I'm running a tasty little contest from now until midnight of H.P. Lovecraft's birthday, August 20th. That gives you seven days!
Ok, how do you play / win? First, let me dribble unto thee with some unsolicited Game Mastering advice.
You don't need much to start off an RPG session. In fact, you shouldn't have much at all.
What you should have is a tight three-sentence opener that 1) grabs the players attention, 2) motivates the characters to get off their asses to do something, and 3) involves some kind of worldbuilding, genre emphasis, and/or foreshadowing of what's about to happen.
No easy task!
In my opinion, every GM worth his essential salts should have a few of these in his back-pocket... just in case the opportunity should arise yet inspiration falls short.
THE RULES
Comment below with one or more of your own openers (feel free to post as many as you want). They have to be exactly three sentences, and you should be mindful of the above criteria.
Your opener does NOT have to be setting or world specific, so don't feel like you have to make yours fit Cha'alt. However, I AM partial to the eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, and post-apocalypse...
I'm the only judge (but feel free to comment with your own hot-take), and the contest closes at midnight on August 20th.
THE PRIZES
First Prize will receive both gorgeous Cha'alt and Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise hardcovers [USA residents don't have to pay shipping. Canadian residents must pay $30; other international residents must pay $45... or they can choose to take the 2nd place prize, instead.]
Second Prize will receive every Cha'alt PDF.
Third Prize will receive any one Kort'thalis Publishing PDF of their choosing.
THE FINE PRINT
I may compile the submitted entries into a FREE PDF sometime down the road. Your submission grants me the right to include it, but you can also freely use your submission yourself at any point in the future. Credit will be given if accompanied with the author's name or pseudonym.
____
Good luck and thanks for playing!
VS
p.s. Yes, I'm still selling the aforementioned luxury hardcovers. Ordering details can be found here. If you haven't secured your ticket to next July's VENGER CON, do it now!
The shoggoth blurbled almost incoherently as it flowed through the wound between dimensions, causing us to jump to our feet and unsheathe weapons. "You must help us," it said, "she ... she will end it all." The baleful portal stared at us as the shoggoth shuddered and fell to the ground and splashed apart in an acrid, smoking pool.
ReplyDeleteAlois Bosch, son of the richest farmer in the county, has come to you in desperation, “My father has disappeared through a portal that appeared in our fields. I tried to follow through and rescue him but I could not. As I looked within the portal I saw the most bizarre and fantastic things, the stars are all out of order, a world whose colors are all wrong and belts that ring the sky day and night.”
ReplyDeleteEntry by Erik Martin
It was a beautiful day with a beautiful bride and you are glad to have been invited. But, upon the priest's blessing, the bride unraveled into a pile of rotting silk and spiders. The groom picked up the ransom note from the Spider Witch and looked at you with pleading eyes.
ReplyDeleteWe thought it would be an easy extraction: Ally Madison, blind and petite hacker prodigy, who had been abducted and hooked up to Sosumi Corporation's attack grid. But once we found her hospital bed, turned off the soporifics in her drip-feed, and unplugged her sensor-helmet, we discovered in an instant that she had become addicted to the 96K-resolution Virtual Reality with sensonic surround. Blind once more, she struggled and screamed about wanting to go back, and we realized we had a hard slog retracing our carefully timed infiltration path out of the 192-floor Sosumi arcoplex with that little hellion blowing out the security microphones...
ReplyDeleteHow did the Moon get closer? Your pretty sure the bees know but every night at every truck stop folks just stand and watch in their caps and singlets. The chemtrails are weaving patterns in the sky, does anyone care?
ReplyDeleteYou have all decided to sail across the Azure Sea to the old kingdoms that lay on the shores of Relmor Bay for the personal reasons that you discussed with me. To that end, you journeyed to the Holdings of Sea Princes and boarded one of their sailing vessels in the harbor city of Monmurg. You barely made it on board on the morning of the departure - the wiry seamen took your trunks and carried them across the gang planks on board the ship, somehow you managed to follow them on board and the cabin boy showed you to your hammocks.
ReplyDeleteA hollow man wrapped in crimson robes sits upon a blackened throne while a cold breeze blows over a shattered land whose gift to sustain life has long since been extingished but for a lone single flower.A small child lies balled up in a sweat drenched bed clutching a broken, rusted locket whose only hope for survival lies in the breath of a being long dead.What tales will you tell when you return from the Scarlet Halls of the Mad Monk?
ReplyDeleteGuys, remember there needs to be call to adventure in there, too.
ReplyDeleteBrain goes off on a tangent...
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPh_qWbMB-0
Ya know, you could probably write an adventure hook based off of that.
The jungle drums... pounding, pounding. They snare your soul and lure you out into the jungle. When they stop, you awaken from your daze with only the clothes on your back and no clue where you are.
Shrieks and clashes of steel startle you from your slumber. Peering out of your window into the night, women and children are huddled in Dusker’s Square, surrounded by firelight and the shadowed shapes of armed men. A cloaked figure turns away from the frightened innocents and raspily proclaims “If no one will reveal the whereabouts of The Rose, then kill them all.”
ReplyDeleteA proud princess of the Nu Caliphate kneels before you. She begs, "We are threatened by the warlock Orgo, who has summoned the green gibbering zombie-slugs from beyond the stars to slime our earth! Slay him noble warrior, and I will reward you with your weight in melanj spice ten times over!"
ReplyDeleteIt's been a slow day's work at the tavern today. You've earned a few tips, had to oust one drunken patron, and generally kept ahead of rush hour. Suddenly in walks [insert description of the adventurers the party played in your last RPG.]
ReplyDeleteYou and your companions are at the bottom of a ten foot hole. Your treacherous pack mule/torch bearer "Big Junior" has left you all in the lurch. You can hear his obnoxious snicker barely audible above the sound of the gold laden chest being dragged away across the dungeon floor..
ReplyDeleteAs your weary horses round the turn through the hills, you could see the stronghold ahead has fallen as well. Far behind you can hear the chittering of the following shambling hordes. Everything changed once the moon opened it's single huge eye and safety seems be impossible to find.
ReplyDeleteThe goblins have invaded your grandad’s farm, stolen his magic sword, and killed his dog. They left a message for all of humanity to go f—- themselves. They went that way.
ReplyDeleteFizzlestink, the hedge wizard, has saved your hind ends from certain death once again. Now he figures it’s payback time. He tells you to travel to the Spire of the Pregnant Woman, and steal back the Wondrous Wand of Foonberg.
ReplyDeleteYou are dead. All is not yet lost. Get up and try again!
ReplyDeleteThe sabotaged cart axle snaps, dropping so many of your pilfered bags of gold right at the feet of the city watch. The voice of one of your co-conspirators yells in the distance "Stop them! They've robbed the Royal Treasury!". Guardsmen atop the wall look down and you have seconds to react.
ReplyDeleteSince swallowing the healing potions made by the apothecary and passing into oblivion's maw; after grains of sand or countless aeons plunging through thickening blankets of darkness - you emerge from swirling etheric mists to find yourselves in a place most unfamiliar. The horizon spanning crossroads before you lead each to towering ziggurats, dizzying in height and foreboding in their dominance of the hazy, red sky. The blood engorged sun hangs low in the north, signaling nightfall shall descend upon you all soon - and already fierce, unnerving howls can be heard faintly, yet drawing ever closer, from every compass point.
ReplyDeleteEmperor Jimothy Buffet III has lost his salt shaker which is they symbol of his rule. He has promised his greatest treasure, the last known working gun, for any who find it and return it to him. He believes the Witch of the Swamps took it, but rumors in his court say that he simply misplaced it.
ReplyDeleteYou've already managed to slip your dinghy alongside the massive steamship and slip aboard, avoiding the few stargazers out on the decks tonight. You keep your weapons hidden and your senses sharp. The cultists have to be somewhere here on the Titanic.
ReplyDeleteThe wine we just shared was cursed by the witch Karee. I feel terrible, but there was no way I could have paid you to help me. If you can't break the curse by the rise of the full moon, we are all doomed.
ReplyDeleteThe coroner on the enormous orbital cylinder Cybele never saw a death like this: bite-marks like from a large animal. But no pets were allowed on the station; why, the only source of animals was the robotic zoo on Level 3 of the Recreational Zone. Say, you don't suppose some vindictive employee was reprogramming them...?
ReplyDeleteNight falls over the putrid splendor of Shahrgül; the clamor of the bazaar retreating before the quiet roar of back alley gambling dens and clandestine orgies. Here you sit smoking from hookah pipes, and sharing seductive glances with feminine creatures that secrete psychoactive poisons within the pipes' massive water tanks. Yet the bliss is abruptly lost as a figure as beautiful as it is alien bursts forth from the smoke, calling out to you "Come to me! Come to me!"
ReplyDeleteThat two mile. Patch of forest id sick and unwholesome, and the all the surface waters are tainted, clouded with some mucous. The plants and animals are twisted and unrecognizable, and if some stories ate to be believed can speak their pain directly into your mind. If the forest walkers from the Kylm fold ate to believed, then it started nearest the Spring of the Urd last thaw, but now it is within mere yards of the supply route to Uskhold and threatening yto cut off supply lines in one direction and military aid in the other if bothing is done.
ReplyDeleteCcopy correction:
DeleteThat two mile patch of forest id sick and unwholesome, and all the surface waters are tainted, clouded with some mucous. The plants and animals are twisted and unrecognizable, and if some stories are to be believed can speak their pain directly into your mind. If the forest walkers from the Kylm fold are to believed, then it started nearest the Spring of the Urd last thaw, but now it is within mere yards of the supply route to Uskhold and threatening to cut off supply lines in one direction and military aid in the other if nothing is done.
The splintering of syringes, the cracking of blackened glass underfoot. The noisy stink of desperation and decay. That's how you knew you were in Tweaked Town.
ReplyDeleteAs you arrive at your favorite tavern, a glow seen in the distance reveals itself to be from the fire engulfing your favorite watering hole. You look on in sad fatigue from your adventures, and the long travel, when a form exits the blaze - a tall, brutish fire elemental! "[Name of Group's Mage]! I am sent to spell your doom, but I came too early to catch you abed," he booms forth as he sees your approach and begins closing the gap with long strides...
ReplyDeleteAs (random player) reaches for the idol. You hear a click, sand pours from the ceiling burying several npcs alive. As you become quickly buried upto your waists, what do you do?
ReplyDeleteYour limbs burn from the crimson ruin you have cut yourselves though lips cracked at eldritch spells you have spewed forth. But it was just enough to survive another day in the colosseum. After being sold into to slavery to these she-devils you and your companions had consigned yourselves to the fact that it was a matter of time before you died at the hands of some hellbeast or jacked up pleasure slave but now you have a choice. Killa the shadowwitch has looked favorable on your surviving band its time to rise thought the ranks of killers and tentacled horrors and use the Shadowitch to escape.
ReplyDeleteKyrinn S. Eis
ReplyDelete2 days ago
"When you all fight through the effects of whatever that was, you find yourselves together, covered in blood, with multiple dead bodies littering the room in which you stand. Each of you can see that the others are not only stained with blood, but as if each had partaken in butchering one or more of these bodies on the ground. What's more is that each of you feel something foreign in your mouth and can taste the unmistakable iron-rich savour of fresh blood."
Responding to Duke Szalbern's summons for adventurers was a foregone conclusion, and it was a pleasure to make the acquaintance of the bright-eyed yet wary Abjurer Adlebrecht earlier that evening in the common room of the inn. It made it all the more poignant when you were awakened by the scream from his room in the dark of the night and rushed to his room to see the murderer, shrouded in a forest green cloak leap from the 2nd story window without so much as a loom back. As the mage succumbed to some fast acting poison, and you rushed to the window to try to get a bead on the assailant, the hawk soared up from below the window sash with the screech as feet pound up the stairs from the rooms below.
ReplyDeleteThe crack of plasma whips and the howling of slaves can be heard all around the quarry in which you work. Mounds of gibbering, convulsing and copulating flesh that make up your daemon overseers watch over head, cackling at your misery and servitude. A young woman, her alabaster flesh scarred from the sadistic games of these profane horrors, whispers in your groups ears saying "I have a key to your shackles, prepare to run, we don't have much time."
ReplyDeleteThey sit before you now, the 12 finest warriors from the mountain clans. And with each, handpicked, their 100 fiercest brethren. They watch with bright eyes until one bows and asks 'where will you have us strike first in your WAR AGAINST THE BARDS!'
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo, where were we? Oh, now I remmember! You caused the Apocalypse!
ReplyDeleteAll the PCs are pregnant to Aegyptian heavy metal-rapping time-travellers.
ReplyDeleteYou are Sarah Conner, of the Village of the Damned, Stygia, Hyboria.
The DM will be running the adventure from EG Gygax's Necropolis book, as Ving Rhames.
Tyvm.
You are second tier professional wrestlers, taking the bus from the Megadome Arena in some Godforsaken town to tonight's Motel 6. Suddenly a brilliant light floods the bus as some huge metallic thing hovers over you, announcing that they are aliens, and they desperately need champions to fight for them in a war against cosmic evil. All they know about Earth is what they see on television and they think that you really are the larger than life characters you play in the ring.
ReplyDeleteA thousand years ago, the continent of Thare all but sank beneath the sea. Althazar, it's most notorious hero, hid a treasure there. Now, his map of Skull Island, the last remnant of Thare, has come into your possession.
ReplyDelete"Same Day Delivery Guaranteed!" your driver says through gritted teeth, the trained corporate sing-song still managing to pierce through the learned hatred of MERCURYON's new policy.
ReplyDeleteOf course, the only way in hell that was happening was literally through hell itself, and this rusty coffin is the only thing with a chance of making it through to ASYLUM-8.
"...Or you don't get paid" was the unspoken part of that saccharine promise, but it gnawed at the back of everyone's minds as assuredly as the hunger gnawed at their stomachs.
"Good God, you must understand that should you fail, the blight continues, the unravelling, the end of all things. The tomb should include his dying wishes, along with the incantations. Find them, recite them and stop this!"
ReplyDeleteA desperate and sweat-covered clergyman grabs you and yells, "Good God, you must understand that should you fail, the blight continues, the unravelling, the end of all things. The tomb should include his dying wishes, along with the incantations. Find them, recite them and stop this!"
Delete"Howdy friend. I just rode 200 miles through cactus, coyotes and Comanches and the claim map in my saddlebag will attest to this. Help pull this fuckin' arrow from my ribs and half the gold is yours." (I play a lot of Boot Hill)
ReplyDeleteWhat looks to be the bloody corpse of a man, riding the most-bedraggled horse you've seen, cheerfully exclaims, "Howdy friend. I just rode 200 miles through cactus, coyotes and Comanches and the claim map in my saddlebag will attest to this. Help pull this fuckin' arrow from my ribs and half the gold is yours."
DeleteThe latest score would have allowed your team to pay off Boss Lucre Finesse and finally get the bounty off your heads. It would take a special breed of reckless, desperate renegades to enter the quickly shrinking jump portal a brazen thief had moments before scrambled back through with your case full of uncirculated credits, without knowing what awaits at the other end.
ReplyDeleteRight on time, the sudden sound of pounding on the front door signals the arrival of Boss Lucre's collection crew and it's time to decide- which door is less deadly?
As you settle down to eat your breakfast at the tavern the door is suddenly kicked open and you see yourself enter along with all your friends with weapons drawn. You hear yourself utter "Kill the Filthy Clones" as they attack!
ReplyDeleteWith one word you signal everyone in the tavern and outside in the street to throw off their disguise and reveal themselves to be you.
Suddenly the ground beneath your feet shakes so hard it hurls you into the dirt. A fountain of rock and earth erupts just ahead of you as a truly gigantic worm rises from the crater until it towers far above you. It's enormous female human head turns towards you as a deafening beautiful femininely voice begs of you" Please I need your help to save my children"
ReplyDelete"Eleven people have disappeared down that God-cursed hole and it's only been three days since they first heard the noise in the cellar. Whatever is down there, kill it, remove it and save this village from damnation. The mayor is offering his country estate and the entire contents of the treasury, as reward."
ReplyDeleteAs you approach a town, a local constable greets you with, "Eleven people have disappeared down that God-cursed hole and it's only been three days since they first heard the noise in the cellar. Whatever is down there, kill it, remove it and save this village from damnation. The mayor is offering his country estate and the entire contents of the treasury, as reward."
DeleteOnce more we return to our previously occupied party member to find he is awakening the next morning after a long night of energetic activity still cuddled with the beautiful alien barmaid. His moment of satisfaction suddenly turns to alarm as he catches sight of the nine ambilocal cords now attaching themselves from the barmaids still shapely stomach to their strange green glowing sack pods now growing on the floor. As the barmaid turns towards him in what could only be joy she says" Oh love! They are almost ready! Just a few minutes more and our children will sing their first song of life!"
ReplyDelete"Whomever you lot are, you are now Royal Regiment #12. Your charge is to ready and defend the small hamlet, one mile to the west, against the oncoming horde. You may use whatever resources you find there to ensure the safety of it's inhabitants, as declared by the King!"
ReplyDeleteA guard with a stern manner, belts out, "Whomever you lot are, you are now Royal Regiment #12. Your charge is to ready and defend the small hamlet, one mile to the west, against the oncoming horde. You may use whatever resources you find there to ensure the safety of it's inhabitants, as declared by the King!"
Delete"They say a thousand years ago, this land was a kind of paradise, with families and happiness and green grass. The twisted horrors that we take for granted today, need not be our end. Cleanse this realm, expose it's dark corners to the light, make this a bright and shining kingdom once more."
ReplyDeleteWhat looks to be a King, in tattered robes and a bent crown, lifts teary eyes and says, "They say a thousand years ago, this land was a kind of paradise, with families and happiness and green grass. The twisted horrors that we take for granted today, need not be our end. Cleanse this realm, expose it's dark corners to the light, make this a bright and shining kingdom once more."
DeleteThe Beautiful Vampire stares at you with red piercing eyes. I will shower you with riches far more than any holy priest and in such a way that many years from now on your death bed you will still thrill at the remembrance but first you must do me this one important favor. You must defeat the Deva of the Shattered Sanctuary and bring me just one of it's many treasures, a small wooden ring carved with thorns.
ReplyDeleteThe Robot stumbles towards you with sparks and bits of metal falling in it's wake. "Error Error" It's metallic voice box intones. "EMERGENCY EVACUATION! ALL PERSONNEL NEED TO CLEAR A ONE HUNDRED MILE RADIUS! DEMONIC BREECH IMMENIENT!" it intones as it clutches it's main access port.
ReplyDelete"The Ring is a Magical Technological Wonder I assure you" said the Robotic Wizard. "It draws magical power from entire worlds of magic and should you figure out how to wield it will gain you considerable power.
ReplyDelete"However you gave it to me to identify and I'm afraid I do not deem it possible for me to part with it" his voice suddenly filled with menace.
The ancient tower flashes to life in a sickly neon blue glow illuminating the inky black sky of the wasteland. The Sage's predictions were correct. The airlock pops open with a long hiss-- the only thing on your mind is the gold you'll make from the wonders of a lost age housed inside.
ReplyDeleteAs you slide the last piece of this strange multicolored cubic puzzle together suddenly it glows incredibly bright.
ReplyDeleteAt first you can't tell what's happened. It takes you a few moments to realize every single being in the park has turned to face you with the unmistakable look of unbridled overwhelming lust casting their faces into maniacal agony.
As the hounds chased the man he could hear his doom drawing ever closer. His breath came in labored gasps as he drew close to mountains side and amulet in hand leapt out into the vast emptiness just ahead of the snapping jaws of the hounds.
ReplyDeleteFar below where the hounds bayed and circled in confusion the corpse of the man twitched with the copper amulet still in it's hand and then the mans screams echoed loudly as his flesh and bones knitted themselves back together.
You laugh and take another long pull on the joint as you and your best buddies start to play the vinyl record backwards. Suddenly everything seems to fall away around you as the strange music intensifies and blast's out it's lyrics. "This is some GREAT shit!" your buddy groans as you both fall back into the strange colored sand and look up into the cloudless purple sky.
ReplyDeleteThe fleeing villager screamed in terror as the strange pig faced brutes dragged him backwards and through him onto the gore filled battlefield.
ReplyDeleteAs the creatures held the man down and covered him in the bloody remains of their slain more villagers could be seen being drug back towards the awaiting pit.
A moment later the man screamed and thrashed in the gore until what remained was pig faced creature and not man.
"Welcome lucky contestants to Mutants in the Forbidden Zone! Your goal is to reach the metal tower, some thirty miles south of this cage door. Should you survive the chainsaw-wielding retards, the horribly deformed monstrosities and the radioactive winds, you'll win your freedom, along with fabulous cash and prizes!"
ReplyDeleteA staggeringly dim looking fat man, happily explains, "Welcome lucky contestants to Mutants in the Forbidden Zone! Your goal is to reach the metal tower, some thirty miles south of this cage door. Should you survive the chainsaw-wielding retards, the horribly deformed monstrosities and the radioactive winds, you'll win your freedom, along with fabulous cash and prizes!"
DeleteThe long dead man would have sighed if he could. Ancient magic infused him and bound him, ever to his task of guarding the Wizard King's private residence, long past the Wizard Kings existence or even that of the city or any kingdom of those ancient days.
ReplyDeleteWhat was left of the man looked out over the sand and ruins that dotted the landscape and would have sighed again if he could have, at the sudden appearance of a band of the living wandering in out of the waste.
"The Squids" as the Sequozsh are called in anti-alien immigration circles seem harmless to the people of Trenton, New Jersey where they were settled. But recently several reporters, skinheads, and xenoligists have died horribly with cracked ribs, torn esophagi, and ruptured stomachs, broken jaws,and sucker scars on their faces... as if something soft but strong germinated in their stomachs, then climbed it's way out their throat. With family missing, PI fees, or a badge to keep, it's the PCs job to find out if Trenton's resident extraterrestrials are murdering people to hide something, or if some new threat is at play...
ReplyDeleteIt's dark,cold and damp as you enter the house ,it's marble floor is frost covered and your breath lingers upon the air as a cload. You feel the house seek your warmth, as it's shadows claw toward you. There is a
ReplyDeletedark mahogany do
door before you it stand ajar with rays of yellow light of warm projecting out to like the hope of dawn..
France, October 1793, it is the height of the reign of terror, all of the world looks on in horror as the Ancien Regime is toppled and life as you know it is thrown into chaos. Yet that seems so very far way right now, as you enjoy a nice supper at a rural tavern in the south of France. Though your meal is interrupted when a headless figure stumbles through the door and a hoard of leather clad amazons wielding razor bladed whips storm in, annihilating everyone in sight.
ReplyDeleteThe gold coin was dropped into the wizards pouch and mixed into the pile of other coins already within. No one noticed when some of the other coins were seemingly absorbed into the gold coin and then slowly split out again as exact copies of the coin.
ReplyDeleteThat night, many hours later none of the wizards fellow party members noticed when the wizard seemed to shudder in his sleep with only a whisper escaping his lips as the coins bored deep into his body.
The ocean seemed to boil and froth as it devoured your ship. As you reawaken, you find yourself in the warm, humid insides of a foul sea monster. The only way to get out alive is up.
ReplyDelete"Release him!" The cacophonous din of Hell falls silent at this command. As you are freed, a figure in a black robe explains that there was a mix up, and that you are getting a second chance at life. The catch: hunt down the insane sorcerer with a dagger-shaped scar who cheated death.
ReplyDeleteFind the mutant queens eggs that writhe in seas of blood.
ReplyDeleteSlay the Living putrid undead pirates
smoke their entrails for more revelations.
You've been hired to find the daughter of the richest crime lord in this star sector. As you land your beater ship in the main port of pleasure world where she was last seen, you notice something out of the corner of your eye--Men-in-Black throwing a wriggling sack into the back of black van.
ReplyDeleteHELP WANTED: Looking for people to help me hunt for skinwalkers. Need strong, healthy, individuals willing to do anything (bring your own equipment). Everyone involved will receive great financial compensation.
ReplyDeleteThe man looked down at the small child covered in blood and ash trying to hide in the debris. He almost kept running, the child would slow him down and after all what was one more child in a entire city full of people but the look on the young girls face reminded him of his own Marita. Picking her up with one arm and continuing to run for the outskirts of the city and the wilds beyond while trying to evade any signs of the strange invaders, didn't notice the strange knife clutched behind her back nor the red gleam in her eye.
ReplyDeleteUnidentified aircraft loom overhead, blotting out the midday sun. As the aliens descent you notice something odd. These aren't your usual Greys or Martians, no sir, these are meth head sasquatches from Saturn!
ReplyDeleteAs the last of the dead meth head sasquatches of Saturn fell, the Yeti Sorcerer Lords of Uranus began to devour their corpses.
ReplyDeleteUnseen but ever watching, the hidden Platypus Ninja
Guild of Venus took notes.
lol
DeleteLooking good, guys! Can we get to 111?
ReplyDeleteA wizened sage approaches and whispers the following, "50 years ago, the King was betrayed by his wife. All that you see around you, is the result of that, the collapse, the decline, the rot. Find this Bitch Queen and kill her, free this kingdom from it's torment."
ReplyDeleteYou are stopped by what appears to be a merchant, who sternly insists, "All of the misery, death and woe that you see about you, is the result of some chaotic subversive machination. You already know who is behind this, how they accompished it and who they purchased to achieve it. Kill them all and set the world free!"
ReplyDeleteWhat appears to be a naked man approaches and before vanishing immediately, says this, "I am a traveller from a different age and I have but this moment, to warn you of the end of this world. There is a pregnant harridan in the satrapy to the east, with a strange birthmark upon her face, like that of an ankh. The cursed child within her shall undo existence itself, so she must die by your hands before birthing him"
ReplyDeleteYou are struck by the unmistakable stench of a leper, as he shambles towards you and gurgles the following, "I was once a magnificent Lord with lands and riches beyond compare and now I have but one golden coin and one hand with which to hold it. I was set upon by bandits and lost the other hand, somewhere along this path, in this grove of trees. That I might reach the afterlife as a whole man, will you find this mangled lump for me, in exchange for the very last of my great fortune?"
ReplyDeleteYou are awakened by the taste of blood and the smell of fresh meat, to find yourself under roughly a dozen butchered human bodies and caked with their gore. After you extract yourself from the pile, you quickly realize that all of your possessions are missing. You look up, just in time to see a large mass of well-armed soldiers running at you and screaming, "There he is, kill the monster!"
ReplyDeleteAll is hazy and slowly the realization crystallizes in your mind that you did not survive that last fight, yet you awaken in this comfortable bed and this is not your healthy body,but that of an elderly and decrepit man with a long beard. As your eyes open and you look about, you see a lavish but unfamiliar room filled with books, strange objects, memories, but not your memories. Movement draws your attention to the floor beside you and there, in golden chains, is a young and cowering slavegirl, who says meekly, "Your armies have arrived at the tower, my lord."
ReplyDeleteThe sun reigns high above the nile; you are resting in the sade, away from your hard labour in the shadow of the Pharoah's palace. When the sudden smell of cheese and onion wafts into your nose, you then hear a shrieking voice yell "I'M CHEEZED TO MEET YOU, BITCH!" At that a large cheese and onion sandwich rides by on his chariot, hurling javelins at you as his Texas barbecued pulled pork driver cackles.
ReplyDeleteFinal day of the contest! Happy Birthday, Lovecraft!!!
ReplyDeleteThe Kuo-Toan Priestking Notku'Toku motions for your chains to be removed as his translator speaks "you will be escorted to the Isle of The Awoke and must then go within".
ReplyDelete"If you speak the incantation, All are They and Them, No Lives but those for They".
"You will be allowed to pass and descend to within their temple and find the Scrolls of Madison and retrieve them from where they lie defaced and under degradation."
You rush home to pop in your brand new copy of Gorefest 2: The Gibbening. You rush to get your snacks and drinks while the game loads, and as you return to your room, a bright magenta light flashes and a portal begins to suck out everything in the room (including you). You've been transported to Goreterra, with only a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew, Family Size of Doritos, and the clothes on your back, good luck.
ReplyDeleteTime seems to stop with a purple shock wave that pulses through existence. The merchants and peasants freeze in place during the mid-day hustle until the purple wave passes for time to resume. Everyone turns in your collective direction almost if to stare, but they have no faces.
ReplyDeleteThe gnoll reivers are gone leaving nothing behind them but death and ashes. The few survivors of the attack crave revenge and they have tasked you to find their lair and retaliate. Should you prevail, the Baron has promised that your reward shall be the title to the land where the town once stood, and as the darkness gives way to morning you see clear tracks leading eastward into the hills.
ReplyDeleteA massive submarine plummets out of the sky caving in the roof of the Temple of Shammut.
ReplyDeleteYou know it's a submarine because the smart assed gnome, Regbaldt Runtstedder who runs the town watch coughed, spat, and said " Dear Shammut Keeper of Noble Graves, that's...a submarine" in his grating Semandi accent, and he know about stuff like that.
" Well," he snarls," you dundering bigjobs signed up for the rotating volunteer fire rescue delegation in the priest's quarter this week, so if you want your fee you'd better get in there and see if anyone needs help!"
As Asmodeus disintegrates into a jiggling fizzing slurry of fulminating rot, the pressure of his mental presence abruptly and painfully dissipates!
ReplyDeleteThe cosmos rends apart like a tapestry assailed by the winds of a mighty tempest as every lie is torn from every throbbing mind and the true nature of reality rushes in pummeling the senses into confusion for every eye facing the hidden aspect of the world has snapped open, ending 3 millennia of deception!
Bereft of illusion the world looks very different, owing to the spectacle of too many suns, listing in the wrong places of an unfamiliar sky, and all of them ALL OF THEM, are the wrong color!
You look at each other and nod.
ReplyDeleteThere is a sign here that reads " Beware of the Grue" but you draw your katanas taking solace in your memories of the death ceremony that made you all true Samurai warriors who can laugh in the face of certain death, regretting nothing but dishonor, as the ruin of the white house and the mail box burn behind you.
You gun the engines of your Harley's and check the charges on your plasma lock pistols and you chuckle to one another knowing full well, that today you are most certainly NOT likely to be eaten by a Grue.
With the contest over and the still living contestants now wandering away to either claim their prizes or to cheer the winners on in the local pubs, one lone meth head sasquatch of Saturn rolls over from where he had lay in the gutter forgotten. Shacking it's head it looks about before shrugging it's shoulders and digging within a pouch and removing it's meth tools.
ReplyDeleteAs the creature partakes of it's drugs and slowly wanders away the hidden Platypus Ninja Guilders of Venus continued to follow, still taking notes.
The reader of the blog contest stops as his eyes fall on one of the last entries. There is a entry here that is amazing and deserving of one of those marvelous hardback books of Cha'alt! The author of entry says he will use it to run a World of the Last Sun/Cha'alt Campaign and praise Venger's magnificent creation loudly and often within RPGPundits hearing and sight.
ReplyDeleteJack Grimoire, the lead singer of the heavy metal band DEATHCULT grasped his now strangely altered Axe in his hand.
ReplyDeleteThe dark and deep voice in his mind continued "Wield me in Battle Jack and you and I will make such metal music that this world nor any other has ever heard it's like!"
Jack swung his arm with the axe in hand and a Deep Loud series of notes cascaded out and he began to run towards the village as the Song of Blood and Fire erupted forth.
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ReplyDeleteMa'ad Mart'tigan explains your mission is to steal one of the Great Books of Cha'alt from the Fortress of the evil Pa'aypal."I know what your thinking, why not just pay for it instead of going to all this trouble in hiring you lot to scale it's walls and brave it's dangers?".
ReplyDelete"Because I swore an oath to never deal with those villain's again after they stole from me all those years ago, now get going, you have a lot of bloody miles to go before you gain your reward!".
" Guess What?"says the troll.
ReplyDelete"What?" You whisper, as you nonchalantly flick the on switch of your burning touch gauntlets of double-ogre strength.
The troll smirks, and his answer languidly slides out of his snaggle toothed maw like wet dog food from a tin can, "Chiiiiiiiiic-ken Buuuuuuuutt."
"Get THEE Behind me Satan" Hurls the Priest at the Demon.
ReplyDelete"Sorry already occupied" Says Satan from his long standing position behind the Priest.
The Demon sigh's unhappily "well that's done taken the thrill out of it for me, that has".
The snake told you to haul the ghoul princess out of the old pyramid so the big Wizard would repossess her ruling rune, and you said no.
ReplyDeleteThe snake swallowed your Jeep and he won't cough it back up until you have a rune squatting deadbeat ghoul princess to motivate him.
So...off to the pyramid then.
All of you have been crucified nude upon the great tree of woe to die in agony, except for Oscar who was too fat fix to the tree, so he has been tied up and left in a piano crate.
ReplyDeleteIt is a simple if brutal matter to slowly work your hands over the nail heads and then take down the others, but a bit more difficult to de-crate poor Oscar given the holes in all your hands and the lack of any proper tools.
Now you stand free, wounded, and defiant at the edge of the cursed oasis and life has become simple for you because you all only require three things: some time to heal and rest, bloody violent revenge, and some pants.
This is the 111th comment. Sweet! I'm just going through them now because full Dad-mode was on overdrive over the last few days due to sick kids, preparing for this school year, and just life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your patience! I should have a video and contest results for you by tomorrow night. ;)
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