As I said on X later that evening, after our session had concluded, "This afternoon's face-to-face Cha'alt session was so fucking Cha'alt... it was almost too Cha'alt for comfort."
So many little details are about to hit the cutting room floor. All I can do is try to snatch them up and paste them on the wall before they're gone forever, save our struggling recollection. Here goes nothing!
We had 4 players: Strum the terrible, sorcerer human; Deacon Elijah Crane, human priest; Ug Esquire, lizardtaur warrior; and The Nefarious Naza'akhul, human thief (a fresh PC, though same player who played Lanar the pixie-fairy thief the last time he joined us - Naza'akhul is an arch-enemy of the Federation who enjoys pranking and harassing them.
As has become a tradition at our table, I cut small pieces of paper and handed one to each player so he could make a "black skull suggestion" that I would randomly pull, improvise, and award a point of divine favor to the player who wrote it.
I also told my players that if they came up with 2 new personal goals, they'd get a point of divine favor for their effort...
Strum's was improve playing the ukeleli, finding sheet music or instruction videos, etc. And his second was to find a mentor for either magical or musical improvement.
Deacon's was to enlighten the natives and escape Cha'alt. Both motivations already baked-into his character concept from the get-go, but this time formalized (written down and spoken) which, I feel, solidifies them into the game and makes going after and achieving those goals increasingly possible.
Ug's was to learn a new word (perhaps swear or rude words) and obtain new books. Also, he wanted to avoid killing an antagonist. This is a softer side of Ug, which we all thought was an interesting development. Incidentally, the word that Ug learned this session was "tumescent." And that eventually became the word of the day, a la PeeWee's Playhouse.
Naza'akhul chose arching more, as his character concept is to be an over-the-top nemesis to lots of folks he meets. Also, invoking fear.
Just to make things easier, the players bedded-down in a nearby cave, getting some rest while also switching out PCs in the adventuring party. I had Strum and Ug roll dice to discover what was up with the appreciative sex slaves they rescued last session. Not having a thorough random table on-hand, I made one up on the spot. Ug was fine on both counts, but Strum's current main squeeze was mildly upset with him, and also gave him an STD. He discovered this when it burned when he peed.
That led to confession time with Deacon Elijah Crane who is, after all, a priest of the Lords of Light. In return for asking forgiveness, as much as a Cha'alt native is able, Strum was healed of the burning sensation.
As the PCs were getting ready to leave, they noticed a glimpse of green dart in and back out of the cave. Ug went after it down the tunnel, and eventually came face-to-face with the leprechaun Saint Sa'al (I asked the players to help name him... and I did not expect someone to come up with "Saul," but that reminded us of Better Call Saul, and with Ug's penchant for lawyering (even though he barely knows what that means) and some help from another player, I decided to blend the accent to come up with "Oi vey, I know ye be after me lucky charms!"
Towards the end of this lengthy interaction, Ug was pleased with himself for not simply skewering this little green fellow when he had the chance (personal growth! But his sword, Orin, was irritated that he paused an X-rated version of Bewitched with two Samanthas going at it when there was no violence to be had - "Now, I've gotta start all over!"). Strum was mildly disappointed (but also probably a bit relieved) when St. Sa'al replied that he could not mentor the sorcerer in the ways of magic. Nevertheless, the leprechaun gave away a handful of something called rainbow, apparently a drug that looked suspiciously like skittles.
Not sure if they should try it, their dark-elf slave Grenthal volunteered. Periodically, as time passed, he would talk about how green everything looked, almost as if the color was alive. There was a euphoric feeling, as well. Later, he was asked if the lime-flavored candy drug affected how he tasted other things, and he replied that everything had a lime sort of green taste. The PCs were taken aback when Grenthal put his fingers in his mouth and withdrew them, showing that the tips of his fingers had become green merely from his saliva.
Soon after, the PCs went into a cave filled with coral growths. One particularly large and monstrous area of coral was being worshiped by a middle-aged man who soon introduced himself as Bendu A'alabin. But that was after Naza'akhul attempted to throw his voice and impersonate the Great Old One that Bendu thought he was speaking to. "Ona'ak-Maya'az, is that you?"
There was some theological discussion between the Deacon and this self-styled priest who desired to become the Qua'ah-Xa'an of the Dark God. That title is more of a private secretary than public-facing High Priest, but an important position nonetheless.
Before leaving the coral cave, one of them noticed a metal grate on the ceiling, about 8-feet high. Ug climbed up there to see what was going on, removed the grate and put his head into a 1-foot around tunnel that was obviously too small for any of the PCs. It felt humid and there were little puddles of water in the tunnel, as well. In the end, Bendu decided to accompany the adventurers because it is dangerous to go alone.
The big combat of the afternoon came soon after (Orin was pleased), as they discovered mushrooms lining the tunnel that led to a small cave filled with even bigger mushrooms, and eventually a massive cavern containing a gigantic mushroom monster. But before the PCs encountered that guy, the medium-sized fungi spored them purple stuff. It got on their clothes, eating almost all of Deacon's robes so he looked like he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Ug's human-skin vest also disintegrated, and his skin soon took on a purplish tone.
The battle lasted about 4 rounds with a couple of crits on both sides. Ug's magic sword, Orin, was still enhanced by the zoth from the previous session, and did his best to cut the giant mushroom down as Deacon blasted it, Strum hit it with magic missiles, and Naza'akhul poked it from down below in the creature's taint area - thus was he nicknamed "taint poker." Strum went down halfway through the battle, and Ug was hit hard... so was Grenthal. But they all healed up eventually and realized how hungry they were. Oh yeah, also halfway through the battle, the PCs noticed some guy dressed like a librarian walking by the entrance to the mushroom cave carrying cheese slices. The PCs cut up the dead giant mushroom, found some cheese slices just laying on a flat-topped stalagmite and cooked them up. Cheese found in caves becomes saturated with the natural juices of Cha'alt, also known as 2nd hand cheese or cheese-of-the-cave.
Before leaving, the PCs also looted the mushroom cave. This is what they found... Spank Magazine (issue #53), Last Days of Freedom (issue #1 of that zine by Black Pyramid Publishing), a dagger +1, a canteen full of zoth, a hologram instruction for the mandolin (which Strum would try to repurpose for his ukulele), 67 gold pieces, and a wand of lightning (12 charges).
I had the PCs roll a d8 to determine how this dish agreed with them. Results varied between the best meal they've ever had all the way down it barely agreed with them.
A little while later, the PCs remembered that St. Sa'al told them that if they ever wanted to get ahold of him, to simply call out his name. Strum did just that, and the leprechaun came. Strum told him that he wanted to buy more rainbow, but his gold was up in that tunnel, and if he could just scurry through the tunnel and find it, the party's sorcerer could pay him.
Believing this, Saint Sa'al made his way up into the grate and crawled into the tunnel. In the meantime, while the PCs were waiting, I decided to feel around the inside of my black skull and pulled out a suggestion. It was from Deacon's player again, Lol. This time, the suggestion was for them to happen upon the Golden Girls all hopped-up on spanish fly. A lot of inappropriate solicitation by Blanche followed, but none of the PCs were interested in 70-year-old pussy.
Eventually, St. Sa'al came back with a shining tetrahedron. Strum, continuing the ruse, tried to open it in order to pay the leprechaun for his drugs, but the only thing he managed to find was a button that dispensed Cha'altian butter - so creamy, so salty! Instead, Strum offered him that orange crystal he'd been carrying around - to which Sa'al said yes, and then gave him another 7 pieces of rainbow.
A new cave, a new mystery... this area contained a wardrobe that backed-up to a rough-hewn wall. Ug and then Deacon (he needed new clothes after the purple spore disintegration, and even Ug found some yellow slacks to go with the purple corduroy bedazzled assless chaps which he acquired from the giant mushroom's loot) opened up the wardrobe and went inside. Realizing that it just kept going, they went in farther and farther until coming out the other side into a well-appointed, and sweetly perfumed room that looked like inside the lamp from the vintage TV show "I Dream of Jeanie." The only thing of obvious value was a sculpture of an intertwined couple making love, the man was fashioned out of chartreuse and the woman fuchsia. Deacon slipped that into his satchel (dead man's clothes are the ultimate separation buffer between an adventurer's valuables).
At this point, the PCs could hear people talking in the next room. I played a handful of seconds from this old-school porno called Babyface (1977) starting at the 2:30 mark. Basically, the madam of this stud-brothel was giving a new guy the low-down about what's expected at Karininina's pleasure spa where women can go and experience the sensual pleasures of a man who still has his junk intact. Ug did what he does best and just lumbered into the room, causing confusion but eventually being taken into the back by Sally for brothel-stud grooming himself.
Then, some of the women and men went into the room where the PCs were and attempted to talk their way out of being there. They soon realized this place was in the matriarchal city-state of Ja'alette where the vast majority of males were eunuchs. Besides that fuchsia and chartreuse sculpture, the only loot they got was the curtains and a hot-pink throw-pillow.
Back in the cave again, they saw a humanoid who stood right outside the wardrobe. This was Resha'ad, and he was interested in finding a position within the Great Old One priesthood hierarchy, even if it meant becoming an apprentice. Bendu took to Resha'ad, agreeing to take him on as an apprentice. It was then, seeing them together, where the PCs made the connection. These were the exact same two ja'abronis who were in that cave a couple sessions ago, the one isolated in time and space where that guy was selling tickets to see that event, Resha'ad's betrayal, over and over again.
Deacon tried to warn Bendu, but the Qua'ah-Xa'an hopeful wasn't sure if he should believe him, knowing how the Federation priest regarded the "worship of monsters and moral abomination" that was the Cha'alt religious experience. Confronting his new apprentice did not alleviate concern. Someone suggested that Resha'ad should take a piece of rainbow and then everyone could see if the truth would come out during his altered state. Resha'ad agreed and took the yellow one.
Soon enough, he was going on about the yellowness of this new euphoric universe in which he was trapped. The PCs asked questions and Resha'ad mentioned how he was biding his time, waiting for the right time to strike against the Old Ones. At this point, Bendu had heard enough and stabbed Resha'ad over and over again with his dagger. His former apprentice's blood was yellow (crazy!), and soon died. Bendu wasn't giving up his worship of Ona'ak-Maya'az, but showed a newfound respect for the Lords of Light, and told Deacon that, and that he owed him one.
Before the next thing, Deacon's wrist communicator beeped an alert. Messages popped onto the screen telling him about tomorrow night's festival and the royal garden party called a Night of Too Many Tentacles that Deacon was invited to, and the Federation warning him that he was summoned to the following night's saba'ath, where it's possible he'd be sacrificed, but not likely... however, skipping the saba'ath was not an option.
Heading back, the PCs had to circumvent that giant, monstrous crab again in order to find the entrance / exit (at which point, Strum was surprised and annoyed that the way out of here was known all along - he assumed there were wandering around out of necessity). Hungry again, and realizing that Resha'ad's yellow blood both smelled and tasted like lemon, and that the shining tetrahedron provided butter... all Strum had to do was fireball the thing and they could feast. After some rolling and burning a couple points of Divine Favor, the sorcerer roasted that crab and they ate well.
Meanwhile, Orin was grateful to not have to stop watching Lesbian Orgy #17 as the wizard did all the work.
Before leaving the system of tunnels and caves far below the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice, they decided to check on that cave showing the moment when Resha'ad stabbed Bendu A'alabin in the kidney just as he was opening the gate, about to be named Qua'ah-Xa'an. Nothing was there. Instead, a sign that read "Closed for business."
And that was it. Finally, we resolved XP and the players recounted their (mis)deeds, as well as, the significant events according to profession, treasure, impact, and goals. Deacon got the 5th quadrant point.
In two weeks, I'll be at GaryCon running games and shaking tentacles. I'm hoping the next time we play will be Saturday, March 28th. Thanks for reading; leave a comment if you'd be so kind. ;)
VS
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