Sunday, March 10, 2024

Mysterious Qada'ath [CHA'ALT campaign, session 9]

 

Never before in the anals of history (and if you haven't taken anal history with Ms. Tush, I highly recommend it) has there ever been a shot like the one that blasted the Ark of the Covenant into... well, let's just roll the tape so you can see for yourself.

We begin with three players, and their characters were Drogon the human/banana sorcerer, Nix the demon/clown/banana thief (we discussed Nix's look before getting underway - big long yellow banana nose that squeaks when squeezed, bright Bozo-red hair and goatee, white face paint, and plaid pants), and Juan Tifrifo the crystalline/banana warrior.  Yes, at the end of last session, they had just been turned into banana-men after Juan removed a neon banana sign from the cave wall.

Behind the neon banana sign was an 18-inch crack running vertically in the cave wall.  Peaking in, they could see a cave aglow with large colorful crystals and in the center was a golden pylon.  Immediately, Juan used his blaster to make a bigger entrance and then they entered to look around.  The pylon didn't have its familiar pyramidal key above the currently non-existent door, but they had Nix and Nix had his trusty crystal-rimmed jaccard.

Rolling a natural 20, Nix opened the door before his crystal-rimmed jaccard even touched the locking mechanism.  It opened into blackness, so Drogon asked Ta'anzo (his spider familiar) if he would check it out... and he did.  It was safe for his master and his master's companions.  

Stepping into the black void interior of the gold pylon, the PCs brushed up against a beaded curtain and saw shag carpeting, black lights, velvet paintings, banana-shaped lava lamp, mood music playing in the background (most likely Fuchsia Floyd), an end-table displaying pet rocks next to an elaborate glass bong, coffee table containing an open book, and paisley couch.

Juan Tufrifo shaved some of the shag carpeting and sliced the banana lava lamp in two.  Nix ripped a bong-hit that was pre-filled with a chartreuse powder.  Drogon took a look at the book on the table - it was a magical tome instructing sorcerers in the use of a special kind of glyph... slut glyphs!  With the help of this book, a sorcerer could learn how to create, energize, and stimulate a sexually suggestive magical symbol onto a woman's lower back, the most powerful slut glyphs are capable of sexually enslaving their nubile vessels. 

Before leaving, Drogon decided to cast detect magic to see if there was anything else they should be paying attention to.  With his sorcerous eyes, Drogon sensed something under the couch.  The crystalline-banana warrior sliced the couch in two as his companion gazed at what was hidden underneath - a poster (although, now I'm picturing it as more of an oversized scroll than something I would have hung on my wall as a teenager) of a banana.  The closer they examined it, the more obvious that the banana was a sticker that could be peeled away to reveal... a flesh-colored tentacle.  The tentacle was puffy and squishy and slimy.

Since it was magical, they rolled it up and took it with them.  Upon exiting, they came across a dozen pig-faced orcs who were taking the clown-gangbang woman to their lair (since the PCs had focused on the pylon and a little on the crystals, they completely neglected a small tunnel at the back of the cave leading to the orc lair.  

The woman was unconscious, and the PCs were probably going to let the orcs go so they could put the woman in their giant stew-pot and eat her in peace.  But then the two other freed prisoners appeared and the orcs threw metal collars and chains on them so they could also be eventually eaten.  The human slaves pleaded with the adventurers to be saved (again), so the trio of anti-heroes complied.  Mostly because Juan got bored and fired his blaster several times down the tunnel as some of the orcs had already started walking back home.

After taking significant damage, the PCs had slaughtered the remaining orcs.  Drogon's player missed by 1 during combat, and I reminded him of the new optional rule in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.  He performed the tentacle "ritual" and got his +1.

They decided to rest off their wounds in the pylon (Nix discovered a way to lock it from the inside without the key).  Meanwhile, the adventurers discovered that the woman, Samantha, had a slut glyph tramp-stamp on her lower back (that read "open for business"), so they asked her about it.  She confirmed their suspicion - the sorcerer who lived here in this pylon had manifested the slut glyph on her body.  He was on some kind of shamanic-walkabout and would eventually return.

Samantha, in true Heavy Metal movie style, asked if there was anything she could do to repay the adventurers for saving her.  One or more of the party was interested, but opted to wait until after their rest so they could utilize the sleaze-factor 5 bonus more effectively.  However, Samantha had some jellybeans (wild blackberry) secreted in her love-pocket.  She gave them to Nix as a way of saying thanks.

3 hours of rest and relaxation later, the glyph guru came back, looking like PeeWee Herman in tan robes and a cookie crisp pointy wizard's hat and matching wand with a cookie that's had a bite taken out on the end (not sure what Midjourney was thinking, but this is the best of 8).  He restored the PCs to their non-banana state - "Expiritu returnum sancti!"  Nix had a choice of remaining a night-clown along with his demon heritage or to have that reversed, as well.  Nix preferred to stay both clown and demon.  

The PCs got their remaining HP back, as well, and then left to let the glyph guru and Samantha do what they want in the pylon.  Those shrimp cocktail jellybeans would go well with the tuna wormhole he was about to devour. 

Leaving the subterranean ex-zoo dungeon (with the photon torpedo), the PCs found Johnny Transport sleeping in the driver's seat.  They got in and drove towards the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  On the way, they were fired upon by a Federation hover-tank.  Drogon's missile command intercepted the missile that almost blew them up.  Johnny Transport ejected to safety, leaving them without a driver - but one of the NPCs jumped to the wheel and made sure the transport was stable (the photon torpedo had been ensconced with blankets in the trunk).  

They couldn't outrun the hover-tank and decided to make a last stand, parking it sideways and using it for cover.  The hover-tank shot several holes into it before a half-dozen Federation soldiers got out to charge them.  A few laser blasts and a crit later, the soldiers were dead, but there was still one in the hover-tank as it fired on the converging red-shirt NPC who was running up there with a laser-sword as Ta'anzo scuttled his way up onto the hover-tank and into the cockpit.  At this point, the SLEAZE Cha'alt X-Card was stimulated.

Calling upon his master's sorcerous vitality (costing Drogon 1 hit-point), the spider jacked all over the console which released and temporarily solidified the massive amounts of porn stored in the hover-tank's computer.  Suddenly, there were tentacled whores everywhere.  The pilot was distracted enough for Ta'anzo to pick up his blaster and shoot him in the back. 

Taking the photon torpedo with them, the PCs drove the hover-tank to the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  On the way, they saw that guy with the purple-stained hand hitchhiking so the NPC driver (who hadn't been vaporized into a pink mist) pulled over to pick him up.  The dude's name was Zacharia, and he admitted to being a part of the prophecy.

BTW, the PCs realized they could take one of their fist-sized ka'alaxian crystals, break it in half and replace the crystal power source for their laser-swords with that.  It super-charged their laser-swords from 3d6 to 3d8.  

Approaching the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice, the PCs saw Gonzo and his entourage on one side and the 111 humanoid sacrifices on the other, being detained by several Federation soldiers.  Nix's player stimulated the POST-APOCALYPSE card as, I believe, Drogon's player stimulated the SCIENCE-FANTASY Cha'alt X-Card - double stimulation!! - and together we decided that this whole area was full of massive bones - sandworm skeletal remains and those of alien dinosaurs... making it a natural sandworm hangout.  That, combined with the Ark of the Covenant's power, was drawing sandworms to the area.

Now, the PCs knew that Gonzo most likely couldn't be harmed because of the Old Ones' protection (since Gonzo possessed the holiest of holy weapons or X'queeu residing inside the Ark).  Also, Zacharia told them that even if they used the photon torpedo to destroy the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice, its remnants might still be usable to fulfill the prophecy.

Before getting out to speak with the apocalyptic priests who had gathered on the Crimson Rock outskirts, Zacharia gave the PCs a purple powder to snort.  They did and it took their consciousness on a trip to the Purple Labyrinth.  There, the PCs wandered purple corridors until they happened upon a purple chamber containing Gonzo, his entourage, and the Ark... but out of phase with consensual reality.

Drogon consulted the slut glyph book and attempted to trace a glyph on Gonzo's lower back that would attract sandworms.  He rolled well, the slut glyph was created and stimulated.  Then, the adventurers returned to "reality."  In order to complete their disruption of the ceremony, they drove up the side of the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  Juan Tufrifo took the laser cannon controls in his crystal hand, quieted his mind, focused his energy, used the force, aimed at the Ark, and squeezed a shot off.

This was an important roll.  He picked up the d20 and rolled... a 5.  There was talk of spending a point of Divine Favor or using Fuchsia Burn, but Juan's player decided to use one of his lavender demon-moon dice of destiny, and, inexplicably, a gilded die of Satanis (referred to by Nix's player as "the humiliation die").  Both d6s came up 6!!!

So, that's a critical success on the lavender moon die and critical success on the gilded die.  One of the things I like about the come-up-with-stuff-on-the-fly systems we have in place is that it forces me to spontaneously create in that reality based solely on prompts and occasional player suggestions - this is the PSYCHOCOSM your mother never warned you about during the Satanic panic.  After a few seconds of contemplation, I decided that the Ark of the Covenant was blasted off the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice and into the mouth of a sandworm - as several had now converged on their location, all the more urgently due to Gonzo's slut glyph tramp-stamp.

But what's the humiliation of Juan Tufrifo?  Moments after swallowing the Ark, the sandworm pooped it out - and for God only knows what reason, the turd looked exactly like the crystalline warrior himself.  The PCs decided to scoop up the poop-encased Ark of the Covenant with plans to let it petrify until it was needed in the future.

The session ended about 30 minutes early as we were all emotionally spent after that dramatic climax and there was no way of topping it.  

Now that this arc (no pun intended) is complete, time to start thinking about what's next for the campaign.  Good stopping point because we won't reconvene for 3 weeks as I have my eldest daughter's birthday party next weekend and GaryCon the weekend after.

A lot of great quotes were heard around the table...

  • "You get that familiar tingling sensation."
  • "I love the idea of slut glyphs, that's such a great concept.  It's even fun to say... slut glyph!"
  • "Banana glyphs?  Ok, let me research that."
  • "Do we still have our original... equipment down there?"  To which I responded, "You don't have banana junk perse, but it has taken on a banana-like influence."
  • "Instead of tea-totaler, what about the phrase zoth-totaler?  Too old-timey?"
  • "Sandworm poop smells like cinnamon."
  • "Marsupial spider-satchel."
  • "I'm like an avenging clown angel of chaos."
  • "Banana shadows."
  • "Samantha, you're in for a treat!"
  • "Federation soldiers are like the stormtroopers of Cha'alt."
  • "Nix, surely a master-thief," to which he responded, "I am a master-thief, but don't call me Shirley."
  • "Remember to gently peel back your banana-skirt, you don't want to bruise."
  • "Coochie jellybeans."
  • "When it comes to prophecies, it's not so much the letter of the law as the spirit."
  • "Your moon dice moment is a verse from the song of your own life."
  • "I got my +5 [sleaze factor bonus].  See you later, THOT!"
  • "Yeah, we'll just call him Johnny Transport.  That's good enough."

Ok, I'll blog again between now and our next session - Saturday, March 30th - but the next stop on the Cha'alt train is Gary Con!  Looking forward to it.

VS

p.s. Want your own hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Order it here, and thank you for supporting independent RPG creators... rather than woke corporations that don't give a damn about the hobby.  I'll keep reminding you guys, VENGER CON III this July in Madison, WI.  Come game with us!

Monday, March 4, 2024

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 8]

 

Finally, we are back from our unexpected hiatus.  Thanks for tuning in.  I think you'll be pleased to read about this particular game... it was bananas!

We returned with 4 players - Drogon the human sorcerer, Nix the demon thief, Juan Tufrifo the crystalline warrior (and blue glass pusher), and Gorra the grog (sand construct) priest.  All 4 Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer classes were exhibited - the most important kind of representation!

Before I forget, I opened the door as the first player arrived to see a package at my front door.  It was the fake squishy banana that I had ordered from Amazon just 2 days prior.  So, that was a prop I kept on the game table throughout the session.  And you can bet your bottom-dollar I'll be bringing that motherfucker to Gary Con with me!

The party started at the Quick Stop convenience store in the Outer Settlements of Qada'ath.  They needed a place to plan their assault on the cantina after discovering that Gonzo had taken over the 2nd floor apartment above the desert watering hole (that had been newly renovated to include a strip club with jacuzzi, dance floor, etc.) upon claiming the Ark of the Covenant for himself.

While the other three PCs discussed the merits of sneaking around vs barging in with guns blazing, Juan Tufrifo was in the back alley (still within earshot due to a small window of the convenience store) offering free samples of his blue glass leeches.  This attracted the attention of a spicy little number with big boobs, lavender skin and crimson splotches (part moon-elf, part blood-elf, all tramp).  She (just realized we forgot to give her a name - oops, let's call her Qua'anita) decided to show her appreciation with her mouth, thus becoming the crystalline warrior's new girlfriend.

After the details of their scheme were set, Drogon turned Nix invisible so he could sneak in.  Gorra became sand and looked into the upstairs windows before following Nix inside, Tufrifo distracted the tough-looking mercs surrounding the cantina by trying to sell them blue glass.  And Drogon's spider familiar, Ta'anzo, was also creeping inside and giving his master telepathic impressions of what was going on.

Meanwhile, all 4 PCs saw a man wearing tan robes.  His outstretched hand was stained purple.  Only Tufrifo interacted with him.  All he said was "Soon..."

Inside Gonzo's apartment, they found a man imprisoned.  This turned out to be Va'angoosh, an arcaneologist from A'agrybah who's studied the ancient texts and knows the prophecies and esoteric lore of Cha'alt.  They also stumbled upon a peanut butter and jelly room that soon released a peanut butter demon and two jelly fiends from the raspberry pit.  Gorra, who had to become sand-humanoid in order to not be stuck to the floor, was smacked by the peanut butter demon, took a little damage and made his saving throw to keep his sand free from the slick oil of his peanut buttery foe.

Nix attempted to backstab Gonzo, but just as he began to slice and dice, a small portal opened.  A tentacle quickly exited the portal and blocked Nix's attack before disappearing.  Apparently, Gonzo was favored by the Old Ones due to his possession of the Ark of the Covenant.

Everybody got the Hell out of there as Nix threw a photon detonator between the legs of the peanut butter demon.  It exploded, sending pieces of mercenary, drywall, flaming peanut butter and molten raspberry jelly all over the place.  Meanwhile, they could hear Gonzo scream his disappointment and threats of revenge.

Talking to the arcaneologist a bit more, Va'angoosh told the PCs that there were 3 prophecies connected to the Ark of the Covenant.  The first revealed that a Federation officer named Holt would officiate a ritual involving the murder of 111 humanoids at the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice, then Yog-Soggoth would appear and grant a Greater Wish [which means no limits, as opposed to the 6th level sorcerer's spell which has various limitations and restrictions].  In this case, the planet Cha'alt would implode.  The second prophecy states that Cha'alt would be saved by a rag-tag group of adventurers who are strangers in a strange land.  There was also a third prophecy where something akin to grape soda, possibly Purple Prizm, was spilled upon the scroll.  All that can be known about this third revelation is that it involved the Purple Islands.

 They met back up at the Quick Stop as Tufrifo's ex-girlfriend had words with his current squeeze.  It quickly became a cat fight as the clerk, Dante, said that kind of thing was unacceptable - unless done inside the kiddie pool full of mud.  So, the girls fought as the purple-stained hand guy came in to buy a pack of smokes.

Dante told the PCs that about this time of day a customer usually comes in, and has his own transport.  He could take them across the S'kbah desert to the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  

They asked and that sounded good to him.  The driver was re-fueling his transport and challenged Gorra to a game of 17-dimensional chess.  This involves a random table I'd been working on.  The very first move, dude sitting across from me rolls a 17, winning the game.  Like Teddy KGB, transport guy (Again, no name that I can remember... let's call him Slade) felt so unsatisfied.  So, they played again.  

This game took longer, but Gorra eventually won that one, as well.  So, the PCs got a discount on the ride and Slade also told them about where they could find another laser-sword + photon torpedo (which makes a photon detonator look like a jagged rock).  Tufrifo's crystal eyes lit up at the sound of that.

Slade drove them to a ruined temple halfway between the Outer Settlements and Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  A banana was found laying on the ground at the temple's entrance, next to a broken pillar and crumbling Cyclopean stones.  Tufrifo squished it under foot.  Inside were stone steps leading to a network of caves and tunnels that had, at one time, been modified into a zoo.  The stench of lion B.O., monkey poop, and tentacled turtle-worm piss still saturated the subterranean "dungeon."

Nix scouted ahead, and soon found clowns.  Nix had always seen night-clowns as rather pathetic, cringe-inducing folk (which would soon be ironic - keep reading).  This trio of clowns were reenacting scenes from a movie whose poster was up on a cave wall - Police Academy 2.  I liked the visual of a clown putting on a martial arts style headband that was actually a skinny balloon and miming the poorly-dubbed language of kung-fu films.

Instead of killing them, Nix got the information he needed and let them be - the location of laser-sword, photon torpedo, and that they were being guarded by a tentacled clown-worm.  

The rest of the party moved around to find another virtual reality game like the one they used originally to enter Cha'alt.  This one was called Metebelis-3 and the promotional sticker-posters on the game showed blue light, a spider leg, and terrified humans.  Ta'anzo the spider familiar tried it, and then Drogon and Gorra decided to strap themselves in as well.  

They appeared on an alien world, got some weapons, and Gorra attacked his fellow humans as giant demon flying spiders swooped down to attack everyone.  Drogon wanted to test out the limits of the game by jumping onto a swooping spider while trying to mount it, sexually.  It looked as if he might be successful as the Metebelis-3 game lost power due to low battery, and shut itself down.

Ta'anzo knew how excited his master, now way beyond arachnophilia, had gotten in the game (Juan Tufrifo called this "spooge sense") and offered to finish Drogon off.  The spider familiar took out a small bottle of zoth-based lube from his satchel (or possibly a built-in spider pouch due to an evolutionary quirk) and went to work.

"How are you going to clean up all that mess?" another member of the Crimson Bastards asked when he was finished.  That jogged (spider-jacked?) my memory - the PCs all had Tyrian purple sexkerchiefs from that A'agrybah noble who the PCs had helped a few sessions back.  So, the post-coital cleanup was easy enough.

Moving on, the PCs encountered a larger cave where 20 or so clowns circled a woman getting gangbanged.  She seemed to be enjoying it as the clown-slut took on a couple of dudes in the front while a third was behind her pulling out brightly colored scarves [note to self: next time, go with cream pie trick and/or banana in the tailpipe].  Tufrifo plied has trade as a scummy drug lord (acquiring lots of jellybeans, night-clown currency) as Nix's player wondered if I could possibly make this scene even sleazier, so he stimulated the SLEAZE card (Cha'alt X-Cards), and I'm ashamed to say it only took me a second or two to come up with the following.

Another clown took out a dozen or so candy-colored balloons, pressing each one up to the woman's vagina as she queefed enough air into the phallus-shaped balloons, inflating them to a size good enough for sticking into their clown bottoms.  As the PCs witnessed this utter depravity, they could hear a nearby clown humming 99 Queef Balloons (in the original German).  Dear Lord, what kind of degenerate filth game is this?!?  Lol.

Soon, the adventurers made their way to the southeast corner of the dungeon, passing a cage containing 4 humanoid prisoners who'd been captured by the night-clowns while they were sleeping and expected to be sold into slavery soon.  Not sure if they should free the prisoners now or later, they opted for now... cannon fodder and such.

Finally, they arrived at a massive cave that contained the tentacled clown-worm.  Drogon started things off with a fireball, but rolled a 2, and then opted for fuchsia burn since Gorra had a Divine Favor fuchsia stone from the previous session and Nix just earned his by stimulating the SLEAZE card.

60 whopping points of damage right off the bat.  Then, blasters and the crystalline warrior's laser-sword cutting a swath across the worm belly and eventually penetrating internal organs as juices of darkest periwinkle sprayed him and everyone else in the cave.

A couple of the humanoid prisoners were crushed to death, Gorra was minorly injured, but then just before the godlike creature expired, it critted on Nix, bringing him down to half his usual health, and requiring a saving throw.  He failed; then I remembered the new optional rule in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer that allowed Advantage on saves if the player recounted a memory from his character's life, perhaps something relevant to the current situation, something that might give the PC inspiration or solace in his time of need?  "Like a flashback," another player replied.  Yes, exactly!

Wasn't long before Nix was reminded of the spawning pits where infants were dropped into the fiery domain by... the Great Old Ones or possibly Demon Lords (I was too busy writing to hear and remember all the details) and these babies had to crawl their way up to safety, which meant that only the fittest would survive, thus ensuring the strength of their species.

Apparently, this was something that the player had in his mind for awhile but just hadn't articulated until now.  And it might never have seen the light of day (or dark of night) if not for that new optional rule.  So, I gave him 2 more chances to succeed in his saving throw (Nix should have joined in on the gangbang, I guess), but never made it to that hard to reach 17+ threshold as a 3rd level character.

That meant he was becoming a clown himself!  By the battle's end, Nix was powdering his nose and craving jellybeans. 

In that last cave was a large stone altar where the 4-foot long by 1-foot across photon torpedo rested (a transparent aluminum window allowed one to see the orange photon energy going every-which-way inside.  On a stone pedestal was the hilt of a laser-sword.  And at the back wall of this cavern hung a neon banana sign.  One player misheard and thought the laser-sword was banana-shaped... I loved that idea, so we went with it.  Tufrifo took the neon banana sign down off the wall and was about to put it in his knapsack when its radiant energy burst - turning everyone in the area into banana-men.

By this time of the game, Gorra's player had to get changed for work and people were picking-up their dice, going to the bathroom, etc.  So, I don't think everyone heard or knew what was happening.  Usually, for significant events I make sure that everyone is present at the table and paying attention when I describe those sorts of things.  

However, I thought it was more appropriate for this to be a more private moment focusing on Tufrifo and his reaction.  If this were the final moments of a TV show, after the initial credits there's sometimes an extra minute of post-climax story that happens before the episode concludes.  And I could imagine the inadvertent actions of one character affecting everyone in dramatic fashion, without the others even being aware of what happened... and the curtain closes.

That it.  Thanks for reading.  There is no campaign like a Cha'alt campaign.  Next session is already this coming Saturday because I'll be busy with family stuff the following Saturday, and the Saturday after that I'll be running games at Gary Con!

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Why should we have all the fun?  Get your hardcover Cha'alt trilogy now!  And game with us this July in Madison, WI because it's VENGER CON III, motherfucker!


Wednesday, February 28, 2024

LEAP DAY - Biggest CHA'ALT Sale

 

Aside from my 5 children, Cha'alt might just be my greatest accomplishment.

For one unbelievable day [extended through Sunday, March 3rd]... February 29th, Leap Day, I'm selling the gorgeous, professionally printed, signed and numbered Cha'alt hardcover book for only $20 + $5 shipping/handling.

What is Cha'alt (in case you were sent here by a friend of a friend)?  It's my eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, exploitation grindhouse campaign setting.  It's a system-neutral OSR and 5e compatible tome of lore, factions, new races, adventures, locations, monsters, magic items, high tech, and features The Black Pyramid, a darkly weird megadungeon funhouse that's like nothing you've ever seen.

Check out the reviews, testimonials, vlogs, word of mouth, and hushed whispers of lurid illumination, unutterable chanting, and that foul piping music interspersed with foreboding drums!  According to the RPG Pundit, [link here] Cha'alt is a masterpiece of stupid gonzo fantasy!

After the last sale and Kickstarter, I only have about 300 left to sell.  Want your book by this time next week?  Paypal me the $25 [USA only; foreign shipping is $60 for book + shipping] at...

Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

People have been asking, so I'm also going to include a special price for the entire Cha'alt hardcover trilogy - $90 for all three (that includes USA shipping; if you live outside the country, add $60 onto that).  

It comes with the PDF, if you don't already own it.  But guess what?  Today, that PDF is absolutely FREE!!!  This is the link, hoss.

Folks have seen the Cha'alt hardcover for sale in the wild going for $200, and that's what some people are charging on ebay!  Grab yours now for an eighth of that price.

Thanks, enjoy, and have a terrific Leap Day, hoss!

VS


Monday, February 26, 2024

Game Master to the Rich & Famous

 

I should be blogging about the prior weekend's Cha'alt campaign, but alas only 2 of the 6 players could make it.  So, I had to cancel.

Not a total loss because I got to spend even more time with my Mother, who turned 85 on Saturday.

So, now that I have a window in my blogging schedule, why not write about something that's been brewing in the PSYCHOCOSM mind-space for a few months?  

This was an idea just on the borderline of breaking through at the beginning of the 2nd Cha'alt campaign, when Colin was still around.  The game was so good (and it's still excellent, even with his absence, though I must confess, ever so slightly diminished - pouring a vial of zoth out for my tentacled-homie... wherever he might be), that I wanted to share it.  I wanted others to feel the Cha'alt experience, beyond my faithfully recorded session reports.

I also wanted to monetize the well-oiled (well-zothed?) machine we had going because, let's face it, Kort'thalis Publishing pays the bills, but that's pretty much it.  It's a hobby-business.  If I'm lucky, it pulls in about $10K a year.  That's not nothing, but it's 2024.  There have been a number of life changes recently, and it's time to think big.

I'm ready to take the GM-for-hire thing to the next level.  

$50K for the GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN.  Your one-year contract for an every-other-week (26 sessions total), 4-hour game, up to 7 players (minimum of 3), within a 45-minute drive of the Sun Prairie / Madison, WI area.  As per usual, I'll be running my own world, Cha'alt [eldritch, gonzo, science-fantasy, post-apocalypse, humor, sleaze, pop-culture, and exploitation grindhouse] with Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.

My style is immersion-centric, rules-light, fiction-first, theater of the mind, rule of cool, 18+ for mature content, and noob friendly.   I have over 40 years of experience with RPGs, that include designing and self-publishing countless books, Game Mastering sessions wherein several players have honored me with the title greatest GM in the entire world.  I view this calling as somewhere between a culture-building, performance-based artform and self-actualizing religious vocation.

Modern-day radical-leftism would have us "eat the rich" or march them to the guillotine, owing to their hateful and ignorant Marxist agenda.  Instead, why not exchange goods and services for money so that everyone benefits?  America is a capitalist nation, democratic republic, and (for all its current problems) the greatest country in the world!

Yes, $50,000 sounds like a lot of money.  In fact, it is a lot of money!  However, I'm betting that an individual able to afford a personal chef or company willing to shell-out for woke anti-white training seminars can afford it.  Share the cost with players or write it off as an extended team-building work retreat.  Maybe after all these years, you've come to realize that golf isn't your thing and would rather ditch the country club?  Or perhaps money's no object when it comes to a deeply immersive, transformative thrill-ride like the Cha'alt experience?

With the GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN (if both parties agree, the contract is renewable at the end of the year + 10% increase), you're basically leasing a private, exclusive multiverse, which you and your buddies get to explore, interact with, and adventure in - like virtual reality but even better, it exists in our collective imagination, and the GM isn't A.I. but organic... conscious - infinitely superior to a machine... Venger Satanis, in the flesh.

Finding such will not be easy, and I don't plan to have this operation up and running until at least this fall, maybe January of 2025, but that's my mission.  

If scheduling permits, a couple one-year contracts would probably be the most I could handle at one time (while still keeping my primary home game).  So, if you live in the greater Madison, WI area, get ahold of me ASAP to lock-in your GOLD-LEVEL CHA'ALT CAMPAIGN one-year contract.  Three-hour introductory trial-sessions start at $500.

The marketing for this new business venture won't begin until after VENGER CON III, as I don't want anything to distract me from this July's convention - also in the Sun Prairie / Madison, WI area.

Thanks for reading,

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing
Arch-Duke of the Old School Renaissance


Saturday, February 17, 2024

The Curse of Venger Satanis

 

I somehow accidentally stumbled upon this blog post from 2016 where someone was reviewing one of the worst RPGs ever made, Empire of Satanis, written by me... and the blogger included my curse upon RPG.net.  

Specifically, the curse was directed at those trashing EoS.  Which seems weird in retrospect because it deserved to be trashed.  It's awful.  But some of those trashers were pretty nasty about it, and most of them turned out to be radical-leftists.  Even though I was using their negativity to fuel my power and magic, I could see that many of them were horrible, miserable people who deserved everything that was coming to them.

Did my curse nudge The Big Purple towards its incestuously Commie demise as thee place to discuss woke, SJW, critical race transgenderism?  Yes, perhaps.

Without further ado, here's my curse...


Hail Satan! Lord of the Pit! King of Hell! Ruler of the Earth! Master of the Abyss! I open the unknowable doorways and touch the violet flame, drink the revitalizing blood and break the skulls of those who cross Him or His brothers. I call upon the most vicious demons of Hell to intervene. From this night forth, you will be plagued by self-doubt, weakness, failure, hopelessness, hunger, pain, loss, insecurity, and envy. Nothing can save you and no one will come to your aid. All who have befriended you will now desert you in your hour of need. 
In the name of the Ancient Ones, I curse those who tear down Empire of Satanis! May Satan have no mercy whatsoever upon your miserable souls. 
Hail Satan! 
So it is done! 
Venger As'Nas Satanis 


Thanks for reading,

VS

p.s. I wrote that before I took up the name Venger Satanis.  Also, get your hardcover Cha'alt books here.  And now's the time to grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR in Madison, WI this July.



Sunday, February 11, 2024

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 7]

 

Huzza'ah for the bare minimum!  I have a personal rule that I don't run virtual games for less than 2 people and live, in-person games for less than 3.  So, I was thankful that we had 3 players for yesterday's game.

An interesting line-up, as well.  We had the grog (sand construct) priest and two sorcerers - Morningwood and Drogon (who started out the campaign as a priest, but converted at the beginning of last session).  That means no warriors and no thieves.

After banging the gong and catching Morningwood's player up on what happened last time (can you believe he didn't read my blog post session report?  Outrageous!), the PCs continued to explore the system of caves and tunnels beneath Qada'ath.

Morningwood, being a pixie-fairy, turned himself invisible and flew around the cave containing a warlord named Skull-Face, a dozen soldiers  armed with spears, and a trio of sex-slave harem women.  He heard two interesting pieces of conversation.  Something about x'queeu being uncovered and that these guys were planning on conquering as much of this "dungeon" as they can in just a few hours.

Gorra the priest called up his demon friend who lives in the Outer Settlements of Qada'ath to see what was going on.  Apparently, Gonzo has been acting strange.  He burned his own house down, stole the Ark of the Covenant, and was looking for the PCs.

They kept searching in other caves.  Halfway down a tunnel, they found a humanoid citizen of Qada'ath eating a sandwich in the dark, trying not to be seen.  He recognized Drogon who denied being himself.  The guy pulled out his communicator and showed video footage of the Crimson Bastards (that's what I'm calling the PCs - it was their adventuring party name in the last campaign - until they come up with a better name) doing stuff they actually did (killing some guards and sand-blades) along with stuff that they didn't do (but probably wanted to), like blowing up the blue glass factory and barging into the executive offices of Supreme Councilor Kra'ang and shooting him point-blank in the head.  Just before dying, the pink little squishy guy muttered "X'queeu."

  Drogon knew that word due to his priest and sorcerer combo-background.  The word x'queeu means holiest of holy weapons.

Apparently, they were public enemy #1, and denounced as terrorists.  Believing most of the footage was doctored by The State, the PCs filed this information away, and kept going (after Drogon autographed the dude's sandwich receipt from Jimmy Ja'ans).

They kept going down the tunnel and found an old, gray-haired, balding, rough-looking mercenary choking a small red muppet named Elmo as a red-shirt alien humanoid and crew member of some starship was huddled at the back of the cave in a fetal position crying.  Yeah, I know, but... I couldn't resist.

The PCs discovered that the merc was hired by Gonzo to kill the Crimson Bastards.  So, the PCs tricked the merc into giving up Gonzo's location by telling him that the Crimson Bastards were hiding out among the dudes in Skull-Face's cave, reassuring not-Larry David that they would be his backup as soon as he entered the cave blasting.

Then the PCs explored two other caves - one containing a portal and 4 neo-templars from another dimension who were dead-set on destroying the Ark of the Covenant and its dread contents - the x'queeu!  The neo-templars explained that the holiest of holy weapons was an artifact that could pierce the veil between dimensions, allowing the Old Ones free reign throughout the multiverse.  

These neo-templars were looking for Gonzo, so the PCs made a deal with them.  They would take them to Gonzo in return for help (if they needed it) getting out of these caves and back to the Outer Settlements and one of their magic weapons the neo-templars wielded.  

Gorra took a morning-star +1 that could manifest a hurricane once per day.  

The other cave contained cannibals with glowing green eyes who were swarming around a massive crystal.  The CHUDs were chanting "Meequay denza'an irikais," which means... once the artifact is released, our redemption will be at hand (or tentacle).  

Drogon wanted a better look at that crystal, so he fireballed them.  Unfortunately, he rolled a 1 for the d6 fireball table in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, which would have backfired on them.  So, he spent a point of Divine Favor and re-rolled - getting another 1.  There were 2 polished fuchsia stones (representing points of Divine Favor) remaining on the table, so Drogon decided to employ fuchsia burn, using them both to achieve a critical success.

All the cannibals were smoldering husks, but the crystal absorbed some of the spell's super-charged magical energy, allowing me an opportunity to roll on the weird, wild spell after-effect table in Cha'alt: Fuchsia Malaise.  I rolled a 73, which, as it happens, is usually everyone's (and by everyone, I mean reviewers) favorite.  The sorcerer's head falls off, and gross stuff pukes out his neck, growing tentacles and an egg hatches that produces a miniature sorcerer who slowly grows to full size.  

In the massive crystal, the PCs saw a vision of one possible future - the Ark being loaded onto a Federation military transport as Gonzo looked on.  Then, a map of Cha'alt showing a red line - Indiana Jones style - the transport making its way across the S'kbah desert to the Crimson Rock of Sacrificed.  Finally, the planet Cha'alt imploding into a hundred-million fragments!

Now, the PCs were extra motivated.  So, they bypassed a crystalline dragon (though Gorra broke a tiny piece of it off, in case he had a chance to clone himself a crystal dragon at some later point), and found the cave containing ka'alaxian crystals that could reshape reality itself with a sorcerer's ritual - the primary reason why the PCs came down to these caves in the first place.  

There were a couple scholarly humanoids studying the glowing chartreuse crystals.  The PCs noticed silky, translucent spider webbing all over the ka'alaxian crystals.  So, they bade one of the scholars to touch a crystal in hopes of triggering any trap or alarm or whatnot.

Interrupting this, Drogon's player decided to stimulate a Cha'alt X-Card - HUMOR.  And he had his own idea, explaining to the table that maybe those translucent strands was jizz, rather than spider silk.  Very well, I said... these sticky strands are spider splooge.

BTW, I talked about this whole encounter and even created a D100 "Spider-Jack" random table group project for anyone who wants to participate between now and Valentine's Day.  Here is the Inappropriate Characters YouTube episode.  I'm hosting the D100 table over at TheRPGsite.com in the Design, Development, and Gameplay board.  See what we've got so far and submit your own entry!

Sure enough, a 3-foot portal opened in mid-air above the PCs.  The giant spider (the size of a medium-sized dog) sat on the edge of the portal, jacking off - as interdimensional, crystal-coveting spiders often do.

The PCs managed to pry a ka'alaxian crystal loose and Drogon wished to use its energy to destroy any giant spider army that might be behind the one seen and close the portal to their dimension.  To seal the deal, Drogon chose to call upon a lavender demon moon of destiny, and inexplicably, decided to roll a gilded die simultaneously.  "This I gotta see," I said while leaning in with anticipation.

He rolled a 5 on the lavender moon die, resulting in success, but then a 6 on the Gilded Die of Satanis - holy shit, a critical-success + something awkward, embarrassing, or cringe as the cherry on top.

I determined that Drogon closed the portal with a blast of eldritch energy, shooting the spider perched on the portal's edge towards the sorcerer's crotch.  As the spider was already in jack-mode, he began jacking Drogon off while the ka'alaxian + crit-bonus manifested a bewitching beauty made flesh, or a close approximation, for the sorcerer to slide into (with the help of the spider, who now saw Drogon as his master).

It was one of the craziest, fucked-up things I've ever GMed, and we were all here for it.

Soon after, the PCs found a door out of the cave system, but this hand-print looked a bit different than the last.  Being suspicious, they insisted the red-shirted crying starship dude (Wesley) put his hand on the imprint pad.  One failed saving throw later and Wesley's hand disintegrated.  The party's priest Gorra immediately tried to heal his hand back - which only produced a tiny hand growing out of the stump, like Kristin Wiig's SNL character with the tiny hands.

I suggested that Morningwood's player, who suggested the SNL sketch reference, stimulate the POP-CULTURE Cha'alt X-Cards in order to get the Divine Favor bonus.  He did, and that little hand made Wesley cry even harder.

Now, outside in the hot desert air under fuchsia sky with twin suns, the PCs + neo-templars began the hour-long walk back to the Outer Settlements.  20 minutes in, a hover-limousine pulls up.  A tinted window descends as a high-end escort asks the PCs if they want a ride.

They all pile inside the hover-limo as 3 sexy escorts start telling the PCs how awesome and strong and manly and handsome they are.  The girls start touching them while offering them blue dreamers (a designer sex drug) - without ever discussing money!  I even had them roll a sort of insight check to determine if this was fishy.  Drogon's spider pet/minion, Ta'anzo, was suspicious and Morningwood's player rolled a natural 20, so he definitely felt a disturbance in the force.  

Earlier in the session, I bugged the pixie-fairy's player about the scepter he acquired a couple sessions ago.  He's been a player in my D&D one-shots and campaigns, off and on, since the late 90s.  I had forgotten some of that guy's quirks.  One of them being, if he's got an item with a variable effect, his risk adverse nature will usually prevent him from utilizing it.  Also, he's afraid of losing HP, which is just simply an occupational hazard for a sorcerer, using my Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.

Apparently, my ribbing was enough to get him to use the rainbow scepter - he rolled a 6 on a d8 - indigo (psionics).  Morningwood started to receive telepathic impressions from the girls... how Gonzo had hired them to kill the Crimson Bastards and how the girls had gotten their pimp to inject poison into the blue dreamers.

Bound and gagged, the escorts were no longer a problem.  The driver took the PCs straight to where Gonzo was living now, in a rent-controlled apartment above the cantina.  By this time, it was about a half-hour from our usual end-time, and I knew coming face to face with whatever was behind the door to Gonzo's apartment would be lengthy and a major set-piece (from a design standpoint).  Plus, my kids were getting antsy and wanted my attention.  So, we ended things there.

Hopefully, all 6 players will be able to make the February 24th game.  I'll leave you with a few choice phrases from this session...

  • "I will keep my ear to the sand."
  • "Be careful and watch your tentacles!"
  • Jimmy Ja'ans
  • "It doesn't pay to be rude in Cha'alt." - after that merc told the PCs to get the fuck out of the cave, they shot him.  Lol
  • "Do I get that sleaze factor bonus because I talked about gonzo-style porn to those neo-templars?"

Thanks for reading, hoss!

VS

p.s. The Cha'alt hardcover books are on sale - right over here!  Also, weekend badges are available for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSRgrab yours now!!!

Sunday, January 28, 2024

Mysterious Qada'ath [Cha'alt campaign, session 6]

 

This was a fun-filled session.  It's important to remember that fun should usually go hand-in-tentacle with immersion... not always, but most of the time.  

Same goes for movies.  There are movies I love without a drop of humor or fun, films that don't bring a smile to my face, but they're admirable all the same.  And yet, the vast majority of my favorite movies have me laughing and shouting and reveling.

Keep that in mind, GMs, when you're pondering thy orb and plying thy trade.  If you can exchange deep levels of resource management for the frolicsomeness of There's Something About Mary, The Hangover, or Dodgeball, do it.  No matter how many experts, reviewers, grognards, newcomers, or casual onlookers tell you otherwise, that's a wise trade.  Sure, you can attempt to go for both... but if it's going to be either one or the other, you'll know where my zuleks are going, hoss.

I'm refining my session prep since that's going to be part of the book I'm currently writing, The Cha'alt Experience, Designing Worlds Like A Fucking Boss.  In practice, it went extremely well.  In fact, I don't know the last time I was able to generate that much content in such a short time.  So, this book is already paying dividends - sweet!

4 players - the crystal warrior who actually has a name, now - Jua'an Tufrifo, Nix the demon thief, Gorra the grog priest, and Drogon makes a reappearance... because of his long absence and the party's lack of wizardry, I convinced the player to swap out his half-orc priest for a sorcerer of the human variety (the human was his idea).  "He fell into a portal," is the gist of how we're explaining the change.  Most likely something to do with the purple labyrinth and Drogon's consciousness inhabiting another dimension-traversing humanoid.

It was just after mid-morning in the dreaming city of Qada'ath, the twin suns not yet high enough in the fuchsia sky to be blotted-out by the Great Old One floating above.  The adventurers were walking around, thinking about lunch. Occasionally getting looks or comments directed at their fancy wristbands (which they stole) indicating they were part of the citizen elite and would be able to have pretty much anything they wanted to eat + healthcare.  

Just then, a labor-grade citizen ran up to Gorra and stole his wristband, then darted down a dark alley.  The PCs ran after, shooting the thief and taking him down.  Gorra recovered his wristband and swiped the gray one belonging to the thief.

While they were standing around the alleyway, they noticed a few curious shops they'd never seen before... there was the Wind Chime Tea House, a cloning facility called The New You, Happy Ending Massage Parlor, and some kind of shop called Touch Grass.  To my delight and amazement, they tried them all...

If you've seen The Golden Child in the last few years, you'll remember the snake-lady oracle behind the paper screen.  Well, the tea house's basement had pretty much that exact setup.  The snake-lady was named Ka'ala and the PCs paid the liaison and got their fortune (along with a tea-voucher)...

Jua'an Tufrifo decided, inexplicably, to roll the gilded die of Satanis while getting his fortune read.  As Ka'ala told him about risk and reward and temporary gain, (the gilded die did not disappoint) the snake-lady passed her liaison a small scroll which was handed to the crystalline.  It was a message from Jua'an's ex-girlfriend telling him that while they were together, she never had an orgasm.  He got a point of Divine Favor for that.

The rest of the party got theirs... Nix had the most ominous - don't buy any blue bananas (translated into our world, that would be green bananas).

The cloning facility allowed for people to, you guessed it, clone themselves.  Lots of upgrades and upcharges, such as full memory implants and 6-pack abs, getting rid of unwanted biological quirks such as allergies or motion sickness.  Basically, if you want to feel like yourself but an idealized version like Ryan Gosling in the Barbie movie (yes, I finally did see it... and kind of liked it, parts, anyway), you're looking at about 1,500 nu-talons per clone.  The PCs didn't have the money for much of anything right now, but definitely earmarked the place for a return visit in the future.

The massage parlor went as you'd probably guess.  Everyone picked a masseuse and got their high-five bonus as per Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer (still a free PDF on DTRPG).

Touch Grass, however, was a bit different.  As the attendant, (after going on a bit about the deep-immersion, hyper-realistic super-simulation that is this world) showed them into a stone room with a raised circular platform containing 8-feet around of lush green grass, the 3 original PCs physical selves reverted back to Earthly humanity, part of the Two Jacks Detective Agency from 1929 Chicago... with accompanying original memories flooding through - the Golden Dragon Palace Chinese restaurant, the Egyptian Theater, James Archibald, and that creepy extradimensional portal).  Only the sand-construct Gorra was unchanged.  Everyone touched or played in the grass and left, resuming their "normal" Cha'alt selves.  

They each got a point of Divine Favor, and started walking back downtown.  A tongueless prophet covered in blood ran up to Nix and handed the demon a rock covered in parchment - it was a scroll describing there's more where this can be found in a network of tunnels and caves below Qada'ath.  The rock had a brilliant and shimmering green vein which Drogon identified as ka'alaxian crystal or "wishing stone" to the layman.  These rare and powerful crystals (introduced in the prior Cha'alt campaign last year) can be used by sorcerers to warp reality.

Oh yeah, after passing the scroll and rock to the adventurers, the tongueless prophet was shot in the back by either a sand-blade or assassin who soon disappeared into the crowd.

The entrance to this subterranean location could be accessed near the black glass tower at the epicenter of Qada'ath.  So, they headed towards the city's center where the Supreme Council resided, inside a tower made of black glass.  Before they could find a way inside, a couple of sand-blades sauntered up to the PCs and asked them to turn around so they could put one of those translucent, squishy, neon-pink, tendril-having little guys on the back of their head.  I reminded them that those are the things put on the subjects strapped-down in their chairs and forced to watch that disturbing film-reel at the Citizen Orientation Center last session.  The viscera'az (which is what they call it) somehow conjures and concentrates dark vibrations, which usually makes people scream in terror.

Jua'an Tufrifo was having none of it, deciding that it was worth the trouble to blast both sand-blades, instead.  Being the shenanigan daredevil he is, he rolled a d20 to attack and a gilded die - natural 20 and 6, motherfucker!  Two laser beams and two dead sand-blades later, Gorra put on one of their sleek black uniforms and the entire group headed for the place where they could get down to that cave.

After descending 30-feet of spiral stairs, they came to a mirrored door with hand-print opener.  They remembered a notation on the scroll that said, "Do not approach the threshold empty-handed."  The PCs decided Gorra, being made of sand and could stretch his arm out, was their best chance of getting through unscathed.  Just to add another layer of protection, since that warning was a bit vague, Gorra held the viscera'az in his hand while trying the hand-print.

Good thing he did - a dozen or so 2mm spines went into the slimy pink thing, killing it.  The door opened and the players felt like they were back in Cremza'amirikza'am with all manner of weird shit, idiosyncratic individuals, factions, monsters, etc. 

I won't go into exhaustive detail, but they found... 

  • A cryo-pod (thanks to Gorra's player stimulating a post-apocalypse Cha'alt X-Cards, for which he got a polished fuchsia stone of Divine Favor).  Jua'an rolled the gilded die yet again while blasting, this time his blast ricocheted off the cryo-pod door stuck to the mutant monstrosity's crab claw and struck his belt-buckle, which made his pants fall down.  The crystal warrior's solution was to stretch the dead viscera'az into a new belt... support helped by a chork's leather tunic which basically looked like poorly made and ill-fitting ass-less chaps. 
  • Killed some pig-faced and bird-feathered chicken-orcs or chorks, fireballed some more chorks who were in a cave with a large crystal that contained a holographic message about finding a group of shamans far below the surface from before the apocalypse who came up with an antidote when the Federation first tried to subdue the native population with drugs 80+ years ago.
  • Met a zedi knight from the purple labyrinth who was looking for just the right sized crystal to charge his laser-sword (which the PCs coveted).
  • A pit belonging to a suckered abomination requiring 7 humanoids sacrificed to it (instructions for summoning, banishing, and calling it were written on the cave wall in ancient glyphs).
  • Found a device with a logic puzzle that eventually granted them access to some woman's OnlyFans account (3 days absolutely free).
  • A group of humanoids from the freedom fighter group Scarlet Dawn looking for a way out (they know a secret codeword to get into the Federation military base) and told the PCs where the rest of their group are hiding... in case they don't make it.
  • Humanoid slaves mining crystals (but not the really good kind) with a giant, open-mouthed, stone head that transported them to Hell.  This conflict was also fireballed, but for reasons I can't fathom, the sorcerer's player wanted to roll the gilded die along with the d6 determining the fireball's blaze intensity and radius.  The gilded die did its job and just before the flames engulphed the entire area, they could hear one of the miners call out, "Look what I just found - an origami unicorn - that must be worth a bloody fortune!"
  • The cave of ka'alaxian crystals that was polluted by toxic runoff from neon-pink fluid from above, dripping down the walls of the cave (the nearby population were all strange looking mutants).
  • And finally a huge cave full of soldiers and sexy green harem girls led by a humanoid named Skull-Face.

And that's where we stopped the session. It was a fun-filled time and nudged the PCs towards another leg of their journey - a way to stop the Federation from oppressing Cha'alt as they rob the planet of its precious resources.

The gilded die got so much playtesting time (as opposed to the one for Cha'alt X-Cards) that I feel even more strongly that it will objectively improve your games (assuming you're looking for more Douglas Adams and less J.R.R. Tolkien).

Below are some amusing bits of dialog I hastily scribbed down between moments of laughter and exciting action...


  • "We have a plan, it goes kaboom... as most of our plans do."
  • [This isn't a quote, just something I thought of] If you're obsessed with blue glass, then you've got blue brain.  If you're a habitual user of the drug, you're a glass head.
  • "Clean-up... aisle Cha'alt!"
  • "Brain drain animal"... [he was referring to the viscera'az]
  • "It's about the man upstairs.  Gotta serve the greater evil." [points to Uma'at-Allah, the Great Old One floating above Qada'ath]
  • "She's a serpentine charlatan."
  • "Jua'an Tufrifo's new nickname shall be crystal cheeks."
  • "Feed 'em to the worms!"
  • "What if Tha'anos was a drug manufacturer?" [wondering aloud if making blue glass should be combined with population control]
  • "The crimson bastards were born in dark alleys."
  • "It's freaky Friday all over again!"
  • "Did you take some bad glass?"
  • "I have cock-rings bigger than you!"
  • "Origami unicorn."
  • Pig-faced orcs with yellow and teal feathers... part orc, part chicken... why not call them chorks?"

Yep, an epic session.  The newish player said how weird and different this dungeon was, and the rest of us laughed because to someone that hasn't been through the prior Cha'alt campaign, he's right - there's probably nothing quite like what he's just experienced.  

But for those who've been along for Venger's wild ride last year, this felt a lot like Cremza'amirikza'am.  Yeah, I have a type... moving on!

Next session should be in 2 weeks - February 10th.  See y'all then.

VS

p.s. If you don't already own the Cha'alt trilogy in hardcover, I've got you covered - details right here.  Believe it or not, there are still a few weekend badges available for this July's VENGER CON III in Madison, WI - grab it now!

Thursday, January 25, 2024

Calling All Gamers For VENGER CON III

 

It's that time, hoss.  

July, especially for those of us surrounded by ice and snow, seems like a long ways away... but really it's only 6 months from now.

I really want VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR to be even better than the first two conventions.  Knowing what you want to run and what you want to play will help enormously.  So, speak up and give me your proposed schedules, wish-lists, and tentative desires.

You can email me at: Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

I'll be running a combination of Cha'alt, Alpha Blue, and whatever weird old-school, OSR, or traditional RPG attendees want me to run.  In fact, let me know what bizarre, odd-ball RPG one-shot you'd like me to run during VENGER CON III and y'all will eventually get a chance to vote for the top nominees.  Whatever you want (but if it's not rules-light, I'll probably hack it or handwave it)!

And if you haven't already, grab your weekend badge right over here.

Big spaces, limited attendance, laidback & easy going structure, new hotel, nice rooms, not having to shout to be heard or lose your voice talking over the noise, meet fellow gamers and actually get to know them over the weekend, hang-out and game with me (will start out at least one morning of the convention with an Ask-Me-Anything Q&A) and other awesome folks, along with this year's guest of honor Scott from the Diversity & Dragons YouTube channel.

Last but not least, VENGER CON's demon mascot Zeemoa'ar!  He'll be there at the convention as I open each day of awesomeness by sounding the gong.  The whole weekend will be unbelievably epic, and I can't wait to share those experiences with you guys this July (when Wisconsin gets warm again).

Thanks,

VS