"Blessed Be His Comings & Goings" - CHA'ALT Campaign 3.18

 

If this was the last session of our Cha'alt campaign season 3, then it was a good one.  Hopefully, we get one more game this year, but we'll have to see...

5 players this time.  An old friend and Crimson Bastard from a year or two ago joined us, as well as, that new player I've been talking to.  Both the new guys played warriors, P8T was a droid and Suede was a human with blue suede shoes that made him extra cool (it was undecided whether Bandersnatch, the blue suede elf, had bequeathed his flesh willingly upon his death in another dimension or if Bander and Suede were foes and in that particular dimension, Suede had gotten the upper hand.  

I had both of them roll on the Everyone Has A Past d100 table in How To Game Master Like A Fucking Boss.  P8T found a magical ring of free action (that would give him a bonus action every encounter / scene), and Suede got Advantage on his next roll after experiencing a "weird event."  This being Cha'alt, we all just looked at each other, knowing that one man's weirdness in a "normal" campaign would probably just be a Tuesday in this one.

The original 3 players shared a collective dream - they were in a darkened courtroom, a giant bird their lawyer.  Thurberus was accused of using his cult leader schemes to defraud the IRS, Tinker was accused of being a Communist.  Bandersnatch accused of biting the head off a live bat years ago when he was playing guitar in that band, and an audience member got blood in his eye and contracted kovidian-syphilis.  The PCs' attorney approached the bench... with birdseed.  They were asked how they pleaded.  Guilty, innocent, it didn't really matter.  As a portable 3-person guillotine was wheeled into the courtroom, their lawyer muttered "If only you had something that could offset your transgressions... such as a devil-tongued banana fork or unicorn made out of folded paper."

A call for any last words was responded with Thurberus quickly asking if anyone wanted to join his dead (tentacled) cow cult and if he could be allowed to pull the cord, which, I suppose, would be the ultimate final act of a man responsible for a suicide cult.  However, the reply came "No." and the blade came down as all three woke up.

Armed with laser-swords, the two noob PCs (I made them 7th level since the rest of the party was 8th - including Bandersnatch, Thurberus, and Tinker) appeared alongside Garblegax as he plucked his bass zita'ar.

Exposition followed as Garblegax got everyone up to speed on what's going on - the foul 4 (prominent infernal beings slumming it in Kha'alestine) had imprisoned the Great Old One Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak.  Garblegax wanted revenge, and the PCs intended to free the Old One (again) now that they had the attunement ritual and proper invocation to activate the ultra-telluric glyphs.

So, the foul 4 will be at the gladiatorial arena in Kha'alestine this evening.  The demonic imp gave the PCs a poison pellet meant to activate when dropped into chilled worm wine - revenge is a dish best served cold - but requested the adventurers rescue a v'smm priest, not unlike Thurberus, being held in a correctional facility for infidels, dissidents, and the criminally insane. This prisoner was Serethub.

Popping them into the city of Kha'alestine, the PCs saw the upper rim of the arena a mile or two away, and the correctional facility was only a 100-feet to their right.  First things first (it was suggested that the prisoner Garblegax wanted the PCs to free might have actionable knowledge about the infernals).

After having a non-productive conversation with the man sitting at a desk inside the facility, Thurberus slit his throat and found Esperanto flash-cards upon looting his body.  Making their way down a spiral staircase, they entered a massive cavern.

It contained a few Kha'alestinian clerics, about 10 guards, and 2 dozen prisoners, tied-up and forced to look at disturbing shadows wobbling upon the cave wall as a bonfire burned with an evil orange light.  In fact, the fire looked alive to Bander's eye of true seeing.  

Tinker talked to a guard, wanting to see Serethub privately.  Of course, the official greeting in Kha'alestine is Admiral Ackbar (the Aloha of the Kha'alestinian people) At this point, they learned that all the prisoners forced to watch the sanity-destroying shadow-play were trapped in some kind of nightmare.  The only antidote was the blue lotus root.

As is typical of situations like these, it ended in an orgy of violence... and not just violence.  The guards and clerics attacked the PCs, and wounds were taken on both sides.  Approximately halfway through combat, Bandersnatch cast a spell using a crystal to power it.  He rolled on the weird spell effect table contained in Fuchsia Malaise and got a natural 100... witch orgy!  Time stopped as the PCs stepped across a magenta mist barrier.  Each of them got to lay with a woman, although Thurberus rolled lowest and had to make do with a witch who looked an awful lot like a demonic Whoopi Goldberg.  

Rejuvenated and now bolstered with the sleaze factor-5 bonuses, the fighting continued.  The Crimson Bastards were victorious.  With a couple left alive for questioning, they secured the blue lotus root and freed the other prisoners before heading to the gladiatorial arena.  P8T had the idea of pouring water from a guard's canteen upon the fire entity.  I rolled that 2-in-6 chance, and sure enough, the water killed it.  A bit anti-climactic like Indiana Jones shooting the sword guy, but that's the way the dice go, sometimes.

Now that Serethub was saved, he was able to reunite with his twin brother (a detail I pulled out from way back at the beginning of the season), sharing the lavender gemstone embedded in their flesh.  Serethub, wearing spotted-cow velvet robes, wanted to join forces with Thurberus and create a joint cow-themed cult.  But first, he would help the PCs defeat the foul four.  The other v'smm priest knew that the demons carried a scroll with them where all the significant details of their comings and goings were recorded.

At the arena, the PCs made a plan to poison 2 of the foul four, Bander turned Tinker invisible, and the others had them surrounded so when things went down, they could pounce.  One by one the PCs took their offensive actions.  I rolled a 1 on the saving throw for one demon and a mid result on the other.  So, they were off to a good start.  It took several rounds, but the PCs defeated three of the foul four, and their guards.  The last demon escaped into a portal as P8T shot his laser into it.  

Surveying the chaos and looting the bodies, they found a scroll accounting for all their recent deeds that goes out monthly to Kort'thalis.  Between that and a guard under enhanced interrogation, the adventurers discovered that Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak was being held in a hyperspace room within The Black Pyramid.  Suede threw a bunch of jewels and coins to the Kha'alestinian spectators in the arena as the boysenberry-plum scorpion-worm continued to end the lives of many humanoids who hadn't filled their daily quota of saying "Admiral Ackbar."

The PCs traveled there, interrupting a last supper with a K'tulu cult, traded some banter, and followed that demon (while also using a glyph drawn upon the scroll allowing them to track the Old One).  They soon came to another room where two factions were fighting.

Suede's player asked me if the two groups attacking each other were wearing red and blue.  That could have been a reference to several things, I'm guessing.  I said no, they were dressed in fairly traditional robes.  It wasn't until after the session, thinking about it in preparation for this blog post, that I believe my mind was trying to subconsciously convey the idea that our game wasn't just improv.  Sure, there's a fair amount of that and player input, but it's not pure storygaming, nor a "bullshit session," which I've heard people describe unscripted back and forth between players and the GM.

What I should have done is either roll the standard 2-in-6 chance or, better yet, encourage the player to stimulate one of the Cha'alt X-Cards and use whatever red/blue thing he was getting at as part of the set-up or execution based on whatever aesthetic-key he chose.  In fact, that's a potent way of altering the scene as the player makes his will known and the GM adjudicates the results according to various factors.  

In any case, the PCs saw that last demon on the other side of the battlefield, making it nearly impossible to hit him with a standard ranged weapon.  As they decided on their next course of action, the demon had brought out a mega-blaster that was ridiculous in size and power.  Before he could fire it, Bandersnatch created a portal to the purple labyrinth directly below him and another above where the adventurers themselves were standing, so that he'd drop down into their lap.

After some rolls, the demon did go down but then just disappeared.  Bander's player decided to stimulate the humor Cha'alt X-Card.  A couple minutes later, they heard a distant "Aa'ahhhh!" sound as the demon came through the second portal above the PCs and broke his fall atop P8T.  Hey, people laughed.  

The droid (who had been trying to keep his mechanical identity a secret) was dazed as the demon lowered his mega-blaster and fired upon the helpless warrior.  I brought out the percentile dice and shook them long and hard so as to increase the suspense.  Everyone knew that a d100 damage roll could go very badly.  Luckily, I rolled a 44.  P8T, being a 7th level warrior, was able to take the hit and remain functional.

Soon after that, the PCs finally killed him.  They walked to the next room containing a doorway to the Great Old One's hyperspace purgatory.  The adventures, led by Bandersnatch, performed the ritual with all the ingredients (thanks Chip and not-Kelly Bundy) and said the magic words (I've seen it spelled multiple ways over the years, so don't get pedantic, hoss) Kla'atu Vera'ada Nikto.  It worked, and Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak, though at the moment in a weakened state from his powers being siphoned while in hyperspace by the foul four, was at the PCs' command.

Out of time and feeling as though this was the best conclusion for this season of our Cha'alt campaign (as of right now, I don't think we're going to get another full session in before winter), we closed it out.  A big, neon, tentacled thank you to readers of Venger's old-school gaming blog, Kort'thalis Publishing supporters, and all my players, past, present, and future for contributing to the game and making Cha'alt what it is.  Yes, you guys are partly to blame.  Post-post-modern TTRPG culture would like to have a word with you, hoss. 

Next year will be the 4th season of our Cha'alt campaign, and I'm considering interjecting some kind of long-term formula into the planning.  Not just a bunch of scribbled notes, a hope, dream, and demonic prayer.  But I have a couple months to research and implement such a campaign formula.

All in all, I'm pleased with how this season shook-out.  Many "By His loathsome tentacles" were uttered in order to get that +1 bonus.  Also, this was supposed to be partially Halloween themed, but when we finally got to The Black Pyramid, I was focused on wrapping things up.  Too bad, since I have a whole page in Chartreuse Shadows about making the pyramid all spooky.  That came out of a Cha'alt session I ran at Game Hole Con before that gaming convention started identifying as they/them.  

Speaking of which, there have been a couple amusing videos regarding Game Hole Con and VENGER CON flyers.  here's one from RPG Pundit and the awesome Diversity & Dragons livestream talking about whoever put a bunch of VENGER CON V: The Will To Power flyers on windshields at the Game Hole Con parking lot.  

Enjoy,

VS

p.s.  Fantastic news - weekend badges are now available for July 2026's VENGER CON V: The Will To Power.  Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

"The Greatest Secret Pertaining to the Dessert of Cha'alt" - CHA'ALT Campaign 3.17

 

As the campaign winds down, I wanted to utilize one of my latest hand-drawn maps.  The color scheme was inspired by mint-chocolate ice cream (although, it could easily double as a swamp).

The players praised the map as soon as they saw it.  Thusly did it manifest the worm's share of the session.  

We almost had two new players, but things happened and the adventuring party soldiered on with Bandersnatch, Thurberus, and Tinker.

But first... I had the players do a couple things (beyond leveling their characters.  Those three are now 8th level and should have gained a new feat at 7th, FYI).  First, I wanted them each to come up with something about their character that's fairly big or meaningful or important that no one else in the party has any idea about.  And if that information is relayed to others at some point in the campaign, they'll get a point of Divine Favor for it.

Bandersnatch said that he was his own grandfather, having gone back in time at some point to have sex with his grandmother when she was young.  His new feat gave victims of his sorcery Disadvantage on their saving throws.

Thurberus told us he had an unknown type of lavender gem embedded on his body (I think the middle of his chest).  His parents never told him what that was about - it was years before he realized no one else had such a flesh-stone.  Sometimes, that gem grants sensory impressions of things happening in other dimensions and possible futures.  The v'symm priest chose the animal companion feat last time.

Tinker had been taken in by a tribe of Kha'alestinians as a youth, joining their struggle to free Kha'alestine.  This tied-in to his latest feat... that he knew their language and culture, making him a helpful guide when it came time to adventure within Kha'alestine.

Second, I utilized a trick from a blog post my friend sent me weeks ago, the heading for this part of the blog post was something like the cauldron of chaos.  I took a scrap of paper with a suggestion written on it by each player and placed it within the suggestion skull (of secrets).  Once per session, I would remove a suggestion and try to incorporate that into the game, either in that moment or soon after.  So, the players did that.  

Every session, new suggestions - any suggestion at all, for an example I said you could write down "Go fuck yourself!" and maybe I'd do an impression of Elon Musk - are added, until there's quite a few in there.  Starting this so late in the campaign, there won't be a ton by the time we've finished with this season, and I want to incorporate this from the very beginning of our 4th year of the Cha'alt campaign starting in January.

Still within the Temple of Unimagined Horrors - there's a reason, I suppose, why the horrors of this temple are unimagined.  Because, aside from dozens of impaled victims at the beginning and the weirdness of being inside some kind of gigantic Cha'altian creature, there wasn't much in the way of horrific goings on.  Basically, I never imagined them.  Clever ruse or me and my imagination totally dropping the ball?  You decide!  Incidentally, I did sit down and try to think of horrific shit several times, but kept drawing a blank... now that I don't need them, I'm sure the ideas will start flowing.

As the PCs headed towards the last few flesh-cavities yet to be explored, they came upon a grey oblong box.  Thurberus opened it to find his Gallifrey cardinal violet robes cleaned and pressed by the House of the Rising Moons Dry-Cleaners.  Alone with his robes was a scroll tied at the middle with a Gallifrey cardinal violet ribbon.  Written upon the scroll, in zoth, was the following... "Enjoy the freshness.  You, Thurberus, owe me one (1) favor.  Your friend, Garblegax"

Wearing the clean robes of that Gallifrey cardinal violet hue, they kept going.  Thurberus couldn't help but show a knowing smirk.  One day, that demonic imp would no doubt ask for something...

Pulling another monster out of my new DCC bestiary, the PCs encountered something that resembled mirror-like metallic plates covering the wall and floor.  As Tinker investigated, the thing turned into a strange mirror image of the pixie-fairy and attacked him.  Tinker used his bottle of spider milk (which melted it), Thurberus smashed it with the basket he was weaving at the time, and Bander cast an ectoplasmic webbing over the stuff that hadn't transformed yet.  Thurberus used his obsidian thorn staff to absorb whatever soul energy the mirror-metal creature released.

Easily defeated, the party moved on.  They heard the clicking and whirring of machines and saw eleven velociraptor-cyborgs walking around, protecting a towering super-computer towards the back of the cavity.

Into combat they went, Thurberus blasting 4 of the velociraptor-cyborgs with his staff, Bander slicing into a couple of them like they were warm butter.  Meanwhile, the cyborgs were blasting the PCs with red laser eyes and by the 3rd round, everyone was hurting.  Tinker came up with a rather inventive idea - he damaged and then proceeded to threatened the super-computer who eventually ordered his servitors to stand down, which they did.  

The towering computer claimed to be The Oracle, and agreed to answer their questions as long as they performed a service for him - explore his latest "dungeon," essentially, playtesting it before The Oracle met with his own gaming group.  Like any fucking boss, he GMed Cha'alt.  Various sentient machines across the planet played in his campaign.

As the PCs were both trying to come to grips with The Oracle's ask while also stammering in an attempt to let this super-computer down easy without trying his new dungeon, The Oracle zapped them into his creation.  While traveling, The Oracle told them the origins of The Frozen Caves of Mint-Chocolate!  You see, the whole thing came about via a typo when a player in The Oracle's game asked about the greatest secret pertaining to the desert of Cha'alt.  However, in the binary translations of code, it came out as dessert, and The Oracle's A.I. generated the Frozen Caves of Mint-Chocolate.

Appearing within a cave made of frozen mint-chocolate ice cream, the PCs were so they could see their breath. They walked through a tunnel to discover what was up ahead.  At this point, I offered an adventure-themed snack... mint-chocolate ice cream for anyone who wanted it.  Only myself and Bandersnatch's player partook.

Frost-bitten falcons, seemingly made of ice, flew around, occasionally nibbling on a frozen humanoid corpse.  This dude had been sliced open, nearly cut in two.  In front of the dead guy was a message written in either strawberry syrup topping or blood. "2% butterscotch ripple."

Not knowing what that meant, but believing it could be important, they filed that info away and kept going.  They soon found a shivering derelict with his hands tucked into his jacket pockets, muttering to himself that the ratio was off - too much chocolate, not enough mint.  Tinker got close enough for the derelict to stab him with a mint-scorpion dagger.  It did minimal damage, but when Bandersnatch identified the magic item, it was revealed to have the power of killing an opponent who failed to save (if the top number for damage - 4 - was rolled).  Tinker wanted and took that weapon after they killed the shivering derelict.

He had some local currency, too, in a Herculean effort of vast creativity and unparalleled imagination, I came up with "mint-chocolate ice cream coins" on the spot.  Lol.  Hey, it had been a month between games; I was rusty.  However, I soon mentioned that the precision of working bas-relief pictures and text onto the individual coins affected the value... which is something.

Soon, they encountered mint-chocolate elves who were literally made of ice cream.  These were the native guardians of the frozen caves.  They asked the elves if they knew who The Oracle was.  They didn't.  The elves couldn't help the PCs escape this mint-chocolate cave system, so they went on.  But not before giving the adventurers their 3rd best warrior to guide them around.  He was named Chip.

The PCs found a cave where the worshipers of Vertoothgura'ath lived.  They were performing some sort of ritual honoring their ultra-telluric ancestors, asking for wisdom.  Based on the gestures, words, and symbols drawn upon the cave, it led the PCs to believe these folks weren't from around here.  Sure enough, these worshipers were from outer space.  They came here, persecuted for their beliefs by anti-Old One forces, in hopes of finding an ultimate weapon to defeat their enemies.

So far, they have a mint-chocolate hued box that did nothing at all.  Bander asked to investigate the box, to see if he could find a way of activating or attuning it.  The cultist asked Bander to place his hand in the box.  When he reluctantly did, the cultist slammed the box lid down upon the sorcerer's hand.  For that, Bandersnatch decapitated the cultist.  No one in the cult minded because that guy was an asshole.

But they also had a formula (the ingredients were mint-chocolate ice cream, various herbs, and zoth) for communing with the Great Old Ones.  So, they partook and I had everyone roll to see how many balls they were tripping.  Thurberus got the highest... literally, and began speaking to Vertoothgura'ath.

The Great Old One of the frozen caves was limited in that his sphere of influence was wholly comprised of mint-chocolate ice cream.  Nevertheless, he told Thurberus to charge the box with a blood sacrifice.  They also asked Vertoothgura'ath if he knew who The Oracle was, and the Old One answered yes... he was this pocket-universe's creator.  Nothing else of interest was discovered as they came back down to this plane of reality.

Using the dead cultist's heart to attune the magic box, the PCs convinced the cultists to let them utilize the box first and then hand it back to them before they escaped from these frozen ice cream caves.  They agreed, and sent with the PCs their 3rd best worshiper, Vert.

Later, they came upon a high-tech facility known as The Scoop, this was a Dha'arma Initiative station where a couple dozen humans were trying to find their own way of leaving this pocket-universe.  They came up with a giant ice cream scoop, but the mint-chocolate walls were so frozen that it needed to be heated up in order to be effective.  

Killing the guards to gain entry and traipsing around the facility, the party eventually got themselves captured.  There was one guy already in the holding cell, a janitor.  The PCs tried the box out on him as I pulled out a scrap of paper from the suggestion skull.  A vista of cobalt blue opened as the stars turned to jello.  That's what the unfortunate wretch saw just before his mind broke and was reduced to a catatonic state on the floor.  

After seeing this and being promised a way of super-heating their ice cream scoop, the dha'arma folks let the PCs go.  They continued on, finding their way to a mint-chocolate dragon... hey, if you're going to commit, then commit.  

Moving on, the PCs went into a foggy dragon's cave.  Of course, this was a mint-chocolate dragon who's breath weapon was quick-freezing chocolate syrup.  The PCs wisely decided to offer the dragon several baubles rather than attempt to slay him.  Bandersnatch unburdened himself of several items he'd been carrying around since the first few sessions, such as the origami unicorn.

Having pleased the dragon, they made their way past him to a cave containing a gigantic freezer vent.  This is where the ice-cold air was coming from, keeping the ice cream rock hard.  Seeing a swirling fan blade behind the grille, they entered the vent, blasted a bunch of circuitry (that caused the freezing cold air to seize-up and stop functioning), and passed through the stopped fan into a swirling magical portal.

The portal took the PCs back to The Oracle where the super-computer was pleased with their exploration.  He asked what they thought, and got some good feedback.  In return, The Oracle agreed to offer them a small gift of whatever they wanted, plus answer questions.  Without wasting a second, Chip (who had started to melt ever since they entered this beast's interior) hurriedly asked The Oracle for something to keep him from melting.  Almost like the Wizard of Oz, the super-computer opened up a panel and out popped, not a fake heart for the tin-man, but... a tiny pale-blue cube that radiated immense cold.  Chip swallowed it and thanked The Oracle for his generosity.

"Well played," the PCs said as they asked about the ultra-telluric glyphs.  The Great Mainframe gave them a way of attuning these special glyphs (of which the PCs had 3), telling them magic words and ingredients needed to brew a potion that must be drank during the ritual.  And I believe the PCs also asked if he knew where the Old One they released and had been tracking might be.  He's still in Kha'alestine.

There was still time on the clock, but this was a better stopping-point than most.  So, we ended it there.  Next stop would be Kha'alestine.

GMing new adventures is a bit of a high-wire act.  If you think of all the writers, prep, rehearsals, advisors, notes, re-writes, takes, and edits it requires to get a TV show or movie to the audience, it's a lot, and GMs don't get any of that.  While running tried and true scenarios, field-tested over and over again,  provides the most polish, tight pacing, and cover for all manner of eventualities, there's something about doing it live that's inherently appealing.  

All I ask is that for you GMs at home, please have a net to catch you if you fall.

That's it, hoss.  Our next session should be Saturday, October 25th.  Thanks for reading!

VS

p.s.  Fantastic news - weekend badges are now available for July 2026's VENGER CON V: The Will To Power.  Want a great new TTRPG community where you can hang out with other gamers, get ideas, advice, and training in order to improve?  Look no further than the fastest-growing group on X - it's the Kult of Kort'thalis.  Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  

"Follow That Old One" - CHA'ALT 3.10

 

"Every voyage has its own flavor," as Sinbad said in the 1973 film (which I recently re-watched for the nth time).

This session fulfills that prophecy.  Let's dive in and maybe you'll see what I mean...

We had only three players as our traveling playboy was hungover and Bandersnatch's player was celebrating his anniversary.  That means H'ork leveling up to 4th along with Tinker, and Thurberus, maintaining at 5th level, were there to carry forward the Purple Bastards' adventure in the land of purple-Cha'alt.

Just as last session all took place on Cha'alt-prime, this one only focused on purple-Cha'alt.  As we recapped events, Kurva'ak and his minions were slaughtered and the massive dimensional door to the Old One known as Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak (the dark effulgence) was still magically sealed. 

Kurva'ak's former wizard, Zerlin, who now worked for the PCs gave the adventurers two options - blow the magic seal open with something like the plasma reactor core or photon torpedo... or he could magically unseal it via sorcery.  However, that would take the ritual sacrifice of several humanoids - perhaps as many as 11.  After some serious math on the back of a napkin and then sexkerchief, Zerlin felt certain that no more than 9 would be needed when push came to shove or tentacles came to bloodletting, as the saying goes in Cha'alt.

The PCs let it be known that if Zerlin failed, so too would his limbs fail to remain attached to his body.  You know, just to keep him honest and attentive to detail.

Before anything else happened, a purple portal opened, a massive purple claw reached out through the portal, grabbed Bandersnatch, and withdrew back into the portal's purple-lit interior.  Before disappearing, the party's sorcerer threw the amulet out so they'd at least have a chance of controlling or influencing the Great Old One, should they succeed in awakening or freeing him from his prison / slumber.

As the portal stayed open, Thurberus threw a rock into it, hitting Aldous Sand.  Aldous talked with them and they all decided it would be better for him to become some sort of apprentice, rather than stay in the purple labyrinth any longer, practicing his music.

As the PCs explored the rest of this cave system for random humanoids to be sacrificed, a courier ran towards them shouting "Thurberus!"  Holding off on blasting him, they allowed the gray-elf to approach.  He had a scroll tube which the gray-elf opened to reveal issue #14 of Dark Priest Monthly.  

Taking possession of the magazine, Thurberus filled-out the subscription card to receive another 5 years of Dark Priest Monthly, not sure if the bill or subsequent issues would ever find him.  The courier took the card back to the publisher as the v'smm priest flipped through his new magazine.

It featured various ways of luring victims into vans, RVs, and mobile homes by offering valuables such as gold, ammo, and scratch & sniff stickers.  A sexy peach frutie wearing purple lingerie made the centerfold.  Ads for vintage toys of the 70s and 80s (which had the 3 and 4-inch action figures in Thurberus' pack all excited) peppered the slick glossy pages.  Last of all, there was an interview with a dark priest named Father Alfa'anzo who experimented with dimensional magic and lived in the purple labyrinth for years.  His biggest discovery is that other dimensions had their own maze of varying color.  When the PCs scanned the interview for info such as "Why do these labyrinths exist?" it was extraordinary light on details.  Basically, they just do.

Continuing the exploration, the PCs happened upon slaves mining caves for ulfire and jale.  Several male slaves were doing the actual mining while three females sat around, waiting for their own duties to perform - all of them wearing the familiar high-tech slave collars.  

Soon enough, the PCs hacked through the intestinal curtains, killed the guards, and got into a heated battle with the slavers themselves.  Thurberus' magical golden shield saved his ass from a couple critical-hits, bringing him eventually down to 2 HP, and H'ork almost single digits.  Even Tinker was wounded.  But eventually, the PCs triumphed, taking the still alive slavers, their slaves, a bunch of mined crystals and precious stones, along with several scratch & sniff stickers.  Score!

Keeping the head-slave mining, the PCs relieved some pipe-cleaning stress with the women, and then took all the slaves back to Zerlin who was waiting at the magically sealed gateway - but not before Tinker (to whom I passed a note) was revealed to be the purple Pimpernel (or purple pimple as he kept calling it) and saved a couple of aristocrats from Kra'adumek's purple pope and his lilac acolytes of doom who were hot on their trail.  

At first, it seemed like the two aristocrats from the purple city would be the first of many sacrifices, but Zeeder and Chempt were soon treated well, and put in communication with Jay-vax (sub-captain of the S.S. Motherfucker), that racoon from the starship who rescued the PCs from that prison ship long ago.

Zerlin tried his best to minimize the casualties as he worked his sorcery, harnessing the power of the jale and ulfire crystals, along with the warm and inviting flesh of slave girl #2, Korra (whom he fancied so much he took her as his own).  He got it down to 6 sacrifices.  That means the women and purple aristocrats were saved - huza'ah!

The door was unsealed.  H'ork used his half-orc strength to open it enough for them to walk in - it was a dark tomb where an impossibly huge creature lay dormant.  Glyphs carved into ornate walls lined the eldritch sepulcher, many unreadable.  Soon enough, it awakened, spoke briefly to the PCs (the 15% chance of the not-properly-activated ultra-telluric glyph didn't materialize), and left its tomb, breaking apart the cave-system's ceiling and crawling out into the fuchsia-skied desert wasteland north, towards Ka'alestine.

Deciding to follow Igg-Yig-Yatha'ak in their RV, the PCs and their entourage piled-in and took off down the sand.  Coming at them from the eastern side was a Ka'alestinian patrol of about 20 robed cutthroats, a couple of them riding a giant scorpion with a couple human slaves in tow.  Several jiha'adist warriors were holding heads on pikes, and behind them was a decent-sized territory ringed with headless humanoids impaled upon the bone stalks of gigantic insects that roam the wasteland at night.  The Ka'alestinians frequently do this, taking bits of land here and there until they can consolidate them into greater Ka'alestine.

Figuring they could outrun the jiha'adists, the PCs kept going in their RV.  After driving a couple hours (the Ka'alestinians far behind), the adventurers noticed a gathering of a dozen or more people off to the west, just outside the mouth of a cave. 

Getting out to see what was going on, they mingled with two distinct groups - one fancy dressed who were here for a wine tasting in the gilded mauve caves - known locally as Skra'ath Cavern - and the others looked like peasant rabble.  They were here to see-off 3 heroes who decided to "retire themselves" with the high honor of being eaten by the devourer worms - an annual festivity that occurs at Skra'ath Cavern.  

Those about to die usually give blessings, words of wisdom, and sometimes bestow a gift.  Curiously, there was one man clad in black who didn't fit the description of the others.  He looked a bit ruthless and when he tore apart a sand lobster and threw it behind him, a piece that hit one of the peasants almost caused a scuffle, but then the man who was hit immediately backed down after the man in black gave him the look.  The PCs decided to keep an eye on him as they also took part in the festivities. 

First was the heroes being eaten - Sanquen, ranger of the desert night; Bestia'al, a female known as the blood oath barbarian; and Zoffestry, a sorcerer and former vizir of Ka'alestine.  Life expectancy on Cha'alt pretty much tops-out at 69, and these three were well into their 70s.  They wanted a "good death," hence being eaten by the devourer worms.  The juices of death-berries (which grew in these caves) marinated in a large skull.  The heroes sipped the death-berry wine, which was said to prepare their souls for the journey.

Tinker decided to instigate a race war between the mauve folk and gold folk who lived together in Skra'ath Cavern.  Both races were rather small.  Apparently, there was a wizard who lived amongst them, and he used the mauve folk as his helpers, eventually convincing or compelling them to assist him in capturing the gold folk to use in his experiments.  The wizard died over a year ago, but the hard feelings survive.

Meanwhile, Thurberus and H'ork followed the man in black who showed them his magical short sword, figuring they were here for the same reason - to capture the soul-energy of the consumed "warriors" in a valuable object.  Kicking out the mauve and gold folk with the crystals they had planned to ensoul, the man in black, Varker, waited along with the two PCs.  

It wasn't long before the ethereal streams of white energy came into the cave, drawn here via magical means, no doubt, and energized Varker's short sword, Thurberus' brass key he'd kept from The Venturan colony ship where they were originally imprisoned, and H'ork chose the severed hand of Zerlin... for some weird reason.  I rolled randomly, and the soul of the sorcerer Zoffestry went into the hand (which seemed fitting).  H'ork and his new sorcerer-hand companion began communicating, hoping to create some kind of odd familiar relationship a la The Addams Family.

Rejoining Tinker, the PCs + Varker walked elsewhere in Skra'ath, hoping to taste that wine supposedly superior to all others in the region.  They ran into 4 bandits mugging a couple of fancy dressed wine connoisseurs.  The PCs took care of the muggers, looted their bodies, and stole the victims' gold and shoes before moving onwards toward that supposedly irresistible wine.

That's where we left things.  When we pick-up in just a week (this schedule is unusual because I'll be gone on a family vacation in a couple weeks), the PCs will finish exploring Skra'ath Cavern, and then we'll see what happens with the PCs on Cha'alt-prime.

There's also a chance that a new player joins us this coming Saturday.  Tentacles crossed!

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July (Sandy Petersen will be joining us as VENGER CON's Guest of Honor).  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!

"Black Pyramid Scheme" - CHA'ALT 3.9

 

It would have been nearly impossible to surpass our last session, truly a "banger," as the kids say.  But I think session nine in the Cha'alt campaign's third year came close to equaling it.  

A slight switch-up in the PC roster saw us with Bandersnatch, Thurberus, Botserdomus, and Tinker.  Since H'ork wasn't with us, and it took awhile to finish the narrative thread with confronting Simon, I decided against hopping over to the purple dimension of Cha'alt - this time.  

The party's half-orc warrior seemed to be more center stage in the purple world, and I wanted to close-out Simon.  But that doesn't mean there wasn't inter-dimensional shenanigans... because there were.  

The Crimson Bastards + purple Bandersnatch were about to leave The Black Pyramid room of Thoth-A'amon.  Bela'ak, the half-demon, half dark-elf vigilante found a cloak of disguise from the sorcerer-priest's armoire, donned it, and became Thoth-A'amon, at least in likeness.  Bela'ak decided he would rule in place of his dead nemesis, influencing if not outright controlling the 8-or-so room domain known in this place as a Docho.

Thurberus saw it as a sort of death and resurrection "rebirth" of Thoth-A'amon, straight out of myth.  Tinker warned Bela'ak not to get too corrupted by the power he will no doubt attain.  The dark-red and purple Bela'ak assured the pixie-fairy that, given his heritage, he shouldn't have a problem with that.  ;)

But the adventurers will always be welcome in Thoth-A'amon's Docho, and the next time they reappeared, they'd be welcomed with a bountiful feast.

Soon enough, the PCs found themselves in a room of white-robed cultists waiting for their time to be devoured by the godlike Zarga'an in a neighboring room.  After considerable banter, the PCs took a sample of the soporific wine (not from the neck-penis of a sandworm, but Zarga'anian piss that tasted like Miller High-Life) and decided to check out a chartreuse sphere of considerable energy.  

Bandersnatch the purple rashly grabbed it with both hands.  I requested a sort of combined saving throw and skill-check, which came up quite positive.  With only minimal damage inflicted, Bandersnatch communed with dread K'tulu and was given the knowledge that this sphere would grant magical blades a glyph of sharpness, making them vorpal (any crit with a vorpal weapon will decapitate the foe).

Bandersnatch felt the presence of another magical sword nearby.  Only having one enchanted blade currently in their possession, they slid the cursed obsidian dagger from a few sessions back into the chartreuse sphere.  Tinker decided to wrap a thin rope around it and use the sphere as a bola, knowing that touching it was hazardous to one's health.

Backtracking a bit, they entered the chamber of Zarga'an.  Bandersnatch went down and Tinker was wounded, but otherwise, the PCs felled the spawn of the Old Ones after a couple rounds.  Looting his room, they got a moonstone of true seeing (at least when it came to domination, possession, and that sort of thing), a massive drow sword named Arythaeldryn [slightly reskinned from The Islands of Purple-Haunted Putrescence] that was a +3 and +5 vs lawful and good-aligned beings that could control other magic swords, and Zarga'an's horn which would grant one person one wish per lifetime.

Tinker wished for hot girls looking to party, at least one for each of them - including a pixie-fairy sized one.  So, they partook of the flesh and got their +5 bonus.  Botserdomus wished for a pet banana-saurus which soon became possessed by the pixie-fairy's demon Nixor.  I must confess, aside from the name, I had little to no recollection of Nixor - I'll have to re-read my previous blog posts to familiarize myself with that.

The other two decided to hold-back their wishes as they returned to the cultists, telling them the bad news - Tinker wanting to quote Nietzsche "God is dead and it is we who killed him."  I rolled for the cultist's reaction.  They were despondent and on the brink of suicide.  Thurberus was at half-chub just hearing that news.  Reinvigorating their obsidian staff with a few souls, including the soul of Zarga'an himself, the priest took the rest as acolytes and they continued on.

Another room showed a half-dozen humanoids holding on for dear life as they were being sucked into the maw of some obscene, leviathan at the back of the room.  Tinker decided to swing his sphere so one of the humanoids could grasp it.  Thinking this could help him get out of this situation, he grabbed the sphere.  It shocked the bejesus out of him - chartreuse electrocution - which fused his hands to the sphere as he and the sphere were pulled in.  Bandersnatch used magic to teleport the sphere and Tinker into another room.  Meanwhile, both priests used their eldritch beam together, essentially crossing the streams.  

I decided to consult the wild magic side-effects table in Fuchsia Malaise, having each player roll a d100 to see what would happen.  One of them opened an orange portal - with an orange floating in space, casting judgement upon those it gazed upon with tangerine intent.  The other turned the Lovecraftian mouth-thing into a jack-in-the-box as it bobbed helplessly up and down.  Those inadvertently saved were grateful.

Two orange-peel PC dopplegangers exited the orange portal.  One was in the likeness of Thurberus, telling him not to ever give up the one ring - Singularum A'analus.  The other told him the opposite advice - destroy it before Singularum A'analus can destroy the entire party, perhaps Cha'alt itself.

Taking a different path, the PCs eventually found The Museum!  The bored and unhelpful curator told them there were three sections - the old wing, new exhibits, and weird art.  Searching the old wing first, they came upon a meteorite, a large high-tech ray gun, a red maple-leaf euthanasia booth, and two elves arguing over a ring on a pedestal and under a glass dome.  

The elf from a hairy-lime dimension wanted it as an engagement ring for his girlfriend.  The other, a blood-elf, just wanted the hairy-lime to not have it.  After listening to their conversation for a minute, the PCs decided to blast or stab the elves and take the ring for themselves.  Bandersnatch assumed Thurberus should wear the ring since those two orange dudes from the last room talked to Thurberus, which meant that he's probably the one who will need to wear it in the future.

One identify spell later... it's a greater ring of immunity - meaning that Thurberus was now immune to pretty much everything.  Someone tried stabbing him a minute later, and sure enough, he was immune.

Wandering over to the new exhibits, they saw a basalt bust of Cholak, their former patron demon.  Knocking it over so it broke, they continued on to find the hammer - it was a ban-hammer (I couldn't resist).  I mean, it makes sense since Simon is just the character of some teenager who cheated in order to become uber-powerful in Cha'alt, formerly the hyper-realistic immersive video game of the same name.

BTW, Karl filled the PCs in on Cha'alt's recent past, that it started as an immersive video game, and then became real, allowing the metaverse of infinite dimensions to also stop being computer simulations in favor of the real thing - this was called The Great Actualization.  Apparently, individuals who were inside Cha'alt's virtual reality were trapped here, unable to leave. 

The hammer could find anyone programed into it, so they asked it to locate Simon.  The hammer opened up a portal, and they went in.  It took them to the room where Ura'az-Vethune was ablaze with golden flame.  Simon was punching holes in The Black Pyramid - to the point where you could see daylight on the other side.  Such blasphemy was akin to someone taking out the crucifix from the Piss Christ art exhibit and shoving it up everyone's pee-hole.  Not cool, bro!

Before combat commenced, Simon monologued about how stupid Cha'alt was - banana-men, tentacled worms, scantily-clad women with oversized boobs and butts?  Was the idiot who made this place a 14 year old boy?  Simon was intent on remaking Cha'alt for "modern audiences."  That's right, this campaign setting would soon look like Disney had acquired the I.P.  Everything potentially offensive, over-sexualized, and edgelord would have to go.  The Black Pyramid with its nigrescent stone... racist, much?

If the PCs didn't want to fuck Simon's shit up before, they surely did now.  No one tries to Disney-fy Cha'alt and gets away with it.  As soon as Botsterdomus attacked Simon with the ban-hammer, he snapped his fingers, taking away the droid priest's legs.  He threw the hammer over to Thurberus who would be immune.  Simon needed to be dealt at least 100 points of damage from the ban-hammer before he was well and truly banned.  

Bandersnatch had a good idea - use his new sword that could command magical blades.  He ordered Simon's ultra-telluric sword to attack its owner, which it did.  From the damage of both, Simon was soon taken down - exploding in fragmented pixels.

At which time, several portals opened in short succession.  These dimensional gateways were from the fuchsia, puce, and banana Cha'alts.  Almost all of them arrived to tell Thurberus to destroy the one ring before it was too late.  His own puce self held a portable hole full of molten lava.  "Throw it in, hoss.  It's the only way."

However, Thurberus wasn't sure.  I mean, can you blame him?  The ring made him essentially invincible.  At first, Thurberus tried to swap-out his lesser ring of immunity (protecting him from blunt force trauma) for the greater ring, but his puce-self realized what was going on, reminding him that such tricks wouldn't work because "I'm you, hoss."

Then, Tinker-prime and fuchsia-Tinker both tried to steal the ring off Thurberus.  That attempt failed.  No one was quite sure if they had succeeded if they'd have worn the ring (and if so, which one... maybe they could have merged somehow?) or threw it into the lava themselves.

Eventually, the v'smm priest did the right thing.  He tossed the greater ring of immunity, Singularum A'analus, into the boiling-hot magma.  The other PCs from various dimensions left after telling Thurberus he did the right thing.  

And that's where we ended things.  BTW, just for the sake of posterity, keeping myself honest, and possibly helping my fellow GMs along the way, I frequently go back and forth between reading text I wrote during prep and speaking extemporaneously (either improvising or going-off from my notes).  Extemporaneous speech is always better, but sometimes, I'm afraid of missing something, forgetting details is easy to do, but on the other tentacle, reading is almost always less dynamic.  

And when you stumble on a word because you can't read your fucking hand-writing... well, that's just embarrassing.  That happened TWICE during this session, so I'm going to make a concerted effort to read "boxed text" less, so I sound less scripted.  I likened it to Luke at the Deathstar, turning off his targeting computer, and instead, just using the force.  Yeah, it can be more difficult, requiring a bigger commitment, but in the end, I believe it's worth it.  

That means preparing my session notes in a different way, more like bullet-point "tags" rather than full sentences written out.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

For reaching this milestone - plus, all the stuff that happened on the way, every PC gets three fuchsia stones of Divine Favor to use next session. 

Oh yeah, mere hours left to back my latest book(s) on kickstarter, namely Play Like A Fucking Boss + Fairy Dust.  Please back and share this project!    

As I've mentioned elsewhere, this game mechanic was cemented at Gary Con.  I've toyed with the foundations of it in our home Cha'alt game, and will be debuting it in actual play, as a player-facing mechanic, at our next game on Saturday, May 24th.

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here's how (and they're currently on sale!)!!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July (Sandy Petersen will be joining us as VENGER CON's Guest of Honor).  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!

"Lost In Translation" - CHA'ALT Campaign 3.3

 

I'll start out by saying we almost didn't play this weekend.  One player was on a pick-up artist pub crawl sojourn in Florida, another was terribly sick.  A third had been traveling for work and needed to spend time with his wife before leaving again.  

I suggested shortening the game to 3 hours so at least then he'd have time to go out to dinner with his wife or something.  He could hear the desperation in my text and took pity on this poor, beleaguered Game Master.  With 3 players (and no warrior in sight), we continued season three of the magnificent Cha'alt campaign.

Bandersnatch the blue-suede elf sorcerer (bard-guitarist), Thurberus the v'smm priest, and Tinker the pixie-fairy thief.  Their tour shuttle was just pulling into the golden gates of Federation Occupied A'agrybah when Bandersnatch and Tinker - but later we discovered that it was Thurberus, as well (the ones who partook of last session's Blessing of Kort'thalis) were awoken by the same dream...

They were walking down the street and passed a smiling man who held a bag of coins in his hand.  As the man went by, the adventurers turned and stabbed him in the back.  Blood poured from his wound and the PCs' mouths as they woke up to find themselves opening a door that led to a kitchen.

Sitting at that kitchen table were three mature women known as the Golden Girls... Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose.

Dorothy: "Well, who's this tall drink of nothing?"

Blanche: "I don't know, he's kind of cute for a grizzled, ruthless, cold-hearted adventurer."

Rose: "How can you tell he's grizzled?"

Dorothy: "See those muddy boots, cuts and scrapes all over his hands and face?  He's grizzled.  Let's move on."

Blanche: "Oh, Mr. Adventurer, sir... why don't you come over here and explore my love tunnel?"

Sophia [from the bedroom]: "Is the doctor here?  If he is, send him in - I'm already bent over for my hemorrhoid inspection!"

Then, the PCs woke up again - realizing they'd been asleep on the journey back from the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  Botsterdomus saw a flyer for droid jousting and jumped out the shuttle window.  As everyone disembarked (except H'ork, he never woke up and must have slept through a few more tours), they noticed a riot.

The PCs had a choice of pushing-through the wall of Federation soldiers and Cha'alt natives pushing back or going around the edge of the city to avoid them.  They went through.  Bandersnach was grazed with a laser blast, Thurberus got knifed, and Tinker was handed an ornately carved sandworm tooth - the eldritch glyphs were a prayer to Yog-Soggoth.  Before leaving, the elf who handed the tooth to Tinker showed his explosive belt beneath his robes.

What was the riot about?  Thanks to a protest sign that read "Stop inserting our dinner up your Federation ass!" and questioning rioters, the PCs learned that a Cha'alt insect known as the quicidia are a local delicacy, but the Federation uses them as a pleasurable anal suppository (thus, putting those insects on an endangered species list so the natives can't eat them).  Apparently, the skittering skills the quicidia learn in the wild are what Federation elite prefer, which is why they can't simply farm the insects on a space station.

Before going any farther, I'll just say that there was a lot of running around this session.  Whole lot of footwork, social interaction, and exploration, very little carnage.  So it goes...

The PCs made their way to the starport at the center of Federation Occupied A'agrybah because they needed to get paid before they could buy stuff at the other locations of interest.  Security was tight due to all the civil unrest in the city.  A dozen soldiers were scanning folks, going through baggage.  Anyone with a Cha'alt native neck tattoo was barred from entering the docking bay.

What to do?  Tinker, being only 6-inches tall, flew up and into an open window to make his way to the S.S. Motherfucker where he found a freaked-out Jay-vax.  Captain Neevo never returned and the ship's computer was locked-down unless they had a retina scan or password.  Neevo's personal computer was in his quarters, so Jay-vax and Tinker checked his browsing history - pornhub, hub-porn, you porn, porn rub, XXX-tube, Venger's lounge, vintage orgies with massive boobs and hairy snatch, along with directions to and menu options for a cantina located downtown called The Blue Banana.

Jay-vax needed to stay with the ship; he implored the adventurers to find Captain Neevo and get him back to the Motherfucker before it was too late.  Before leaving, the racoonoid gave Tinker 500 credits in walking around money, hoping that would be enough to get them in and out of trouble at the Blue Banana.

The PCs added that to their lengthy to-do list and headed to the merchant and red silk districts which were right next to each other.  Walking through streets and back alleys, they happened upon a couple of street scum abusing an orange colored worm the size of a loveseat.  The ruffians were slapping this "porch worm" around, trying to fill an empty bottle with worm wine from his neck penis.

The PCs interjected and when they were threatened by one of the scum, Thurberus blew him away with his blaster, and the other ran.  Bandersnatch used his language spell to communicate with the worm.  Apparently, his name was Clyde and he belonged to a winemaker named Julian.  Soon after, Julian found them all and invited the PCs back to his winery in the back of Julian's wine bar.

They saw a half-dozen couch-sized worms watching porn (it relaxes them) until they got the urge to pee.  Holding their neck fat at bay, Julian moved a wine bottle to the tip of one's neck penis in order to fill it with delicious and refreshing worm wine.  The PCs had just drank some with a loathsome lavender hue and the refreshing bouquet of a chilled spice-peach liqueur.  They talked a little business, possibly one day becoming off-world distributors for Julian's fancy piss - straight outta A'agrybah.  Then, departed - but not before hearing the legend of how the ancients knew a secret distillation process for making the best worm wine in the known universe.

The PCs went to Reznik's burned-out Radio Shack and got some cybernetic enhancements in exchange for all the 8-track cassette discs of porn and exploitation films they found last session.  Thurberus got a lightning hand.  Tinker got a cyclops-visor for seeing through walls and wrist-lasers.  And they all took an artificial skin-graft with them in order to hide their tattoos, if needed. 

Then, they journeyed a little ways to the curio shop where that scroll the demon lord wanted was housed - At Your Mercy.  Walking into the shop (except for Tinker as his demonic dark passenger was kept out by the shop's wards against infernal beings and magic), the owner's nephew Alkameed asked them what they needed.

When they told Alkameed they wanted the Nyazian scroll (among other scrolls so as not to be overly suspicious), the shop clerk told them his uncle Indiana would only allow it to be sold in aid of scholarly pursuits or if it were kept in a museum ("It belongs in a museum," his uncle would often say).

Assuring Alkameed that the Nyazian scroll would be displayed in a museum, he sold it to them - but not before a serious price reduction owing to Sass taking the young man in the back and showing him a good time.  By the time they finished, the others had found a few other things to buy... the glass eye of a reptilian war-chief, an illumination orb that glowed glittering gold like a disco ball, and a book of dimensional magic with instructions on opening a portal to the purple labyrinth.

It was getting late, so they spent the night at Julian's wine bar.  But not before getting Uncle Indiana to ward Bandersnatch, Thurberus, and the travel tube containing the Nyazian scroll, saving them from being attacked by demons before they could send the scroll to the demon lord.  After waking, they headed over to the Cha'alt excursion tour shuttle and rode over to the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice again, finding the brush-covered cave that would lead them back to the demon lord Cholak.  The PCs forgot that there was a metallic door their former contact opened with a keycard.

I casually, but not too casually, slid the Cha'alt X-Cards over to Bandersnatch's player as they all wondered aloud how they were going to get through.  The sleaze card was stimulated and I decided that minutes later, a man wearing a black trench-coat appeared in that little cave, sure that this was the location of a sex party he'd been invited to.  Assuming that's why the adventurers were also there, he stepped up to the metal door, knocked, and when asked for the password said "Oooorrrrggyyy."

Everyone went through the opened door.  A weird pink slime was everywhere - all over the floor and stone walls.  They tracked this syrupy coating to that black devil mouth oozing a violet-magenta mist that crept along the ground.  The mist interacting with the moisture of the caves and tunnels created that strange pink substance.  Asking the orgy guy to go first, they had him wander into the devil's mouth.  When he didn't come back, they tied something around Tinker's waist and eased him through.

It was a portal to Quorta'ath.  Besides mounds of pink gelatinous slime, they saw a back temple or fortress in the distance and a tentacled pillar of purple and fuchsia darkness.  It moved towards the dude in black, eviscerating him.  Tinker saw that and quickly backed out.  Bandersnatch peaked his head in quick to confirm what was going on, then they all searched for Cholak's cave.  Sure enough, they found him sitting upon his throne of sewn corpses, his subhuman servants loped about, grunting with curiosity.

Cholak told them of the scroll's ultra-telluric glyphs (which Alkameed had already warned them about) - that they were impossible to translate, being so alien.  However, it was prophesied that ultra-telluric glyphs could be deciphered within the Temple of Unimagined Horrors located in the S'kwa'aves region of the S'kbah desert, an hour's travel southwest of the purple worm corpse.

"You may think this far too much effort simply to translate a 10,000 year old scroll, but I assure you, speaking the ultra-telluric glyphs written in zoth upon this parchment aloud - while performing the ritual of Ascension - will make me the master and ruler of Cha'alt."

So, Cholak effectively became their patron, as the adventurers agreed to help make the demon lord "President of Cha'alt."  The PCs remembered Cholak mentioning a further reward, and bequeathed to them 3 magical gifts... 

• To Tinker went a necklace of a worm fashioned out of purple jade.  Once per day, it allowed the wearer to transform himself into a giant worm.
• Thurberus was gifted a golden shield that gave Disadvantage to opponents attacking the shield-bearer.  
• The last was a turquoise helm that focused concentration and would supercharge a sorcerer's spellcasting.  

The PCs gladly accepted these gifts [man, it would be a real bummer if these magic items constantly nagged the PCs to stay on task and refused to work if they ever betrayed Cholak] and agreed to seek the translation in the Temple of Unimagined Horrors.  That's where we ended it.  Not bad for a 3-hour tour!

Since they'll encounter the purple worm corpse first, I imagine they'll explore that before the temple.  Lots of combat next session.  And one or two surprises, of course.  

I owe each of the PCs 3 points of Divine Favor (and Bandersnatch 4) for various activities and contributions throughout the session, so I'm leaving this here as a reminder.

Lots of laughs between the 4 of us.  The following were amusing and/or poignant phrases uttered around the table...

• "We'll be made dishonorary demons."
• "He's got management written all over him with infernal glyphs."
• "It was in last month's column of Places To Put Your Schlong in Dark Priest Monthly."
• "What is the air speed of an unladen sandworm?"
• "Julian wakes you up with a nice breakfast wine that tastes like cinnamon rolls."
• "The fraxel-meyer proposition."
• "We'll just wait awhile... see what happens." That not-exact-quotation from The Thing helps me remember a truism about Game Mastering.  Revelations come in their own time.  You can't force them.  Sometimes, you've just got to wait and see.
• "He who constipates an entire army, controls that army." We discussed putting those worms of Set up someone's bottom in order to control their bowel movements.
• "Anal dynamics... anal economics... anal analytics, and anal economic theory."
• "Why not start our own business - we'll be the first name in butts!" and "Butt Bugs R Us... another business plan for the Crimson Bastards."
• "I'd like to be the Secretary of Commerce," said Thurberus after finding out that Cholak will take over the world, and make the PCs his dukes, barons, etc.
• "Who am I to stand in the way of Federation elite and their butt bugs?"
• "Never look a gift worm in the mouth."

I hope you were suitably entertained.  FYI, just made Primordial Chaos: Gonzo Like A Fucking Boss 50% off on DTRPG.  If you have a question or comment, do your thing down below.  Next session is Saturday, February 22nd.  Looking forward to it!

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want the hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  here's how!  Want to join the Kort'thalis mailing list to stay up-to-date on what's going on in the skinematic Vengerverse?  This is it!!  Last but not least, I'm organizing a based-as-fuck RPG convention in Madison, WI this July.  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON IV: Post-Modern Apocalypse!!!