where we stopped the session. It was a fun-filled time and nudged the PCs towards another leg of their journey - a way to stop the Federation from oppressing Cha'alt as they rob the planet of its precious resources.

The gilded die got so much playtesting time (as opposed to the one for Cha'alt X-Cards) that I feel even more strongly that it will objectively improve your games (assuming you're looking for more Douglas Adams and less J.R.R. Tolkien).

Below are some amusing bits of dialog I hastily scribbed down between moments of laughter and exciting action...

• "We have a plan, it goes kaboom... as most of our plans do."
• [This isn't a quote, just something I thought of] If you're obsessed with blue glass, then you've got blue brain.  If you're a habitual user of the drug, you're a glass head.
• "Clean-up... aisle Cha'alt!"
• "Brain drain animal"... [he was referring to the viscera'az]
• "It's about the man upstairs.  Gotta serve the greater evil." [points to Uma'at-Allah, the Great Old One floating above Qada'ath]
• "She's a serpentine charlatan."
• "Jua'an Tufrifo's new nickname shall be crystal cheeks."
• "Feed 'em to the worms!"
• "What if Tha'anos was a drug manufacturer?" [wondering aloud if making blue glass should be combined with population control]
• "The crimson bastards were born in dark alleys."
• "It's freaky Friday all over again!"
• "Did you take some bad glass?"
• "I have cock-rings bigger than you!"
• "Origami unicorn."
• Pig-faced orcs with yellow and teal feathers... part orc, part chicken... why not call them chorks?"

Yep, an epic session.  The newish player said how weird and different this dungeon was, and the rest of us laughed because to someone that hasn't been through the prior Cha'alt campaign, he's right - there's probably nothing quite like what he's just experienced.  

But for those who've been along for Venger's wild ride last year, this felt a lot like Cremza'amirikza'am.  Yeah, I have a type... moving on!

Next session should be in 2 weeks - February 10th.  See y'all then.

VS

p.s. If you don't already own the Cha'alt trilogy in hardcover, I've got you covered - details right here.  Believe it or not, there are still a few weekend badges available for this July's VENGER CON III in Madison, WI - grab it now!