"I could slather something on that pocket-dog that'll make it sit up and bark at the lavender moons" - Hump-Day CHA'ALT Campaign Session Report

 

Sometimes, sacrifices must be made... and sometimes things just work out a certain way; happily coinciding like fate.

It's becoming clear now that our last session in "season 3" of our Cha'alt campaign was the actual end, as I suspected it might be.  And if you've been keeping tabs, last Wednesday night I tried to start what would be a long-term (West Marches style, so whoever shows up gets to play in a loose, player-directed series of adventures) virtual Roll20 game set in Cha'alt.

Me telling folks that I want to run a one-shot 24-hours (or even less) whenever I had free time was not working.  I'd get a small handful of people signing-up, and then usually one player would actually show, resulting in another canceled session.  Not cool.

I did what I've been having to do lately, think smarter, be cunning, and use the sly-man approach.  I mean, in this instance, I just did the next logical step - set up a regular weekly game that's always-on so folks can prepare for it and know that it's going to be there as a permanent fixture.  If a dozen or so gamers are aware of Wednesday night's game, that increases the likelihood of getting enough players to play.

Sidenote, it looks like VENGER CON will remain a small but dedicated gaming convention for the hardcore several who keep coming back for more.  Scaling it down allows it to not lose money (first couple years broke-even, but going to the newer, nicer venue has seen a small financial loss the last two years), and I don't have to stress about not selling enough badges to pay for itself.  I can focus on what VENGER CON should be about - pushing oneself to create a fantastic gaming experience so awesome and profound that it changes the medium forever.  That's the kind of cultural significance I'd like to manifest.

Ok, back to the Wednesday night (9:30 - 11:00pm) virtual Cha'alt campaign.  Last week didn't work out (only one player again), but I kept at it because it was important to put this in motion and keep it going until it started paying out.  We had 3 players last night, my second attempt at starting the hump-day campaign.  Success!

I'm going to give folks the gist and highlight a few phrases from last night's game, which is easy to do since my virtual sessions are text-only.  I can simply re-read and copy/paste the sort of things I wish I could fully remember when playing live face-to-face (though, I do take notes for the session reports that follow).  I'm going to follow this brief session report up with info on how I'm running Divine Favor, because what I'm doing now is different and I want my players, as well as, those taking a keen interest in Cha'alt, to know what's up.

Ok, the three players were ST-K1 or The Saint, an assassin droid gone rogue who's become a mechanical soldier of fortune (warrior).  ST can feel when magic is afoot.  I've GMed ST-K1 several times, both on Roll20 and VENGER CON.  Ka'az Shoro is a swashbuckling blue-velvet elven thief and ladies man who loathes real work.  Then, we had Vor'sarkh, a droid sorcerer who's also a Cthulhu worshiper.  Everyone started at 3rd level with max HP.

The opening crawl... or scrawl, I should say, since it's just an introductory block of text setting the stage...

In a time before and yet also after time, there had been a universe containing the inestimable Cha'alt. Desert planet; aya'ahuasca-flavored popsicles; fuchsia sky, worms everywhere, weird shit, man. Twin suns so hot they'll make your worm's neck penis blister in the shade. Yeah, that's how hot it is. 

The three of you haven't known each other long, but find yourselves this night in the Burnt Umber Jackal-Worm, a shitty cantina in the bad part of town. However, it's got one thing that most dives don't - three stripper poles in the sunken stage area towards the back, carpeted with neon-pink leopard. 

Ok, tell me what you're currently doing in the cantina and either who you're with or what's on your mind.  BTW, you're all 3rd level in this dimension - the yellow electric banana dimension.

There was a lot of conversation, banter back-and-forth, and getting a lay of the land... in more ways than one.

Ka'az wanted to get his sleaze factor-5 bonus on, and started talking to the ladies.  The Saint was playing the kalimba for anyone interested in hearing it.  Vor'sarkh was a former custodial droid forced to clean toilets for a Cthulhu cult out in the deep desert.  As he had recently escaped, he was looking for money in order to survive.

The techno dark ambient dub-step with repurposed Lord GaGa's vocals spliced over the top via A.I. drowns out your kalimba, sadly.  The bartender keeps eyeing the two organics, expecting you to eventually order a drink. "You sad-sacks gonna drink something or just sit there looking like a horny incel on blue dreamers?"

As the PCs ogled the strippers and started making moves (including ST attempting to interface with a filthy, slutty financial computer), a patron of sorts entered the scene...

After several minutes of digital degradation, and the bartender condescending your manhoods as he shakes his head, a demon approaches. He's got a full black beard and a sack full of coins. "I've heard someone over here might be interested in making some real money."

He gives you a smarmy, self-satisfied smile before telling you how simple the job is. There are ruins to the north about an hour's journey on foot, swallowed by the desert years ago. Earlier this evening, a few men came in here talking about something they saw in the Seena-Ellistra'ad ruins, something with a unique coloration not seen on Cha'alt for millennia. Bring back whatever it is, whatever has that otherworldly hue, and all this gold - gold, mind you, not talons - shall be yours to share."

When asked what the exact color is, and how big, heavy, or transportable this colorful object might be, the demon responded...

"It would be impossible for a lowly servant of Kort'thalis , such as myself, to describe. But it has been said the color is like dwindling twilight just before the violent end to a disappointing universe.  A source has told me that the object, whatever it is, can be held... or wielded, either one or two-handed."

After a few more shenanigans, they headed out into the desert at night to find the Seena-Ellistra'ad ruins.  A chatty midnight-elf had followed them out of the cantina and kept talking to them as they trekked through the sand.  Sharing fun-facts such as...

 "Seena-Ellistra'ad is the Niagara Falls of the S'kbah desert, they say."  And, "Did you know that twerking was first invented on Cha'alt? That's how the women-folk used to call sandworms."

So much worldbuilding going on!  Cha'alt is growing exponentially, it seems.  More stage setting...

As you walk amongst the magenta-turned-violet night sky, under the ascending lavender moons, the sound of an ululating sandworm catches your ears. It could be far-off, but there's no way of knowing with the desert's echoes.

Eventually, the PCs noticed a pylon to the west and they investigated.  A humanoid in black robes was guarding the open entrance.  The PCs tried talking to him, but he was all about the guarding, cutting deep into Vor'sarkh's hip and outer-thigh with a magical scimitar, almost severing his mechanical leg.  The Saint and Ka'az made short work of him, flanking the guard with sneak-attacks.

Vor purposefully broke the 4th wall to tell the GM (henceforth known in the hump-day Cha'alt campaign as Sofa King) that he felt no pain.  I awarded him a point of Divine Favor for that, but he was still badly wounded and no priest.  Ka'az casually mentioned that droids could heal when powering-down and dreaming of electric sheep.  Hey, works for me!

Inside, was an indigo-blue light flashing.  ST went inside to check it out, seeing an elven sorceress zapping the matrix table with her wand.  The Saint tried to explain the rationality of SCIENCE to her, but she insulted him and continued.  

That's where we ended the session.  In the moment, it can be a little hard to follow what everyone is saying, as there will be times that I'm typing a response to someone, and in that time, two or more players have chimed-in, and yeah.  If I missed anything as we play, don't be afraid to remind me when I've neglected to reply to what you've posted.  

Divine Favor

I used to give everyone starting Divine Favor right off the bat, but now that there are so many ways to earn it, I'd rather keep DF as an incentivizing tool.  Ok, here are all the ways of earning Divine Favor...

• Breaking the 4th wall in an amusing, interesting, or poignant way.
• Stimulating a Cha'alt X-Card.
• Doing something amazingly hilarious and/or awesome, above and beyond all the amazing, hilarious and awesome things that PCs are routinely doing.
• Rolling the Zeeku die (the d6 that accompanies d20 rolls to determine if that action coincides with either a complication or opportunity) in which the result is a 1.  Yeah, I'm going to make Zeeku optional and up to players themselves to remember, since I don't feel like policing everyone's d20 rolls throughout the campaign - I've got too much on my plate for that.
• Stroking the proverbial sandworm as one whispers their inner-thoughts like in the 1984 Dune voice-over [yes, this is new... something I've been thinking about for the last couple weeks].  
• Implementing the gilded die of Satanis, which I'm in the process of retooling for virtual games.  Something like, if you succeed, some kind of awkward, embarrassing, cringe side-effect occurs during your attempted action.  But if you fail, nothing embarrassing happens at all.
• And whatever I decide to add to this list as the hump-day Cha'alt campaign continues.  I'll probably come up with something on a session-by-session basis, like creating and implementing another layer to your character's backstory.

Incidentally, it occurred to me that not only should DF be bankable (saved for later), but borrowed.  Let's say, you need to burn some DF right now but don't have any stored up... and want to save the Cha'alt X-Card or whatever for a later date.  You can use it now, even though you're earning it later (that spent-ahead-of-time point gets immediately burned).  

If you haven't earned DF that you've already spent by the session's end, you "go into debt."  Which will probably result in some kind of hilariously awful penalty exacted upon your PC at the start of the next session.

Ok, next hump-day session will be the following Wednesday from 9:30 - 11:00pm via Roll20 (text-only and 18+).  I'll announce when the next session's listing is online (first on the Kult of Kort'thalis community on X, then the rest of X and FB.  

Thanks for reading, hoss!

VS

p.s.  Yes, weekend badges are now available for July 2026's VENGER CON V: The Will To Power.  Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

"Blessed Be His Comings & Goings" - CHA'ALT Campaign 3.18

 

If this was the last session of our Cha'alt campaign season 3, then it was a good one.  Hopefully, we get one more game this year, but we'll have to see...

5 players this time.  An old friend and Crimson Bastard from a year or two ago joined us, as well as, that new player I've been talking to.  Both the new guys played warriors, P8T was a droid and Suede was a human with blue suede shoes that made him extra cool (it was undecided whether Bandersnatch, the blue suede elf, had bequeathed his flesh willingly upon his death in another dimension or if Bander and Suede were foes and in that particular dimension, Suede had gotten the upper hand.  

I had both of them roll on the Everyone Has A Past d100 table in How To Game Master Like A Fucking Boss.  P8T found a magical ring of free action (that would give him a bonus action every encounter / scene), and Suede got Advantage on his next roll after experiencing a "weird event."  This being Cha'alt, we all just looked at each other, knowing that one man's weirdness in a "normal" campaign would probably just be a Tuesday in this one.

The original 3 players shared a collective dream - they were in a darkened courtroom, a giant bird their lawyer.  Thurberus was accused of using his cult leader schemes to defraud the IRS, Tinker was accused of being a Communist.  Bandersnatch accused of biting the head off a live bat years ago when he was playing guitar in that band, and an audience member got blood in his eye and contracted kovidian-syphilis.  The PCs' attorney approached the bench... with birdseed.  They were asked how they pleaded.  Guilty, innocent, it didn't really matter.  As a portable 3-person guillotine was wheeled into the courtroom, their lawyer muttered "If only you had something that could offset your transgressions... such as a devil-tongued banana fork or unicorn made out of folded paper."

A call for any last words was responded with Thurberus quickly asking if anyone wanted to join his dead (tentacled) cow cult and if he could be allowed to pull the cord, which, I suppose, would be the ultimate final act of a man responsible for a suicide cult.  However, the reply came "No." and the blade came down as all three woke up.

Armed with laser-swords, the two noob PCs (I made them 7th level since the rest of the party was 8th - including Bandersnatch, Thurberus, and Tinker) appeared alongside Garblegax as he plucked his bass zita'ar.

Exposition followed as Garblegax got everyone up to speed on what's going on - the foul 4 (prominent infernal beings slumming it in Kha'alestine) had imprisoned the Great Old One Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak.  Garblegax wanted revenge, and the PCs intended to free the Old One (again) now that they had the attunement ritual and proper invocation to activate the ultra-telluric glyphs.

So, the foul 4 will be at the gladiatorial arena in Kha'alestine this evening.  The demonic imp gave the PCs a poison pellet meant to activate when dropped into chilled worm wine - revenge is a dish best served cold - but requested the adventurers rescue a v'smm priest, not unlike Thurberus, being held in a correctional facility for infidels, dissidents, and the criminally insane. This prisoner was Serethub.

Popping them into the city of Kha'alestine, the PCs saw the upper rim of the arena a mile or two away, and the correctional facility was only a 100-feet to their right.  First things first (it was suggested that the prisoner Garblegax wanted the PCs to free might have actionable knowledge about the infernals).

After having a non-productive conversation with the man sitting at a desk inside the facility, Thurberus slit his throat and found Esperanto flash-cards upon looting his body.  Making their way down a spiral staircase, they entered a massive cavern.

It contained a few Kha'alestinian clerics, about 10 guards, and 2 dozen prisoners, tied-up and forced to look at disturbing shadows wobbling upon the cave wall as a bonfire burned with an evil orange light.  In fact, the fire looked alive to Bander's eye of true seeing.  

Tinker talked to a guard, wanting to see Serethub privately.  Of course, the official greeting in Kha'alestine is Admiral Ackbar (the Aloha of the Kha'alestinian people) At this point, they learned that all the prisoners forced to watch the sanity-destroying shadow-play were trapped in some kind of nightmare.  The only antidote was the blue lotus root.

As is typical of situations like these, it ended in an orgy of violence... and not just violence.  The guards and clerics attacked the PCs, and wounds were taken on both sides.  Approximately halfway through combat, Bandersnatch cast a spell using a crystal to power it.  He rolled on the weird spell effect table contained in Fuchsia Malaise and got a natural 100... witch orgy!  Time stopped as the PCs stepped across a magenta mist barrier.  Each of them got to lay with a woman, although Thurberus rolled lowest and had to make do with a witch who looked an awful lot like a demonic Whoopi Goldberg.  

Rejuvenated and now bolstered with the sleaze factor-5 bonuses, the fighting continued.  The Crimson Bastards were victorious.  With a couple left alive for questioning, they secured the blue lotus root and freed the other prisoners before heading to the gladiatorial arena.  P8T had the idea of pouring water from a guard's canteen upon the fire entity.  I rolled that 2-in-6 chance, and sure enough, the water killed it.  A bit anti-climactic like Indiana Jones shooting the sword guy, but that's the way the dice go, sometimes.

Now that Serethub was saved, he was able to reunite with his twin brother (a detail I pulled out from way back at the beginning of the season), sharing the lavender gemstone embedded in their flesh.  Serethub, wearing spotted-cow velvet robes, wanted to join forces with Thurberus and create a joint cow-themed cult.  But first, he would help the PCs defeat the foul four.  The other v'smm priest knew that the demons carried a scroll with them where all the significant details of their comings and goings were recorded.

At the arena, the PCs made a plan to poison 2 of the foul four, Bander turned Tinker invisible, and the others had them surrounded so when things went down, they could pounce.  One by one the PCs took their offensive actions.  I rolled a 1 on the saving throw for one demon and a mid result on the other.  So, they were off to a good start.  It took several rounds, but the PCs defeated three of the foul four, and their guards.  The last demon escaped into a portal as P8T shot his laser into it.  

Surveying the chaos and looting the bodies, they found a scroll accounting for all their recent deeds that goes out monthly to Kort'thalis.  Between that and a guard under enhanced interrogation, the adventurers discovered that Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak was being held in a hyperspace room within The Black Pyramid.  Suede threw a bunch of jewels and coins to the Kha'alestinian spectators in the arena as the boysenberry-plum scorpion-worm continued to end the lives of many humanoids who hadn't filled their daily quota of saying "Admiral Ackbar."

The PCs traveled there, interrupting a last supper with a K'tulu cult, traded some banter, and followed that demon (while also using a glyph drawn upon the scroll allowing them to track the Old One).  They soon came to another room where two factions were fighting.

Suede's player asked me if the two groups attacking each other were wearing red and blue.  That could have been a reference to several things, I'm guessing.  I said no, they were dressed in fairly traditional robes.  It wasn't until after the session, thinking about it in preparation for this blog post, that I believe my mind was trying to subconsciously convey the idea that our game wasn't just improv.  Sure, there's a fair amount of that and player input, but it's not pure storygaming, nor a "bullshit session," which I've heard people describe unscripted back and forth between players and the GM.

What I should have done is either roll the standard 2-in-6 chance or, better yet, encourage the player to stimulate one of the Cha'alt X-Cards and use whatever red/blue thing he was getting at as part of the set-up or execution based on whatever aesthetic-key he chose.  In fact, that's a potent way of altering the scene as the player makes his will known and the GM adjudicates the results according to various factors.  

In any case, the PCs saw that last demon on the other side of the battlefield, making it nearly impossible to hit him with a standard ranged weapon.  As they decided on their next course of action, the demon had brought out a mega-blaster that was ridiculous in size and power.  Before he could fire it, Bandersnatch created a portal to the purple labyrinth directly below him and another above where the adventurers themselves were standing, so that he'd drop down into their lap.

After some rolls, the demon did go down but then just disappeared.  Bander's player decided to stimulate the humor Cha'alt X-Card.  A couple minutes later, they heard a distant "Aa'ahhhh!" sound as the demon came through the second portal above the PCs and broke his fall atop P8T.  Hey, people laughed.  

The droid (who had been trying to keep his mechanical identity a secret) was dazed as the demon lowered his mega-blaster and fired upon the helpless warrior.  I brought out the percentile dice and shook them long and hard so as to increase the suspense.  Everyone knew that a d100 damage roll could go very badly.  Luckily, I rolled a 44.  P8T, being a 7th level warrior, was able to take the hit and remain functional.

Soon after that, the PCs finally killed him.  They walked to the next room containing a doorway to the Great Old One's hyperspace purgatory.  The adventures, led by Bandersnatch, performed the ritual with all the ingredients (thanks Chip and not-Kelly Bundy) and said the magic words (I've seen it spelled multiple ways over the years, so don't get pedantic, hoss) Kla'atu Vera'ada Nikto.  It worked, and Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak, though at the moment in a weakened state from his powers being siphoned while in hyperspace by the foul four, was at the PCs' command.

Out of time and feeling as though this was the best conclusion for this season of our Cha'alt campaign (as of right now, I don't think we're going to get another full session in before winter), we closed it out.  A big, neon, tentacled thank you to readers of Venger's old-school gaming blog, Kort'thalis Publishing supporters, and all my players, past, present, and future for contributing to the game and making Cha'alt what it is.  Yes, you guys are partly to blame.  Post-post-modern TTRPG culture would like to have a word with you, hoss. 

Next year will be the 4th season of our Cha'alt campaign, and I'm considering interjecting some kind of long-term formula into the planning.  Not just a bunch of scribbled notes, a hope, dream, and demonic prayer.  But I have a couple months to research and implement such a campaign formula.

All in all, I'm pleased with how this season shook-out.  Many "By His loathsome tentacles" were uttered in order to get that +1 bonus.  Also, this was supposed to be partially Halloween themed, but when we finally got to The Black Pyramid, I was focused on wrapping things up.  Too bad, since I have a whole page in Chartreuse Shadows about making the pyramid all spooky.  That came out of a Cha'alt session I ran at Game Hole Con before that gaming convention started identifying as they/them.  

Speaking of which, there have been a couple amusing videos regarding Game Hole Con and VENGER CON flyers.  here's one from RPG Pundit and the awesome Diversity & Dragons livestream talking about whoever put a bunch of VENGER CON V: The Will To Power flyers on windshields at the Game Hole Con parking lot.  

Enjoy,

VS

p.s.  Fantastic news - weekend badges are now available for July 2026's VENGER CON V: The Will To Power.  Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

"The Greatest Secret Pertaining to the Dessert of Cha'alt" - CHA'ALT Campaign 3.17

 

As the campaign winds down, I wanted to utilize one of my latest hand-drawn maps.  The color scheme was inspired by mint-chocolate ice cream (although, it could easily double as a swamp).

The players praised the map as soon as they saw it.  Thusly did it manifest the worm's share of the session.  

We almost had two new players, but things happened and the adventuring party soldiered on with Bandersnatch, Thurberus, and Tinker.

But first... I had the players do a couple things (beyond leveling their characters.  Those three are now 8th level and should have gained a new feat at 7th, FYI).  First, I wanted them each to come up with something about their character that's fairly big or meaningful or important that no one else in the party has any idea about.  And if that information is relayed to others at some point in the campaign, they'll get a point of Divine Favor for it.

Bandersnatch said that he was his own grandfather, having gone back in time at some point to have sex with his grandmother when she was young.  His new feat gave victims of his sorcery Disadvantage on their saving throws.

Thurberus told us he had an unknown type of lavender gem embedded on his body (I think the middle of his chest).  His parents never told him what that was about - it was years before he realized no one else had such a flesh-stone.  Sometimes, that gem grants sensory impressions of things happening in other dimensions and possible futures.  The v'symm priest chose the animal companion feat last time.

Tinker had been taken in by a tribe of Kha'alestinians as a youth, joining their struggle to free Kha'alestine.  This tied-in to his latest feat... that he knew their language and culture, making him a helpful guide when it came time to adventure within Kha'alestine.

Second, I utilized a trick from a blog post my friend sent me weeks ago, the heading for this part of the blog post was something like the cauldron of chaos.  I took a scrap of paper with a suggestion written on it by each player and placed it within the suggestion skull (of secrets).  Once per session, I would remove a suggestion and try to incorporate that into the game, either in that moment or soon after.  So, the players did that.  

Every session, new suggestions - any suggestion at all, for an example I said you could write down "Go fuck yourself!" and maybe I'd do an impression of Elon Musk - are added, until there's quite a few in there.  Starting this so late in the campaign, there won't be a ton by the time we've finished with this season, and I want to incorporate this from the very beginning of our 4th year of the Cha'alt campaign starting in January.

Still within the Temple of Unimagined Horrors - there's a reason, I suppose, why the horrors of this temple are unimagined.  Because, aside from dozens of impaled victims at the beginning and the weirdness of being inside some kind of gigantic Cha'altian creature, there wasn't much in the way of horrific goings on.  Basically, I never imagined them.  Clever ruse or me and my imagination totally dropping the ball?  You decide!  Incidentally, I did sit down and try to think of horrific shit several times, but kept drawing a blank... now that I don't need them, I'm sure the ideas will start flowing.

As the PCs headed towards the last few flesh-cavities yet to be explored, they came upon a grey oblong box.  Thurberus opened it to find his Gallifrey cardinal violet robes cleaned and pressed by the House of the Rising Moons Dry-Cleaners.  Alone with his robes was a scroll tied at the middle with a Gallifrey cardinal violet ribbon.  Written upon the scroll, in zoth, was the following... "Enjoy the freshness.  You, Thurberus, owe me one (1) favor.  Your friend, Garblegax"

Wearing the clean robes of that Gallifrey cardinal violet hue, they kept going.  Thurberus couldn't help but show a knowing smirk.  One day, that demonic imp would no doubt ask for something...

Pulling another monster out of my new DCC bestiary, the PCs encountered something that resembled mirror-like metallic plates covering the wall and floor.  As Tinker investigated, the thing turned into a strange mirror image of the pixie-fairy and attacked him.  Tinker used his bottle of spider milk (which melted it), Thurberus smashed it with the basket he was weaving at the time, and Bander cast an ectoplasmic webbing over the stuff that hadn't transformed yet.  Thurberus used his obsidian thorn staff to absorb whatever soul energy the mirror-metal creature released.

Easily defeated, the party moved on.  They heard the clicking and whirring of machines and saw eleven velociraptor-cyborgs walking around, protecting a towering super-computer towards the back of the cavity.

Into combat they went, Thurberus blasting 4 of the velociraptor-cyborgs with his staff, Bander slicing into a couple of them like they were warm butter.  Meanwhile, the cyborgs were blasting the PCs with red laser eyes and by the 3rd round, everyone was hurting.  Tinker came up with a rather inventive idea - he damaged and then proceeded to threatened the super-computer who eventually ordered his servitors to stand down, which they did.  

The towering computer claimed to be The Oracle, and agreed to answer their questions as long as they performed a service for him - explore his latest "dungeon," essentially, playtesting it before The Oracle met with his own gaming group.  Like any fucking boss, he GMed Cha'alt.  Various sentient machines across the planet played in his campaign.

As the PCs were both trying to come to grips with The Oracle's ask while also stammering in an attempt to let this super-computer down easy without trying his new dungeon, The Oracle zapped them into his creation.  While traveling, The Oracle told them the origins of The Frozen Caves of Mint-Chocolate!  You see, the whole thing came about via a typo when a player in The Oracle's game asked about the greatest secret pertaining to the desert of Cha'alt.  However, in the binary translations of code, it came out as dessert, and The Oracle's A.I. generated the Frozen Caves of Mint-Chocolate.

Appearing within a cave made of frozen mint-chocolate ice cream, the PCs were so they could see their breath. They walked through a tunnel to discover what was up ahead.  At this point, I offered an adventure-themed snack... mint-chocolate ice cream for anyone who wanted it.  Only myself and Bandersnatch's player partook.

Frost-bitten falcons, seemingly made of ice, flew around, occasionally nibbling on a frozen humanoid corpse.  This dude had been sliced open, nearly cut in two.  In front of the dead guy was a message written in either strawberry syrup topping or blood. "2% butterscotch ripple."

Not knowing what that meant, but believing it could be important, they filed that info away and kept going.  They soon found a shivering derelict with his hands tucked into his jacket pockets, muttering to himself that the ratio was off - too much chocolate, not enough mint.  Tinker got close enough for the derelict to stab him with a mint-scorpion dagger.  It did minimal damage, but when Bandersnatch identified the magic item, it was revealed to have the power of killing an opponent who failed to save (if the top number for damage - 4 - was rolled).  Tinker wanted and took that weapon after they killed the shivering derelict.

He had some local currency, too, in a Herculean effort of vast creativity and unparalleled imagination, I came up with "mint-chocolate ice cream coins" on the spot.  Lol.  Hey, it had been a month between games; I was rusty.  However, I soon mentioned that the precision of working bas-relief pictures and text onto the individual coins affected the value... which is something.

Soon, they encountered mint-chocolate elves who were literally made of ice cream.  These were the native guardians of the frozen caves.  They asked the elves if they knew who The Oracle was.  They didn't.  The elves couldn't help the PCs escape this mint-chocolate cave system, so they went on.  But not before giving the adventurers their 3rd best warrior to guide them around.  He was named Chip.

The PCs found a cave where the worshipers of Vertoothgura'ath lived.  They were performing some sort of ritual honoring their ultra-telluric ancestors, asking for wisdom.  Based on the gestures, words, and symbols drawn upon the cave, it led the PCs to believe these folks weren't from around here.  Sure enough, these worshipers were from outer space.  They came here, persecuted for their beliefs by anti-Old One forces, in hopes of finding an ultimate weapon to defeat their enemies.

So far, they have a mint-chocolate hued box that did nothing at all.  Bander asked to investigate the box, to see if he could find a way of activating or attuning it.  The cultist asked Bander to place his hand in the box.  When he reluctantly did, the cultist slammed the box lid down upon the sorcerer's hand.  For that, Bandersnatch decapitated the cultist.  No one in the cult minded because that guy was an asshole.

But they also had a formula (the ingredients were mint-chocolate ice cream, various herbs, and zoth) for communing with the Great Old Ones.  So, they partook and I had everyone roll to see how many balls they were tripping.  Thurberus got the highest... literally, and began speaking to Vertoothgura'ath.

The Great Old One of the frozen caves was limited in that his sphere of influence was wholly comprised of mint-chocolate ice cream.  Nevertheless, he told Thurberus to charge the box with a blood sacrifice.  They also asked Vertoothgura'ath if he knew who The Oracle was, and the Old One answered yes... he was this pocket-universe's creator.  Nothing else of interest was discovered as they came back down to this plane of reality.

Using the dead cultist's heart to attune the magic box, the PCs convinced the cultists to let them utilize the box first and then hand it back to them before they escaped from these frozen ice cream caves.  They agreed, and sent with the PCs their 3rd best worshiper, Vert.

Later, they came upon a high-tech facility known as The Scoop, this was a Dha'arma Initiative station where a couple dozen humans were trying to find their own way of leaving this pocket-universe.  They came up with a giant ice cream scoop, but the mint-chocolate walls were so frozen that it needed to be heated up in order to be effective.  

Killing the guards to gain entry and traipsing around the facility, the party eventually got themselves captured.  There was one guy already in the holding cell, a janitor.  The PCs tried the box out on him as I pulled out a scrap of paper from the suggestion skull.  A vista of cobalt blue opened as the stars turned to jello.  That's what the unfortunate wretch saw just before his mind broke and was reduced to a catatonic state on the floor.  

After seeing this and being promised a way of super-heating their ice cream scoop, the dha'arma folks let the PCs go.  They continued on, finding their way to a mint-chocolate dragon... hey, if you're going to commit, then commit.  

Moving on, the PCs went into a foggy dragon's cave.  Of course, this was a mint-chocolate dragon who's breath weapon was quick-freezing chocolate syrup.  The PCs wisely decided to offer the dragon several baubles rather than attempt to slay him.  Bandersnatch unburdened himself of several items he'd been carrying around since the first few sessions, such as the origami unicorn.

Having pleased the dragon, they made their way past him to a cave containing a gigantic freezer vent.  This is where the ice-cold air was coming from, keeping the ice cream rock hard.  Seeing a swirling fan blade behind the grille, they entered the vent, blasted a bunch of circuitry (that caused the freezing cold air to seize-up and stop functioning), and passed through the stopped fan into a swirling magical portal.

The portal took the PCs back to The Oracle where the super-computer was pleased with their exploration.  He asked what they thought, and got some good feedback.  In return, The Oracle agreed to offer them a small gift of whatever they wanted, plus answer questions.  Without wasting a second, Chip (who had started to melt ever since they entered this beast's interior) hurriedly asked The Oracle for something to keep him from melting.  Almost like the Wizard of Oz, the super-computer opened up a panel and out popped, not a fake heart for the tin-man, but... a tiny pale-blue cube that radiated immense cold.  Chip swallowed it and thanked The Oracle for his generosity.

"Well played," the PCs said as they asked about the ultra-telluric glyphs.  The Great Mainframe gave them a way of attuning these special glyphs (of which the PCs had 3), telling them magic words and ingredients needed to brew a potion that must be drank during the ritual.  And I believe the PCs also asked if he knew where the Old One they released and had been tracking might be.  He's still in Kha'alestine.

There was still time on the clock, but this was a better stopping-point than most.  So, we ended it there.  Next stop would be Kha'alestine.

GMing new adventures is a bit of a high-wire act.  If you think of all the writers, prep, rehearsals, advisors, notes, re-writes, takes, and edits it requires to get a TV show or movie to the audience, it's a lot, and GMs don't get any of that.  While running tried and true scenarios, field-tested over and over again,  provides the most polish, tight pacing, and cover for all manner of eventualities, there's something about doing it live that's inherently appealing.  

All I ask is that for you GMs at home, please have a net to catch you if you fall.

That's it, hoss.  Our next session should be Saturday, October 25th.  Thanks for reading!

VS

p.s.  Fantastic news - weekend badges are now available for July 2026's VENGER CON V: The Will To Power.  Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

"Worm Wine Should Always Be Served At Room Temperature" - CHA'ALT Session Report 3.16

 

This session didn't start out right away because it almost never does.  Having not seen each other for a couple weeks, we like to chat about what's going on... in our personal lives and/or the world.

I told the guys about my getting scammed and how several really dumb and/or ignorant decisions on my part resulted in making an unfortunate situation worse.  In future: call a legitimate professional company rather than some guy on the internet, ask what the costs are up-front, always check with your wife, don't pay with a check.

But then we pivoted to Charlie Kirk's assassination.  Such a tragic event that's shocked our nation and will reverberate through America's political climate for years to come.  RIP, hoss.

Even though I've been beating myself up for being the victim of scammers all week, I was determined to run the best game I could, and didn't disappoint by all accounts, crossing Yog-Soggoth's tentacles.  With three players, Bandersnatch, Thurberus, and Tinker, we carried on...

Looking back at the rubble, dust, and devastation from that photon torpedo set off at the end of last session to destroy their other-colored selves who wanted them dead, the PCs checked to see how many passages out of that massive cavern were still viable post-cave-in.  Only two.

As they headed north to an unobstructed tunnel, they smelled something bad.  Bandersnatch turned Tinker invisible so he could look up ahead and see what was going on.  A couple of black robed humanoids were in a stand-off with a vengeful skunk ghost (promises made, promises kept).  The men were trying to coax the stinky apparition into a magic bottle.

In exchange for the black robes (apparently, robes are valuable on Cha'alt?), Tinker said he'd help them, which the men gladly accepted.  The party's sorcerer was nearly sprayed while trying to dominate the skunk ghost - thankfully, he used the old "By His loathsome tentacles" because he missed his saving throw by one.  Bander's spell went off and the skunk when in the bottle.

The NPCs parted ways when Thurberus attempted to gather them into the cult like folds of spotted-cow velvet.  But I rolled a natural 20 for the NPCs' internal bullshit detector, and they splashed the v'symm priest with ectoplasmic stink before running away.  

Thurberus hung back about 50' so he didn't offend his two companions as Bandersnatch and Tinker explored further north.  To the east was the sound of a bass-zita'ar, and they followed.  "Bass-zita'ar solo, take one."  Garblegax was jamming on his instrument as the PCs approached.  They talked about the Temple of Unimagined Horrors, the demon-imp mentioned Kaltha'alax, though the PCs didn't know who or what that was, they talked about the demons Garblegax wanted revenge upon, but mostly they discussed the ideal serving temperature of worm wine - room temperature.

Oh, and Garblegax magically provided a bathtub full of zama'ato juice that would clean him; Garblegax also sent his Gallifrey cardinal violet robes to be dry-cleaned.  

Heading over to the western cave, they came upon "leech-men" that sloshed around a cave full of gross, dark-purple muck (shout-out to that DCC monster book I picked-up at the last GaryCon).  After a combat where most of them were killed and the remainder ran off, Thurberus entered a strange booth that appeared when Bandersnatch had cast his missile command spell.  He's been using those energy crystals to power his spells, and I've been asking for d100 rolls on the spell side-effect table in Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise.

Sure enough, it was a nudie booth.  Thurberus didn't bother to try his Federation credits, but instead smashed the currency exchange device found next to the coin slot. 74 coins spilled out- groovy!  Inserting a couple, the curtain on the other side of the glass panel opened to reveal two beautiful women who did whatever the watcher wanted.  Upon rolling a d12, it was determined that Thurberus finished by the 10th coin.  Exiting the booth, he passed a janitor named Darrel who was the assigned jiz-mopper for that day.  But Thurberus now had his sleaze factor-five bonus and that's a good thing.

Heading south, the PCs discovered a cave where nothing was going on.  Hilariously, this, they thought, was one of the strangest experiences they've ever encountered on Cha'alt.  A cave with absolutely nothing happening?  Where were the demons, humanoids, bizarre creatures, weird colors, artifacts, crystals, tentacles, etc.?  Are there imaginary monsters?  Is this part of the Truman Show?  What is the mystery behind this empty cave?  Yeah, it really freaked them out.

Moving on, they soon came to a swirling red portal.  Thurberus stuck his sword in the portal before entering.  He heard an ouch, and found a demon tour guide ready to show them around the zig-zaggy Devil's Corridor, a who's who of Hell where nigrescent busts of important demons through history lined the lightning-bolt configured walls.  Luckily the tour guide, Zarjeet (who slapped Thurberus in the face with a fish for almost murdering him - still had my plush fish stuffy on hand from VENGER CON), had a golfcart and microphone so he could give the PCs a proper tour before taking them to a blood-red door leading to the Temple of Unimagined Horrors.

One such story went like this...

"Salzavesa was a particularly intolerant devil who impaled over a thousand lesser infernals while leading his army through Hell.  Salzavesa was eventually met by several opposing factions, but defeated them by retreating into the den of a gigantic bearded fire-lizard who he appeased with a gift of sulfuric myrrh and became his loyal pet... until Salzavesa was forced to eat the bearded fire-lizard to stay alive when Hell froze-over many years later."

Believing this was a sign that meant they shouldn't arrive at the temple without sulfuric myrrh, they asked Zarjeet where they could find such things?  Across from the red door was a black door where sulfuric myrrh could be found.  Before leaving their tour guide, they talked about worm wine and how it should always be served at room temperature - this was now becoming the running gag for the session.

Soon after entering, the PCs realized they were inside The Black Pyramid of Cha'alt.  

The first room was a matrix-like immersive video game called Cha'alt, where 5 humanoids played while hooked up to a machine.  Stealing some stuff (but leaving behind a detachable penis they found) and spilling Purple Prizm on white socks, the PCs moved on to a room containing nearly 50 mannequins who could talk via telepathy.  Discussion of insane wizard spells, purple corduroy pants, and next door alchemist labs led to retrieving the detachable penis and fitting it onto one of the mannequins.  Then, Bandersnatch used two crystals to super-size his dispel magic spell, restoring 29 out of the 50.

"How long have you been mannequins?"

"Let me ask you this... do people still drink their room-temperature worm wine laced with raspberry flavored sausages?"

"Wow, that's a long time..."

Rummaging around the alchemist lab in the adjacent room, they found a number of odd items - including beakers of various colored liquids that Tinker combined to make his own concoction (per Zeeku, he rolled a 1 on the d6 and I decided that whoever was splashed with its contents would turn into a giant scorpion version of themselves).  Bander took a bunch of magic books, a copy of Dark Sorcerer Magazine #17, and a +1 devil tongue banana-fork.  Along with the other loot, they stole a silver snuff box full of sulfuric myrrh.  Score!  Just before they were about to leave, a couple sorcerers entered the lab as the PCs hid.  Thurberus with the worst hiding place (under the table) was soon discovered, but quickly talked his way out of trouble and all three promptly left with their haul.

Going back to the Devil's Corridor and then the blood-red door to the temple, the PCs found themselves in a pink, squishy flesh-cavity within a gargantuan insectoid creature with teeth and tentacles that vaguely resembled a brain.  Undeterred by the smell of the place (maple syrup @ss-rape) impaled humanoids by the entrance, they soon found devoted cultists dominated by the demon-queen of wasps (similar, but of a more powerful and infernal quality to what they'd encountered last session).  Her glowing orange eyed slaves were entering a portal that led to a crystal-festooned cave and transporting the crystals to the demon-queen B'zzyantia.

Closing the portal, but not before Bander could get in there and create a purple labyrinth portal for himself (oh yeah, another spell was cast and the side-effect was an aspect of Tsathoggua spit some hallucinogenic bile on an NPC causing him to see visions of [I asked the players to come up with something] Shania Twain as a sexy, degenerate night-clown), they marched on towards a massive demon-hive.  The wasp queen exited, realized these intruders were not gods (to her credit, she did ask first... of course, Tinker, knowing what to say when someone asks if you're a god, was not recognized as such by her), and blasted them while her guards flew towards the PCs in attack formation.  I rolled 4d6 for damage as Tinker failed his save, and got three 1s and a 3.  

Tinker closed the distance asking that if he wasn't a god, then why did she roll mostly 1s (I gave him Divine Favor for breaking the 4th wall), dropped his magic potion (made in the lab) on her, and I gave him the bad news.  She was now a demon wasp-queen scorpion.  Nevertheless, he wanted to rip her head off before she could sting him.  This immediately gave me an idea for a face-off contest.  The sort of battle that was one-on-one, but meant to be quick, decisive and extremely bloody.  This needed a new way of adjudicating death-duel.  I had each participant roll a d6, highest roll is the winner and winner takes all.  Tinker's player rolled a 2 and quickly reached for his recently acquired Divine Favor fuchsia stone, and then rolled a 5.  

I rolled for the queen and told everyone I rolled a 6 as a ruse, a second later revealing the truth - I had actually rolled a 3.  Tinker ripped the queen's head off.  Had she won, Tinker would have been stung by her newfound scorpion tale and probably died.  Maximum drama!  I'm going to formalize this process and come up with a few additional details, but happy with how things turned out.

With their queen dead, all the demon-wasp guards swarmed each other in a Highlander-esque "there can be only one" way of restoring order by starting fresh with a new hive.  One guard went completely crazy - "I'm gonna stick my demon-wasp dick in the mashed potatoes!"  As everyone was murdering each other, Bander and Tinker went inside the blue flame hive.  Tinker found a demon queen egg, which he took.  Bandersnatch found a magic sword suspended in an energy field.  He tried grabbing it, but got shocked and couldn't hold on.  Grabbing it again, he got shocked again but was able to keep his grip and removed the blade from the energy field.

The sword had infernal glyphs (this was indeed Kaltha'alax).  Instead of stats, I told the sorcerer that as he swung the enchanted blade at three demon-wasp guards to clear the exit, that Kaltha'alax went through them like warm butter.  Bandersnatch's player asked if he should write down game mechanics for the sword or simply go with "like warm butter."  For now, I said, let's just keep the sword's abilities / bonuses at "like warm butter."  We'll worry about numbers next time.  

Unable to fireball the hive, they left once most of the wasp guards had killed each other off.  I need to remember that next session, Bandersnatch is basically cursed to be a lightning rod for unfortunate events due to yet another gonzo side-effect of casting spells via Cha'alt crystals.  It was about quitting time, and I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained (as usually happens after a successful session).

Thanks for reading.  I hope you enjoy all the craziness.  And be careful out there, this world, too, is full of horror!

VS

p.s.  Fantastic news - weekend badges are now available for July 2026's VENGER CON V: The Will To Power.  Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

VENGER CON V: The Will To Power

 

Yep, it's that time... VENGER CON time!

Number 5... wow.  It's gonna be a challenge to outdo last year... but I know we can.  We have the power; we always did, hoss.  

I got the promotional materials from Kort'thalis Publishing house-artist Monstark a couple days ago.  Love how it turned out... now, let's fucking destroy last year's record of 35 attendees.  If I have to call upon all the demons of darkness to get there, that's what I'll fucking do.

Right over here is the convention's landing page where weekend badges are already available.  

If you've got any questions or suggestions, let me know.  I should know by Halloween who the Guest of Honor is... maybe multiple people?

Oh yeah, if you want to chat about all things VENGER CON, this is the link to the Kult of Kort'thalis community on X.  Or join to hang out with like-minded TTRPG enthusiasts.  I've got plans for a virtual VENGER CON in January, and information is already up over there.

I really hope you can make it, as it's going to be legendary.  Thanks for supporting and participating!  

Enjoy,

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing

p.s. Next weekend I'm launching another Kickstarter.  The rewards will be a PDF about how I run my game, focusing on play-style with practical tips for adhering to my approach + a whole bunch of my hand-drawn tunnel and cave maps.

"23 Virgins in the Afterlife, but they're all Blue-Haired Feminists with Nose Rings" - CHA'ALT Session Report 3.15

 

The last couple sessions were kind of a "bottle episode."  The PCs were playing themselves but from various dimensions.  Now, it was time to get back on track...

However, the two slightly diverging storylines have pretty much all meshed together in everyone's mind, and I realized at the end of the day, it didn't matter what color they were or what universe they originally hailed from - adventure awaits!

Given the choice, we started the session with purple H'ork, purple Bandersnatch, a Russian "commie" Tinker (everyone enjoyed the Russian accent, which was better than his Jamaican), original Therberus (having gotten tired of the shake-weight, he wanted to get back to that old-time religion of dead cows and suicide cults), and purple / original Black Francis.

Yes, we had a full compliment of 5 players... but since that's so rare (usually one or two can't make it each session), our home game is still looking for a sixth. 

The most significant aspect of the campaign (this third year of it) had been the release of the Great Old One Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak and the promise of ultra-telluric glyph attunement within the Temple of Unimagined Horrors.  The PCs found themselves not knowing exactly where they were but in a system of tunnels and caves below Kha'alestine.

I decided to go with an idea I improvised in one of my latest videos on story-now, here.  Garblegax, the half-demon, half-imp trickster decided to help the PCs because it would help himself.  He was on the run from the blue-raspberry bastards (the PCs from another dimension) led by a tangerine Isithar, the dark-elf who swore to take revenge upon the purple bastards from several sessions ago.  

But the main reason why Garblegax told the PCs that a foursome of demons were in Kha'alestine and magically subduing the Great Old One the PCs were pursuing was that Garblegax had been fired by one of them for not chilling the blood wine to one of the infamous four's satisfaction.  Soon after, wandering the frozen lake, the mischievous demon-imp was captured by slavers and forced to work a series of lowly data entry positions until he escaped.  

With his trademark "Za'alutations," Garblegax detailed the who's who in Hell that were helping the Kha'alestinians, but obviously not out of the goodness of their heart - Zevdub the archduke of the fiery pits, Kreznok leader of the Principalities of Darkness, Senyvo Demon Lord and heir to the circle of heresy, and Baelzyroth 1st Lieutenant of Kort'thalis.  These infernal beings had a plan, and Garblegax wanted the PCs to interfere, which would also benefit themselves and Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak.

However, the infamous four were too strong.  The PCs would need to find one or more artifacts within the Temple of Unimagined Horror before they could face them - including rumors that the witch-haunted Necronomicon was housed there, as well.  This temple could be accessed by walking a couple miles east.  So, the PCs set off to explore these caves on the way.

Before leaving with his box of wine, Garblegax gave the PCs a bag of holding.  I got the idea (from a member of the new X community here) of such bags being registered and accounted for by a serial number.  Being in a whimsical mood, I made it a cereal number, instead.  Bandersnatch put his hand in Garblegax's bag in order to pull out the magic bag he had in there.  He rolled a 5 for the Fruit Loops bag of holding.  The bag of holding had its own chameleon circuit and looked like an actual cereal box, rather than a bag.  Yes, I've been watching a lot of vintage Doctor Who lately.

Now on their way, the PCs soon crossed paths with a fancy gentlemen wearing resplendent robes in the hue of Gallifrey Cardinal Violet, not as impressive as Tyrian Purple, but a close second.  Vorusa was looking for the Vault of Rassilon where he might find the bejeweled codpiece of Rassilon (of course).  With a series of false-flattery and barely veiled insults, the PCs bantered away at Vorusa.  Not wanting to be delayed, he quickly left the PCs' company before he could be stabbed in the back, heading forward into a cave of lizardfolk who the Gallifreyan chastised for leaving dirty puddles all over the place.

There were some filthy beggars also in that cave, which H'ork and Black Francis dispatched as if ordered to by the Orange Emperor of Za'ar!  

After a bit, the PCs also went into the lizardfolk cave.  Instantly killing 3 of their guards, the fiercest warriors of their tribe, the lizardfolk were easily convinced to serve the adventures.  Interrupting that, however, was a small group of interdimensional nomads who arrived via portal with microphone, amplifier, and podium to give their "stolen universe acknowledgement."  Even with greater than average hit-points (oh yeah, most of the PCs are 7th level now) and laser-katanas, the PCs eventually took them out.  Aside from their cool weapons, one of them had a tiny alien creature on his person... along with three mystical seashells.  Thurberus took the little creature in, naming him Ba'ab.

The PCs stayed around the cave to rest as the lizardmen made a hearty spider-leg stew which they all feasted upon.  I made a note to later roll for diahrrea, but promptly forgot about it (maybe for the best, Lol).  With a couple of the lizardfolk walking in front, they explored a cave containing humanoids with glowing yellow eyes mining crystals for the hive.  Clearly, these people were dominated by something.  The PCs stole a few crystals, and soon left.

Pro-GM tip: If you want the PCs (and players) to value something or perceive something in their world as valuable, make it fucking useful!  And while you're benefiting the PCs, do something nice and/or fun for yourself, as well.  You've earned it.  ;)

I toyed with the idea of energy crystals routinely found in the subterranean realms of Cha'alt to be a power source for magic, but decided to explicitly state that a sorcerer could fuel his magic by using crystals.  However, each spell cast with a crystal was accompanied by a roll on that d100 weird side-effect table in Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise (I do love that table). So, we got to see some really weird shit as Bandersnatch cast spells throughout their trek.

Soon the PCs came to a cave where a handful of Kha'alestinians were about to throw what appeared to be a half-Druish princess into a pit containing some awful creature.  The d6 Zeeku rolls determined that Kha'alestinians hated v'symm (that's now part of the campaign setting's lore, if not official Cha'alt canon), which is the mask wearing race that Thurberus was.  So, most of them attacked him.  A couple made good on their attacks, braining him with their ga'afi sticks.  

When it was all said and done, the PCs talked to the almost-sacrificed woman wearing fancy brocaded silk and exotically perfumed.  To their dismay, they learned she was only a handmaiden to the Princess of Kha'alestine, and no longer even that as her half-Druish ancestry was found out - which is why she was brought down here to sacrifice.  Without much thought, Bandersnatch pushed her into the pit since she had little to no value to them - I guess that sleaze factor 5 bonus just wasn't needed (somewhere out there, Botserdomus is shaking his detachable penis in dismay).

Eventually, the PCs came upon a larger cave containing a hive in the center.  More possessed humanoids with yellow glowing eyes were here, bringing handfuls of crystals to the Queen.  Several wasp-men were guarding the hive.  Commie-Tinker went in to see what all the fuss was about.  He succeeded his saving throw, but appreciated the top-down proletariat workers-uniting under the Queen.  One well-placed fireball later and only the Queen survived, and she was half-burned at that.  They took her prisoner.  

Wandering around in an easternly direction, they overheard that Gallifreyan saying something and then letting out a scream.  Off to investigate, they found him at the entrance to Rassilon's Vault; by that time, he was a smoking skeleton - his Gallifrey Cardinal Violet robes still intact, though.  Thurberus donned the fancy robes - not magic, not high-tech, but having another quality... gravitas, sacrosanct, and legendary.

The PCs tried their luck at opening the vault.  Thurberus, feeling the luckiest, rolled some dice and eventually opened it - technically on his first try, but only after getting a reroll via burning a point of Divine Favor.  

Inside was the magnificent bejeweled codpiece of Rassilon.  Thurberus somehow found himself its owner and wore it proudly.  The inside of the vault was scrawled with Gallifreyan glyphs.  No one could read them, but one of Vorusa's friends, Kastilan, happened by.  He deciphered them, basically going on and on about the greatness of Rassilon, the Time Lords, and how many people wanted to eat his giblets with a nice chianti.  Does Gallifrey have sandworms?

The codpiece assisted the wearer while using dimensional magic or simply traveling via portal... including time and space. 

Trapping poor Kastilan in the vault, but not before Thurberus wrote a note below the pedestal telling everyone that he had been there, they headed into a long and winding tunnel that was trapped.  Both Bandersnatch and Thurberus were zapped by some ray of energy that turned them into glass.  At this stage, the glass was somewhat malleable.  Bandersnatch had been putting those crystals into his bag of holding, and withdrew another one to quickly cast wish in order to unglass them.  Oh yeah, one of the lizardfolk was also turned to glass.  

He rolled on the d100 table, and got a result that conjured an arcade game similar to Gauntlet that took tokens, specifically Aladdin's Castle tokens.  And it just so happened that two tokens appeared in Bandersnatch's glass hand.  He and Thurberus deposited them in the coin slot and, just before cracking from the pressure and exploding into fragmented shards, became different characters - a female barbarian for Bander and elf wizard for Thurberus - best of all, they were no longer made of glass.  A third token was easily discovered in Bander's pocket, meant for the lizardman who was also turned to glass.  The sorcerer put the third token in and the glass lizard dude became a tech-noir thief, quite an upgrade from spear-toting savage. 

Exiting the tunnel for another cave, the PCs found two black and white checkerboard skinned humanoids playing 17-dimensional chess.  The winner would take possession of a photon torpedo.  They watched for a bit, as Tinker signed-up for the next game.  If Tinker lost, he'd give up Thurberus' newly acquired codpiece.  He had to play the loser and then if Tinker won, he'd play the winner.  It was a long game, but Tinker won.  Then, he played and won the second game.

Garblegax appeared again, warning that the blue-raspberry bastards were on their way, so prepare!  Bander and Thurberus asked Garblegax if he could change them back to their original forms.  He could and he did.  Realizing the power this demon-imp had, the PCs requested him to stay and fight alongside. Thurberus gave the demon-imp his bejeweled codpiece of Rassilon in exchange for staying with them and helping the PCs repel their namesake's attack.  They formulated a plan.

The blue-raspberry bastards, led by tangerine Isithar appeared.  The blue-raspberry Francis appeared directly behind his double in an attempt to slit his throat.  Luckily, Black Francis dodged.  Isithar was ready with a disintegrator beam, but missed.  Instead, accidentally hitting blue-raspberry Francis who made his save and was simply wounded.  

Moments later, Bandersnatch tried to pull out a crystal from his Fruit Loops bag of holding.  He rolled as I'd instructed him to do every time he tried to pull out a deposited object.  This time, he didn't pull out a crystal but a banana.  Oh shit!  

Thinking fast, the party's sorcerer opened a portal to the purple labyrinth.  The PCs escaped (I made the stragglers roll to not be left behind - everyone passed).  Even a single lizardman made it, but not the wasp Queen.  Away they went, and closed the portal in time for the blast which H'ork set for 5 seconds upon the blue-raspberries appearance.  

Inspecting the rubble back in that cave, everyone was dead and accounted for - except for blue-raspberry Tinker.  He's small, so it's possible that they just couldn't find his body - or he somehow made it out of there.  As for their gear, it was all smashed to bits, except for a transparent crystalline segment of the key to time and space.  Taking it with them, they continued on...

And that's where we left things.  Next game is Saturday, September 13th... and then not again until October 4th as I'll be losing a couple of Saturdays due to a vacation over our anniversary.  

Based on our conversation prior to the session, I'm going to put "vengeful skunk-ghost" on the next wandering monster table.  

Thanks for reading,

VS

Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!