Calling Out Exalted Funeral, OSE, and Necrotic Gnome

 

In a way, this is kind of an open letter to the entire gaming community.

It's one thing if you want to try ban, boycott, and/or cancel me.  I've been doing this a long time (living in the world as an outspoken individual), but don't come at my fans, my supporters, and those who appreciate my work.

Discord is full of leftoids, SJWs, and critical woke theorists, as is much of social media, so we shouldn't be surprised to see shitty behavior on such a platform.  People talking about Venger Satanis like they know me.  Ha!

So, I decided to make a video and blog when they banned a guy who unapologetically liked my stuff because he was "supporting a nazi".  That's a new kind of fucked up.

Here's a link to the YouTube video.  If anyone wants to see the screenshots, just email me at: Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

This is exactly the kind of unacceptable behavior we need to call out.  When you see something like that, harassing gamers just because they don't find a person, company, or book objectionable, speak out.  This needs to stop.

I'm not going to tell you what to do.  Buy their stuff, play their game, hang out on their discord, or don't... whatever.  All I want is some accountability, a modicum of civility.  People (let's face it, mostly of the far-left persuasion) need to just get over it already.

By 2024 "woke" will be as relevant as flower-power hippies from the mid to late 60s.  Yes, woke has a shelf life just like every other attempted cultural revolution.  It started about 2014.  That means, by my watch, 2024 will see its virtual extinction.  The pendulum is already beginning to swing the other way.  

And that's great, because I don't want a civil war, even though I'm ready to do my part.  No one should be ostracized or made to feel inferior or less than because of the games they like, the authors they read, the creators they support.  If that's the way things are going, parts of the hobby need to die in order to preserve what's worth saving.

Sincerely,

Venger As'Nas Satanis
High Priest of Kort'thalis Publishing

p.s. I just released the best new mechanic for D&D combat - it's called Crimson Escalation.  Check it out! 

Crimson Escalation PDF

 

What-ho, droogs?

Tis I, Venger "your weird uncle" Satanis come to do the Lord's work... may His tentacles be forever green and slimy.  By the way, I've been taking cold medicine to keep apace with my symptoms.  Prepare thyself for loopy-ness!  

Anyway, this blog post is about Crimson Escalation.  The Kickstarter is over.  840 backers and over $1,100.  Weeeeee!!!  Thanks for all the halibut, hoss.  And sweet dreams to Rob Couture.  Perhaps that's why Gurdjieff was granted such divine understanding of man, the world, and God - in order to bring Rob and I together so that Crimson Escalation could be.  It's like if Will Ferrell and John C. Riley formed Tenacious D... and Jack Black became the vorpal sword.

Fast, realistic, exciting combat!

As I make my way through fulfillment (Jesus, that's a lot of backers!), the PDF is up on DriveThruRPG.  Buy it, use it, and see your D&D (adjacent) life changed forever... in a good way.

The PDF also includes my Ten Commandments of Immersion!  Want to make your sessions more immersive?  BOOM!!!  I wracked my brain until I came up with the goods.  I didn't phone it in, either.  I came up with stuff that I want to be mindful of in my own games.

What else?  Time for my nap.  Begone, fishcake! 

VS

p.s. fiShhh...

Your Dungeon Is Racist

 

A new satirical / parody blog has arrived - Your Dungeon Is Racist!

I wanted to see something in the vein of The Onion, Babylon Bee, and Titania McGrath, except focused on gaming (for the most part).  

So, I decided to make it.  Check it out right now!!!

Occasionally, I miss reading Your Dungeon Is Suck, even though it was kind of awful and cringe at times + ripped on yours truly frequently.  YDIR will try to rise above that level of shit-posting and juvenile call-outs to members of the RPG community, hobby, and industry.

More than anything, YDIR is a middle-finger to the woke establishment that's gotten so political with its head so far up its own ass that everyday news stories beg to be mercilessly mocked.

If you have an idea for an article or artwork you'd like to submit, feel free to email me at:  Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

Thanks for all your support and please enjoy the humor... if we can't laugh at the Social Justice Warriors trying to push our culture ever further to the far-left, then we are, indeed, living in an authoritarian nightmare.

VS

p.s. Less than 24 hours to back my Crimson Escalation kickstarter!  If you're interested in fast, realistic, exciting combat, do yourself a favor and throw in a buck... or just start using it for free!

Gotta Serve Somebody

 

Yeah, that's a Bob Dylan song.  

This blog post isn't about vintage music, but something personal to me... and might give you a hitherto unglimpsed insight into my psyche, my being.

If our current year culture has proven anything, it's shown us that creating a vacuum and just leaving it open indefinitely doesn't work.  If there's an opening, a void for any length of time, it will eventually be filled by something.

For the radical-left, that void has been replaced by their new religion - secular progressivism.  When I was much younger, I probably would have thought that would be an improvement to something like Christianity.  But now I look fondly on the days when the Christian church, God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit were a vital part of American culture.

As we'll see, Satanism is not the antithesis of Christianity but the other side of that same coin; it's shadow.  

What we see before us today is as shallow, vacuous, and silly as what we replaced the time capsule with under the statue of General Robert E. Lee.  Here are some of the contents: a rainbow pride flag, empty vial of the covid-19 vaccine, BLM sticker, photograph of a left-leaning political activist, and face mask.

WTF?!?  Is that our legacy?  Is that going to influence and inspire the youth to become good, responsible people in a functioning society?

I've always been anti-authoritarian, skeptical, questioning, independent, an outsider... determined to make up my own damn mind about what I think.  I was born to walk the Left Hand Path.

While in Junior High, I discovered the writings of H.P. Lovecraft and Anton Szandor LaVey.  As some of you may know, LaVey founded the Church of Satan and wrote about his life, experiences, and philosophy in such books as The Satanic Bible, The Secret Life of a Satanist, The Devil's Notebook, and others.

LaVey respected and loved life, children, and animals.  The pseudo-Satanists in Texas who view abortion as their sacrament aren't practicing real Satanism.  Hell, they don't even believe in Satan!  To them, Satan is a grift, a cultural-Marxist agenda to take down "the patriarchy" and American family, not unlike BLM.

There's room for all types of belief in the Church of Satan, or there was when LaVey was still alive.  They used to call him and his supporters "right-wing" and "fascists" just like the left calls moderate conservatives (such as myself) today.  All because we recognize the value of tradition, faith, personal responsibility, and meritocracy... albeit, with a dark side.  

To everyday people, Satan might be cartoonishly represented as a red guy with horns, tail, goatee, and trident.  But Satan also represents that dark force in nature, as primitive as it is powerful.  

Satan symbolizes that alien (eldritch?) spark of divinity that sets us apart from other animals.  Our consciousness has more purpose than merely an acute realization of our own suffering - or hedonistic desire for pleasure.  By correctly harnessing consciousness, I believe we can become our own God.  That doesn't mean we replace God, Satan, or the pantheon of your choice.  Rather, we're attempting to create a soul or spiritual vessel that can outlast the death of our material form.

I've read both the Old and New Testament in the bible, and I believe there's plenty of room for interpretation.  If you've never studied Esoteric Christianity, the Fourth Way, Gurdjieff, or Ouspensky, then I suggest you look into it.  I discovered those subjects during my brief, college-age stint in the Temple of Set, an offshoot of the Church of Satan, and years of research expanded my understanding of both Satanism and Christianity.

What I'm trying to say is there's a fair amount of Venn diagram overlap between LaVeyan Satanism and Christianity.  More so, I would say, than Satanism and the far-left's secular progressivism.  

Obviously, this is merely an overview.  Perhaps I've created more questions than I've given answers.  Feel free to ask me here or in an email, if you're curious.

Hail Satan!

VS

p.s. I have such sights to show you, hoss!  Where do I begin?  I have a new satire blog called Your Dungeon Is Racist.  The Kickstarter for Crimson Escalation is winding down.  I'm also organizing an old-school RPG convention in July of 2022 called VENGER CON. 

Freeing Slaves To Enslave Them

 

I hope to run a couple more playtest sessions of the Cremza'amirikza'am megadungeon that will be featured in book 3 of the Cha'alt trilogy - Kickstarter next month!

Two players in last week's game, both returning - MEMEME (ME3) and Prince of Nothing (check out his blog).

Prince played the same character as the last two times, a lock-picking droid thief named ST-34L.  ME3 played the shameless half-orc priestess as before.  Since there were only two players (a couple of unfortunate scheduling conflicts prevented the others from joining), I bumped them up to 3rd level.

By the time this session got going, everyone was aware of the machine on 2nd level that spews out this lurid magenta-violet light making everyone horny (or thirsty, as the kids say).

Again, the PCs tried to play with the buttons to no avail.  The massive resonator is protected by an invisible force field.  For me personally, that's where the "realism" breaks down.  Can you imagine the strength of will it would take for EVERY motherfucker in the megadungeon to leave the machine alone?  It boggles the mind how much of an impossibility that would be.  A triple-headed Big Bird dragon is literally more likely than the resonator still functioning without some kind of protective barrier.  But I digress...

Dark-elves and slaves were scattered.  ST-34L has an amusing plan for taking out a single drow watching two collared slaves in the huge open cave where everyone was before all Hell broke loose.  

ST-34L told the dark-elf, Stra'ang - member of the obsidian spider tribe in Cremza'amirikza'am, that he was the winner of Globulon-6 Grand Lottery Prize, held only during the alignment of the thousand spheres!  The winner is bestowed immortality and 100,000 chulaks.  To claim his prize, Stra'ang needed the droid to scan the back of his head.  

Wonderful ruse that should have worked.  I gave Stra'ang a 1 in 6 chance to see through it.  Wouldn't you know it, I rolled a 1.  Brandishing his laser-whip, the dark-elf attempted to subdue the surface-dwelling humanoids who tried to trick him.  Except, I rolled a 2.  Miss.

The PCs attacked him back with club and laser, killing the dark-elf.  After looting his body, the adventurers decided to keep the human slaves, allowing them to earn their freedom by guiding the PCs around Cremza'amirikza'am.  The half-orc Yarra wanted to only enslave the dark-elves, not keep the former slaves for themselves, but the droid thief insisted.

ST-34L attempted to fiddle with the resonator controls as another drow showed up, looking to recapture his slaves, but ran when he saw the PCs.  The PCs chased him down a tunnel, running smack into a contingent of skeletal humanoids.

A closer look revealed the humanoids were wearing spandex that made them look like skeletons - something between Scobby Doo villains, glam goth rockers, and Cobra Kai during Halloween.  The faux-skeletons turned out to be minions of a local warlord named K'chava.

One of the minions, named Dra'ak, was about to put slave collars on the PCs when ST-34L shouted, "Fight with us if you want to live!  Slavery is evil and will never be tolerated by decent men.  Kill them, my slaves!" Which was hilarious.

One of many reasons I prefer text-only is that it allows me to go back and see what actually happened, instead of how I remember it happening.

On the 1st round, Yarra missed and ST-34L just barely connected, blasting one of them for decent damage.  Their two human slaves did well, one of them getting a critical-hit.  He went ape-shit, biting a faux-skeleton's ear and plunging his thumb into the dude's eye.

The minions retaliated - a hit on each of the PCs for 5 and 4 points of damage.

2nd round, Yarra, ST-34L, and both humans miss.  Prince decides to use his Divine Favor for a re-roll, but gets a natural 1.  "Story of my fucking life," he says in the chat.

The bad guys attack again with 2 good hits.  They do 2 and 5 points of damage.

3rd round [crits on 18, 19, and 20 as per Crimson Escalation] - Prince rolls an 18!  Lucky break, hoss.  ST-34L wallops the bad guys for 24 points of damage that takes down two enemies.

The remaining pseudo-skeleton begged for mercy in the name of the Demon-God Kor'thalis.  ST-34L collars the poor son of a bitch.  "He's now our slave," ST tells Yarra.  "You will suffer the fate that you reserved for others.  This is what humans call IRONY.  Hah hah hah."

After some light interrogation, the PCs discover that the minion's warlord and former master, K'chava, is a half-demon and there's a human named Torg who understands machines like the resonator.  

During the exposition, the slaves were having sex and then Yarra gets in on the action, too.  ST-34L is livid, warning everyone to behave themselves or else.  "YOU WILL BE FINED A WHOLE HOUR IF YOU PERSIST IN THIS TOMFOOLERY." 

They have just enough time to formulate a plan - impersonate the minions wearing skeletal spandex when the session came to its end.

Prince said, "Man, this was a hoot!" which was nice.  ;)

I'm eager to finish sketching out the rest of level 2 and then onto level 3.  Meanwhile, I'm drawing more maps that will eventually become future levels of Cremza'amirikza'am.

If you want to be kept up-to-date on future games, follow me on Twitter @VengerSatanis, join the Conservative OSR & RPG group on Facebook, the Venger Satanis YouTube channel, friend me on MeWe, or just keep watching the blog for details.  

VS

p.s. I'm trying to get 666 backers (if not 1,000) for the Crimson Escalation Kickstarter, so thanks if you've already backed it!  If you haven't yet, you should.  It's only $1.

3-Sentence Opener Contest Winners

 

At long last, I'm ready to reveal the winners of my 3-sentence opener contest!

Before I do, here's a quick list of dos and don'ts I came up with, based on the 100+ entries submitted...

• Keep it short and sweet - just a few colorful details is all that's needed.
• A little purple prose goes a long way.  The opener is not the place to wax poetic.
• The scenario should be set in a specific... place; even if that place is vaguely suggested.
• Give the players some idea who or what they'll be facing.
• Hint at some kind of reward or other juicy motivation.
• Foreshadow potential danger as you set the scene.  Use both carrot and stick to drive the action.
• Don't rob the players of what little agency they have by writing their characters into the middle of trouble they never signed up for.
• Make it gameable - inspiring and easy for the GM to run.
• If it doesn't directly deal with the PCs, their perceptions and current path to adventure... consider getting rid of it. 
• Don't come right out and tell the PCs that this is their mission, this is what they have to do.
• Use the PCs point of view whenever possible.
• Immediacy!  What is happening here and now?  Open the scenario in the moment.
• Information that the PCs wouldn't have access to should remain hidden.

Thank you to everyone who participated.  Just the act of submitting your entry puts you on the road to adventure writing excellence.  Now, you have to hone your talent.  Don't stop reaching for the stars, hoss!

If you are among the winners (I decided on two winners for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place), email me so we can get your prizes squared away: Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

First Place

A proud princess of the Nu Caliphate kneels before you. She begs, "We are threatened by the warlock Orgo, who has summoned the green gibbering zombie-slugs from beyond the stars to slime our earth! Slay him noble warrior, and I will reward you with your weight in melanj spice ten times over!"

By A Derpy Slurpy Snail

First Place

The crack of plasma whips and the howling of slaves can be heard all around the quarry in which you work. Mounds of gibbering, convulsing and copulating flesh that make up your daemon overseers watch over head, cackling at your misery and servitude. A young woman, her alabaster flesh scarred from the sadistic games of these profane horrors, whispers in your groups ears saying "I have a key to your shackles, prepare to run, we don't have much time."

By Malalhotep

Second Place

The goblins have invaded your grandad’s farm, stolen his magic sword, and killed his dog. They left a message for all of humanity to go f—- themselves. They went that way.

By Robin

Second Place

As you approach a town, a local constable greets you with, "Eleven people have disappeared down that God-cursed hole and it's only been three days since they first heard the noise in the cellar. Whatever is down there, kill it, remove it and save this village from damnation. The mayor is offering his country estate and the entire contents of the treasury, as reward."

Joss Sticks on Jupiter 

Third Place

Night falls over the putrid splendor of Shahrgül; the clamor of the bazaar retreating before the quiet roar of back alley gambling dens and clandestine orgies. Here you sit smoking from hookah pipes, and sharing seductive glances with feminine creatures that secrete psychoactive poisons within the pipes' massive water tanks. Yet the bliss is abruptly lost as a figure as beautiful as it is alien bursts forth from the smoke, calling out to you "Come to me! Come to me!"

By Malalhotep

Third Place

Once more we return to our previously occupied party member to find he is awakening the next morning after a long night of energetic activity still cuddled with the beautiful alien barmaid. His moment of satisfaction suddenly turns to alarm as he catches sight of the nine ambilocal cords now attaching themselves from the barmaids still shapely stomach to their strange green glowing sack pods now growing on the floor. As the barmaid turns towards him in what could only be joy she says" Oh love! They are almost ready! Just a few minutes more and our children will sing their first song of life!"

Karl Von Doom Kringle

_____________

Thanks,

VS

p.s. Just over a week left to back my Crimson Escalation Kickstarter - it's only a buck!

Healing The Divide

 

I was writing a comment on a welcome blog post by B/X Blackrazor when I realized this message should have a wider audience.

I consider myself a fighter in general.  I fought in the edition wars.  I fought to see my vision of the OSR expand and flourish.  I'm fighting in the current culture wars.

But like any fighter, deep down, I long for peace.  Or at least I'd like to not fight against my fellow gamers.  

Below is a copy/paste of my comment.  Maybe it sways a few people, maybe it's the start of a movement that will save our hobby from continuing this bitter civil war, or maybe no one will give a shit.  

Here goes nothing...

_______________

First, thanks for the mention!

Politics has gotten so bad in our gaming spheres that most of us are finally reaching a tipping point.  

We have a few choices ahead of us...

1) We entrench deeper, becoming more partisan, more hostile to the other side, less willing to engage with those not perfectly aligned with ourselves, seeing our political adversaries as not quite human.

2) We look towards moderation and compromise, we try to see the other side's views and engage with more humility, humanity, and understanding.  We treat our political adversaries as colleagues on "the other side of the aisle" like it was for the 1980s, 90s, and 00s... before the hyper-politicization of all things.

3) We agree to put politics completely aside and focus on gaming.  Any mention of politics is either ignored or shot down until there's only gaming and non-politicized culture remaining.  We throw away our lists, boycotts, blockchains, etc.  This also relies on #2 because we need to start seeing gamers as gamers and people like ourselves, not the worst scum you could think of, or inhuman monsters. This will also lead, I believe, to moderation and compromise, which is how we remain a society and country.

Personally, I don't want to stay the course of option #1.  It's as tiresome and unproductive as fighting a protracted civil war.

I hope we can move forward with options 2 or 3.  Not just for our own sakes, but for the RPG hobby.  If we stick with 1, what do we have to look forward to, segregated drinking fountains?  This drinking fountain is for progressives, this one over here is for Trump supporters, and maybe there's a third for everyone in-between.  Yeah, no thanks!

Hmm... maybe I should turn this into a blog post (if I do, I'll link to your blog, hoss) because there's a chance it could gain traction and actually do some good.  Something that Raven Crow blogger guy mentioned - we need more clerics because there are wounds that could do with healing.  

_______________

Thanks for reading!  Feel free to comment, talk about stuff, vent, help me figure out what might heal the divide, or anything really.  Communication is key.  ;)

VS

p.s. Just a week and a half left to throw in $1 to support the Crimson Escalation Kickstarter!

More Sexy Cremza'amirikza'am!

 

Here's another session report... three players (one returning) explored the weird and sleazy 2nd level of the Cremza'amirikza'am megadungeon.

Even if you hope things go a certain way, you never expect five dark elves to gangbang the willing half-orc priestess of the adventuring party.  That's just not something you see everyday... or at all.  

After taking minimal damage from a landmine, the PCs were undecided as to which direction they should go.  To the northern cave where some great beast slumbered noisily or to the east - a massive cave containing 20 humanoid slaves (wearing high-tech prison collars) and five dark elf overseers.

The slaves were mining little glowing purple crystals called embers.  One slave discretely tried to buy his freedom with the embers he was carrying.  Meanwhile, the half-orc Yarra was cat-calling the dark elves, seeing if they were willing to go to town on her.

Eventually, the half-orc's filtrations proved too much for the dark elves - that accursed magenta-violet light making those susceptible crazy-horny. 

Now that I recall the details, only 3 of the dark elves mounted the half-orc's waiting orifices.  The other two tried to maintain some control over their slaves.  Too little too late.  A slave uprising was at hand!

As the slaves went in all sorts or directions - a few going into the slumbering beast's cave only for one of them to get cut in twain by a gigantic slimy crab-claw - the PCs went to another tunnel and found the resonator.  

The first thing Worm the human fighter did upon reaching the resonator was to fiddle with the controls.  An invisible barrier stopped him, so they kept going.

The final cave contained a trio of pale, bloated cannibals eating humanoid flesh.  Liking those odds, the PCs attacked as the cannibals approached them with hostile intent.  Combat at long last!

As per usual, I used Crimson Escalation.  This time, I had my rough-draft "visual aid" to help me with the extremely easy task of remembering rounds and crit ranges (rounds 1-3 are dead simple, once you get beyond the 4th round, it requires a modicum of mental energy... unless you have a cheat-sheet).

The battle only lasted 3 rounds (which is pretty normal in these circumstances).  The half-orc Yarra teased us with a natural 19 at the outset.  However, this being the first round, it was not a critical, but a palpable hit.  She nearly killed a cannibal right then and there.  The rest of combat, the half-orc healed wounded party members.

One player, whose character was another human fighter named Huck, had never played D&D before.  He hit on round one, missed round two, and got his first crit on round three with a 19, doing so much damage that he killed the cannibal that was on him.

When there was only a single cannibal remaining, it seemed appropriate for him to run away.  Yarra got one free attack but missed.  I think a single parting shot is appropriate when the enemy has to run past foes to escape.  Everyone getting an attack seems like overkill, and no one getting an attack seems like not enough.  So, that's going to be a new house-rule of mine.  Fleeing enemies can be attacked once (per adventuring party)... unless in hot pursuit.

A couple side-benefits to Crimson Escalation which I haven't mentioned yet...

1) It incentivizes larger adventuring parties.  Obviously, Crimson Escalation can go against the party if they are swamped by the opposing force.  Don't give monsters an advantage - go in with a full-sized party.  Use hirelings if you have to... or prepare to use sneaky hit-and-run guerilla tactics.

2) Once crits start flying and the bodies hit the floor (yeah, just try getting that song out of your head now!), it's a great time to roll (or simply adjudicate) morale.  During normal combat, when one side takes five points of damage and the other side takes three, and it just keeps going like that, it's difficult to know when to call for a morale check.  Not with Crimson Escalation, a few rounds in, after that last crit and bodies drop, you'll know it's time.

[This is the link because mobile blogger is a little bitch!]

So, what did the cannibals have in their cave?  Below are the contents...

• The talons of some gigantic hound or bird (11 total).
• Sentient periwinkle slime in a jar (along with some humanoid teeth... for some reason).
• A jeweled dagger with prominently ruby (the ruby has a noticeable flaw in it, but still fairly valuable.
• Half-full bottle of Smoky Jon's BBQ sauce.

Another session won't happen until sometime next week.  Daniel (the noob) said he had a good time.  Mememe who played the half-orc Yarra wanted to be put on the list to be notified of future games.  The returning player, TimeShadows, thanked me, as well.  

As this was the first playtest of level 2, I think it went rather well.

VS

p.s. If you haven't already, back the Crimson Escalation Kickstarter.  It's only a buck!