Crystals of Chaos (session report #17)

 

This session concludes the Crystals of Chaos 9-month Cha'alt campaign on 2023.

That scene from Kill Bill (volume 2, I think) where Bill's brother asks Daryl Hannah's character which she's filled most with, after it's all said and done... relief or regret.  Like her, I'm sure every GM feels a bit of both.  And like him, if pressed, we'll usually feel more of one than the other.  So, which is it?  

It's sad when things end, but if nothing ended, there also wouldn't be new beginnings. Put me in the relief column.  So many things transpired, in and out of the game, since January.  Also, it does suck that not everyone could be at the last session.  But we have to take a 3-week break after yesterday's game and I'd been meaning to reach a conclusion for a little while.  Plus, I want to experience new RPG awesomeness.  

So, while the RPG Pundit is already chiding me for concluding my 9-month campaign when his World of the Last Sun has lasted 10 years, all I can do is nod and laugh and be grateful for everything that led up to this point.  What we accomplished is quite remarkable, as you can see by reading my Crystals of Chaos session reports.  Thanks this Crystals of Chaos, we have the lavender moons, Cha'alt X-Cards, fuchsia burn, and so many things!

Who was on the roster?  Robard the Red, Jackal, and Heighten Chancery Philthrop III.

Last session, the PCs had taken the hellevator down to the bowels of Cha'alt where the Hell Worm dwelt.  They were chasing a Federation officer named Commander Andrak who got hold of a device that, if opened, would annihilate the universe.

Before breaking camp and heading off in search of Andrak, the party got a visual communication from Starship Jefferson (their transport presumably still parked above Cremza'amirikza'am).  It was Teddy Westside wearing a banana-furry costume.  After the initial shudder, the PCs asked what was up.  

"I've got good news and bad news.  Which do you want to hear first?"

The bad news, Robard said.  "The bad news is 19, aka centaur hottie."  Then what's the good news, the sorcerer followed-up?  "I'm getting married," Ted replied.  

Yep, Teddy Westside and centaur hottie were eloping to Alpha Blue... and taking the Starship Jefferson with them.  They assured the party that they'd be back eventually to pick them up after their honeymoon.  

Robard fell into a deep, dark depression... and we all watched him go down the emotional well.  It humanized Robard, made him more relatable, watchable (from an audience's perspective), and provided extra fodder for roleplaying.  Throughout his breakup ordeal, he was awarded a couple Divine Favor fuchsia stones for character embodiment.

The PCs saw another brown pool of sweet smelling candy water, and a white unicorn trotted up to it, turned around, backed up a couple paces, and pooped into it.  After the unicorn finished her business, a couple demons came along.  

Robard wanted a unicorn horn as a spell component and the halfling tried to help by remotely shoving his hand/tentacle through a portal to hold onto it.  Heighten critically failed and the unicorn stabbed his hand, instead.  Robard used one of his infernal lavender moons of destiny dice to make this a defining moment for his character.  Unfortunately, he, too, rolled a 1 on the d6.  Even though he had that Divine Favor.  Robard refused to spend it, only accentuating his emotional depths.  Robard missed and broke down crying.

After the demons led the unicorn away, the PCs examined the brown liquid pool that smelled like blueberry waffle cone graham cracker cheesecake, knowing what it was from before and just now, Jackal turned the pool into zoth with the tip of his trident.  Heighten dipped his hand tentacles into the zoth and healed himself.

Meanwhile, the demons took the unicorn to a nearby cave where a demon Willy Wonka waited upon a candy-studded chocolate tentacle thrown.  Further back in the cave, a film crew was getting shots of THOTs wrestling in candy slime.  Where did these women come from?  demon Willy Wonka touched the unicorn with his wand and she turned into a hot chick, which the candy man sent to his film crew to create even more content for his OnlyFans account.

Seeing demon Willy Wonka as a threat and wanting the unicorns / hotties for themselves, the PCs attacked without warning.  The battle was quickly over, ending in a fiery crescendo as Robard fireballed all three.  The demons were dead, and Willy Wonka with devil horns and a tail was mostly burned to a crisp.  The PCs took his wand and broke it, but instead of turning the girls back into unicorns, it permanently kept them humanoid females.  

And there was another spell cast (or maybe this was still due to the fireball), but I rolled on the d100 weird spell aftereffect table and fruities came out of a portal to challenge the adventurers for supremacy of this domain.  Robard's character grabbed the Cha'alt X-Card for "sleaze."  So, I told them the fruities wanted to decide things with a fuck-off.  Whoever can bang these sluts the hardest and best would rule this candy cave and all the unicorn girls it contained.

I had everyone pick a woman, sexual position, and bedroom maneuver, then asked for a d20 roll.  Real quick, all the players were rolling like crap most of the game.  The strawberry, who revealed his strawberry dick upon opening his trench-coat, won the fuck-off when I rolled an 18.  The PCs hung their heads in shame as the fruities victoriously danced and gyrated their junk to the crippling defeat of the Crimson Bastards!

At some point in there, the film crew recording the slime candy wrestling girls (who used to be unicorns) and the documentary film crew capturing the adventurers' exploits needed some legal guidance so one group couldn't sue the other... and a demon lawyer was summoned.  The halfling murdered the lawyer because of course he did.

The OnlyFans film crew either joined the PCs' documentary film crew or died horribly.

Knowing the PCs as I do, it wasn't at all surprising when the PCs decided to crush the fruities... and crush them they did.  Jackal's player held up the "exploitation & grindhouse" card - I leaned into such cannibal holocaust fare as primitive humanoid tribesmen came out of the shadows to light a bonfire and prepare a fruity feast.  Everyone had plenty to eat as the screams of chopped up and burning anthropomorphic fruit filled the cave.

I believe it was at this point that Colin, Robard's player, said something that was so glaringly obvious that I scarcely know how it wasn't part of the Cha'alt X-Card guidelines this while time.  Of course, a PC should be incentivized with Divine Favor after he taps a card.  So, yeah, I started giving that out.

After the cannibal carnage, the PCs decided to take it easy for the rest of the day, sleep in the cave, and wake up the next morning to continue their journey.

The PCs kept going, walking down the main tunnel which eventually led to a deposit of massive crystals showing different scenes in space, time, and dimension.  Specifically, these four... Commander Andrak opening a red box and Cha'alt exploding; demons launching a brutal attack on the surface, specifically, A'agrybah, killing the banana-men defensive guard; an alien temple containing humanoids all wearing lavender robes - at the center of the temple is a weird device; and a world similar to Cha'alt but everyone and everything had dicks covering it.

The halfling wanted to use his dimensionally remote tentacle hand to grab Andrak and pull him through, which he did... as they found out that Andrak was just a humanoid shell or puppet for Ubbo-Sa'athla who wanted to destroy the whole universe and remake everything with dicks all over stuff.

Jackal hacked into Andrak who just crumbled and melted away.  Heighten used his hand again to knock the red box away.  Robard cast a spell using the party's unicorn girl entourage menstrual blood to fuel his sorcery (it was just lucky that the girls got their periods that morning).

I rolled on that d100 wild magic table again and Robard was out of phase with everything on this plane.  But he saw a portal to the purple labyrinth, and went in with the box, trying to lure Ubbo-Sa'athla into it.  His plan worked, but then Ubbo-Sa'athla was trapped in the purple labyrinth with Robard - even if the sorcerer escaped, the Great Old One would have a chance to either leave or destroy that extra-dimensional wizard plane - which would be a shame since sorcerers of Cha'alt (and other realms) rely on the purple labyrinth for all kinds of strange mystical stuff.  

The labyrinth itself was trying to communicate with Robard.  Robard wanted to use another soul-shard corresponding to the infernal lavender moons of Cha'alt to trap the Great Old One and explode the red box without harming the PCs, Cha'alt, or even the purple labyrinth.  He rolled a 3, which is the lowest roll possible while still succeeding.  Creating a much smaller and even more purple universe behind yet another portal, Robard went in... and so did Ubbo-Sa'athla, then Robard escaped just as the instability of that device inside the red box was triggered by so many dimensional doorways.  

It exploded, ending that universe within a universe within a universe... possibly even now being remade in the Old One's image... as everything and everyone are covered with dicks.

Upon walking out of that cavernous crystal area, the PCs saw graffiti on the rock that read, "Go immediately to the Chartreuse Dragon Cantina ~ Crimson Bastards."  

They teleported there, at which point the PCs were met with a surprise party.  Even though Teddy Westside and centaur hottie weren't there, all the adventurers... Krandol, Zagreus, and even Gath were there.  And a bunch of NPCs lost to the mists of memory.

They all drank and ate and laughed at stories of their adventures.

That was it.  I closed the campaign with one last gong, and the players and I talked about how much we enjoyed the adventure and the whole damn thing.

Receiving a point of Divine Favor was really both a no-brainer and master stroke that I still can't believe I didn't think of.  I'll have to read through my posts, but I'm pretty sure that notion never actually came to me.

Oh yeah, this session's audio was also recorded on a tiny device.  So, once the audio is cleaned up, we might have something neat to share with folks.

The following are hilarious and/or cool things that were said this session...

• The unicorn/centaur sexcapades reminded someone of this SNL sketch with Christopher Walken. Here it is, if you're curious.
• "He flew too close to the lavender moons."
• "Unicorns have IBS, but zoth makes them regular... but too much gives them constipation."
• "The only economy that's still viable on Cha'alt is OnlyFans."
• When you can legitimately say, 'Surprise, motherfucker!' you get to roll your attack with Advantage."
• "I should have listened to my Mother and gone into bird law."
• "I was touched by the greater magics of this place."
• "Would that be a dickopalypse or dickaggedon?"
• "Maniacal laughter is the last phase of grieving." 
• "Objection, your honor, he's leading the GM."
• "Failing foreskin... instead of failing forward, but also a dick joke."
• "I don't think there was ever a 'normal' Robard."

I've said it before and here it is again, thanks to all the players, everyone who's reading these session reports, those commenting and talking about Crimson Dragon Slayer and Cha'alt, the people who've purchased Cha'alt, and support what I'm doing with Kort'thalis Publishing.

When I'm back from vacation later this month, I'll let you know what we plan on doing Saturday, October 7th.  Colin was thinking about running a SLA Industries one-shot, and then I've got something wicked up my wizard sleeve as Halloween draws nigh.

So long and thanks for all the fuchsia tentacles!

VS

p.s.  Get your Cha'alt hardcover trilogy and a custom made set of Cha'alt X-Cards with this here special deal.  And don't forget all the fun you'll miss if you don't attend VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR... next July in Madison, WI.

Crystals of Chaos [session report #16]

 

These session reports aren't just an ongoing narrative of what's happening in the game, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the cooperative story that we're creating and experiencing at the table.  

It's also a deconstruction of the medium and this particular campaign, what works, what doesn't, things tried, lessons learned, plans for things to come, etc.

Even though it was loads of fun and significant based on the utilization of certain techniques, mechanics, and play aids, session #16 felt a bit like treading water.  There's a reason for that.  I'm trying... or was trying, it might be more accurate to say, to delay the "final boss," which I wrongly conflated with the end of the campaign.

Just because the main and current antagonist is defeated, that doesn't mean the campaign has to end there.  Although, I do want to conclude it eventually.  So, anyway, yeah... this session seemed more like a random episode of Lost in Space, where the adventurers meet some random NPCs in a random weird part of the world, get up to some mischief, find their way into a jam, out of a jam, and keep going towards whatever leads are left to follow.

Next session, no matter what, it's going to have closure.  And then, if it continues, which I think it will, there will be yet another reason to keep adventuring.  

Three players this time due to a European vacation for Heighten's player and Jackal's player being sick.  So, it was the half-orc warrior Krandol, Zagreus the dwarf thief, and Robard the dwarf sorcerer.

The PCs found themselves in the underworld depths of Cha'alt, not too far away from the Hell-mouth.  They wandered the obsidian and onyx tunnels and caves, dimly lit by orange pools and streams of hot magma.  Eventually, they came to a buxom young hottie named Jennifer who (as I randomly rolled) was dumb as a box of rocks.  She asked them their desert name and talked of an ancient prophecy she was destined to fulfill - going with strangers from the surface to do something important (like save Cha'alt from total annihilation).

First however, they would have to dispatch Jennifer's pimp.  The pimp came out of the shadows at that moment with a leopard print zoot-suit and matching feathered hat.  He brandished a gold-plated blaster and proceeded to shoot Krandol in the chest doing 17 points of damage; the weapon did 1d30 damage because why the fuck not?

It didn't take long for them to rid Cha'alt's underworld of this pimp so Jennifer could accompany the PCs on their mission.  

Robard took the golden gun.  Krandol tickled their new companion with his tentacles, received a hardcore lap dance, and got his rocks (dumb as hers may be) off... thus securing the half-orc with the bonuses due from sexual release.

Due to that distraction, the adventurers lost their sexy female guide who was both expecting and leading them to a certain place.  So, they just kind of looked around to see what they could see.  Wasn't long before they stumbled upon three Federation soldiers who'd lost faith in their insane commander and went native.  They warmed themselves by a fire, cooking demon-rat on a stick.

Now, I had briefly introduced something that goes by x-rated cards, triple-x cards, Cha'alt cards, Venger cards, Cha'alt-X cards, or some variation.  Basically, they're the opposite of the SJW x-card "safety tools" you sometimes hear about from leftists on social media.  But instead of warning the GM to gloss over "problematic content," my cards encourage the GM to go farther into eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalyptic, humorous, sleazy, and pop-culture territory.  It's a way to make the game even more "problematic" and inappropriate... speaking of which, I showed them off in the latest episode of Inappropriate Characters [start at the 59th minute].

So, all 7 cards were in a pile in the middle of the table.  At any point, a player (or me, I suppose) could hold up one of those cards, and I'd do what I could to incorporate that vibe into the game.  

At this point, Robard's character tapped the post-apocalyptic card, so I described that the Federation dudes had pulled a cargo container from the before-times out of some subterranean ravine.  It contained really old provisions, such as a can of beans, spam, cliff bars, chocolate pudding cups, etc.

I also made it clear that if anyone at the table (but especially the individual who used the card) could provide suggestions.  If someone has a red-hot idea, why not share it, right?  This is supposed to be collaborative storytelling, after all.

Realizing these ex-Federation troopers would be an asset in finding Commander Andrak, they brought them along.  Eventually, the PCs encountered a chartreuse elf and fuchsia elf arguing about the existence of a legendary "promised land" called Fucha'al.  Robard involved himself in that discussion, wondering if it was somehow related to the purple labyrinth. 

I'm not sure why, but they went back the way they came and journeyed another mile or so up to the Hell-mouth.  Their side (the Cha'alt side) was congested with a waiting army of 250 - 300 demons with a demon general right next to the Hell-mouth itself.  Robard made Zagreus invisible, so he could sneak up to the general without being detected.  The dwarf thief pilfered a bar of gold from the demon who realized what was going on, slashing at the invisible Zagreus without effect.

Zagreus looked into that orange-red abyss and saw a butt-biting demon and several other humanoids being tortured by a pool of liquid fire.  The PCs decided to keep going in that other direction, away from the Hell-mouth.

The ex-Feds pointed the PCs in the direction of Commander Andrak's last known whereabouts.  So, they continued on... coming to a pool of brown liquid that smelled like cotton candy marshmallow berry waffle cone.  It smelled so good, but looked suspiciously like poop water.  Two of the Federation guys washed themselves in it before Robard dipped a rock in it and put it on the tip of his tongue for only a second, but enough time to realize that it was indeed shit.

They moved on, only to encounter a strange humanoid covered head to toe in red crystals.  He claimed to be the last survivor of that red crystal universe the PCs had a hand in destroying, and wanted to punish the PCs for taking part in it.  He banished them to a red crystal prison where they found three other adventurers who'd been trapped here, but they were also made of red crystal.  The leader was Crystar, and he had a badass red crystal sword.

Those three had a plan, which was to slaughter the jeweled gnomes that also lived and worked in this prison.  So, they found the gnomes who were throwing red crystals into the open belly of a demon statue that was filled with fire - a humanoid figure was in there, consumed with flames and silently screaming.

They shattered the gnomes and teleported the flame prisoner out when they realized that killing the gnomes wasn't enough to get them out of this prison.  It was a tall humanoid with goatee and black eye-patch named Zarzax.  He insisted that everyone bow to him.  The PCs were reluctant, no surprise there, so Zarzax made a show of force, nearly killing the sorcerer in one blow (while also brushing off a would-be devastating attack from the party's resident badass, Krandol).

After bowing to Zarzax, the new leader used Crystar's sword to cut through the red crystal prison reality into the PCs' home world, back where they left off.  Krandol convinced Zarzax to lead the demon army they found.  So, Zarzax went up to the demon army and only had to slay 12 of them before they bowed before him, then the PCs encouraged their new evil leader to conquer Hell itself.  Why not, right?

Robard used commune, according to the new alignment rules in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, to speak psychically with the Hell-mouth - but not before pulling out the eldritch card and describing the Hell-mouth as some gargantuan, Lovecraftian fire-worm (or lava-worm, if you prefer) with tentacles, it's open maw being the gateway between the infernal realms and the bowels of Cha'alt.  Yes!

Robard asked if the fire-worm would close its mouth in exchange for a service.  The fire-worm gave Robard a year and a day to summon it again upon the surface of Cha'alt, which the sorcerer agreed to.  But to make it official, the fire-worm wanted Robard, in this metaphysical space, to have sex with a fire-worm / lady hybrid while it watched.  Robard did as he was asked... calling upon the lavender moon of Chipotle Cheddar to seal his destiny.  At first, like Heighten Chancery Philthrop III, he rolled a one (critical fail), but used a point of Divine Favor to re-roll and got a 3.  Success!

Robard succeeded... "I lived the sorcery."  The Hell-mouth closed, separating Zarzax and his new demon army from the PCs, so they could continue going after Commander Andrak and save Cha'alt.

That was pretty much it.  With only 20 minutes or so left of the session, I decided to end it there.  Oh yeah, Robard's player recorded our session with some new device he just acquired.  After cleaning up the audio, he's going to send me the file(s) and then there will be a legit artifact from the Crystals of Chaos campaign (other than these session reports).

Yeah, it was lots of fun, but didn't really move the needle so much as delayed the big finish... which probably won't actually finish the campaign, but we'll see.  No promises.

It was awesome to debut the new Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer character sheets and Cha'altian x-cards, have another go at the infernal destiny d6s, and record this session for posterity.

According to Zagreus' player, we need a harlequin romance card, too!  To comment on the cards, quickly, I think they worked great.  Only 2 of the 7 used, but that was a fine start, and they did exactly what was intended.  I'll definitely keep them at the table for future sessions.

Next session in 2 weeks if all goes well.  Thanks for reading!  Your feedback is appreciated.

VS

p.s. Yeah, now's the time to get your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR.  But in the meantime, if you don't already own the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy, ordering details right over here.

Crystals of Chaos [session report #15]

 

Hey, guys!  What's up?  Yeah, 15th session of our Cha'alt campaign "in the can," as they say.

4 players because 1 of them had a social function they couldn't get out of.

Heighten the halfling thief, Zagreus the dwarf thief, Robard the Red dwarf sorcerer, and the half-orc warrior Krandol.

Got to try some new stuff this time, so for that reason alone it was a worthwhile session.  But we all had fun.

So, last time the PCs escaped from that pocket universe just as it was exploding.  A bit of residual energy was also born in the aftermath, as an amorphous blob of crimson effulgence.  Zagreus decided to grab it before Robard could properly vet the thing with his sorcery.

The intense crimson light asked Zagreus what form he'd like to choose, and the dwarven thief chose a cheeseburger (of course).  So, we kind of collectively hashed-out what this thing would look like, the final say coming from Zagreus (such as his name - Mayor McCheese - I didn't realize until searching for an image of this thing that that's its actual name) and my dice - just to keep things interesting and neutral.

So, it became the cheeseburger humanoid guy from the old McDonald's commercials and we all attempted to do the voice - same as the Mad Hatter from Disney's Alice in Wonderland.  With jellybabies just under the top bun... because Tom Baker.  

Then, the PCs felt a tremor as a slow but steady Cha'altquake reverberated through Cremza'amirikza'am.  One of the PCs realized that particular vibration was due to sandworms burrowing above.

Robard wanted to magic himself an escape portal for later, just in case bad things went down.  He did, and I rolled on the fuchsia-infused wild magic effects table in Fuchsia Malaise.  A zone of silence followed the party, which led to a violent altercation with a gang of demons - which reminds me, at some point, I really need to come up with a d100 table for random demons I can consult when a bunch of infernal dudes happen to be walking down a tunnel.

A little bit later, there was another demon encounter, so I'm kind of conflating both of them in my mind.  But the first was silent, and Robard's player wondered aloud what it would be like if this fight took place as if in a silent movie.  I thought that was a fun idea, so I said yeah... and we roleplayed the fight like we were all in a silent movie.  I even found a silent movie piano track on YouTube to play during some of the action.

The second demon encounter was a bunch of demons surrounding several demon rights activists with picket signs and protest chants at the ready.  Unfortunately for them, demons don't care about humanoid activists, protests, or any political posturing.  So, the demons were about to sacrifice the humanoids for the greater glory of Kort'thalis.  The PCs didn't really want to hero-out for the activists, but were hoping to deny Kort'thalis any more devotees or sacrificial power.

These demons were tougher, and between a crystal-encrusted glaive, ruby laser eye-beams, and body spines, they gave the adventurers a run for their money.  Both of the new NPCs got killed, Teddy Westside was crippled, I think Robard was down to 3 HP or something, and Heighten had three of his fingers sliced off when he tried to gank the leader's glaive in mid-air.

You see, I told him that if he wanted to grab the glaive in mid-air and use it for himself, that he'd need to roll one of his lavender demon-moon destiny dice.  And he did.  He rolled a 1, which was a critical failure.  Then, he burned a point of Divine Favor to roll that d6 again, and got another 1.  That's why three of his fingers went bye-bye.  And now, that moon-demon Heighten had called upon owned a shard of the halfling's soul... and he'd need to undertake a service at some point in the near future.

Yeah, it was a formidable battle, but the PCs came out on top... and Robard used his sorcery to conjure up a new hand for the halfling.  It was a mixture of tentacles and gold and demon parts.  Heighten claimed the glaive for himself, since he was maimed by it and all.

Incidentally, this was my worst session for taking notes.  I wrote almost nothing down for some reason and have to pretty much rely on only my memory.  Oh well, shit happens!

For some reason, Robard wanted to free the demon who lived in the black blade he'd been wielding every since Krandol upgraded to the purple plasma sword (the black demon-sword was originally Robard's, though).  So, he used all those humanoid activists that the demons were going to sacrifice in order to permanently free the demon who would have the blade and the violet power-armor suit of the samurai-rangers.  Too bad for the activists, as Robard needed all their blood to complete his ritual.

I filled the guys in on my alignment shake-up, trying to turn that into something gameable in Crimson Dragon Slayer D20.  Chaotic PCs get to commune with the Old Ones (once per session), so Robard availed himself of the opportunity.  I imagined something like in The Golden Child, when the main villain Sadow Numspa'ar or something like that meditated or said a demonic prayer and everything melted away as he appeared in Hell, talking to Satan or whoever.

Surrounded by slimy tentacles, the sorcerer felt the presence of a Great Old One.  He asked for assistance and was willing to take on a task in exchange.  While I didn't have anything red hot at the tip of my brain, I told him the message was received and the sorcerer would get clued-in soon.  Not the greatest beginning for the new alignment system (I should have prepared more), but it was a start.

The last combat of the night (there wasn't as much exploration or social stuff happening in this session, unfortunately - definitely my bad and room for improvement next time) was with a dragon who guarded the elevator taking folks from Cremza'amirikza'am to the depths of Hell.

At first, the PCs were going to bargain with the dragon, which was smart.  However, I wrote a note to let the halfling thief know that his demon liege was cashing-in on his debt right now - kill the dragon!  Heighten used his new warlock hand to open up a portal behind the dragon and surprise him - and he also wanted to use the recently added Fuchsia Burn mechanic since there was only 2 points of Divine Favor currently on the table, essentially burning both to spike a critical-hit.

Him being a thief with sneak-attack, plus the glaive's inherent powers had him rolling 27d4, which came out to about 75 points of damage.  When the dragon returned fire (yes, a pun) he got some of the squishier PCs, like the sorcerer, down to 3 or so HP.

Robard cast a spell, which he, again, wanted to supe-up... causing me to roll on that wild magical aftereffect table.  Coincidentally, Robard's player decided to "mix" his dice for that roll, and then I laughed as I told everyone at the table there are reasons why you don't do that.  The result (according to my roll on that d100 table) was sorcerous seizure.  The original spell, Missile Command, went off, but it put the sorcerer in some kind of coma.  Thinking on my feet, and based on group input, I determined that Robard melted into a purple puddle physically, as the rest of him awoke in the purple labyrinth.  I also wanted Robard out of the way so if the dragon breathed fire again, his incapacitated body wouldn't get incinerated.  

Zagreus couldn't hit the broadside of a barn, and Krandol was whittling the dragon down in HP.  Not having Jackal hacking away on behalf of the party was disappointing.  Luckily, just before the dragon burned them all alive - three sandworms burrowed into the giant cavern they were fighting in.  The sandworms seemed most interested in devouring crystals, but their movement through Cremza'amirikza'am was also causing instability - rocks falling and it was a widespread cave-in situation everywhere.

While the dragon was distracted, the PCs ran to the elevator and pushed the button down.  I played The Girl From Ipanema since that strikes me as the most cliche trope of elevator music.  

Eventually, the elevator doors opened, and an attractive woman gestured for the PCs to follow her.  That's where we ended things.  We got a late start and ended a bit early, so this session seemed a bit shorter than most, but it was still packed with cool stuff.

The next blog post will most likely be about next July's VENGER CON III, so stay-tuned for that.

Thanks for reading, hoss!

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy (or individual books)?  Sale is right over here with ordering details!  Remember, these are professionally printed, signed and numbered, hardcover books unlike anything you've seen before - PDFs included.

Crystals of Chaos [session report #14]

 

For those who haven't been keeping up, I just ran the 14th "episode" of my Cha'alt campaign via Crimson Dragon Slayer D20 Revised (still free, still awesome).

Many believe that such an ultra-light ruleset can't sustain a long-term campaign.  Well, they're wrong.  Sure, I come up with the occasional ruling on the spot, but I'd be doing that even with a 200+ page rulebook.

And amazingly enough, we got the band back together!  The only thing we didn't get to try out (that I can remember) were the lavender moon dice of infernal destiny!  Oh well, next time!

Jackal the dwarf warrior, Krandol the half-orc warrior, Heighten Chancery Philthrop the 3rd (halfling thief), Robard the Red (dwarven sorcerer), and Zagreus the dwarf thief.  The cleric PC we picked-up late in the campaign was absent because his player had family affairs he needed to contend with.

So, with five players, we embarked on this latest stretch of the odyssey.  Since everyone was present, I had plans of ending the campaign with this session.  However, as you'll shortly see, that was pleasantly derailed.  I use that word "derail" specifically because I do try to let the PCs go where they may and follow their action to wherever it takes them... while also providing a loose narrative structure to keep things moving along.  

If I had pushed things too hard in the direction of my own preconceived notion for how the adventure should turn out, I'd be railroading the players.  Not cool, bro.

After all, we're cooperatively creating a story as we go.  As long as all the details and ending aren't set in stone, the tale we tell is alive and malleable, possibilities abound, fuchsia sky's the limit.

Two weeks ago, our normally scheduled program was postponed due to VENGER CON.  So, it took a little time before we recalled what happened the session before.  But once a couple details were presented, our memories refreshed.

It started with a dream... a dream of colorful dragons and riding on their backs through weird space.  Along the way, the PCs saw a serpent's eye as big as one of Cha'alt's moons, fuchsia tentacles bathed in chartreuse flames rising from a black pyramid and a crystalline banana shattering into a thousand shards, each one reflecting the face of a Great Old One so monstrously terrifying that looking upon its untenable visage immediately woke them up.

The PCs settled old business, which included acquiring payment in humanoid slaves, including some beach girl centaur hottie, named Nineteen, that I stumbled upon over at the Lamentations of the Flame Princess facebook page months ago. Robard immediately claimed her as his concubine.  I decided to roll on a few tables that I didn't normally have access to, and determined that she was insecure and had 6 kids (because Zagreus had found a time crystal earlier, it was indeed likely that some of those kids actually belonged to Robard).

The other thing the PCs got from their demon allies was information - that Commander Andrak of the Federation had gone to the southern caves in hopes of making his way down below Cremza'amirikza'am to find that ancient artifact / secret weapon / apocalyptic device he's been after since the campaign's halfway point.

Then, they noticed a violet spot of light on the cave floor, it was from a shaft that had no beginning.  Robard used his sorcery to find an invisible dimensional rift that led them into a dark bio-mechanical cave containing 40 or 50 humanoid battery-pods like from The Matrix, each filled with a person surrounded by wires, cables, and translucent pink goo.

The pods were being guarded by 11 black spider-droids, about the size of a big dog - and beyond all that was a large violet crystal glowing so intensely that it's light penetrated another dimension (the PCs' home world).  Robard casted a spell on Jackal, creating 5 additional mirror images of him.  But he wanted to super-charge the spell by making a ritual out of it, takes longer but if you're not in a rush, you get a bigger and/or better effect.

I decided to roll on the weird spell aftereffects from Fuchsia Malaise.  So, rolling the percentile and wouldn't you know, it came out "radioactive spider"!!! What are the odds?  Yes, 1 in 100... but still!

Normally, I don't keep a ton of other books nearby me when I'm GMing Crystals of Chaos, just trying to keep a somewhat restrained "work space."  However, because of the convention a couple weeks ago, I had my Alpha Blue books right next to my chair.  Since the radioactive spider result mentioned a possible mutation, I asked everyone to roll.  Everyone unfortunately "passed," which means no mutant... Venger sad.

Then I had the silly, genius, totally irresponsible idea of suggesting that anyone who decided to intentionally fail their roll would get a bonus point of Divine Favor.  4 out of the 5 agreed.  So, we got Krandol with possible seizures each scene / encounter (which I forgot to roll later, I'll have to write myself a note for next session), divine healing hands for Chancery, and eidetic memory for Zagreus, and Robard the Red smells like roses pretty much all the time.  Oh yeah, and centaur-hottie got danger sense.

Hey, in my defense - Cha'alt is gonzo, and also I still thought this might be our last session.  Why not go out with a bang?  There was certainly a bang... keep reading, hoss!

Ok, spider-droids dispatched with the PCs taking no damage because all 3 hits were directed at Jackal's mirror-clones, leaving two magical clones "alive."  I'm not sure if it's written into the fine print of that spell or because of the ritualized gonzo nature of how the spell turned out, but Robard commanded everyone to destroy the last two mirror images of Jackal, lest they take on sentience of their own and try to replace the "master image."

So, the PCs made short work of them.  One of the clones might have wounded a PC, but nothing significant.  Robard decided to plunge his black bladed demon sword into the violet crystal in an ongoing effort to make the GM squirm... more likely, an unconscious effort to push me out of my comfort zone... or that's just what his character would do in that situation.  Who can be sure?

After giving it some quick thought (and forcing Robard's player to burn a couple fuchsia stones on attaining a halfway decent d20 roll), I determined that the violet-hued techno-magical suit of retro-futurist armor belonging to the Samurai-Rangers of the Lost Universe would fuse itself to both Robard and his black infernal sword.  I listed all the benefits, but Robard's player is going to do a write-up of how it all shakes out.

Lastly, the party fiddled with a battery-pod, releasing one of the simulation-dreamers who assumed he was still in Chicago, circa 1999.  So, he decided to tag along and see what Cha'alt had to offer before deciding to awaken his fellow batteries.  That NPC's name is John Dick, an amateur male porn actor.

Meanwhile, back on Cha'alt, the PCs have made quite a name for themselves in Cremza'amirikza'am and picked up a couple followers - Ma'ato (green and slobby) and Namir (the color and smell of Corinthian brown leather who's arrogant and resembles George Hamilton).  The PCs then asked about the camera crew - now that I think about it, this may have happened before the violet shaft of light scene, but whatever - and it occurred to me that I should come up with a random table to determine what's going on with their documentary... are they on break, eating lunch, going to get more filmstock, fucking an intern, etc.  

Eventually, we decided it would be hilarious if they were on strike.  I described all three crew members holding picket-signs demanding more money with some catchy slogan.  Ideas were flowing like moderately-priced wine, and it was hard to keep up with what everyone said, but I do remember lots of laughs that lasted a few minutes.  And it ended with studio executive sharkoids giving the PCs 40% investment in the production for 500 gold pieces.

Next, the PCs headed further south and found a massive chunk of ka'alaxian crystal with tangerine striations embedded in an even more massive stalagmite.  Who's going to touch it?  A common refrain in my games.  I believe multiple PCs did, and they experienced the same vision...

Commander Andrak, one side of his face horribly burned and scarred from his last tangle with the PCs, standing in a cave embedded with blood-red crystals.  The Federation officer held a crimson box in his hands.  When he opened it, there was a flash and the adventurers could see the entire planet of Cha'alt explode.

That bastard Robard the violet-red asked if that vision would allow him to teleport there using his sorcery (because technically, he has been there or at least seen the place via the crystal's warning).  I said yes, and then he opened a portal, and everyone came with.  So there they were, standing in "the last room" of the adventure, possibly the campaign, hours ahead of time and with approximately 90-minutes of game time remaining.  Lol

After a minute or so of deep thought, I told Robard that the blood-red crystals were forcing his mind to project them all into yet another dimension - a crimson labyrinth.  Luckily, I had brought my VENGER CON Like A Fucking Boss d100 gonzo table with me downstairs before the game's start.  I rolled on it several times to give me ideas, since I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen until I spontaneously thought it up.  Now, that's auto racing without a seatbelt - not for the faint of heart!

The atmosphere was 7% cinnamon.  Then I rolled on a result that simply said "The day God went mad."  Of course, I knew what that was in reference to, since I wrote it and all.  It's the original title for the vintage episode of Doctor Who episode called "The Face of Evil."  So, in the distance, there was a mountain (similar to Mount Rushmore) fashioned in the likeness of Tom Baker.

Inside his open mouth, the PCs saw a few humanoids.  So, off they went to climb.  Then I rolled again and got Satan's Little Helpers - just inside the mouth was a biker gang whose High Priest had been taken down a corridor and through a locked door - this was technological and the bikers asked the PCs to help free their High Priest, and in exchange, the bikers would do something for them (but I forget what exactly).

Krandol used his purple plasma sword to burn a hole through the door.  Inside was their High Priest, sitting cross-legged with arms out at his side, meditating and chanting under his breath.  In each hand, he had a crystal - one chartreuse and the other fuchsia.  I imagined the High Priest as resembling PeeWee Herman since Satan's Little Helpers was from PeeWee's Big Adventure and Paul Reubens just passed away (RIP, hoss).

One of the PCs asked him what he was doing, and the High Priest replied "Waiting for it to come!"  And the PCs noticed an infernal glyph carved into the stone floor beneath his lotus position.

Chancery Heighten Philthrop III, who'd been relatively quiet so far, decided to get the party started with a laser blast at the High Priest.  Literally, everyone at the table assumed the halfling thief's player would miss because that was his MO.  However, that notion turned out to be utter bullshit, as he scored a 15.  Plenty good enough to shoot a stationary humanoid who's preoccupied and with his eyes closed.

He got the High Priest in the neck and blood spurted out, then his head opened wide and this small, squidgy, slimy green Lovecraftian obscenity slithered out and hovered in mid-air... then grew into the size of a mid-sized car with massive tentacle - the fuchsia and chartreuse crystals also hovering next to the horror.

I forgot how much raw firepower the PCs could exert when they're all assembled.  And all my attack rolls failed and/or the PCs made all their saves.  So, they killed it without a scratch (I should have beefed it up mid-battle, but decided against it on a whim).  Then, to add insult to injury (not really, but that's what it felt like) someone (most likely the halfling, since he just acquired divine healing hands) asked "Does anyone need healing?"  To which everyone responded "Nope," since no one had a single HP taken from them.

Oh yeah, on that first round of combat, the PCs blew the conch shell to summon that worm the dark elves used a few sessions ago.  So, he showed up to eat the flesh and drink the emerald-green blood of the abomination once it finally showed up one round later.  

However, I subverted that anticlimax by telling them the emerald blood seeped into the infernal glyph and made the entire thing glow as an "earthquake" shook the entire place and pieces of the mountain they were in started crumbling.  They hightailed it out of there on the bikers' motorcycles and as they were exiting the mouth, noticed a priest or something of the Tom Baker religion, this dude in priest robes had a Tom Baker scarf wrapped around his neck.  He mentioned something about the Tro-kla'an or convergence of weird occurrences and mystical events that would likely result in another apocalypse.

That priest asked the PCs for a lift out of this micro-universe, so they allowed it, if he could hold on to Nineteen, Robard's centaur-hottie concubine (who wasn't a slave, but her own woman - she can do what she likes).  He did and grabbed her boobs on the ride back, which Robard swore revenge for (not a cuck, but possibly a simp - Lol).  We'll have to see how this plays out next session.

The PCs made it out of the crimson labyrinth (on second thought, in my mind's eye, it's more of an expanse or realm than a labyrinth) dimension to the blood-red crystal room.  Realizing that I still had the exact same logistics problem as earlier, I quickly followed-up with "And then the apocalyptic explosion was so HUGE that it psychically blew everyone back through the teleportation gateway you used to get here, and back to the spot you were in before reaching the red crystal room."

We were about out of time, and that was a perfect point to end the session.  It didn't go the way I expected, but I (and it sounds like all the players) felt it was an awesome session!  I know I'm extremely biased, but it seems like VENGER CON a couple weeks ago helped prepare me for improvising the eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalyptic vibe of Cha'alt.

If all goes well, session #15 will be in two weeks.  Although, the middle of August is a tricky time for me work-wise, so no promises.  I won't know how much work I'll have to put in until it gets much closer.

In any case, thanks for reading!  You had to be there to hear all the jokes (including a strange but dirty Doctor Who anecdote).  Nevertheless, the following are a few amusing phrases heard at the table...

• "White Jackal Privilege!"
• "Dumping random A.I. generated shit through the multiverse into Cha'alt." [Basically, whenever you use the prompt "Cha'alt," then whatever you generate using A.I. will appear somewhere in the Cha'alt multiverse]
• "Don't cross the crystal streams."
• "Worms that eat up Lovecraftian abomination corpses are called Cha'altian roombas."
• "You might have to find another God."  [I didn't say it, but good advice in this campaign, and reminded me of the movie I just finished, the 1976 King Kong - classic!]

Please, comment down below if you have a question, feedback, or just to say "Hi."

VS

p.s. Do I still have gorgeous, premium hardcovers of the Cha'alt trilogy for sale?  Do I...?!? Yes, yes I do.  In today's world, buy from the little guy, the independent creator selling books out of his basement, just trying to break-even - not soulless corporations that first and foremost care about profits - and are hard-pressed to come up with good content!

Crystals of Chaos [session report #13]

 

Ok, it's Sunday, the day after our game, and really the only time I'll have to write up this session report, as I'm going on a family vacation starting tomorrow.

Again, the "3-player summer syndrome" strikes again... although, it's not really a bad thing.  In fact, it's kind of nice to focus on a smaller adventuring party... every once in awhile.  My only real concern is that 3 players is very nearly 2 players, and I won't run a face-to-face game with only 2 players when the full party is 5 or more.

Anyway, we have Robard the dwarven sorcerer (back from his spell research sabbatical), Kra'andol the half-orc warrior, and Heighten Chancery Philthrop III the halfling thief.

I had planned on the PCs waiting out in their starship Jefferson for the 2 weeks between sessions because of Zagreus' injuries.  However, since he wasn't among the illustrious 3, the adventurers could continue right away, after a good night's sleep.

There were only a handful of locations left unexplored on the 3rd level of Cremza'amirikza'am, along with the cave belonging to The Mutilator that wiped his ass with the PCs last time, so the PCs went at it.

First, they encountered an opium den, humanoids in a haze, lounging on pillows, golden fabric covering the rock walls.  The proprietor bade them smoke his opium for a nominal fee, chase the dragon, and have the visions.  Weirdly, the halfling did not partake.  But Kra'andol and Robard did.

Specifically, the sorcerer was looking for insight on how to defeat The Mutilator.  Kra'andol was just looking for a good time - and he was still pregnant, according to the medical-droid who scanned him at the end of last session.

Now, I can't remember ever doing this, but I'm going to set down something here on the blog that happened which I didn't mention during the game.  Maybe Kra'andol forgot his dream upon awakening... or perhaps something was blocking his memory until now.

During his sojourn through the purple labyrinth, Kra'andol felt something on the left side of his abdomen, looked down, and saw a little creature - Kua'ato - poking out, a sort of conjoined twin fused with the half-orc's belly.  The two of them began having a conversation about the nature of life, death, mercy, bloodthirst, slavery, and freedom.  This "Kua'ato" told the half-orc that he was the manifestation of Kra'andol's pregnancy, and not to worry... things would work out, eventually.

Meanwhile, Robard found a 6" hole in the purple maze after an hour of walking around.  He stuck his arm through, briefly touching a slimy, organic, fleshy thing and decided to pull it through.  Out came a tentacle that terminated in a tentacle on the other side, about 5-feet long.  Robard decided to wear it as a scarf.

Upon waking from their opium dream, with the tentacle (and hidden Kua'ato), they went to the next cave containing a Quick Stop convenience store.  Outside was a sheet with "I ASSURE YOU, WE'RE ZOTH-PILLED!" scrawled on it, covering up the metal curtain that couldn't be raised, due to a bunch of savages in the demon-haunted tunnels and caverns of Cremza'amirikza'am.

Going inside, they found Cha'altian drinks and snacks.  The clerks Dante and Hicks (Imagine the 2nd guy as not Michael Biehn, but Bill Paxton who got confused as Hicks in Aliens) were trading banter between themselves ("I'm not even supposed to be here today, and my girlfriend sucked 37 dicks," the PCs ("That's a fabulous tentacle-scarf, hoss!," and a 3rd party customer who came in looking for scarlet demon jizz and happened to mention that someone brought forth Goza'ar the Goza'arian from her slumber outside this universe and gave her form.

This knowledge freaked out Dante who was a worshiper of both Goza'ar and Kort'thalis (the two of them prophesied to be flesh-bonded groin buddies, and possibly instrumental in destroying or merely enslaving every humanoid on Cha'alt).  Dante leaped over the counter and stabbed the customer in the throat before he could say more, such as give away Goza'ar's current location.

Dante was beheaded by Kra'andol and Hicks mentioned an opaque box made of shadow-glass with a sign above it that read, "Break glass in case of a Goza'ar related emergency!"  I didn't mention it during the game, but Hicks was quietly rocking back and forth on the floor behind the counter whispering to himself, "Game over, man.  Game over..."

Inside the shadow-glass was a scroll that could summon an elder god named Quiza'ak-Nyath (prophesied to bring down the Goza'arian).  All the PCs would have to do is find Goza'ar, speak the Cha'altian Latin in the form of ancient eldritch-infernal glyphs, choose its final form, and watch them duke it out.

Walking to the other side of this level, the PCs explored another group of caves.  They snuck past a bunch of demons running train on some woman to find a demon exiting a cave that contained a freshly murdered leprechaun.  Apparently, being anointed with the green blood of a leprechaun will prevent you from dying for one hour - but the blood must be warm or else no dice!

Quickly bathing in the green blood, the PCs went down to The Mutilator's cave.  The halfling thief took such a massive blow that he would have died if not for the leprechaun's blood.  Kra'andol went from about 50 HP to 3 as the bodybuilder demon critted on him.  But eventually, they took him down thanks, in part, to Robard's 60-point fireball.  

The demon champion wasn't dead but just KO'd, so they gazed upon all of his unpainted miniatures, looted his stuff (including the massive double-handed purple plasma sword and a valuable looking time-crystal), admired the crystalline back wall of this cave, and went down the stairs to level 4. 

Upon reaching the next level down, they got past the magenta illumination, but still ran into a woman who worked at a demon's massage parlor down here in Cremza'amirikza'am.  They told her to ask for Vanessa at the fried chicken and whorehouse on level 2.

Then, the PCs found a cave containing a courtroom populated by kangarooids who wanted to try the PCs for murder-hoboism.  After being questioned, a couple of kangaroo-humanoids tried to clap slave collars on them.  That didn't work for the Crimson Bastards, so Kra'andol decided to just lop-off one dude's hands and the other's entire body into pieces.  The courtroom went into a panic as the adventurers wandered off to explore another cave containing memory-crystals guarded by 3 demons playing a game of chance that involved dice and cards... old-school... 3d6 in order!

After a bit of conversation, the PCs walked away - only for Heighten Chancery Philthrop III to toss a thermal detonator behind him, towards the memory-crystals.  It blew-up the entire area, but they weren't interested in investigating the debris.  However, one of the demon guards wandered out of the smoke-filled cave.  Also, a neon-pink juice began spurting out of a few different holes in the cavern, eventually creating several puddles.

I almost forgot, I actually remembered to let the players know that if their character took the time to do a reality show "confessional" spot, that I'd award them an extra point of Divine Favor.  All three made use of the opportunity, which opened up new dimensions of characterization and PSYCHOCOSM character-player-setting bonding exercise.

Moving on, the PCs came to a huge cave containing 3 different demon factions that revolved around a sleeping Old One who might, if woken-up, make reality disappear - everything in the universe merely being a dream the Old One was having.

The PCs worked out a deal to murder one of the demon factions in exchange for a centaur-hottie slave.  Creeping up on the wasp-demons while invisible allowed the halfling to explore the mirror-like vein of crystals in the outer cave wall.  Being invisible, he could see right through it for a time - showing a thousand of machine-pods containing humanoids surrounded in pink goo.  Did this have anything to do with the luminous pink juice that spurted from the cave cracks and crevices after the massive explosion?

They killed all but one of the demons in the faction that wanted to wake the Old One and possibly initiate an apocalypse.

And that's where we had to end it as time was running out.  How many sessions remain of the Crystals of Chaos campaign?  I don't know.  At least 1 more... possibly 3 or 4.  I'm looking to close it out this fall, but anything can happen.

Ok, amusing or poignant words and phrases from the session...

• "Rest your weary trouser-worm in this centaur-hottie."
• "Poor bastard, he wasn't even supposed to be here today."
• "I want more sexual encounters of the 3rd kind."
• "Hello, violet, my old friend."
• "It's tentacle casual."
• "The finest in cloth armor."
• "Cremza'amirikza'am seems to be salted with whores, cam-girls, and THOTs... does every woman down here have an OnlyFans?"

On the way to get subs after the game, Robard's player asked me what I would do differently now that I have a full Cha'alt campaign under my belt (as you'll remember, for the last few years, I was pretty much only running one-shots)?  There's so many different options available, I told him, that my mind was swimming, like looking too long into the abyss, I didn't have a definitive answer for him, except to say that I would start PCs off at 1st level, not worrying too much about how squishy they seemed during the first couple of sessions.

Incidentally, the guy on the intercom was doing a heavy Irish accent, and when I got up to the window, I asked where the leprechaun was, and the dude said his little fingers were in the back wrapping sandwiches.  Only proving that, yes, we are living in a matrix-type simulation.

Then later that night we watched the 1981 Excalibur, which I hadn't seen in maybe 8 or 9 years and the 3 other guys I watched it with had never seen.  It was amazing seeing it again on blu-ray... so much based wisdom and spectacle and creativity and talent.  Sometime soon, we'll have to watch Zardoz, as well... a Cha'alt movie if there ever was one!

In two weeks, of course, is VENGER CON II: Electric Boogaloo!  So, super excited for that.  Weekend badges still available.

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you on the other side!

VS

Crystals of Chaos [session report #12]

 

This was kind of a strange episode... reminded me of Empire Strikes Back.

Only 3 players (which I consider the bare minimum for playing face-to-face in a long-term campaign).  We had Jackal the dwarf warrior, Zagreus the dwarf thief, and Crandol the half-orc warrior.  As you can see, they're missing at least half their firepower.  

I opened the session by gazing at the Kort'thalis meta-sigil, striking the Gong of Destiny, and donning my black Game Mastering cloak!

Aside from Vanessa who didn't even get mentioned this session, and the film crew... I meant to remind the guys that they could do that thing where they talk to the camera in a private interview format to earn an extra point of Divine Favor - next session, don't wait for me to forget again, just ask!

So the main NPC du jour was Teddy Westside (along with the medical-droid they liberated from that Federation penal colony, OZ-22).  He didn't have as much screen time as last session, but towards the session's end, he was there when it counted.

There was only one cave on level 2 of Cremza'amirikza'am that hadn't yet been explored.  Zagreus, being the stealthiest, checked it out first.  It was a demon massacre, at least a dozen demons ripped or hacked apart.  Many pools of blood, including one that was neon-blue.  They saved a vial of that for later and the thief searched the bodies for loot.

They found a number of interesting things, such as a sleestak bobblehead with a series of numbers taped to the bottom, a bust of H.P. Lovecraft covered with fungi that glowed indigo in darkness, an onyx idol of Kort'thalis, and 111 gold pieces.  Also, Zagreus picked-up a magical and vorpal ba'atleth (the Klingon melee weapon).

As the thief scoured the corpses, he noticed one demon was still barely alive.  With its last breath, the demon croaked "The Mutilator!" then died.  Zagreus took the just-now-dead demon's aquamarine ring that he believed was magical... and then kept getting thirsty for no apparent reason.

Towards the back of the cave was a spiral stairway going down to the third level.  They eavesdropped on a couple of young lovers who were part of this game or contest, the survivors got some sort of prize, and it was all being televised with silent drones that Zagreus happened to notice.

But not having much to do with either of the Crimson Bastard's quests - search for crystals to fuel their starship Jefferson and track down Federation Commander Andrak before he can find that super-weapon capable of destroying Cha'alt - they let them go on their way.

Zagreus scouted ahead again, noticing a purple demon pleasuring himself to the sight of two women making-out just up the northern tunnel.  He bypassed that while silently creeping to the southern caves, and found a few different humanoid settlement factions preparing for something - ritually cleansing themselves with zoth, trying to decipher infernal glyphs on scrolls, and so forth. 

With Teddy Westside's prompting, the warriors eventually made their way towards the party's thief.  Jackal saw the purple demon jacking it and decided to stab him with his enchanted trident.  He did, killing the demon.  I rolled to see if the demon was able to finish before succumbing to his wounds.  Yes, he was!  Then I asked Jackal's player to roll a saving throw... and I believe he rolled a natural 1 (either that or it was real low, like a 2 or 3).  So, I ruled that the demon managed to get his purple spunk all over the dwarven warrior.

Wiping the purple ejaculate away, Teddy mentioned the repairing qualities that purple demon jizz had, like on leather furniture, for instance!  So, Teddy Westside collected as much as he could with a special instrument that he called "jizz tweezers" and Zagreus' player dubbed "jeezers," as Ted mentioned another name for the tool... a jaccard (the highest quality and fashion dictate the jaccard be crystal-rimmed, of course).

Finishing that, they met up with Zagreus, talked to more people, and found out about The Selection - a certain number of humanoids who passed The Selection were able to face The Challenge in the southwestern cave.  Whoever passed The Challenge would be set apart from all other humanoids down here in Cremza'amirikza'am.

Curious, they made their way further south, encountering a rave party that included a 22-person hot-tub, bar, DJ, the works.  The PCs spent a fair amount of time relaxing, having fun, and interacting with the locals.  Zagreus, whose thirst was nearly unquenchable by now, refused "the special" three-penis margarita, instead opting for the only other drink they had - a can of Bud Light... which led to a strange looking demon luring him away from everyone else - only to mug him.  But the mugger rolled a 1, and Zagreus chopped off his hand, as it got stuck in the dwarven thief's ba'atleth, and then was decapitated.

Jackal got in the hot-tub and put the moves on a sexy woman, eventually fucking her right there in the jacuzzi.  Cue the GM finding "Move Any Mountain" by The Shamen on his cellphone and playing that over the dark ambient tones audible in the background.

Crandol listened to a group of 6 humanoids planning to heist something from a black robed and black masked stranger who was also in the hot-tub.  Zagreus noticed the amateur thieving, and when Jackal had finished, he noticed his friends at the back of the cave with the humanoids who'd liberated a triangular black keycard from the humanoid in black.  Apparently, it opened a special room in The Black Pyramid - a rainbow room - where one of the six's brother had gone missing a year ago.

Crandol, instead of hacking them to pieces, which was his usual M.O. decided to help the humanoids.  After they were done with Cremza'amirikza'am, they'd accompany them to The Black Pyramid for everyone's mutual benefit.  In the meantime, the six humanoids were teleported to Jefferson until the adventurers were ready.

The PCs decided to move towards a cave between the rave and The Challenge.  It was a man in a jeweled animal mask executing humanoids who failed The Selection.  After he offed one of them by shooting him at point-blank range, Zagreus blasted the dude in the back.  The remaining three failures stayed with the PCs as they all went to see what The Challenge was all about.

A huge and muscular demon stood between them and a back wall completely covered in crystal formations.  It was an amazing sight, and access to it would allow the winner to commune directly with the Great Old Ones.  But first, that demon would have to be disposed of.

The demon held a massive two-handed hilt in his hands, waiting for challengers.  One of the three humanoids who'd just been rescued stood before the demon and talked as the PCs stood way back.  Within minutes, the demon ignited a ferocious violet blade of plasma energy and sliced the whelp into pieces. Oh dear...

All three decided to challenge the demon.  Zagreus tried to blast him, missed, and the demon (who after some banter was revealed to be The Mutilator) kicked a rock at the side of his face - doing 6 points of damage!  Then it was Crandol's turn.  He rolled a 1.  The half-orc's magical black blade came down, was caught and held by the demon, then bitch-slapped against the nearby cave wall, and knocked unconscious.  Holy crap!

Finally, it was Jackal's chance.  He swung and hit, doing a fair amount of damage which the demon regarded as "merely a fleshwound" before striking back, reducing the dwarven warrior to nearly half his hit-points.  Ouch!

The trio+ decided to back away from this challenge until they were better prepared to face The Mutilator.  Jackal was pissed and wanted to quench his rage with a little senseless violence, cutting down a couple of night-clowns (or were they just regular clowns?) outside of a black structure.  The other two clowns ran inside, and the party decided to go around, venturing into another cave that contained a clown abortion in progress!

This was the final and deadliest battle (that the PCs finished).  8 night-clowns vs. the 3 PCs + Teddy Westside.  After the first couple rounds, most of the clowns were dead and had only dealt bush-league damage.  But the last 2 had detachable red noses that doubled as explosives.  The first threw his at Jackal (who made his save) and did 8 points of damage.  The second threw his nose at Zagreus (the 6th level thief, who failed his save... I think he rolled a 1).  I rolled enough damage to take the dwarven thief down to -9 HP. 

Yeah, he was in bad shape, almost blown apart due to the shrapnel.  Luckily, Teddy Westside was there with the PC's medical-droid.  The droid applied a quick-acting, antibiotic healing salve.  Ted had the foresight to collect and insight + willingness to experiment with the purple demon jizz as an infernal accelerant to the salve.

Meanwhile, the warriors dispatched the last of the clowns.  When it was all over, Zagreus was bandaged up.  His eye was badly damaged, his right arm up to the elbow was gone, and his flesh was cut-up all over, but he was alive.  Luckily, Ted knows of a top-notch cyber-surgeon in A'agrybah that could fix Zagreus up with a mechanical prosthetic.  The medical-droid explained that Zagreus would need at least a week of R&R before he was in-shape to adventure again.

"Everyone, back to the ship!"  With that, we ended the session a bit early.  It was an appropriate place to stop, so we hung-out and talked the until the 4 hours was up.

I have a feeling that next session will see the PCs' fortunes rise.  As I mentioned at the start, this felt like Empire Strikes Back - the "heroes" more or less defeated, but stabilized and preparing themselves for the conflict to come.

Aside from the multiple objet d'art lifted off of dead demons, the adventurers got some gold, that cool Klingon weapon, and a bunch of plastic purple trapezoidal coins - surely, some weird currency from another land.

If we can sustain the player-base, there's time enough for two more sessions before VENGER CON.  I'd be happy to end the Crystals of Chaos campaign with session #14, so we'll see how things work out.

Thanks for reading.  If you enjoyed the session report, leave a comment!

Edit - forgot to mention, between the hot-tub and clown abortion was a random encounter of some dancing lights that the PCs decided to basically ignore and march through.  At the tail end of the session, the medical-droid ran a scan on Zagreus, but Crandol was right next to him - and it picked-up that the half-orc warrior (very much a male) was pregnant!

VS

p.s. VENGER CON, you say?  What's that?  Only the most old-school RPG convention in the Midwest, hoss!  Weekend badges still available.  And if you want the books that comprise my eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse campaign setting, you can acquire the hardcovers right over here.  If you want to see some Cha'alt reviews, check out google and/or YouTube!