Do You Believe In Unlikelihoods?

 

I just gave my wife the bad news... I'm not gonna quit.

After the massive outpouring of support and enthusiasm and encouragement I've received over the last few days, I realized I couldn't just turn my back on everything I've built so far.  Even taking a few years off (which is what I hoped to do) feels like I'd be abandoning folks... and, dare I say, my divine calling.

I also realized that my old way of thinking about the business and my previous expectations had to die for me to move forward.  I'm going to adapt.  For starters, I'm going to do something that many, many of my friends and backers have been urging me to do for years.

I'm going to start turning my last several PDFs into print-on-demand softcovers.  For the longest time, I saw pod as a step backwards and didn't want to face facts that current economic realities should be met straight-on.  No bullshit.  

Turns out that envy wasn't by biggest sin, but pride.

Basically, I really wanted to keep doing hardcovers, but couldn't because of all the boxes in our basement.  Instead of just doing what I should have done after Chartreuse Shadows, go the print-on-demand route, I convinced myself that I could dig my way out of this hole by releasing only PDFs and selling hardcovers here and there on the side.  

Well, that didn't work.  So, to Hell with my expectations.  Venger Satanis is not too good for pod.  I'm going to follow the sound advice of the majority and release Primordial Chaos: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss as a pod softcover (in addition to PDF).  

Along with that, I'm also going to be print-on-demanding...

• Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer + Cha'alt Ascended (and whatever supplemental material feels appropriate, probably Cha'alt X-Cards and Gilded Die of Satanis).
• Advanced Game Mastering Like A Fucking Boss
• The Cha'alt Experience: Designing Worlds Like A Fucking Boss

All 4 of these softcovers (fulfilled by Amazon, most likely) will be available as add-ons during the remaining 5 days of the Kickstarter.

I feel like I should apologize for being so stubborn and arrogant (if you don't know what I'm talking about, see my last blog post here)... so, yeah, I am sorry.  I should have put my ego aside in order to do what was best for Kort'thalis Publishing.  However, it probably took all this agonizing and drama to realize what needed to be done.

My wife is still crying somewhere in a fortress made of unsold boxes of Cha'alt books.  Oh well, I'll make it up to Danielle in 10 years by escorting her to the crimson-carpet premier of Cha'alt: The Movie Like A Fucking Boss.  

Another thing I feel like I have to do is create an email list, so I don't have to rely on DriveThru customer emails, Kickstarter, or social media to get the word out about a particular project.  I've subscribed to a free one-month trial of Constant Contact just to see if this thing even works.  Here's the landing page - if you wouldn't mind, please subscribe!

One last thing.  While it may have seemed premature to end Inappropriate Characters, staying the course will require as much time and energy as I can spare - without shortchanging my family.  So, appearing on videos and livestreams will have to wait at least 6 months to a year.  

Thanks for reading and to everyone who reached out (both privately and on social media) since my prior announcement.  It was your passion and exuberance and love that made me reconsider shutting Kort'thalis Publishing down, and that continues to make all things possible.  :)

Game on,

VS

p.s.  Kickstarter is almost funded, and with these new additions, I'm sure Primordial Chaos will be assured. 

End of an Aeon

 

I started this wild journey of self-publishing back in 2012 when I, like so many others, discovered there was something lost between the 3rd and 4th editions of D&D.  

Gazing into our gaming past, we looked back at the wonders of old-school D&D (and other RPGs).  And what we found is that the old ways were almost always better.  

As with anything, returning to accomplishments of our collective past revealed opportunities for improvement, new ways of understanding old concepts, fixing problems we didn't even know were problems back then.  That's what the Old School Renaissance means to me, and I owe my getting back into the hobby to all the folks who've been creating in that space, under that banner.

All this is to say that I'm shutting down Kort'thalis Publishing.  I'll still be in the hobby, just not the industry, and I don't even know what to say about the "community."

Business was good in the beginning, but these last couple years got hard for Kort'thalis Publishing to survive as a hobby-business.  Just to give you an example:  Before covid, I was making $700, $800, sometimes over a $1,000 a month in DriveThru sales.  I just received this month's check for $217.  And it's been like that for awhile.  My last Kickstarter failed to fund, and so I tried again (based on an X poll - the winning suggestion, a guide to gonzo for gamers).  It will probably make it, but just barely.

Here's the link to that - PRIMORDIAL CHAOS: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss!

Even 3 years ago, I was confident enough to look my wife in the eyes and tell her that big things were going to happen.  All the time and energy I poured into writing, designing, self-publishing, and promotion were going to pay off big time.  

Well, that never materialized and I haven't told her anything of the sort in awhile... because I don't believe it myself.  Pretty much everything is going in the wrong direction, or simply not far enough in the right direction.  Except for the amazing time I'm having behind the screen, gaming with friends, GMing Cha'alt with Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer and all the little add-ons, experimental mechanics, and optional rules that evolved organically out of actual play.

So, what does all this mean?  Assuming the Primordial Chaos book funds, I'm going to finish that (because it's already started and I want to get my discoveries out into the RPG world because life is short and you never know what will happen), and then stop putting out new material.  No more crowdfunding or releases of any kind.  But if someone wants to buy a Cha'alt hardcover, just ask.  I still have a basement full of them.  ;)

I will continue to organize and host VENGER CON in Madison, WI.  The official dates for 2025 are Friday, July 18th - Sunday, July 20th.  I'm waiting on the promotional artwork to come in the first week of September before launching the convention page.

And I'll still blog and make the occasional video.  I'll remain on social media, too, but to a lesser degree.  So, I guess this is semi-retirement.  If, after enough time passes, it makes sense for me to return in 3, 4, or 7 years... (hopefully, not more than a decade), I'd be happy to, but now is not the time for me to keep doing what I've been doing.  

If I don't stop now, my supporters will soon see me sucking dick for one-page layout money in the back alley of some rainbow-infested game store.  I'd rather go out in the afterglow of accomplishments like Crimson Escalation, Cha'alt X-Cards, Alpha Blue (and her many supplements), The Gilded Die of Satanis, Under Fuchsia Ska'ai digital-comic, all the Like A Fucking Boss books, and the Cha'alt trilogy itself.  Going further back, I'm still immensely proud of Liberation of the Demon Slayer, The Islands of Purple-Haunted Putrescence, Revelry In Torth, the Trilogy / Trinity of Awesome collections, The Outer Presence, etc.  Check 'em all out!!!

Sure, I could point a tentacle at our shitty economy, "the OSR is dying!" folks, politics / culture war stuff (which may or may not have led to online retailers and crowdfunding sites censoring and stealth-banning via the almighty algorithm), the current necessity of slick marketing campaigns anointed by establishment approved YouTubers - the ShadowDarking of our hobby, various forces and personalities and groups overinflating RPG popularity to the point where everything is geared towards Lowest Common Denominator tourists and infused with Socialism and soy, WotC skull-fisting the b'jeezus out of D&D like Disney has done with Star Wars, or my own stubborn / arrogant notion that I make what I want the way I want and that's just how it is.  

In the end, I don't care what the primary, secondary, or tertiary causes were.  The rise and fall of Venger Satanis was probably inevitable, nay essential. Circle of life.  Nature is healing.  The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and I have burned so very, very brightly.  Based and zoth-pilled.  

It was a lot of fun in the beginning, but now the financial struggles have made it not much fun at all.  So, I quit.  Well, giving my 6-month notice, assuming the Primordial Chaos kickstarter funds.  One last project for the road - praise the Great Old Ones.  Ia!  Ia!  Cthulhu fhta'agn!

Before I forget, this Sunday's Inappropriate Characters is our final show - send us off with a bang!  I've added some new backer rewards to the Primordial Chaos campaign (capped-off with a new Cha'alt adventure, BTW) - pledge if you can.  And thanks for all your support over the years, hoss!  I greatly appreciate it.

By His loathsome tentacles,

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest Like A Fucking Boss

p.s.  Before realizing I was done with being a content creator, I created this symbol [the one pictured above] partly as a joke, but also a deadly serious magical tool... a sigil, as chaos magicians might call it, which translates as "Unburdened by what has been."  And now, it has become another puzzle piece of the prophecy.  Onwards and upwards, my friends.  I wish to go beyond... Shemha'amfora'ash!

Ferocious Love - Cha'alt campaign (session 19)

 

I can feel it, coming at the end of night... the 2nd Cha'alt campaign is almost over.  

This was the penultimate session, and it positioned the adventures right where they needed to be.  Nine glorious months of gaming that will conclude in just under 2 weeks.  I'm hoping as many players can play as possible since this past session there was just the essential-3 (as opposed to the doomed-2, core-4, 5-guys, or happy ending-6... it's a working title).

Jua'an, Drogon, and Nix found themselves back on Cha'alt.  They could see the Old One, Uma'at-Allah, floating above Qada'ath.  However, his familiar eldritch-green eye had become a milky white... as if the ancient dark god was hibernating or had succumb to a malady or spiritual imprisonment - a'anxt.  

Just over the next dune, they heard a couple of stoners walk towards them talking about freedom rock, man.  Apparently, at the city center, authorities of Qada'ath are giving out these drug-geodes.  Crack them open to seen blue-glass like crystals on one side and fuchsia malaise colored crystals on the other.  Put the two halves back together and shake to get a shimmering violet mush that provides euphoria and also extreme lethargy.

The PCs took a sample of this new wonder drug in a vial, put the stoners who seemed subservient to their sworn enemy Isa'ac out of their misery (then proceeded to try out multiple decapitations in a single throw with Nix' new super-glaive or zlaive), and head towards the city.

As they stood at the top of a dune, they noticed a long line of people wanting to immigrate into Qada'ath, going back as far as the eye could see.  It took about an hour for the PCs to walk to the city gate.  4 sandblade guards asking humanoids entering the city to relinquish any and all personal property, as well as, pledge their undying loyalty to Isa'ac, representative of the New Gods and bringer of light and joy!

Alongside the immigration entrance was a whored of prostitutes (Lol, that's a real thing, by the way.  I just looked it up).  Wanting to get their bonus on and do what red and green-blooded adventurers should be doing, the PCs arranged to have sex with them.

This time, all 3 of them rolled the milky-white dice upon the centerfold of some blonde woman from a 1998 (probably, I didn't verify) issue of Hawk magazine.  Two of the PCs got 6 and the other got 4 sleaze points.  Non-transferable, but you can use them to boost any die that you rolled.

The PCs noticed that all the whores had a strange symbol interwoven into their slut-glyphs, a sort of negative or anti-glyph, indicating the New Gods.  Since the PCs didn't have any nu-talons, they traded sex for glyphs, but then Jua'an wanted another glyph that helped him attract sluts.  One prostitute just wanted a neck tattoo of a purple scorpion fucking an amazonian goat that implanted the "ferocious love" concept into her slut-glyph.

Oh yeah, Nix bequeathed his +3 ring of power and purple wormskin gloves to Drogon because "he needs it more than me."  Also, they got notification that everything the PCs acquired on Alpha Blue was waiting for them on the space station of lust in storage locker A23-11.  While Gorra had an ultimate weapon, but couldn't use nor bequeath it because he wasn't there (I suppose we'll just say that there was a dimensional time delay whilst coming through the gate), Nix did have his own ultimate weapon... which led me to declare that this was the campaign of too many ultimate weapons, as I'm sure a third (make that fourth) will crop-up next session.

Now that it was confirmed that the zlaive could decapitate multiple enemies at once, Nix took it out for a spin.  At least 3 of them were de-headed as another (probably) took a blaster to the chest.  They wanted to loot the bodies before entering the city.  I had to use the restroom and told the players I wanted them to come up with "something interesting" found on one of the murdered guards.  Upon my return, they assured me that a worn-out, bleached flesh-light was on a guard's person... probably in his fanny-pack (I'm guessing).  "Is this an item you wish to take with you?"  They all agreed it was not.

The PCs sauntered in, hungry, and found a place that sold sushi and gelato.  They also visited a fortune teller (with a third nipple) next door who told them a few things... that a new lover would enter their lives.  It was weird because all the PCs got the exact same fortune when they rolled the d12.  She also said that the final battle will take place soon and in a place of water... and she saw the color orange... tangerine gnosis.

Their curiosity and hunger defeated, the PCs went to the temple of the New Gods, built upon shards of that tower of black glass they explored many sessions ago.  They saw many worshipers and a half-dozen of them were selected for a private audience.  The PCs followed them to an inner chamber where Isa'ac was about to absorb them all as fuel.  However, the adventurers stopped the process, which meant Isa'ac would be at his weakest.  

Battle commenced.  The PCs took minimal damage as they themselves did heaping handfuls of dice worth of damage.  Isa'ac monologued a bit, telling them how humanoid life on Cha'alt was pathetic and failed the New Gods, which is why they'd all soon be dead in 3 days.  Nix made good headway with his zlaive, and apparently Jua'an's sword of conquering was also a kind of ultimate weapon, as he also did beau coop damage.  It wasn't long before Isa'ac collapsed into a pillar of salt.  

His safe was there, but it required a talented thief, a crystal-rimmed jaccard, and the carnal essence of a tentalced whore.  They had 1 of the 3, and made way for a nearby brothel named Uzku, which means desert stream of many fishes (it was a brothel and fish fry joint).  They only had one tentacled prostitute, and she was very, very busy according to a pimp named Drexel.  I still love Gary Oldman's portrayal in True Romance.  I could honestly watch an entire movie following Drexel around just doing pimp type shit.

The pimp was cagey, eventually tricking the party into catching a purple 4-ball from the dilapidated pool table in the living room.  That ball sent the PCs - all of them (oh yeah, Jua'an stayed behind with the safe to make sure nothing happened to it, since it contained their only lead) into the purple labyrinth.  They appeared in an octagonal purple room where a beholder faced them down, rejoicing in the knowledge that after defeating the PCs, he would take their weapons and form his own k-pop boy band.

It was a hairy battle, Nix was nearly killed, brought down to -5 HP (since he was 9th level,  he would have died at -10).  Slinging him over another PC's shoulder, they found their way to a portal that led back to Uzku.  By then, Nix had recovered enough vitality to take revenge on Drexel.  The pimp went down easy after the demon-clown critted.  Then, the trio searched the brothel for a tentacled whore - and found her with some dude.  They gave him 4 seconds to finish with her (which he did), and they took her to the temple.

Before I forget, they searched Drexel's body and he had a leopard skinned crystal-rimmed jaccard!  What luck!!!

Upon lubricating the jaccard with tentacle whore juice, Nix was able to pop the safe open.  Sure enough, inside were plans and prophecies detailing a ritual that must be performed in a temple below the old aquaduct far to the south that was operational before the apocalypse.  

In 3 days, there would be a triple-lunar eclipse as Cha'alt gets bombarded with a thousand mega-lux of zeta rays, killing every humanoid (and probably most living things) on the planet's surface.  This would allow the New Gods to remake "man."  Not in their own image as the Old Ones had done, but as a primitive, servile race.

Before looting the temple, the PCs searched around.  They discovered a small recording studio where Nix delivered a message to the people of Qada'ath, telling them that Isa'ac was dead and they were all free, and that the New Gods were false and everyone should stick with the Great Old Ones.

Additionally, Nix sent a telepathic communication to Uma'at-Allah, that they will keep fighting against the New Gods and plan to win, but the Old Ones have to do their part, as well, and awaken in this, their hour of need.

Uma'at-Allah responded in the affirmative, and the PCs set out for this southern aquaduct temple.  But not before the recording studio tech had an idea... "What if we followed you guys around, recording your adventurous deeds for posterity?"

The PCs liked that that, and allowed the tech and his assistant(s) to accompany them - I'm pretty sure they're also bringing the tentacled whore. 

We did laugh a bunch, but there weren't enough lines to do a whole thing on it.  One of my favorite moments is when Jua'an said, "Oh, we should do __________, like the narrator said."  That's the kind of 4th wall break which keeps the gonzo flowing like zoth.

Speaking of gonzo, only 2 weeks left to fund Primordial Chaos: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss.  Help me bring it into reality, won't you?  Here's the link - please, share it on social media!

Saturday, August 31st is the last session of the 2nd Cha'alt campaign.  After that, we'll take a break and maybe do a one-shot of something.  Plus, I want to run another investigative (cosmic) horror game in October.  And after that... who knows?

Thanks,

VS

p.s. Happy Birthday to my personal hero H.P. Lovecraft.

The Gonzo Book You Never Knew You Needed

 

Before I go into the "state of the union" regarding my affairs, here is my Kickstarter for PRIMORDIAL CHAOS: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss.  It's going to be a wild ride, so come join! 

Taking over the family business after my Dad passed away about this time last year, and everything associated with that, such as spending more time with Mom, has taken a chunk out of my free time.  

However, I've still been able to maintain a baseline of RPG productivity... even though the promotion aspect of my job - hyping up Kort'thalis Publishing and current projects - has declined.  And the pendulum-swing of politics and culture war pushback against the woke, DEI, Socialist-left surprisingly (well, surprising to me) did not reach deep down into the tabletop RPG industry like I thought it would.  

Our hobby, is still very much "progressive" and invoking my name on social media will likely get your posts locked, downvoted, or reported to the rainbow jackbooted authorities.  Nevertheless, I remain hopeful.  Those who've benefited from western civilization should one day realize the path their on, while also remembering that Communism doesn't really help anyone, except the Great Leader and his (or her) inner-circle of bureaucrats, along with their useful-idiot administrative thugs and propaganda personalities in the media.  

This Ben Shapiro video was particularly insightful of what's in store for American politics and the stakes for our entire world.

So, what does this have to do with gonzo?  After 5 years of developing and 2 years of running a super-gonzo campaign in the world of Cha'alt, I've discovered RPG secrets the vast majority of gamers - even those who do love and run gonzo sessions - don't even know exist.  And those tips, tricks, and techniques I've found are not just applicable to those pursuing high-weirdness, but every GM hoping to run an extraordinary game.

A guide to gonzo even won my Twitter / X poll.  Yeah, it's still niche as all Hell, but this is something people want, that people can use.  Unfortunately, for reasons named and unknown, I'm just not pulling the numbers.  My reach has diminished, my influence waning, sales down, convention barely breaking even - even though I feel like my creative powers and technical achievements are at their height, I'm struggling to cross the $5k Kickstarter finish line.  WTF, hoss?!?  

But even if I make zero or, let's face it, much less than zero doing this RPG thing, I'm still going to keep doing it, under the radar - even if I have to use A.I. art or my own colorful scribbles.  Recognition would be nice, but maybe that'll come later, like H.P. Lovecraft.  Things are cyclical, and I'm hoping this is the low-point from which I come back.  You never know...

Regardless, I hope you'll back this Kickstarter because it's got a lot of awesome things going for it - gonzo, hyper-immersion, random tables, kickass artwork from real artists, a Cha'alt adventure, and if things go well, more of the Lavender Moons digital-comic.  

Thanks for your continued support.  Will try to get the session report for yesterday's game done tomorrow... but realistically not until Tuesday.  Busy, busy, busy...

VS

p.s.  I don't even know why I'm bothering to type this post-script, as I haven't sold a hardcover Cha'alt book (other than last month's VENGER CON) in months... oh yeah, that's actually a reward on the KS campaign.  Sweet!

No One's Innocent - CHA'ALT Campaign (session 18)

 

Surprise, motherfucker!  We're back in the saddle with another session report...

I was excited about this one because it had been a month since we'd played.  Our regular scheduled gaming intersected with VENGER CON III, and I was running Cha'alt for other folks (plus one of my home game players).

Additionally, the last Cha'alt campaign I ran in 2023 made it to 17 sessions, so this one put us over the top.  So far, this must be the longest continual RPG campaign of my life.  We're gonna keep it going, at least until mid-October when I hope to write and run another investigative horror scenario in the vein of Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos.

We had our core 4 + 1 brand-new player who I met at the aforementioned convention 2 weeks ago.  He's also a Wisconsinite and lives an hour and a half north from us.  90 minutes is a crazy trek to come play for 4 hours, so I appreciate his commitment.

Ok, this was a doozy of a session.  Considering everything I just said, I wanted this one to really move the campaign down the line - and it did.  I had a little something special planned that would replace the sleaze factor-5, a game mechanic I wanted to playtest.  Also, we did that thing where if someone rolls the number of sessions we're on, that counts as a critical-success.  18, baby!

Here are the players - Nix the demon-clown thief, Drogon the human sorcerer, Jua'an the crystalline warrior, Gorra the grog priest, and now ST-1X the droid warrior.  I determined that Gorra, who's been fiddling around with technology for the last few sessions finally found an intact droid chassis and enough spare parts to build himself a gigolo Joe.  

One thing I like about not doing 1:1 event timing in campaigns is that I get to pick-up right where we left off.  This isn't always something I do, but when it's dramatically appropriate, it really helps.

As it happens, the PCs at the end of last session commandeered a sky-ship from The Vortex mutants and were heading to the Nameless Plateau.  Gorra flipped a switch, turning ST-1X on.  The PCs were checking their new droid out and getting acquainted (including discussions of what's going on with the simulated world within a world they're in, and how that dude from the previous session seemed convinced that he made all the simulations real and their own separate universes) when ST-1X heard a barely audible chirping noise every 20 seconds or so.

After drawing their attention to it, half the party could hear the intermittent beep and discovered a pair of purple worm-skin driving gloves in the glove compartment (which Nix quickly claimed) along with a high-tech device that had weird symbols, seemingly counting down like in Predator.  Then, a vid-screen turned on and there was a mutant in a pre-recorded transmission, basically admonishing the PCs for coercing a sky-ship out of them.  He was very rude.

The PCs opened the ship's door to throw it out.  I rolled a little d4 table I had ready, and got a 1.  The explosion damaged the ship, forcing them down.  ST-1X grabbed the wheel with his groin-attachment to pilot the sky-ship safely down.  He rolled an 18 - the first of many!

He set it right down on a freshly plowed field.  As they exited the ship, the PCs saw a couple of farmers sitting atop a giant purple worm with a plow attached.  Yes, these were Carcosan redneck purple-men farmers.  As the adventurers know full well, strife has recently befallen the purple-men of the caves.  Not having the other purple-men they needed to give Irro the sorcerer so he could open up a portal to Quorta'ath, the PCs asked if there were any more of them.  Yes, it turns out the farmers had a daughter - Ellie-May, with big tits, blonde hair, and wearing those Daisy Duke short shorts.

In order to prepare for the voyage by purple worm to the Nameless Plateau, Gorra and ST-1X decided to play Turing-test with Ellie-May in the outhouse with a shattered moon cut out of the door.  This happened while the purple-men were disengaging the plow from the worm.

So, thinking about the sleaze-factor during and just after VENGER CON, the exact moment was during our last Inappropriate Characters show with Erik Tenkar (I mentioned a pornographic die-drop table somewhere in the chat).  The idea was to roll a set of 7 dice upon a picture of a beautiful woman in the tongue-out pose I'm sure you've seen on the internet at some point.  This was a die-drop table - closest to the hole determined how many "sleaze points" were acquired.  Those sleaze points can be used to boost any roll for the next 24 hours, but are not transferrable.  

As it happened, both rolls provided Gorra and ST-1X with 9 sleaze points.  Those would come in handy.  Also, I bought some clear with milky-white creamy interior dice just to use with this die-drop table... because I am a colossal pervert!

Having emptied those particular pipes, the creator and created joined-up with the others and they rode that worm off to the Nameless Plateau.  At the plateau's base was a small group of red-men (wearing strange strawberry hats) who were trying to save their precious cargo from some shrieking, radioactive horror attempting to abscond with those crates the red-men were risking their lives to protect.

Jua'an unsheathed his blade of the conqueror and hacked the thing to pieces as it lit up like dried kindling due to the horror's failed save.  The red-men were grateful and gifted Jua'an with both a strawberry beret and a box of their "precious cargo" - a little something labeled Sweet, Sweet Strawberry Douche [an actual made-up product spoken of in a vintage porn scene I stumbled across several days ago].  The girl on the box was wearing one of the promotional hats.  The whole place smelled like strawberries and embarrassment as the PCs rode the worm up the plateau.

Oh yeah, a couple of purple-men met the PCs at the Nameless Plateau because they knew they'd be there, and the adventurers told them it was very important the purple-men showed up at the Nameless Plateau.

At the top, they saw Irro trapped in some kind of zone of dimensional instability.  Then, Jua'an's sword began to tingle, the eye stirred, and everyone heard a telepathic voice.  It said they would have to stop the subterranean demons from using their infernal super-weapon to slaughter everyone on the surface.  Only then would Tsathagg-kha release the sorcerer who would help them enter Quorta'ath. 

A hole opened up in the ground near them and they saw a cave lit by pink crystals.  I'll briefly mention each encounter so this doesn't run too long (a lot happened this session)...

• The PCs acquired pink fuzzy buds from this weed.  Both Gorra and ST-1X partook of the buds.  After about a half-hour, they started seeing eyes everywhere.
• They talked to and bought cheese from a cheese consultant and connoisseur who carried a platter with him full of exotic cheeses.  His name was Jarun.
• Two demons were fighting about how soon to start the invasion.  It just kept going and going, so after 5 minutes they went to explore further.
• They ran into a spherical eye-beast with 2 humanoid slaves - a sexy redhead with amazing rack named Scarlet and a half-demon I didn't bother naming.  The PCs killed the eye-beast and mercifully allowed the slaves to stay on and work for them as barely paid followers.
• They discovered a pool of mutated purple zoth and partook.  One of the side-effects nearly killed them as the entire cave filled-up with a translucent purple goo for 4 minutes.  Some swam through the goo to reach the other side.  ST-1X didn't need to breathe, and Gorra's player stimulated the POP-CULTURE Cha'alt X-Cards which allowed him to take advantage of Scarlet's extra supply of oxygen which can be accessed through her vagina.  Jua'an used the ELDRITCH card to infuse his new glass bones with demonic purple zoth glass as a living skeletal system that was just as eldritch and evil as Tsathagg-kha's eye where his sword's hilt meets the blade.
• Bypassing more demons, the PCs finally found a temple where some ritual to bless the infernal artifact was being held.  Nix did his best to steal the weapon from under their noses, but his terrible rolling only allowed him to grab it and throw it at a demon, killing him.  The artifact was a sort of bladed frisbee that comes back to you after you throw it, sort of like a glaive, but not really. 
• Once Drogon magically put the other demons to sleep, a massive statue to some Devil-God awoke - but the PCs ran the Hell out of there before it could attack.

Top-side again, the PCs bade Irro, now freed by Tsathagg-kha, to open the gateway to Quorta'ath using only 2 purple-men.  Irro agreed, spilling the rednecks' blood as the portal opened unto a world of magenta jelly.  The PCs went through with their entourage (including Irro), sloshing around the slime-desert until they found a stone entrance to some temple.

Entering, the PCs saw two dead humanoids.  They check the bodies - a bar of gold and a laser-pyramid containing some holographic message.  "Great exalted one, we bring you a gift to exchange for the blasphemous glyphs of the night ocean."  Something I found on page 162 of Carcosa.  A particular wall in the cave also contained a message that read "Don't trust him - The Crimson Bastards."

Realizing it must be possible that they themselves left that message at a future date for themselves to find, they put this knowledge on the back-burner while continuing to explore.

The party entered a huge dark cave and Drogon provided a light source which showed a 6-foot by 4-foot stone face of H.P. Lovecraft just sitting on the cave floor.  The PCs tried to skirt around it, but the stone began to crack as monstrous tentacles worked their way through the surface.  Gorra had the bright idea of giving the creature a pink fuzzy bud, some purple zoth, and old-fashioned chartreuse zoth.

This only strengthened the creature, as its tentacles erupted out of HPL's stone face.  Everyone contributed to the fight as the PCs mostly avoided getting hit.  But the half-demon NPC was ripped apart.  The killing blow was dealt by Jua'an as he critted on an 18 after invoking his other self, Zeno.  He rolled so many d6s it looked like a Shadowrun firefight.  He found the creature's brain and stabbed deep down, cracking it open, splintering the skull, and killing the thing.  During the climax, Jua'an was awash in zoth, making them realize this had been some proto-Old One itself or the spawn of such.

Apparently, this was some sort of challenge.  A bloated and festering dolm worm slouched grotesquely upon a massive and obscene altar made of bone and petrified flesh (also from Carcosa, page 162).  Banter bounced back and forth from the intelligent worm to the PCs.  This creature was named Sha'az-Nythub, and he ordered one of his servants to fetch and display the other ultimate weapon the PCs were after upon a silver platter.  

The sentient worm said he was happy to have the PCs owe him a favor, to be collected at his convenience.  

It looked like some weird alien dildo, but the PCs took it anyway.  Just before leaving Sha'az-Nythub, one of the PCs (I think it was Nix) suggested they try the ultimate weapon out before leaving Quorta'ath, in case the bloated and festering worm tricked them.  After all, that message from "The Crimson Bastards" has to mean something.  A couple other PCs agreed.  Only Jua'an seemed convinced that Sha'az-Nythub seemed like an honest bloated and festering worm and must be beyond reproach.  

Before leaving his presence, the PCs tried blasting the worm with the ultimate weapon.  It fizzled, and that was it.  Realizing they'd been tricked.  Nix threw the bladed frisbee boomerang at Sha'az-Nythub.  As it had accumulated power since Nix attuned it, and the glaive-ish artifact had been instrumental in killing the lesser Old One.  

Nix used his sneak-attack which also happened to crit - so he, too, rolled massive amounts of damage, enough to kill the worm outright, sawing it into pieces.  Just before Sha'az-Nythub died, he told them not to look in the furthest alcove.  Of course, they did, seeing the true ultimate weapon sitting on a pedestal.  Since pedestals trump platters, they seized on the opportunity.  

It was a withered hand of a sorcerous demon - that was the ultimate weapon the PCs sought to defeat Isa'ac.  They took it, Jua'an added a footnote to the scrawled message on that cave, letting people know that "Jua'an was here," and asked Irro to make a portal to Cha'alt (basically back to Carcosa but a thousand years in the past).  No sacrifices had to be made because, apparently, Cha'alt is on the main drag, whereas Quorta'ath is way the fuck out there in Bumble-Fuck Egypt.  

The PCs stepped through to greet the familiar fuchsia sky, twin suns, and desert heat.  We ended it there.

I'm exhausted just from typing all that out, but I'm not done yet.  Here are some amusing phrases heard at the table...

• "He was polishing it to completion, just like in the centerfold of Toad Load Monthly."
• "The treat is the flesh it tastes when sinking-in and cutting folks to pieces."
• "Blow 'em sky high with your own supply!"
• "Of course that dildo thing wasn't the real super-weapon.  Pedestal trumps platter."
• "Yes, those redneck purple-men call their worm Jessie."
• "No grain (of sand) left behind."
• [People singing] "Strawberry beret..."
• "Nix healed the banana-ness, not the clownness."
• "Vaginal air filtration system." 
• "Death is our gift."
• And of course, "No one's innocent."

The middle of August is tricky for me because of work, but I'm fairly confident we can play August 17th.  

I didn't get time to finish coloring the sleazy die-drop table, but when I do, I'll show pics.  I could just use images cut out of porn magazines (and probably should have); however, I really wanted to draw a woman on her knees with her tongue out expectantly.

Ok, that's it.  Thanks for reading session report 18 of the 2nd Cha'alt campaign, and thanks again to Evan for joining us.  Let the good times roll!

VS

p.s. There will be a big announcement for VENGER CON IV right around September 1st.  In the meantime, you can still acquire the hardcover Cha'alt books here (it's easy!); I'm also launching a new Kickstarter on Tuesday or Wednesday.  It's for a gonzo guide to gaming.  Check back to this blog for details.