"Are You Not Entertained" - Cha'alt Campaign 3.1

 

Getting Acquainted

We're finally back with the season three opener!

Seems like a weird fever dream that the antibiotics took care of, making us well again, but they eventually ran out and now we've returned to a universe of alien strangeness, crude sexual humor, and the desire to fuck shit up - the skinematic Vengerverse lives!

I was happy to see all the regulars again.  5 or 6 really is the best number of players.  Since character creation in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer is so quick, everyone started talking about what they wanted to play and made their PC right at the table before we got started. 

We have the warrior Ha'Ork or Hork; the sorcerer / bard (electric guitar is the focus of his magic) named Billy Bandersnatch, a blue-suede elf; a v'smm priest named Thurberus; a droid priest named Botsterdomus; and Tinker McStabby a pixie-fairy thief.

Giving them the lay of the land, I told them that they knew their own names and bits of pieces of their former lives, but nothing concrete; everything was hazy.  Something was preventing them from remembering.  Additionally, they had a limiter (got that from Blake's 7 - my review of the first season coming soon), but the players started calling it an inhibitor, which I actually like better.  So, they each had an inhibitor surgically implanted upon their temple.  When performing certain actions, it would give them a searing brain scorch for about 30 seconds.

I had them roll a d100 to see how many days they'd been there (the longer they were, the greater chance for a mutation), and also a d12 for distinctive markings.  

Hork had been there 18 and he could create a dazzling light as many times per day as his level) along with tribal scarification, Bandersnatch only 1 (with numbers and letters laser-grafted onto his forearm, a tag to let the penal colony on Cygnus Beta know who he was), Thurberus 2 (subdermal import jacks), Botserdomus 63 (an organic upper-right section of his torso was flesh rather than machine, making him something of a cyborg rather than full droid, along with a large purple bruise on his shoulder - can't recall his mutation as my note-taking got rusty, apparently), and McStabby 44 (all hair removed with the mutant ability to regenerate quickly)

Alright, so I divided the group up into existing factions wherever they've ended up.  

Divide and Conquer 

Billy Bandersnatch and Thurberus both assimilated quickly into the Jurtwee faction (heretofore known by the PCs as Jerk-Weed).  These guys were anti-technology.  A dozen humanoids congregated into a large mud hut, a cinnamon scented incense lit with several large grubs or centipedes giving off a bio-luminescence.  Everyone hung their head low in solemn prayer - "Machines are evil - death to Magrose - technology is the ultimate corruptor!"

Minutes later, another from their tribe brought in a drowsy (possibly drugged) humanoid with a prosthetic cyber arm.  "What's happening?" the stranger said as the tribe's leader instructed the newest members of their tribe, Thurberus and Bandersnatch, to use sharpened rocks and take the blasphemer's lifeforce, thereby solidifying the bond between the Jurtwee and their god.

Thurberus took the rock and immediately tried to dislocate the cyber arm from the man's shoulder.  Bandersnatch stood there wondering how he could get out of there without doing harm to this guy or bringing the wrath of these cultists down on him.  After a few rolls, the cyber arm guy fired a small missile from his arm directly at Thurberus' chest, nearly killing him.  As cyber arm dude escaped out of the mud hut, Bandersnatch jumped on his back acting like he was attacking him with his sharp rock.  

Seeing them make some distance from the Jurtwee, the v'smm priest ran after them.  Once they got clear, they let the cyber arm sacrifice go and began to explore.

The other 3 PCs were part of the Zevateef tribe, even more primitive wearing animal skins, and most of them were mutants, having been here long enough to acquire one or more mutations.  The tribe gathered in a ruined temple.  Each held a cylinder with exterior holes, allowing one to see the bright green radioactive whatever inside.  For a moment, Botserdomus had a memory flash - this was a plasma reactor core.  

Each held the "holy vessel" above their mouth and recited the sacred words, "This holy vessel is the fruit of our race."  As it was passed, the guy before Hork got a drop in his mouth and started convulsing and turning green.  Hork did the same and nothing happened.  Same with Botsterdomus.  But when it came to Tinker McStabby, he got a whole big glob of green goo all over him, and rolled a 1 on his saving throw.  

Now, this being the first session, I decreed (as it was in the previous season of the Cha'alt campaign) that any natural 1 would be special in some way, perhaps the equivalent of a critical-success.  McStabby survived and gained the mutant ability of intuition.  

After the ceremony, the PCs were instructed to follow Raheed into the grasslands to search for a second holy vessel that would be found beneath the black panel of colorful stars.  Apparently, the Zevateef tribe wanted another plasma reactor core.  So, they left.

Together Again

Soon enough, all the PCs were in the same general area, a black panel next to a massive wall that spanned 2 or 3 miles decorated with red bars that were the same as the red bracelets that everyone here wore.  Next to the black panel was a set of stairs going up.  20-feet up was another level.  The "sky" dark but lit by several small suns or large stars and the temperature was always 72 degrees.

A guardian lurked the stairway, stopping people from climbing it.  However, occasionally the stairs were clear, allowing folks to scavenge for food or supplies.  Here on this level, food was dispensed from nozzles in the wall - a porridge type substance, not unlike shredded wheat.   

Raheed had a dagger and the 2 PCs belonging to the other tribe tricked him into believing there was a "super inhibitor" they could outfit him with, if they killed the guardian.  Raheed got halfway up the stairs when a giant manta-ray scorpion floated down, eventually stinging Raheed to death.  The other PCs wanted nothing more to do with the guardian and instead focused their attention on the black panel.

The sequence of colorful stars or buttons was supposedly implanted in Hork's mind.  So, he started pushing buttons... red, chartreuse, lavender, and indigo-blue.  Instead of a plasma reactor core, a small panel opened to reveal a special big button that eventually someone else pushed.  It created a hologram of a member of the Great Race of Yith that spoke in a foreign language, "Seeklu bla'ath blee zai-kone yavlo."  

Therberus used his racial telepathic powers to translate the repeated holographic message and eventually got the following... "The ultra-telluric glyph is the most precious super-science technology on the Venturan - you must save it!"

Not knowing what to do with that information, they filed it away and kept pressing buttons.  A viewer popped out of the black panel.  Putting their eyes up against it, they saw several people entering a dimly lit rusty metal room as a purple light descended upon them.  Within seconds, everyone in that metal room was dead.

Soon, they got a proximity alert that another ship was approaching and preparing to dock.  A ship that would transfer its prisoners to the Venturan.  Attempting to push more buttons in the hopes of contacting the ship or trying to interact with it in some other way, a couple security droids came by and forced the PCs to move along.  

Botsterdomus tried to smack one of the droids and for his trouble got blasted nearly to death.  Oh yeah, Therberus' healing powers were accompanied by that searing pain for 30 seconds, but he was still able to heal himself from earlier and now the droid priest.

Wandering what soon became clear as their artificial environment inside a prison ship, they found a woman with pale skin and pink mohawk wearing a black silk outfit named Sass.  She was struggling to insert a data cartridge into a rectangular gray box but it wouldn't fit.  It was technology she found just outside the punishment dome.  She'd just arrived onto the Venturan but also wasn't sure of her memories.  But she knew that the sign of voorax could occasionally save people from phenomena similar to the descending purple illumination.

She came with them as the party then encountered a man-sized crab-mollusk creature with leopard spots.  He confirmed that they were, indeed, aboard a prison ship.  He was once a man, but stopped eating the provided food that contained memory erasing drugs.  Instead, he ate the weird plants around here and that accelerated his mutations.  This crab dude also had the power to explode peoples' heads, and said he'd help the PCs overcome the stair guardian.

They promised to come back for the crab after checking out the punishment dome.  As the adventuring party reached the dome, they heard something on a loudspeaker about the prisoner transfer and security droids should report to red sector-B.  The PCs could hear the security droids coming because they were a short distance away from red sector-B.

A door opened that led to one of those floaty corridors between ships and there were port-holes confirming that they were traveling through space.  

The PCs had a decision to make, and time was running out as 5 new humanoid prisoners were escorted through the corridor and onto the Venturan.  They decided to make a break for it and run into the corridor and to the other ship as Sass distracted the security droids by asking about the two incompatible mechanical parts.

Only the last 2 were spotted by the security droids and got fired upon.  Luckily, they missed and Sass ran behind them.  Once across and aboard the other ship, Hork pressed buttons to close the door and send the floating corridor adrift.  Meanwhile, McStabby used his intuition to find the bridge.  A blue-skinned guy holding a big laser rifle stopped them, questioning who these people were, assuming they were stowaways.  

They did their best to convince the blue guy that they were part of the new crew just arrived to help man the ship.  The PCs were told to wait in the lounge as blue guy went to confirm their story with the captain.  As he turned his back, McStabby attempted to backstab but failed and played it off like he was trying to pat him on the back or something.

The PCs explored the ship, finding a restroom complete with 3 seashells, a nearly empty crew quarters that had decent clothes and a laser pistol (Tinker also found a living green leprechaun hat with pink fringe and tentacles that attached to his skull like a symbiote and somehow ate / pooped-out his inhibitor).  They saw a vulcan talking to a wookie in the hallway, then wandered into the lounge where a humanoid raccoon was trying to play 17-dimensional chess solitaire.  Happy to have some company, the racoon named Jay-vax welcomed them aboard and got Hork some "crisps" from the lounge vending machine - first making sure that he didn't want a pair of used panties, instead.

Jay-vax was the engineer and tech-guy of the ship, so he tried to pop those inhibitors off their craniums.  He didn't have the right tool (I rolled a 2 on the skill-check), and couldn't get them off.  Jay-vax played 17-dimensional chess with Therberus, winning because he rolled a 1 as they were playing "Albuquerque rules" (it wasn't Albuquerque, but I can't remember the fictional city Therberus claimed to be from).  

At some point, Therberus picked up a puzzle piece from a nearly completed puzzle on some random table, and the party visited the bridge so they could talk to the captain and get it over with - surrender themselves, keep up the ruse, take over the ship, or something else.

Turns out that captain Neevo was extremely accommodating.  He let the PCs pick their own specialty and join his crew upon the S.S. Motherfucker.  Neevo informed them that they'd reach the next destination, a fairly dangerous and somewhat civilized desert planet named Cha'alt in about 5 or 6 standard hours and they'd get a chance to leave the ship and stretch their legs for a couple days before heading out.

That's where we left things.  Although, the PCs talked about future plans, like starting their own cult and livestreaming their adventures.  On Cha'alt, "like and subscribe" has been replaced by "insert the tentacle."  Good times!

Aftermath

The following are some phrases of note.  There should have been a few more, but like I said, my GM note-taking has taken a dive since we last gamed.  Next time, I'll record more of the good stuff!

• "Some people can't handle their green shit."
• "Banana-shaped shank."
• "Toilet paper turban."
• "Scumdogs in Paradise." 

Because of the inhibitor, the PCs didn't get to use much of their class abilities.  They'll have ample opportunity (most likely) next session.  But to recap, here are the roleplaying incentives we'll be playtesting for this campaign.  I've shortened them for ease of use...

• Thieves can earn luck by stealing shit.
• Sorcerers can earn arcana by gaining a better understanding of mystical / magical shit.
• Priests can earn religious renown for bolstering their religion / cult (of personality) and working miracles and shit.
• Warriors can earn epic deeds by being a master of warfare and shit.

Overall, I was pleased with the session.  The groundwork has been lain, and I have an idea of what will likely happen next session.  And yet, it's so open-ended that the possibilities are nearly infinite.  The players mentioned, after the game, they were sure a lot more of the punishment dome was waiting to be explored.  Plus, they liked the crab-mollusk with leopard spots and wanted to hang with him again.

I told them in reply that, yes, there was more exploration to be had.  Cheer up, I said.  You haven't seen the last of the Venturan, I'd wager! 

As their memories slowly return, I'll throw in some recollections.  Perhaps like the Lost flashbacks.  For next session, I'll award a point of Divine Favor for every PC who comes up with a memory, something from their past they can roleplay.  If no one prepares anything, they can either spontaneously come up with something, or I'll simply come up with a memory, myself... perhaps a random table?

Ok, that's it for now.  If you have questions or comments, leave them below.  Next session is in 2 weeks - Saturday, January 25th.  Until then, hoss!

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  here's how!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July.  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!

Cha'alt: Season Three [roleplaying incentives]

 

I should just make a part 2 of this blog post, but instead will update it.  Thinking about the sorcerer, in particular, I felt like gaining Divine Favor was simply too... pedestrian a reward.  So, I've changed it.

Shit... I just realized that now the warrior class feels shortchanged.  Damn it.  Ok, I'll revise that, too.  I want this page to be something we can all refer back to, so it's just going to become an ever-evolving mutant horrorshow.  

Cha'alt season three begins a week from this Saturday, one-eleven.  Can't fucking wait!

Same campaign, but different characters and story arcs.  Every year, I'm going to try to hit 20 sessions per "season," which means the PCs cap-out at about level 10.  That way the greater Cha'alt campaign keeps going, but still (hopefully) remains fresh and exciting for those interested in playing.  

I was scrolling through X last night and stumbled upon a post by my good friend, gamer extraordinaire, and VENGER CON alumni... Lord Matteus.

He was asking for GMs to reveal a roleplaying incentive from their own game.  For example, he gives extra XP to paladins for purging every living thing found in a goblin warren, gnoll pack, orc camp, etc., doubling it if they shot "Deus Vult!" while doing so.

Feeling inspired, I set myself a challenge to come up with four brand-new roleplaying incentives, one for each class in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.  I posted them last night and will set them before you here for examination.  

Remember, these are roleplaying incentives that exist as incentives to award roleplaying!  Qualification can be determined by the table majority; however, as with all things, subject to the GM's inviolable will and ultimate authority...

• Warriors get an Epic Deed point when they announce a particular fighting strategy, novel combat maneuver, or Leeroy Jenkins their way into battle.
• Sorcerers get a point of Arcana each time they take a break from adventuring in order to consult their zoth-writ parchments of forbidden lore, dark prophecies, and ancient parables.  They may even consult with their sorcerous peers or travel to strange places in order to bolster their understanding of esoteric subjects.
• Thieves receive a point of luck every time they successfully burgle something of value.
• Priests earn a point of (religious) renown every time they gain a new follower, but would also lose that point if the follower was lost... unless he died a martyr.

Sleaze Points: A new metacurrency I created towards the end of the second season of our Cha'alt campaign.  Basically, every point accumulated can be spent to boost or add onto another roll (doesn't affect critical failures, though).  

Sidenote:  I'm going to reserve the "jerk the milky white dice upon the centerfold" sublimation for when the PCs get their math-rocks off over something different, something special.  Not just the usual roll in the hay, which will be rewarded with the standard sleaze-factor-5 bonus.

Luck: Just like sleaze points, except they have nothing to do with sleaze.  Can other classes earn luck points?  If so, for what?  That remains to be seen.

Renown: The renown points metacurrency can be spent, narratively, to temporarily bolster renown; momentarily - or at least to whoever that PC is currently addressing - (re)casting the individual PC, including but not necessarily entailing his reputation, calling/vocation, racial differences, religion, god, noble house, family crest, cause de jour, etc. in a more favorable - or at the very least, formidable - light.  

Renown isn't necessarily concerned with fame or infamy, individuals in the presence of greatness can decide that sort of thing for themselves.  Renown, in this instance, is more a measure of having an impact on the world.  Aside from priests making converts (new souls for the faith), adventurers can earn points of renown by making waves, putting themselves out a bit, and changing the course of their destiny and that of Cha'alt.

Arcana:  Allows sorcerers to do what most magic-users aren't able to do... most of the time.  They can alter their own spells, that of their opponents, or even forge new one's, create dimensions and domains, and alter the very fabric of reality.

Epic Deed:  Warriors can spend an epic deed point to do something in the realm of combat which would normally be impossible - a feat of strength and agility and battle prowess which makes them a paragon of war.

Ok, I'm hoping this gives players something to contemplate as they decide what kind of character they want to create before the first session starts... or maybe we'll start playing and let character creation be part of the introductory scenario?  Time will tell, hoss...

What else?  PCs will start off at level 1 and will go up a level every other session, just like the previous seasons.  Special abilities found in Cha'alt Ascended [now found in the Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer rulebook (PDF and print-on-demand softcover available on Amazon) will be granted at levels 3 and 7.  Upon reaching level 4, PCs will be expected to "prestige class" into some unique and idiosyncratic version of their base class, granting them a specialty within that particular sphere.

Happy New Year!

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  here's how!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July.  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!

Like Clockwork

 

My kids go through different phases of movie watching.  Sometimes, they're pretty easy going and flexible, able to sit down with something that I've picked-out for them without a problem.  Other times, like last night, they're motherfucking intractable and I have to suggest half-a-dozen movies before I hit upon something they'll willingly accept.  

That's why we watched Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery last night (again).  It's a good movie, I laughed... whatever.  Towards the end, Austin Powers mentioned the "Fembots" by name when he probably shouldn't have known what the bad guys were calling them.  

My 2nd eldest daughter caught that and remarked on it.  I said, yeah, that's true... but what about the part of the movie or story that we can't see?  Not like "behind the scenes" as in documentary footage about how the movie was made, but everything that happens with the characters, plot, etc. not shown - because on some level, there must be stuff going on that we're not privy to, that occurs when the camara isn't on them.  It goes on in the background.  We don't know everything, just the highlights, but it still exists somewhere, the story playing out, away from our perception.

And then I told her, "That is the essence of D&D."  When I asked if that made sense to her, she looked at me and said "What?  Oh, I wasn't listening."  And so it goes... I simply left it at that because, after all, we were watching a movie.  No one had paid good money to hear me lecture about roleplaying games.  But since you're here reading this blog post, let's dive-in a bit before toweling off.

The kind of immersion that makes you feel like you're really there, experiencing events first-hand, is only part of the whole, but probably the most obvious.  Another part is the sense that the world and story are happening whether the players and their characters are paying attention to it or not.  You know how babies learn about "object permanence"?  It's a little game called peek-a-boo.  You hide your face behind your hands and the baby learns that just because it can't see you, that doesn't necessarily mean you aren't still there.

Well, same goes for the entire campaign setting.  Make the characters and their players believe that it exists outside of their perception and interaction.  Even if they didn't exist, the world would be there and things would be going on, involving various people, creatures, magic, the Gods, and forces of nature.

Not only does this help mitigate continuity errors, it's what gives RPGs their power.

Rather than having me rattle off a list of hypothetical examples, I want to hear from you.  Ok, ok... just one.  The next time a PC wants something from an NPC, say something like "You approach Karl huddled close to the other hirelings.  Seeing you, Karl breaks off from his conversation with his peers to ask if there's anything you need."  

It's obvious that the NPCs were talking amongst themselves, some communication excluding the PCs.  Perhaps not by design, but regardless, the player (even if his character doesn't mention it) will be wondering in the back of his mind what the Devil the NPCs were conversing about - he might wish he was more engaged or be curious about what he'd missed out on or worried that the NPCs are plotting against him.  If he asks in-game, have Karl say "Oh, it was nothing."  When really, you know they were arguing about the color orange (which came first, the color's name or the fruit?).

Now, it's your turn!  Comment below with something you've used to make the campaign world "real," continuing to run like a wound-up watch, even when no one is looking.

Hope everyone had a magnificent Xma'as (feel free to tell me about it below)!  Before the new year, I'll blog about my having watched the first season of Stargate SG-1.

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  here's how!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July.  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!

Primordial Chaos

 

I think there's lots of good stuff for everyone in this book.  You get a better idea of what gonzo is, what it can be, and the future of that niche.  It comes with a lengthy adventure, plenty of random tables, and gameable tips, tricks, and techniques to get more gonzo out of your gaming.

You can download the PDF here.  For the softcover print-on-demand book, that you can find on Amazon.  If the title doesn't do the trick search for Venger Satanis and/or Kort'thalis Publishing.

Now, that KS backers have their copies, I want to make this title public.  Hopefully, the feedback is positive.  The artwork, which is all from actual human artists, cost a pretty penny, but I'm glad that's where the majority of the budget went.

Speaking of budgets, with the ordering of softcover print-on-demand books to send out, I'm over the limit on money in versus money out.  But hey, this is a labor of love... and perhaps Primordial Chaos: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss will pay for itself in post-Kickstarter sales?

The lesson is that gonzo is everywhere, all around us.  Maybe not in the direct, in-your-face, floating-shark-down-orange-hallways gonzo, but this world is all kinds of fucked-up.  Use it.

Thanks for your continued support and Merry Christma'as, hoss!

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  here's how!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July.  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!

The Slow Blade Penetrates The Culture

 

Like the new map?  I made it with my own tentacles!  ;)

I was on a FB group devoted to David Hargrave and Arduin, posting something about my latest book, Primordial Chaos: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss (now that KS backers have theirs, I'll be releasing it to the general public tomorrow morning), when I find myself embroiled in a discussion.

A dude commented on my post, letting me know that I'm no Dave Hargrave, and Arduin "wasn't as gonzo as you think."  When I mentioned that things change over time, he said that I'm nowhere near as good as Hargrave.  

All props and praise due to those who came before... Gygax, Arneson, Hargrave, and so on.  This isn't about who's better or worse.  It's about how culture moves through the decades.  While there are certain factors that balance and mitigate, restrain and conserve what was, an even greater force constantly pushes things forward, making them faster, stronger, easier, more efficient, longer lasting and tastier.  Yes... 3 steps forward, 1 step back.  Regression and going in the wrong direction are built into "progress."  In other words, it's not always a good thing.  Nevertheless, we can't stop moving forward in time.

When gonzo was new and fresh, a little went farther than it does now.  Sure, the odd laser-shark floating down an orange stairway can give 2024 players a minor shock, but chances are we've been there, done that, seen it all before.  If you want the same kind of reaction today that you'd get in the late 70s, you have to up the ante.  

Sticking with that poker metaphor, if you always play Texas Hold'em at the $1 / $2 tables, say after 20 years, it can still be quite challenging and fun.  But that same rush you got at the beginning won't return until you move up in stakes to $2 / $5 or perhaps even $5 / $10 (my next personal poker goal) and beyond.  Additionally, common sense strategy, not to mention optimal game theory, back in 2009 looks a whole lot different than 2024.  That's because the game changes.  Not like another edition, because chess and Texas Hold'em aren't changing the actual game, but the way people play changes over time.

My stuff, especially my Cha'alt stuff, might be "ahead of its time" or simply yet another "wrong direction" because it sticks out like a sore thumb and isn't all that popular.  But even if Cha'alt is just garbage to certain people, it represents movement, conscious movement or evolution towards something - the next stage of gonzo, perhaps...  

One of the things that resonated in me regarding the OSR was the renaissance.  Taking what was and remaking it.  I know the term "modern sensibilities" is so beyond cringe that I didn't even want to bring it up.  Let's just say it's getting slapped with a new coat of paint.  

[Same map; laminated... will be using this at VENGER CON in July]

Gonzo was amazing in the 70s and 80s, and probably through the 90s, but gonzo in 2024 is different, by necessity.  Same fundamentals, but updated understanding and execution.  For gonzo to survive, it can't stay the same - just like you can't put your hand into the same river twice.

Let me put it this way because I don't want folks to get the wrong idea.  I love The Twilight Zone.  Always have, always will.  If I was creating my own show in the same vein, with the same vibe, I wouldn't just slavishly copy what The Twilight Zone did in the late 50s.  I'd take that awesomeness and go even harder so that same feeling the audience had back then, they'd have today.

Ok, I'm excited to show you Primordial Chaos: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss tomorrow morning.  The artwork, the advice, the random tables, the Cha'alt adventure at the back is one of my best, and will bring your table multiple sessions of eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, and grindhouse exploitation enjoyment.

Thanks,

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  here's how!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July.  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!

Stargate: The Remake

 

Is the 1994 Stargate movie about to be remade by Hollywood?  Probably not, but if they do... this is how you go about fixing it.

Stargate is NOT a perfect movie.  The premise is awesome, while the execution is extremely mid.  Starting with the script and whoever was the head producer or director, Stargate could have been a huge movie franchise, instead of a launch pad for several TV series.

Would Hollywood fuck Stargate over with their remake?  Yeah, probably, but even wokeness must eventually die.  And if they do a remake, hopefully, it comes to fruition after they felt the need to replace Kurt Russell with a black lesbian in a wheelchair.  

Ok, let's get on with this - here's my top 10 ways to fix Stargate (BTW, there will be spoilers.  If you haven't seen it yet, sorry, but it came out 30 years ago).  Also these concepts can be applied to your RPG campaigns, as well...

1) Why is no one astonished, awestruck, or flabbergasted in the least at the idea of a high-tech portal to other worlds?  I get why the top brass military dudes' reaction is understated.  They've known for a couple years at this point, but there has to be some guy (a stand-in for certain members of the audience) who are shitting their pants at the notion that a stargate actually exists!  I know James Spader has a fairly good "surprise face," but it's just not enough.

2) Instead of the old broad, please for the love of God, swap-in a young, hot woman who the protagonist continually flirts with only to be shot down again and again.  She calls him "geek," etc.  And, we find out, he gets this reaction a lot.  This makes him staying at the end of the movie, not only more believable but more satisfying.  Plus, not having to look at my grandmother for the first third of the film... thumbs up!

3) Why exactly does Kurt Russell's kid have to be dead for the story to move forward?  Aside from one small part later in the movie where he swipes the gun away from a native youth, this doesn't serve the movie at all.  If his kid was still alive, he'd have a reason to go back.  There would be - wait for it - drama and conflict!  You know, the stuff that good stories are made of.  Plus, it's 1 part downer and 1 part obviously liberal propaganda that "guns are bad, m'kay."

4) Either lose or significantly alter the zippo lighter scene.  It goes on way too long for how little it adds to the movie.

5) After a few seconds, the audience suddenly begins to hear English from the natives.  They're still speaking a foreign or alien language, but it's now intelligible to the audience.  This moviemaking fix became a thing in the 00s, I believe, probably because enough directors watched Stargate and realized how stupid it is for American audiences to wade through paragraphs of nonsensical bullshit and have to read a whole bunch of subtitles or be clueless as to what's being said.

6) Make the world more alien.  Here's a few suggestions... fuchsia sky, twin suns, seven moons, sandworms, humanoids a different color, some of them bananas, etc.

7) Make those metallic Egyptian headpieces more like actual masks than metal artificial faces above their real head.

8) All those half-naked boys and young men with weirdly and strategically shaved heads - what is this, gay pedo planet?  Make them 18+ girls with at least one harem scene and you've just doubled your opening weekend, bro!  The main villain is giving off non-binary / trans vibes circa 2022, but I'm actually cool with that because it's mildly disturbing, just like it always should be when someone jams a square peg into a round hole in order to become something they're clearly not. 

9) Make the native girl more attractive.  Her face and body are... fine, I guess.  But there needs to be something sexy about her, like a seductive dance, alien sexual foreplay, lack of inhibitions... something.  If the audience doesn't want to bone her, you've failed in the storytelling.  

10) Last but not least, give us a twist ending.  Something unexpected should happen, the start of a new story that leads into the next movie.  If any movie requires a universe-hopping, Twilight Zone, Rod Serling, Planet of the Apes ironic bazinga before the credits roll, it's Stargate.  

And if I had to pick one more... why would you hire French Stewart and give him the role of "grunt with a bit of an attitude problem" rather than something comedic?  Mind-blowing! 

Ok, that's my list of 10 things that the original desperately needed to become a blockbuster.  As it is, Stargate barely passes as a lukewarm cult classic due to all the glaring flaws I've just shown you.  And if anyone in Hollywood stumbles on this list and likes what they see, hire me as a consultant.  I'm worth it.

Thanks,

VS

p.s. Not only do I have 3 new print-on-demand softcovers available on Amazon (The Cha'alt Experience, Advanced Game Mastering Like A Fucking Boss, and Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer), but I sell the Cha'alt hardcover trilogy of books direct.  Attend VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse get your badge!  And of course, sign-up for the Kort'thalis Publishing mailing list so you know what monthly specials, deals, announcements, and cool stuff is happening in the skinematic Vengerverse!!! 

Vindication - Unburdened By What Has Been

 

Remember my last blog post about the OSR (and all traditional, conservative, based RPG hobbyists) supporting President Donald J. Trump?

Well, it happened.  Maybe you've seen my day-after video on the election?  So, what does this all mean for RPGs?  On the one tentacle, not much at all.  Politics might be downstream of culture, but we can each, as individuals and groups, do our own thing.  Play the games we want, the way we want, with the people we want.

On the other tentacle, is this the final nail in the DEI coffin of wokeness?  Yes, I think it is.  The Waspinator had an interesting video that I partially / mostly agreed with - especially the part about different cultural segments catching up at different speeds.  Video games, comic-books, movies, TV shows, late night commentary, RPGs, etc.  Not all of these subcultures will get deradicalized all at once. 

And make no mistake, the left desperately needs to deradicalize.  The rabid, TDS suffering lunatics foaming at the mouth at the thought of "race and gender traitors" supporting the orange man are not classical liberals, but fanatic progressive Commies in training.  Those in the Democrat party now coming out to say that the left needs to be even less tolerant, less moderate, and less calm are ready to throw themselves into the abyss just to "own" Trump and his supporters.  If those crazies want to shave their head, wear blue bracelets, and swear off men for a few years, go for it, ladies.  You do you.

It's definitely possible that RPGs will be one of the last to let go of its radicalism, but I hope we can see positive changes back to "factory settings" normal before too long.  Want to know the secret to winning elections?  Don't call a major voting block "terrorists" for over a decade.  Especially, when straight white males (mostly) want to be left the fuck alone.

Fixing the economy (or improving it, depending on your view) will absolutely help the industry.  That's the kind of "lifting up all boats" happy-talk we can all agree on.  I'm still not sold on how a million bucks going to this shiny new crowdfunding campaign and that stunning and brave product's press release getting a hundred-thousand upvotes on reddit actually helps the small-time, independent creator.  The little guy fighting the marketing war in promotional trenches with memes and mechanics and A.I. artwork - how does the latest fad-chase help him?

Most of us can also agree on "fuck WotC Nu-DnD."  What they've been doing over the last few years is moving Dungeons & Dragons farther and farther away from what the game has always been... a masculine, pulp, sword & sorcery escapist fantasy made by and for, predominately, straight white Christian men.  That's not to say that demographic - or any demographic - is necessarily better or worse than another, but there's a reason why certain people gravitate towards it, and why changing all the fundamental principles ultimately changes its audience.

The Democrats have a messaging problem.  What they're communicating to voters isn't translating into votes.  And D&D has that same problem.  In the end, reality wins.  You can pretend all day long that tabletop gaming should be about safety tools, bake-sales, coffee shops, gender fluidity, anti-colonialism, and fighting the patriarchy, but it's not.  

[Remember when I designed a glyph (basically, chaos magic sigil) to hijack Kamala's "imagine what can be, unburdened by what has been" Communist message?  I used that and warped it to will President Trump towards victory.]

When the left ditches its progressive activism and returns back to the center, we can - I hope - start having productive political discussions and - best of all - stop talking about real world politics in RPG spaces.  No one is more sick to death of injecting politics into the hobby than me, but if one side continues to relentlessly come after the other with deplatforming, demonetization, censorship, banning, boycotts, and hateful slurs like "nazi," "fascist," and "bigot," we have to fight back.

I've been exiled from more RPG discussion boards, subreddits, FB groups, etc. than I can even remember.  All because I've supported Trump and have moderate, mainstream conservatism views.  The radical-left needs a time-out.  This election proved that.  As we've seen, the youth came out in favor of MAGA.  I think that's an RPG audience in waiting that would love based content that folks like me, Alexander Macris, RPG Pundit, Red Room, Jim Raggi, and dozens more have been providing for years.  

Time to turn the page and get on with our own personal project 2025.  It's time for CHA'ALT's ascendency.  For the rest of November, all 3 Cha'alt PDFs of the trilogy are free on DriveThruRPG.  And I've also updated the fully-loaded, ultimate edition of Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer to include everything that I've been using to run Cha'alt these last few years.  Print-on-demand softcover coming soon!

Ok, that's it.  For Democrats who feel defeated right now, I don't want to pile-on or mock you or disparage your principles, but America is telling you to moderate.  We welcome you back to reality where legal immigration is fine, but a wide-open border is fucking bananas, the environment can and should be conserved... without ditching fossil fuels, trillions of government spending literally caused inflation, men are men, women are women, forcing others to use your pronouns or else is ridiculous, we don't care what adults want to do with other consenting adults in private, but don't parade it around our kids or groom them in any way. 

Like the new map?  Yeah, it's awesome if I do say so myself.  Can't wait to use it next year!

Have a great week, I'll be celebrating my 50th birthday early by going on another cruise - this time it's last minute, as opposed to the one a couple months ago which Danielle planned for 2 years (the wife and I were going to New Mexico, but they're dealing with an insane blizzard and cold-snap that makes Wisconsin look unseasonably warm).

VS

p.s.  Join the Kort'thalis Publishing mailing list.  VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse still has about 80 badges still available - get yours today!!!

OSR / Based Endorsement President Trump

 

You've probably heard about the leftist game designers who're putting their names on a website to support Kamala Harris this election.  Cucks and soy-boys and Commies oh my!

There's an unspoken Never Kamala vibe creeping into American politics like a male feminist surrounded by the unprotected drinks of his female coworkers.  You can feel the sinking feeling, nay the terror as Donald Trump surges in the polls.  If you want to show your support, comment below that you'll be voting for President Trump.

Let's show those libs that just because their name is on a website it doesn't mean Kamala Harris is popular or a good leader or honest about her progressive plans if she wins.  You just know she'd turn around and continue Biden's shitty policies - or become even more Socialist!

BTW, like the map?  I made it myself.  You can see all my tentacle-drawn maps in person this Spring at Gary Con and summer at VENGER CON (where you're free to borrow them in whatever game you're running).  Now, let's get to back to the topic at hand... or tentacle.

Start voting ASAP.  Don't wait until election day - let's start that red wave with early voting.  My wife and I are going to the polls on Tuesday.  49 states, hoss... LFG!!!

Have a great weekend,

VS

p.s. Badges are selling faster this year than any other - if you want to attend VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse in Madison, WI next July, grab your badge now, don't delay!

Want to sign-up for the Kort'thalis Publishing mailing list so you don't miss our monthly email letting you know what's happening in the skinematic Vengerverse?  Put your email address down so we can stay in constant contact!

SHADOW-CHA'ALT

 

Volume one of SHADOW-CHA'ALT is now live (and the preview is actually working).  Here's the DriveThru link.

What is it?  An introductory adventure that lowers the temperature on gonzo, sleaze, and pop-culture references.  This is the perfect scenario for novice and veteran GMs to get their tentacles wet.

It's system-neutral OSR, based gaming at its best.  Use it with Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, ShadowDark, or any number of traditional old-school D&D rule-sets. 

This will hopefully turn into a series that explores and plays around with a number of OSR conventions, including ShadowDark and Cha'alt.  SHADOW-CHA'ALT volume two will have revised mechanics for light sources and fumbling around in the dark.

Thanks for supporting independent creators!

VS

p.s.  You can finally get your July 2025 badges for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse.  And if you don't already have the Cha'alt trilogy in hardcover, get yours today.  Want to be kept up to date on the most important Kort'thalis Publishing news?  This is the mailing list. ;)