Sexy Cremza'amirikza'am Play Report

 

Whoo-boy!  This session was a doozy.

Trigger warning - awesomeness ahead!!!

Each time I run these short demo playtests involving the new megadungeon I'm currently writing, the place gets more and more fleshed out.

Because it's likely that PCs will go in and out (this play report will keep getting dirtier, BTW), I wanted an alternative first encounter.

Channeling my favorite 1977 movie that isn't Star Wars, the PCs encountered the beautiful Vanessa along with her loyal banana-men servants.  She showed the adventurers a scroll that contained a will - basically, the deed to Legs, Thighs, and Breasts... a combo whorehouse and chicken shack.  I already have plans to develop a 2nd whore and chicken retailer called Finger Licking Good strategically placed on the other side of that level.  Kind of like A Fistful of Dollars... but with fried chicken and prostitutes.

I decided to add-in the hyper-sexualization of From Beyond in the areas of Cremza'amirikza'am saturated with that trippy magenta-violet illumination.  The longer they're within that field of energy, the hornier they'll get.  Still working out the mechanical details.

Shortly after, the barbarian Grimm Da'ark shoved his face into an extra-large feathery blueberry, failed his save, and swelled up like Violet from the original Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

The big fight of the session came soon after their introduction to Vanessa - a massive crystalline octahedron with tentacles attacked the party.

It was a fun battle that lasted all of three rounds.  The first round, the human fighter Worm cautiously approached, and was unceremoniously smacked down by a crystal tentacle.  The others attacked in kind.  Grimm Da'ark rolled a natural 20, but everyone else missed.

The creature focused its tentacle on the barbarian.  Matthew, playing Grimm Da'ark, suggested that maybe the tentacle would squeeze the blueberry juice out of him.  I took that suggestion and ran with it.  5 points of damage as it juiced the barbarian.

Since the next round Ezio the thief rolled a natural 1 on his attack roll, I blamed his dagger slipping out of his hand on all the blueberry juice flying around.  Meanwhile, the sorcerer Archimedes grabbed one of the giant blueberries and threw it at the creature.  It burst after a successful hit, but I rolled a 19 on the creature's saving throw, so it merely stained the thing a disquieting shade of indigo.

I don't think I mentioned it in any previous play reports, but Matthew opted to give up his automatic Divine Favor each session in exchange for a magical sword... moon-blade.  You'll see why that's important in a minute.

The creature hit the thief and nearly did max damage.  Ouch!  The sorcerer cast the Crimson Dragon Slayer D20 equivalent of magic missile, doing almost max damage himself.  Just for a little descriptive flourish, I announce that cracks appeared in the creature's crystal structure.  

Immediately, the barbarian says at the next available chance he's driving his moon-blade into a crack.  Since it's the 3rd round, Grimm Da'ark's natural 19 became another crit [Crimson Escalation keeps paying dividends] - the blast of ultratelluric energy shatters it into a thousand tiny shards on the cavern floor.

The guy playing Worm asks if they're all getting an ultratelluric tan from the blast.  I roll my customary d6, as there's now a 2 in 6 chance of that occurring.  As luck would have it, the result is a 2.  In fact, yes, everyone with exposed skin now has a pale green, pink, and blue ultratelluric tan.

And just because Matthew has been a great player and there's been precious few items of treasure - especially juicy magic items - over the last few sessions (through no fault of his own, I keep playtesting the first part of the megadungeon that's barren in that regard), I decided that his moon-blade would get something special from that ultratelluric blast, as well.

His magical sword is now encrusted with a layer of prismatic crystallization.  I didn't give him specifics, so allow me to do that now!  

It gives his sword an extra +1, and once per day it can burst into an array of dazzling colors that will transfix a single humanoid opponent (who's able to see it) for one round [save to avoid].  So, basically, the victim won't be able to attack on his next turn and those attacking him will get Advantage on their attacks until he recovers.

And the names... oh, the names that we came up with for his new sword.  I'll list them below, and please let us know your favorite!

• Starblade
• Gay Blade
• Queer-Blade
• Ga'ay-Blade
• Purple Piercer
• Prismatic Piercer
• Crysta'ar (the gay blade)
• Violet Violator 
• Solaris

One of the players had to go to work, so we were down to just three players and about 25 minutes remaining.

The remaining PCs kept exploring the system of caves and found dozens of dead wasp-men along with traces of orange powder.  Then Ta'arna showed up via magic portal.  

The PCs followed her as she looked for someone to revenge upon.  She got her wish.  Some cultists got fucked-up before running away, and the adventurers discovered that magenta-violet illumination on this level of Cremza'amirikza'am makes humanoids exceedingly horny.  

Vanessa had been teasing her chaperones continually, until Da'ark had had enough and made advances.  Vanessa succumbed to the barbarian's desires with the help of those lurid colors saturating the cavern.

The sorcerer summoned popcorn to eat as he watched while Ta'arna stood guard.  And that's where the session ended.  

Each playtest, Cremza'amirikza'am seems to get better.  Next, I'll be testing out level 2... not sure when.  Follow me on Twitter @VengerSatanis and join the Conservative OSR & RPG facebook group if you want to know when I'm running Cha'alt next.

VS

p.s. I'm a day behind with everything due to sick kids at home.  So, give me until tomorrow to go through the 3-sentence openers you submitted.